A/N: I don't own the characters – just like to mess around with them. But Jasper and Edward definitely own me.
Thank you so much to those who have reviewed the story and PMed me (especially those of you who said you liked the lemon – that was a little nerve-wracking to write!).
For those of you who have asked, here – finally – is the introduction of Edward. Still not quite up to the much-anticipated movie night though :)
Also, I want to say thank you to AHelm for her kind promotion of "Just One of the Guys" and her encouragement while writing my first fanfic. Oh, and for writing "The Butterfly Effect", which always makes me squeal. You are teh awesome!
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EPOV
I was just finishing getting dressed, frowning at my unruly hair in the mirror, when I heard keys jingling in the lock of my front door. As I lived alone, this would normally worry me, but I knew who it had to be.
I waited until I heard the door open and then called out, "Alice, those keys were for when I'm out of town, and you need to check my mail."
I heard her trilling laugh as she skipped down the hall, appearing at my bathroom door. "Yeah, but this way I don't have to wait for you to answer!"
I arched an eyebrow. "A little patience wouldn't kill you, you know."
She shrugged, unapologetic, and then looked at me critically, tilting her head to the right. "Why are you dressed like a hobo?" she asked with her usual tact.
I rolled my eyes at her. "Alice, how many hobos do you know that wear Under Armour?"
She wrinkled her nose. "I don't know any hobos…but you still look like one." She stuck her tongue out at me.
"I'm meeting Emmett in a few minutes. We're going for a run and then to work out, so forgive me if I'm not up to your stringent standards." I teased her with a smirk.
Her eyes widened. "Emmett, huh?"
Rolling my eyes again, I brushed past her into the hallway. "Get over it, Alice. He's not my boyfriend, as I've told you again and again."
I heard her mumble something but didn't quite catch it. I didn't bother asking her what she said. I knew it was more of the same. She had some fascination with this idea that I was gay, which couldn't be further from the truth, all because she didn't understand why I wasn't with anyone.
And haven't been for years. A small voice in my head reminded me. I grimaced and raked my fingers through my hair as I plopped down on the couch, pulling my shoes on.
"To what do I owe the pleasure anyway, Alice?" I glanced up at her, my hands busy with tying my laces, and noted that she was trying to surreptitiously survey my apartment for signs of someone else. I sighed to myself, half in exasperation, half in affection. She really did care, but she was so far on the wrong track, it wasn't even funny.
"Seriously, little one, give it up. No one else has been ahh…staying over."
She turned away from her study of my mantle, where I'm sure she'd been looking for pictures of this mystery lover she was convinced I had, and her gray eyes were…concerned.
Fuck.
"Come here, Alice," I patted the couch beside me and opened my arms. She paused, hands clasped behind her back, as she rocked back and forth before smiling and dancing over, collapsing beside me. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. I kissed her forehead.
"Now, what in the world is this all about?" I asked her, looking down at her spiky hair.
"I just…worry, you know…" she whispered.
"Ali, you don't need to worry. I'm fine. Contrary to popular belief, I'm perfectly content alone."
Liar! The annoying voice in my head accused. Shut the fuck up, I answered.
Answering the voices in your head – never a good sign.
I sighed, running my fingers through my hair before trying to lighten the mood. I knew she meant well, but Alice always managed to make me feel like there was something wrong with me. It wasn't my fault no one captured my attention…
But it wasn't Alice's fault that she cared either. She wasn't trying to annoy me.
"So seriously, to what do I owe the pleasure of you stopping by in the middle of your Monday? I'm sure it can't all be your not-so-subtle check to see if I'm still single," I smirked.
Suddenly Alice pushed away, hopping a foot back on the couch as she turned to me with her eyes gleaming, clapping her hands with an excited grin.
Uh oh. I groaned. This wouldn't end well.
"Whatever it is you're planning, the answer is no," I said flatly before she could even get started.
"Oh, you don't even know what I'm going to say," she sang, completely unruffled by my surly attitude. "And you know I'm going to win anyway, so you might as well just listen and get over it."
She grinned at me, and I groaned again, leaning back on the couch and putting a pillow over my face as I settled in to listen to her. The sad part was…she was right. She always won. It was like she could see exactly what to say to make me go along with whatever asinine plan she had in mind.
"Okay, so I told you about Jasper and how amazing he is, right?" I peeked out from behind the pillow and grinned at her silly smile. "Well, he's really close to his roommate, Bella. They've known each other for, like, a billion years, and they do a lot of stuff together. And since she's so important to him, well, I want to get to know her better too, you know? So I tried to get her to go to the spa with me because that's what I do with all my girl friends, but she's…"
She paused in her mile-a-minute explanation and tilted her head, looking up as she thought. "Well, she's sort of a tomboy, I guess. Anyway, she flat refused to go."
Alice's eyes widened in disbelief, and I laughed out loud at her expression. She was not used to being refused…by anyone.
Score one for this Bella, I thought with a grin.
"So she suggested we 'start small' and go to a movie with Jasper. And she finally agreed that I can dress her, but no heels or skirts and she didn't want to wear makeup and I can't do her hair," she was starting to lose me – this was warp-speed Alice at her best, "so I started to make her get ready, but then there was this rave thing, and she said they couldn't go that night, so I decided on Friday, and then I decided the best part – I said I'd bring you!"
My eyes had glazed over as I half-listened, but when she got to the last bit, I sat up straight. "No way, Alice."
"It's not like that, Edward. Seriously. Just hear me out, okay?" Alice's expression was uncommonly earnest, and I frowned, cautious as I listened.
"Bella doesn't date. Not anyone, not at all. Kind of like you." She paused to stick her tongue out at me again. "So don't even think that I'm trying to set you up because I'm not. But the most important person in Jasper's life will be there, and I want you to be there with me. And since neither of you date, there should be no problem." She bit the inside of her cheek, deciding on something before she continued.
"In fact, she made me agree to this silly condition," she giggled. "She won't even sit by you. She made me promise that Jasper and I would sit in the middle, and you'd sit by me while she sat by Jasper."
She shrugged. "So see, nothing to worry about. You won't even have to worry about her falling for your irresistible charms because she doesn't date." She batted her eyelashes at me, and I halfheartedly swatted at her.
I frowned, trying to make sense of this. "Is she hideous or something?" Surely there was a reason she didn't date.
That's not fair. You don't date either. That voice was seriously fucking annoying today. And right.
"No. Okay, see…something…happened to Bella. I don't know what because Jasper's never said, and I haven't asked. But it was something…personal. Something really bad. Anyway, whatever it was, she doesn't date. Like at all. So there's nothing to worry about. She's actually really pretty, though…beautiful. And she's so funny, and she doesn't take any crap or back down, and she's really smart." She shrugged and sighed.
Funny and smart and strong and pretty? Beautiful, even? I felt a strange sense of…optimism…before I realized three things.
Alice is probably blinded by her Jasper-colored glasses.
This Bella doesn't date.
And neither do I.
But now I was…intrigued. Damn Alice, she always knew how to get me to go along with anything. I sighed and glanced at the clock on the mantle.
"Fine, Alice, I'll go. But we're definitely sticking to that condition of Bella's." Why the hell would I like saying her name? "And now you've made me really late for my date with Emmett," I couldn't resist teasing her – I loved to see her eyes bug out like that, "so if there's nothing else…?"
"Just one more thing, and then I'll let you go." Again, she hesitated.
I waited a moment and then prompted her gently, "What is it, Alice?"
She chewed on the inside of her cheek again. When had she picked up that habit?
"It's really important to me that Bella and I get along for Jasper's sake…and more than that, I really like her, Edward. I think we can be really good friends, but…I'm kind of…nervous…about Friday." She spoke uncharacteristically slowly.
"Why would you be nervous?" I felt my brow furrow in confusion. She'd been dating Jasper for a month or so, and she obviously had met Bella before.
Exhaling lightly, she said, "Well, the thing is…I've never seen Bella around a guy other than Jasper. I don't know how she's going to react at all. So…if…well, if she acts weird…don't make a big deal about it, okay? I know this is hard for her, even though she tries to hide it. I just…appreciate…that she's making the effort, you know?"
And that, right there, is why I always give in to Alice. At the heart of everything – despite her ridiculous obsession with fashion, her relentless teasing, and the energy that sometimes made me want to poke myself in the eye with a needle – she really was kind and compassionate. And observant.
I smiled at her. "No worries, little one. You know I'd never say anything anyway, but I promise I'll be on my best behavior for you. I'll keep my distance and treat her with the utmost respect." I ruffled her hair, earning a glare as she jumped up. Pixie glares are very dangerous things. I snorted to myself.
I stood, stretching my arms over my head. I let out an -oof- as Alice hugged my waist with a tight squeeze. Lowering my arms, I returned her hug and smiled. My sister really was okay. Most of the time.
She grinned up at me, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "I'll let you get ready for your date now. You'll have to call me later, so we can squeal about our boys."
I rolled my eyes, laughing at her as she bounced to the door. I followed her out, grabbing my gym bag on the way, and slid behind the wheel of my Volvo, flipping open my phone to call Emmett.
It barely rang before he answered. "Where the fuck are you, man?"
"Sorry, Em. Alice showed up, and well, you know how that goes…"I trailed off.
Emmett's booming laugh sounded through the phone. "She still thinks you're fucking me, eh?"
I laughed with him, glad as always that Emmett wasn't bothered in the least bit by Alice's weird obsession. "Yeah, though that wasn't the focus of the conversation today."
"Oh, yeah? What was so important that it took the spotlight off her big brother's homosexuality?" Emmett loved to fuck with me.
Not in the way Alice thinks though. My inner voice smirked.
I thought for a moment before deciding it was too weird and complex to get into now. "I'll tell you about it at the bar later. Be there in a few."
I heard his, "No problem, man," as I was shutting my phone.
The track was a few miles away, so I started flipping through my iPod until I found something that suited my mood. I had to laugh when "Sabotage" came up, and I turned the volume up as high as it would go, hitting the gas.
I was still laughing when I pulled up at the track and retrieved my iPod, grabbing my headphones, a towel, and a bottle of water from my gym bag. I got out of the car, stretching as I made my way over to Emmett. He arched an eyebrow at my laughter but said nothing, his earbuds already in. I could hear something with heavy bass playing but couldn't quite place what it was. He was the one who had turned me on to this tradition of running to old rap music – the beats really were perfect - so even though I didn't know the exact song, I knew it would be similar to what I was listening to.
He was sipping his coffee – I never will understand how the hell he can drink coffee and then run – and he finished it just as I reached him. He tossed the empty cup into the trashcan and turned without a word, jogging until he hit the track and then breaking into his long strides.
DJ Kool's "Let Me Clear My Throat" filled my ears as I broke into my own stride, letting the soothing motion of my muscles moving clear my mind of all outside interference. I never felt freer than when I ran, able to let go of all my frustrations, get away from the pressures of med school, and forget for a time that I might be all alone for the rest of my life. I matched my steps to the rhythm of my music and just enjoyed how invigorating it felt to have all my muscles working in concert.
All too soon, our five miles were finished, and we jogged off the track, keeping moving as we stretched and caught our breath. I wiped the sweat from my face and arms with my towel, downing my water in one long drink. Just as "I Ain't Going Out Like That" was finishing, Emmett pulled his earbuds out and grinned at me.
"You look…" he paused, stepping back to look at me, "hot." He stepped toward me, licking his lips.
"Fucking asshole," I answered, punching him in the arm hard enough that he had to take a step to the side to keep his balance. Quite an accomplishment - Emmett was big. He'd played football for U Dub when he was in college, while I was on the soccer and track teams. Of course, he had helped me train for track, and the fucker was fast too. He probably could have played pro, but he didn't really have the love for football anymore. He had found a new passion in…math, of all things. Ever pragmatic, he'd funneled that passion into computer science, and he now made ridiculous amounts of money doing something he absolutely loved.
Smart, funny, good-looking, built, and rich. Too bad I'm not gay. I smirked.
"You're considering it, aren't you?" He laughed at me. "Sorry, dude, you're missing a few ehh…parts for my taste. And have one too many." He waggled his eyebrows.
"I bet I could make you forget that," I said, and this time I stepped toward him with a serious expression. He took a step back and punched me. Hard. I laughed and stepped away, tossing my empty bottle in the trash as I walked over to my car. "See you at the gym?"
He raised one hand in the air as he walked to his custom Jeep, and I climbed into my car for the short drive to the gym.
Once we arrived, we headed to the free weights like always. Emmett and I worked out together three days a week, and I went for longer runs a couple of times on the off days. Emmett invariably picked up some girl at least once a week, and I don't think he ever really understood why I didn't. I had done that sort of thing before…it got old. And, to be honest, it was…embarrassing. I didn't like being that guy.
But damn I was beginning to think that I couldn't go much longer. It had been a year and a half…
Don't think about it. That just makes it worse. I commanded myself.
Easier said than done, though. I sighed. Some days it seemed like I thought of nothing else.
I grimaced and shrugged it off, going to spot Emmett as he lay down on the bench. Naturally, it wasn't long before the girls started buzzing around us.
It was always the same thing. When we came in, they'd be either running or on a stationary bike. You know, actually working out like they came here to do. And then…as soon as they caught a glimpse of Emmett - or me, the more conceited voice in my head acknowledged – somehow, they developed an interest in lifting weights. Of course, having no idea what they were doing, they would invariably need our help.
It was so predictable.
And dull.
But it was Emmett's favorite pastime, aside from what he actually did with them once he got them home.
Today, a tall, leggy blond and her shorter brunette friend suddenly decided to do some curls as they watched Emmett's muscles strain with the weights he was benching. Of course, they were doing more giggling than lifting, and as soon as Emmett finished and sat up, one of them called out to us.
"Umm…excuse me?" More giggling.
Emmett grinned and muttered, "It's just too easy…" before raising his voice. "You ladies look like you could use some help." He turned on the charm, giving his dimple-revealing smile.
I sighed. One day, I would like to actually be able to finish a workout. Emmett glanced back at me with a smirk, knowing exactly what I was thinking. "You know, it wouldn't hurt you to take one of them home…that brunette's not half bad," he pitched his voice low so they wouldn't overhear. "What's it been? A year? Two?" He grimaced - just the thought was enough to make him cringe.
Given my state of mind and Emmett's encouragement, I almost decided to at least give her a chance, even knowing she was the kind of girl who giggled and picked up guys at the gym. I looked at her as we walked over to the girls. I knew the blond was just Emmett's type – and so completely not mine – so I didn't give her a second glance. The smaller girl took my staring as encouragement and smiled broadly. She actually stuck out her chest just a bit, and I had to admit that the view was nice.
She wasn't classically pretty, but she was…attractive. And her gym clothes left little to the imagination, so I knew her body was pretty good. Chances were, though, any attraction I might possibly feel would be gone as soon as she opened her mouth.
Stop thinking that way. Or do you really want to be alone?
And who cares if she's interesting anyway? You seriously just need to get laid.
I started to argue with myself until I realized it was…true. I grimaced.
Still, I really wasn't in the mood today. I had too many things on my mind, and it wasn't the best time for me to make a decision like that. It wasn't like I hadn't been hard up before.
I caught Emmett's arm. "Seriously, man, I really don't want to do this today. Can we just finish our workout and go to the bar?"
Emmett studied me for a moment. It wasn't often that I asked him something like that. Usually, I went along with it, helping him in whatever conquest he was attempting. I don't think I'd ever seen him go home alone once he decided he didn't want to.
Thankfully, he just nodded and grinned at me. "Alice must've really done a number on you this morning," he noted. "Just let me help them out, and then we'll head to the bar, okay?"
The rest of the "workout" went as expected. We did very little lifting, though Emmett did a bit of barely-concealed groping. The brunette kept trying to catch my eye, and she rubbed her body against me in highly inappropriate – though not entirely unpleasant – ways. It just made me more disgusted, and I frowned as I thought about my present…problem.
I had never been quite the man-whore that Emmett was, but when I was an undergrad, I had gone along with him much more often than not. The fact that Alice considered me asexual or possibly gay was…laughable. But she didn't know about my more…unwholesome ways…and that was a good thing. It wasn't exactly something I wanted to talk to her about, and it – truly – was something I was ashamed of now. When I thought of how I'd treated those women…
It's no different than what Tanya did to you. The quiet, little voice in my head hesitantly noted.
True, but that doesn't make it right.
About a year and a half ago, though, I had been with yet another brainless girl who held absolutely no interest for me other than as a quick…fix, I guess you could say. And suddenly, I was just…appalled. Horrified, really, at what I had become. Just because I couldn't find what I wanted – someone I was really attracted to on all levels – I was just…using them all. The realization was sickening enough that I'd gone soft immediately, and then had to feel bad that I'd made the girl I'd been using feel undesirable on top of it all.
I really was a monster.
It was one of those defining moments, when I suddenly realized that I was becoming someone I didn't want to be, and – just like that – I stopped. All of it.
I'd been looking at women since then…determining what I wanted. What I needed. And I was beginning to believe it just didn't exist. She just didn't exist.
Don't get me wrong, I'd found beautiful girls and smart girls and funny girls and quirky girls and sexy girls and sweet girls and innocent girls and clever girls and sarcastic girls and strong girls and soft girls and kind girls and feisty girls and compassionate girls and passionate girls…but I'd yet to find her - the beautiful-smart-funny-quirky-sexy-sweet-innocent-clever-sarcastic-strong-soft-kind-fiesty-compassionate-passionate girl. You know, the one who would have it all, plus want me and get all my weirdness too.
Keep dreaming, Edward.
But I had to believe she was out there somewhere, just to keep going.
And…as embarrassing as it was to admit, even to myself…I'd abstained for the last year and a half not only because I didn't like the guy I was becoming, but because…I wanted to be worthy of her, if I ever could find her. I couldn't make up for what I had done in the past, but that didn't mean I had to keep doing it.
I forced my mind back to the present as the girls were finishing up their workout. I'd been right, by the way. As soon as she started talking, I'd completely lost all interest. I watched Emmett get his last grope in and collect the phone number of the blond. I politely declined the number of the brunette. It may seem cruel, but it's more cruel to make her wait for a phone call that will never come.
We quickly showered and then headed to our favorite bar to relax and undo a little of the good we'd done by exercising today with too much alcohol.
Once we were settled into a tall table not far from the bar and had ordered a round of beers, Emmett looked at me with his eyebrows raised.
"So…" he said.
"So?" I answered.
"So what the hell did Alice do to you today? You've been pensive all day." Emmett grinned, loving to prove he had an impressive vocabulary. He liked to see the shocked expressions when people heard big words coming out of his mouth.
The beer arrived, and I stared at my bottle, picking at the label before I answered. "She didn't do anything. She was just Alice, you know? All concerned and shit." I shrugged. "It makes me feel like a freak sometimes."
"Well, you are a freak," he answered, matter-of-factly, "but not in the way Alice thinks." He smirked. "I don't get it, man. Why don't you just tell her about your ehh…escapades…and at least quell her gaydar as far as you're concerned?"
I sighed. "Because, Em, that's even worse. I don't want to talk to my little sister about my 'escapades' as you call them. I don't really want her to think of me that way – and I'm sure that she'd thank me for keeping it from her."
Besides, I'm embarrassed that I was that guy. I added the last part to myself…I'd tried to explain that line of thinking to Emmett before and was met with a blank stare. It wasn't that he was…insensitive to women. It was just that he figures they are looking for the same thing he is, so there's no problem.
Maybe he's right.
But…it still doesn't change my thinking on it. I couldn't reconcile myself to it like Emmett could.
Frowning, I decided to change the subject, as this one would go nowhere. "Oh, she's making me go out on Friday."
Emmett grinned broadly, "Trying again, huh? I gotta give it to her…she's nothing if not persistent."
"No, it's not like that actually…" I trailed off, unsure of how much to say. Something in me felt…protective…of this Bella I'd never met. I know I didn't know what had happened to her, but the way Alice described it…it just made me cringe. It seemed clear to me that whatever this personal thing was that happened to her, it involved a guy. I hoped like hell I'd never been that guy to any of the girls I'd messed around with.
Trying to make sense of this strange feeling, I decided it would help to talk about it. He may not look like it, but Emmett is actually a very good listener. I noticed I'd finished my first beer, so I waved for another round as I pondered where to begin.
"Alright, so Alice is dragging me out on Friday with the amazing Jasper and his roommate," I began.
Before I could get any further, Emmett was howling with laughter, actually pounding his fist on the table top. I watched him, confused, before he finally gasped out, "Oh…my…god…she…she…fin…finally…set…you...set you up…with…a…a…GUY!"
I sat stunned for a second, then laughed with him, shaking my head. "No, you douche. Jasper's roommate is a girl named Bella." I smirked at him, waiting for him to calm down.
He took a sip of his beer, furrowing his brow. "Wait, Alice's boyfriend lives with a girl? Isn't that…like…?" He just trailed off.
"Yeah, weird, right? Anyway, Alice really likes Bella, and she's trying to get to know her better, so she tried to get her to go to the spa or some shit, but Bella refused," I grinned, still loving that part, "so they're going to the movies on Friday. And for some reason, Alice wants me to be there, too."
"I'm missing the part where this is any different from Alice's normal agenda," Emmett interjected.
"I'm getting to that…" I took another sip of my beer. "So apparently, Bella doesn't date either. Only she's not 'asexual' like I am," I said, actually using air quotes – which I hate – and rolling my eyes. "Alice says something happened to her in the past, something bad, and she doesn't date, ever, because of it."
I arched an eyebrow at him and waited to see what he would say.
Emmett pondered for a moment, frowning. "I don't understand," he finally said. "If this girl doesn't date…and Alice isn't trying to set you up, why does she want you there?"
"I don't know exactly," I admitted. "But I'm actually glad Alice is making me go for once. I'm worried about this whole Jasper and Bella arrangement…I really don't want Alice to get hurt, and this all just sounds so…strange, you know? I want to see the situation first hand."
That's true. So why does it feel like a lie?
Maybe because…you're more intrigued by Bella than you want to admit?
Whatever. I don't even know her.
Yet…the smallest voice in my head whispered.
I shook my head to clear it, taking a look around the room. I spotted a couple of girls seated at the end of the bar staring at me and Emmett. Realizing I needed to take my mind off this whole weird situation anyway, I decided to make it up to Emmett for ruining his fun in the gym. I nudged his arm with my beer and nodded in their direction.
"Hey Em, I think that blond wants to have you for dinner. I know you're getting the shakes after leaving the gym so unfulfilled," I smirked. "Let's go make their night, shall we?"
I grinned at him, standing and draining the rest of my beer. He shook his head, chuckling, because he knew I wouldn't actually do anything and was just doing this for his benefit. Still, it didn't stop him from walking over to the barflies and asking the blond to dance. We spent the rest of the night dancing and drinking, but when it was time to go home, I managed to keep enough self-control to go home alone.
I really hate myself sometimes…
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A/N: Alright, so at the end, I couldn't resist throwing a nod to "Boycotts and BarFlies," one of my favorite fanfics. It's complete – check it out if you haven't :)
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