JOotG Chapter 27 - The Long and Winding Road

BPOV

The fragrance of coffee filtered through my dreams, and I rolled over in bed, stretching out on my stomach and wrapping my arms around my pillow. A lazy smile played on my lips as I inhaled deeply, images from the night before drifting back to me. I remembered cuddling with Edward on the loveseat, sipping hot chocolate as we talked to everyone. I knew I would never be able to explain to him how much it meant to me to have him here – to not be alone.

Finally.

And it wasn't just not being alone. It was being here with Edward.

Edward… I smiled again, my eyes still closed. Darkness pressed against my eyelids, so I knew it was early. I needed to get up soon and help Mama Hale, but I decided to spend a few minutes just relaxing and enjoying the…bliss that had become my life. I was utterly comfortable, my bed warm and inviting, and I gave a soft sigh as I shifted my legs.

Shit!

I bolted upright in bed as I realized suddenly that I was too comfortable. My jeans were gone, replaced by my plaid flannel pants, and my cheeks heated as fuzzy memories began to resurface. Edward's voice talking quietly, asking if I wanted to change. My frustration at having to move. My fingers ripping open the button of my jeans.

Edward's hands helping pull my jeans off my legs.

I heard my own gasp of shock as I realized, at last, what had happened. Edward helped me get ready for bed. I'd known on some level that he was there, but my mind hadn't made the connection that he was the one undressing me.

Or had it?

I thought back, trying to remember, but everything was such a blur of exhaustion and annoyance and…happiness. I bit my bottom lip, a smile slowly spreading on my face as my wide eyes stared blindly into the darkness. Maybe I had consciously known and maybe I hadn't…but the fact remained that a man – Edward – had undressed me while I was half-asleep, and I hadn't panicked. I'd trusted him. I'd helped him and fallen right back asleep.

My hand rose, my fingers lightly touching my lips as I realized, too, that Edward had earned that trust. He hadn't tried to take advantage of the situation. He'd barely kissed me, simply tucking me under the covers and brushing my hair back tenderly. He deserved every ounce of trust I gave him.

I held that thought to me for a moment, letting the contentment I felt settle into my skin before I pushed back the covers and stood. I wandered into the bathroom, brushing my teeth and getting ready for the day. I pulled my hair into a messy bun at the base of my neck, yawning despite the wide, bright eyes that stared at me from the mirror.

Finishing up, I washed my hands, turned the light off, and then made my way across the darkened room to the hallway. Early morning at the Hale house had always been one of my favorite times. There was a feeling of something special, some secret that was shared just between Mama Hale and me.

The entire house was silent, a heavy hush in the air that was broken only by the signs of life from the kitchen – the light spilling into the hallway, providing the only illumination; the sound of metal pinging against metal as a pan was put in the sink; the fragrance of bacon and eggs and biscuits baking in the oven.

My footsteps were slow, a small smile on my face as I remembered early Saturday mornings when I'd spent the night as a little girl. My weekends were supposed to be spent with Charlie after my parents got divorced, but most Saturday mornings, he'd go fishing. A lot of times, Jasper and I would go with him, waking up well before the sun was up to the sound of the police cruiser's tires crunching the gravel driveway before I'd hear the heavy thud of Charlie's boots on the wooden steps and the creak of the screen door. Invariably, Jasper and I had stayed up too late, and there was a mad dash as we rushed around to get ready before my dad left us as he always threatened to do.

He never had, and I knew – deep down – that he never would.

But just as many mornings, we'd stayed with Mama Hale instead. In the beginning, my mom had thought it wasn't right – that if I wasn't with Charlie, I should be at home with her, but each weekend, I'd beg, and she'd finally relent until, eventually, it was just understood. My weekends meant that I would be away from home, and it no longer mattered if I was with my dad or with the Hales.

When I walked into the kitchen, I found Mama Hale sitting at the island, sipping her coffee with a plate of eggs, grits, and toast in front of her. My own plate was already fixed – scrambled eggs with cheese, grits, bacon, and a biscuit – and waiting for me across from her. Steam was still rising from the eggs, some of the cheese still melting. It had always seemed like a kind of magic to me – the way she just knew when I would be joining her.

Of course, as I got older, I realized that with the silence in the house, she could hear me getting up and using the restroom and that sort of thing, but it still filled me with that sense of wonder. I grinned – both at myself and at her – as I took my seat on the stool across from her. "Morning, Mama Hale."

"Good morning, dear. Did you sleep well?" She gave me a kind smile as she stood, picking up the empty glass waiting beside my plate. "Milk or orange juice?"

"Orange juice, please. And I slept very well last night."

She went to the refrigerator and poured my juice as I spoke. When she returned, she walked around to my side of the island and hugged me, holding me close as I leaned against her. I felt like a little girl, sitting there with my feet not reaching the floor from my seat on the high stool while that homey scent of Mama Hale – cinnamon and vanilla and lemon Pledge – surrounded me. "We're so glad to have you home."

It was a simple statement, but it had me smiling broadly as warmth spread in my chest. She kissed the top of my head and walked back around, taking a seat on her stool. We chatted comfortably as we ate, just making small talk about school at first. Eventually, she asked about Renee, as she always did, and I shifted, pulling at the sleeves of my long-sleeved t-shirt.

"She's fine," I said, biting my bottom lip. "They're still living in Jacksonville, and she loves teaching kindergarten again."

I felt constriction in my chest once again – a pang of…regret? Something close to it, at least, as I thought about what would've happened if Phil had signed with Jacksonville just ten months earlier.

Less than a year…

I sighed, my eyes tightening as I tried to cover my reaction by taking a bite of my biscuit. It felt thick in my mouth, tasteless even though I knew it was delicious, and I took a long drink of orange juice to try to wash it down.

If Phil had signed with Jacksonville instead of Phoenix, I would have never met James. If he'd signed ten short months earlier than he did, I would have never been as involved with him as I had been.

It wouldn't have happened.

I didn't blame my mom or my stepdad. In a lot of ways, though, they did. They both walked on eggshells around me, and Renee had this infuriating need to apologize. It popped up at odd times – while I was in the middle of opening a Christmas present or while we were just laughing and eating ice cream. It was like walking through a mine field being with her, never knowing when the memory of James was going to ambush me.

She'd tried to stop – I knew she truly had – but she just had all these feelings that bubbled to the surface and little-to-no impulse control. As a result, we didn't talk a lot anymore, and I always felt vaguely uneasy talking to or about her. It was just too close to the whole situation.

To take my mind off of it, I babbled. "You know Phil's still coaching down there. He's not with the Suns anymore, but he's working with kids now, and he really loves it." I kept going, telling her how he was thinking of going to college to get his teaching degree as well. Mama Hale nodded, asking me questions, and before I knew it, she'd steered the conversation out of the dangerous waters and back to school.

She took a small bite of her eggs, sipped her coffee, and said, "So…what do you think of Alice and Emmett?"

A broad smile was on my face before she even finished. "They're great. I'm still getting to know Emmett, but he's really cool, and I love Alice."

I told her more about the two of them, about how funny Emmett was and how Alice always seemed to know what to say. She asked how we all met, so I explained that Jasper and Alice met in the library and that Emmett was Edward's best friend. It would've been natural for the conversation to turn to Edward then, so I squirmed uncomfortably when it didn't.

If we weren't talking about it now, that meant Mama Hale was saving it for when we were cooking – when all the important conversations took place. It was somehow easier to say difficult things when our hands were occupied and our eyes were turned away. It had been over countless pies and batches of cookies that I had eventually told her what happened with James. Other than Jasper – and now Edward – she was the only one I had ever voluntarily talked to about it.

The silence that descended in the kitchen was comfortable, and we finished our breakfast in peace. As soon as I put down my fork, Mama Hale picked up our plates and took them to the sink. Faster than I would've thought possible, they were washed, dried, and put away. She handed me an apron, which I slipped over my head while she was tying her own.

We settled into a comfortable rhythm as I performed the more menial tasks – chopping, stirring, and measuring – while she oversaw everything. We baked muffins and made a breakfast casserole with sliced mushrooms, sausage, eggs, cheese, and the like, all thickened with flour, and I could feel the light sheen of sweat beginning to collect around my collar. It was as I was straightening up from putting the casserole in the oven that I heard her clear her throat.

My face was still flushed from the heat of the oven when I turned to hear her say, "So dear…tell me about Edward. I know he's Alice's brother, but how did you meet him exactly?"

A lock of hair had fallen over my face, and I brushed it away with the back of my hand. "Oh." I bit my bottom lip, making my way over to the cutting board, where I poured some pecans and began chopping them for the pecan pie. "Well, after I met Alice, we decided to go to the movies together – you know, the three of us - and then she invited her brother."

My hands stilled as my brow furrowed, and there was a smile on my face when I started chopping again. "We just got along really well. He's so easy to talk to, and he ended up coming over for a while, and…" I shrugged, feeling my cheeks heat. I'd started to tell her how unbelievably attracted to him I was, but I just…couldn't. "He's really funny, too."

The words sounded lame to my ears, even though they were true. Somehow, I'd reduced the most incredible man I'd ever met to a handful of trite statements that could be applied to any number of people – including all of my guy friends.

"Well, he certainly is a good-looking young man."

I glanced over to find Mama Hale smiling at me knowingly. I laughed softly and nodded. "Umm…yeah."

She paused as she passed by me on her way to the refrigerator. She hugged me close, though I was turned partially away from her, and her voice was soft as she whispered, "I'm so happy for you, Bella. It's time."

It's time.

I felt a lump in my throat that I couldn't swallow as I absorbed those two simple words. For so long now, my past had affected everyone around me – not only in the way they behaved toward me, but even in their own lives. James was a fucking infection that had spread to everyone I loved. He was the reason Jasper had doubted himself so much that he ended up in therapy as well. He was why I could no longer have a normal relationship with my mother. He was the reason for that haunting empty look in Charlie's eyes sometimes.

It was time I let all that shit go.

But how?

It seemed like it should be so easy – just letting something go – but I felt lost in the face of such an enormous task. That familiar melancholy feeling seeped into me, burning through my veins like a poison.

I stood frozen, the knife poised in my hands, and I forced myself back into motion, trying not to let on that anything was wrong as doubts about myself churned in my mind. At the forefront were the newest and most pressing – all of those questions about whether or not I would ever be able to have a normal physical relationship with Edward.

Mama Hale's hands covered mine gently, making me realize that I'd been chopping the same pecans until they were nearly dust. My eyes were wide when I looked at her, and she smiled at me softly, taking the knife from me and putting it to the side. She took my hand in hers and reached up, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear in a gesture that was so reminiscent of Jasper. "Bella, baby, there's no reason to be afraid. Edward is a good man."

Her words were incomprehensible at first, so far removed were they from where my thoughts had been. It took me a moment to realize she thought I was worried about Edward – about whether or not I could trust him. That wasn't my fear at all, but her words brought me up short, making my brow furrow. "How do you know?"

"I can just tell, dear. It's in the eyes and the way he looks at you…" Her smile prompted my own as she patted my hand. "Besides, Jasper and those other boys haven't torn him limb-from-limb yet."

I laughed softly, nodding despite the brief flare of anger and disappointment I felt toward Jake at the mention of the guys. Like so many times before, she was able to lift me out of the dark moods that threatened me, letting me bask in the warmth that all the Hales seemed to radiate. "Thanks, Mama Hale," I murmured quietly.

She pretended not to hear, though I saw the soft smile on her face as she pulled a mixing bowl from the cupboard. She handed it to me, and I set about mixing batter for the blueberry muffins as she pursed her lips, putting her hands on her hips. "Now be honest. Is Jasper behaving himself?"

I laughed as I poured blueberries into the batter and folded them in carefully. "He is, Mama Hale…promise."

She looked unconvinced, her eyes narrowing as I told her about the way Jasper treated Alice. Eventually, she smiled, but then it started all over again as I had to reassure her that Rosalie was acting like a lady. That one seemed a lost cause, and I was still talking when Mama Hale walked over to the coffee pot and poured a fresh mug. She took it to the island and began adding cream and sugar, making me smile when I realized she was making it for Papa Hale.

I hadn't noticed how late it had gotten, but the microwave said it was after 7:30 when he walked into the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed in an orange henley over his jeans. He hugged me, kissing my head as he said, "Morning, Bella-boo," and I grinned at the silly nickname.

He sat at the island, sipping his coffee as we all chatted about nothing in particular. Just like always, time seemed to speed up when other people began waking and wandering around the Hale house. Moments after Papa Hale refilled his cup and kissed his wife before disappearing through the back door, Jasper wandered into the kitchen with a lazy smile.

He was dressed in his favorite pajama pants – green plaid that were ragged at the cuffs and becoming dangerously thin – and the Rage Against the Machine t-shirt that matched mine. His hair was a fucking wreck, standing up in every direction, and he just made it worse when he yawned and ran his fingers through it.

There was a fond smile on my face when I went to fix his coffee, and when I brought it to him, he tickled me and then slipped an arm around my waist, hugging me before he left me go. He sipped his coffee, winking at me. "So…were you comfortable enough last night, Bells?"

The knowing smirk on his face made my eyes narrow, and I mouthed, "Shut. Up." He snickered, taking another drink from his mug as I hit his arm. Aloud, I said, "Yeah, I slept really well," and shot him a look when he opened his mouth.

He chuckled, and I turned around, going to take the muffins from the oven. I put them on the cooling racks beside the breakfast casserole and caught Mama Hale looking at Jasper's pajamas. Her lips pressed into a thin line, but she didn't say anything. After he'd taken a few more sips of his coffee, she said, "Jasper, dear, would you mind setting the table?"

He slipped off his bar stool, abandoning his coffee as he walked to the cabinet and pulled down plates. The silverware clattered on the plates as he piled it on top, and I winced at the noise.

"Jasper!" Mama Hale admonished quietly. "People are sleeping!"

"Sorry, Mama…" He picked up the dishes and headed through the archway into the dining room, where I heard him set them down before the rasping sound of the sideboard drawer opening reached my ears.

He had just finished up and walked back into the kitchen when I heard footsteps in the hallway. I glanced over my shoulder in time to see Emmett's massive form filling the doorway. I blushed a bit when I saw him in basketball shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt – apparently his pajamas. It wasn't so much the clothes, but the way his curly dark hair was all ruffled made me very aware that he had just woken up.

He swooped into the kitchen, wrapping up Mama Hale in a bearhug as he lifted her from the ground, squeezing her with a grunt. He set her down and grabbed a piece of bacon from the platter by the stove, popping it in his mouth. Picking up the platter, he nodded toward the dining room, saying, "This need to go?"

Mama Hale laughed softly, smoothing her hair back into her bun as she nodded. "Yes, please."

She watched him walk through the archway with a fond smile, and I heard a low chuckle from the hallway. I looked over and saw Edward wandering in. He was still in his pajamas like the other guys, his hair as messy as ever, but the best sight I'd ever seen was the way his eyes just lit up when he saw me. I didn't even realize I was moving before I was wrapped in his arms in the doorway to the kitchen. I hugged him tightly, burying my face in his neck, and I heard him say, "Good morning, Caroline," over my head. His voice was husky and soft, still thick with sleep, and I felt a sense of longing as I tried to memorize the sound of it.

I snuggled close to him and kissed his neck once before letting him go. He kissed my forehead with a smile and then walked to Mama Hale, who wrapped him in a tight hug and kissed him on the cheek. She said, "Good morning, dear…I hope you slept well."

They spoke briefly, and I really appreciated the fond smile she gave my Edward as well. He was completely different from Emmett in some ways, but she seemed to approve. Finally, she handed him two pot holders and asked if he'd take the breakfast casserole into the dining room. He glanced over, winking at me as he picked it up and started through the archway.

I was watching him go when a basket of biscuits appeared in my hands. I looked at Mama Hale to find her smiling quietly at me. "Take that with you, please."

A quick look around the kitchen told me there was far more work to be done, but she clucked her tongue and shooed me away, telling me to come back when I was ready. I smiled my thanks and kissed her cheek before I practically skipped into the dining room.

Lively conversation had already sprung up among the guys, and Emmett was sputtering while Edward's head was thrown back as he laughed. Jasper's fist was in front of his mouth, and he was turning red from suppressed laughter. I grinned as I dropped the basket in the middle of the table and slipped into the seat between Jasper and Edward. I sighed contentedly when Edward's hand was immediately on my knee, though he continued to talk to the other guys. It just felt so…normal. So right.

Before long, Alice and Rosalie appeared, and Emmett began dishing up huge servings of casserole for everyone. When he handed Alice her plate, her eyes widened as she said, "Good lord, Emmett! How much do you think I eat? I'm not…you!"

After a brief argument, he finally scraped half of it onto a plate and handed it to me. He refused to listen when I said I'd eaten, though, so I ended up with a full plate in front of me while we all talked and laughed together. I picked at my food as I joined in the conversation, which quickly turned to the Seattle game.

Edward said, "No way the Seahawks can win today," and Emmett was already shaking his head as I nodded.

"If they can protect Hasselbeck-" Emmett began, but I cut him off, laughing.

"That's a damn big 'if', Em…there's no way they'll be able to keep the Dallas D away."

Edward squeezed my knee, and I saw him grinning out of the corner of my eye as he backed me up. Rosalie joined in, talking about how Dallas had been stuck in a rut before their last couple of victories, so she gave even money on either team winning.

"Yeah, it may be true that they've been struggling a little, but Tony Romo has been looking great…" Edward said.

"What about his broken pinkie?" Jasper challenged.

I reminded Jazz of Jason Witten, and he paused, pursing his lips as he thought. Our argument continued, growing more heated until Edward said, "I guarantee you Dallas wins today."

Emmett turned to him. "You want to make a bet?"

Edward smirked. "It's your ass." He shrugged, lifting his hands palm up. I tried my best not to laugh at the suddenly shrewd expression Emmett wore, but I failed miserably.

Realization dawned on his face, and he looked at Edward, saying, "You little shit! I didn't think you had it in you!"

Edward shrugged again, looking vaguely uncomfortable, but Emmett didn't seem to notice. He turned to me suddenly, his face brightening as he said, "Hey, wanna see?" He stood up, spinning around as he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his shorts.

"No!" Several of our voices cried out at once. Jasper looked horrorstruck, while Edward snickered. Alice and I were shaking our heads, and when Emmett started to pull them down anyway, Alice yelled out, "Smurf! Smurf, damn it!"

I glanced over at Rosalie, and we stared at each other with wide eyes before we dissolved into giggles. Emmett turned around, his eyebrows raised in confusion as his hands, thankfully, fell to his sides. I leaned over, resting my head against Edward's arm as I tried to control myself. He and Jasper just looked amused, and the sight of Jazz putting his arm around Alice and kissing her forehead helped me calm as I smiled at them.

Rose put her hand on Emmett's forearm and leaned closer to him, whispering to him just loud enough for us to hear. "I wouldn't mind seeing it, but let's do that in private, hmm?"

Emmett's eyes lit up as he sat back in his chair and pulled Rosalie into his lap, making her squeal as he whispered something in her ear. He wrapped his arms around her and nibbled at her ear, and I glanced quickly away. My eyes met Jasper's, and he made a face at me as he tossed his napkin onto his plate.

I giggled. It took a hell of a lot to make Jasper lose his appetite.

Breakfast was pretty much over then, and as people began to stand, Edward leaned over, kissing me softly. Just as my eyes fluttered closed, he pulled away, taking my plate and standing. He said, "We've got this – why don't you ladies go do…whatever you need to do?"

I saw his grin when he glanced at Jasper, and I found my best friend grimacing as he watched something. I followed his gaze and found Rosalie still sitting in Emmett's lap as they kissed passionately. When I glanced up at Edward, he shrugged and muttered, "Nothing new…" before he picked a small piece of biscuit from my plate and threw it, hitting Emmett on the head.

Emmett's head snapped around. "Hey! Stop that!" The second piece hit him on the forehead, and Rosalie squealed when he nearly dumped her in the floor as he leaned over to pick it up. His arm was wrapped firmly around her waist, though, and he held her tight as he tossed it back at Edward, who swatted it away. Rose smiled at Emmett and stood, patting him on the cheek as she mouthed, "Later."

I caught sight of Jasper kissing Alice softly before he whispered something that made her smile. I bit my bottom lip as I watched them, thinking about how they just…worked. They were quiet and calm – the complete opposite of boisterous Emmett and Rosalie.

I wondered where Edward and I fit into that spectrum.

My musing was cut short as the guys gathered the dishes and disappeared into the kitchen. Alice, Rosalie, and I made our way down the hall, giggling a little. Alice had shared Rosalie's room last night, so they stopped off at the first door on the right while I continued to the end of the hall.

My room was just across from Jasper's, as it had been since we were eleven, and once I made it inside, I pulled a black long-sleeved Under Armour shirt and my Seattle jersey from my suitcase. Just because I was sure they were going to lose didn't mean I wasn't going to support my team. Grabbing a fresh pair of underwear and my jeans, I went into the bathroom and dropped my clothes on the counter as I turned on the water.

Soon, I had stripped and was standing beneath the warm spray. I was hurrying, washing quickly in my haste to get back to Mama Hale, but my mind kept drifting away. Images of Edward had me biting my bottom lip as I realized I was trying to figure out how to get him alone, even for just a few moments. I had to admit that I was…jealous…of the way Rosalie and Emmett could be so open. I don't know what held me back, exactly – whether it was just that our relationship was so new or if I was…

I sighed.

I was uncomfortable. There was no reason to deny it. In the back of my mind, I wondered each time I touched Edward if that time would be the one that made me break down.

And I didn't want to do that in front of my friends. It would be bad enough when Edward saw it. I clenched my jaw, refusing to give into the melancholy that seemed to follow me sometimes. Instead, I closed my eyes, breathing in deeply as I thought about the good parts of touching Edward.

And oh…what good parts they were. A soft smile played on my lips as I washed my hair, imagining it was Edward's fingers running through my hair. His hands were always gentle, but his touch excited me in ways I could barely remember feeling. I wanted his hands on me.

If I were being honest, I wanted them all over me. I was just…scared as fuck to try it. My teeth worried my lower lip as I rinsed my hair, thinking back to the conversation I'd had with Edward the other night – the one where he'd asked if I'd ever helped myself. I wondered if maybe he was on to something – if maybe I needed to touch myself before I tried it with him.

This was completely uncharted territory for me. I had no idea what would set me off in any situation like that because, in truth, any physical contact had the potential to, and the more nervous I was, the more likely it was.

So didn't it stand to reason that at least knowing what to expect, physically, would help me relax some?

But…embarrassing as it was…I had no clue how to go about it. What the hell was I supposed to do?

And wouldn't it be more meaningful if it was Edward who helped me?

The questions were still skirting the edge of my mind, chasing each other and getting nowhere like the goddamn Caucus-race in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland as I shut off the water. I reached back, pulling my hair over my shoulder as I squeezed the excess water from it before I stepped out of the shower. I dried and dressed quickly, shoving away all the questions in my hurry to get back to the kitchen.

I closed my door a little harder than I intended, jumping at the sound before I started down the hallway. When I passed the room Edward and Emmett had shared, I glanced through the open doorway, stopping when I saw him reclining on the bed. He was lying on his back, his hands behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling.

At the sound of my footsteps, he glanced over, smiling at me as I walked in and stretched out beside him. I rested my head on his shoulder, my hand on his chest, as I gave a contented sigh and relished the way I just…fit. He kissed my forehead, and I closed my eyes, my fingertips lightly stroking his chest as I soaked up the heat from his body against mine. I felt like a cat stretching out for a nap in the beam of sunshine through a closed window, purring in contentment.

After a long, silent moment, I lifted my head, a lazy smile on my lips as I said, "What are you doing? Sleepy again?"

He rolled his eyes with a grin. "Emmett beat me to the bathroom." My reply died before it was fully formed as he pulled me closer and kissed me deeply. Our lips parted as our tongues brushed, and my fingers tightened on the fabric of his shirt. I gave a quiet moan, my thigh slipping over his as my calf settled between his legs. Before I could begin to crawl on top of him – which was absolutely where I was going – he pulled away and said softly, "Somehow I don't mind so much now…"

He gave me his crooked grin, and I blushed as I realized the door was open – and Emmett was in the attached bathroom, likely to come out at any moment. I grinned sheepishly and placed a quick kiss on his lips before I shifted my leg away, clearing my throat.

"I need to go help Mama Hale…" I gave a small sigh, pouting a bit, which made him smile before he kissed my pout away. "But if you want, you can use my bathroom."

That crooked grin was still on his face as he kissed me chastely, thanking me. With a final sigh, I rolled off the bed, pulling on the sleeve of my jersey to straighten it while I walked out of the room. When I reached the door, I couldn't help glancing at him just one more time, and I blushed lightly when I found him watching me. He was on his side, propped on his elbow, and his eyes seemed to be drinking me in, the emerald a shade darker. I wondered if he might be trying to memorize me the way I kept trying to etch him in my mind.

"I love you." The words spilled from my lips without my ever intending to say them, but it just seemed fitting and right that he should know without a doubt how I felt before he went home to Chicago.

His smile was tender when he whispered his own love in response, and I waved at him, lingering for a moment before I set off down the hallway with a silly little adolescent spring in my step. As soon as I walked into the kitchen, I checked the turkey in the separate oven and then glanced over at Mama Hale for my next instructions. She smiled at me and set me to work peeling potatoes at the island.

I had a pile big enough for a small army – or half a dozen Emmetts - when I heard her humming under her breath. I grinned when I caught the tune, biting my bottom lip to stop my giggle when she sang, "He's gonna get caught; just you wait and see," but I couldn't resist joining in as we deepened our voices together. "Why's everybody always pickin' on me?"

We sang together, dancing around the kitchen as we stirred and chopped while the others occasionally wandered in and out with amused expressions on their faces. Jasper stayed with us for a round of "Stand by Me" – his personal favorite – and he danced with me, sweeping me across the kitchen floor and leaving me giggling by the refrigerator as he went to spin his mom around.

Later, I was reaching in the oven to take out a pumpkin pie and singing, "Deep down in Louisiana, close to New Orleans, way back up in the woods among the evergreens…" as I shook my hips. When I straightened and turned around to leave the pie on the cooling racks spread out on the island, I caught sight of Edward's bronze hair and his back as he disappeared from the doorway. I blushed deeply as I wondered how long he'd been standing there watching, but I just shrugged and bit my bottom lip, hoping he'd at least liked what he'd seen.

Time passed quickly, and before I knew it, Charlie arrived just before noon, stepping into the kitchen to say hello. I hugged him tightly, my head resting on his chest the way it had for years now. He cleared his throat and awkwardly patted my back while I smiled at the familiar gesture. When I pulled away, he reached out his hand to shake Mama Hale's, but she swatted it away – like always – and pulled him close to hug him.

He was blushing a bit when they parted, huffing and pulling at his mustache as he thanked her for inviting him. She waved her hand dismissively. "You know you're always welcome here, Charlie…you don't have to wait on an invitation."

There was a sudden rush of bodies as people fluttered about the kitchen, picking up dishes and carrying them into the dining room to put them on the sideboard. The room was too hot, leaving a light layer of sweat on my skin as I tugged at my shirt. The fragrance of cinnamon and spice was nearly overwhelming, adding to the bustle to create that subtle difference in the atmosphere that made Thanksgiving.

Jasper and Alice took plates from the cupboard, and Rosalie followed them into the dining room with a basket of silverware. I heard grunts from Emmett and Charlie accompanying the creak of the table as they added the leaf to seat all of us. The back door closed, bringing with it the sound of Papa Hale stomping his feet before he walked through the kitchen and greeted Charlie.

Just as I fully realized the one voice that was missing, I heard its gentle melody behind me. "Bella?"

I turned around, and Edward smiled as soon as our eyes met, walking toward me. I reached out, taking his hand as I whispered, "Ready to meet my dad?"

His eyes widened as he took a deep breath, and I bit my bottom lip to hide the grin I felt when I realized he was nervous. I wasn't, for some reason. Maybe it was because I really had no experience here – not since I was a young teenager, anyway – but I just thought that Charlie and Edward would get along. I loved them both, and they had a lot in common, so I really didn't see any reason to be worried.

He nodded finally, and I laced my fingers through his, nodding in return. He led me into the dining room and stopped just inside the door. Charlie was joking with Jasper, the two of them laughing about something as Jasper punched his shoulder.

"Dad?" He didn't seem to hear me, their louder voices drowning me out. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Hey, Dad?"

Still nothing.

Emmett and Papa Hale had joined in now. I glanced up at Edward, who shrugged down at me. I sighed. "Charlie!"

Conversation halted completely, the only sounds those of Alice's voice asking Mama Hale if she needed any more help in the kitchen. I hadn't realized how loud my voice could be.

"What is it, Bells?" he asked, still looking away, and I caught sight of Jasper grinning at me. Just then, Charlie's head turned, and his eyes narrowed as he took in the sight of me holding Edward's hand. He knew about Edward, knew I was dating him, but I think the proof was a little bit different.

My mouth was dry, and suddenly, I was nervous. "Oh, umm…I just wanted to introduce you to Edward…" I stood there like a complete moron, not knowing what to do, but thankfully, Edward squeezed my hand and then dropped it as he stepped forward.

"Chief Swan?" He held out his hand, and Charlie shook it, his eyes focused on Edward's face. "I'm Edward Cullen…it's nice to meet you."

I watched as my father held onto my boyfriend's hand, the two of them frozen as Charlie's eyes narrowed even further. They were nearly slits when he finally shook Edward's hand once more and then dropped it. "Call me Charlie."

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding as conversations sprang up again. Charlie nodded to Edward before he ducked into the kitchen. I heard a whistling noise and reached over, hitting Jasper in the chest with the back of my hand.

"What?" he asked a little too sweetly.

"Don't think I don't recognize that shit," I hissed.

"What are you talking about?"

I rolled my eyes. "Western standoff music? You might want to be a little more obvious."

Jasper finally cracked a grin and chuckled, unable to keep up his innocent facade any longer. By then, Edward had returned to my side, his eyes widening as he shrugged.

"I guess that went okay…" He sounded more uncertain than I'd ever heard him.

I smiled at him brightly. "You did great." I lifted up on my toes, kissing his cheek as I murmured in his ear, "Charlie's not really one for talking…"

Beside us, Jasper muttered something under his breath. I frowned at him. "What?"

He shrugged and sighed. "Just said he's not really a man of that few words." He clapped Edward on the shoulder. "Sorry, man, but there's something else coming."

Edward grimaced and ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. I slipped my arm around his waist, reassuring him that it would be fine.

Alice came through the archway then, a bowl of cranberry sauce in her hands as she led Rosalie and the others into the dining room. The air was filled with excited chatter as we all took our seats around the table, everyone falling into comfortable conversation as the next hour passed quickly in a blur of turkey and gravy and too much talk about football and shopping.

I was seated between Charlie and Edward. My dad was quiet as always, making comments here and there, but as usual, it took Jasper to really draw him out.

"So what do you think of the Mariners' off-season acquisitions?" Jasper leaned back in his chair, rubbing his belly as he put his napkin on the table.

Charlie's eyes lit up at once, and he launched into one of the longest speeches he'd make all year – part-tirade, part-praise as he dissected each of the trades his favorite baseball team had made. He and Jasper argued at times, and I was picking at my dessert, not really listening, when I heard Edward's animated voice join in. He was arguing passionately against something Jasper said, and Charlie was sputtering beside me. I glanced over to see him opening and closing his mouth before, finally, he said, "Damn right, Edward. See, Jasper, what you're forgetting is…"

I tuned what he was actually saying out, beaming at Edward, who didn't notice as he jabbed his finger at the tabletop, emphasizing his point. Alice caught my eye across the table and grinned, subtly flashing me a thumbs up. To be honest, I hadn't known Edward was so into baseball. I knew he liked it, but of all the many things we'd talked about, that one really hadn't come up much – so I was both surprised and completely amused as I listened to the three of them debate. A few of the others joined in from time-to-time, but those three monopolized the majority of the main conversation as we finished eating.

Rosalie and Papa Hale welcomed Emmett into their discussion about the car show in Seattle a couple of weeks earlier. It turned out that Rosalie and Papa Hale had gone together while Emmett had been there alone. Rosalie smiled at her dad as he told Emmett he was more than welcome to go with them next time.

Alice was filling Mama Hale in on the after-Thanksgiving plans she and Edward had, and I listened, piping up occasionally, though I mostly sat with a vague sense of melancholy that lifted whenever I caught sight of Edward, Charlie, and Jasper talking so freely.

Biting my bottom lip, I played idly with my napkin, knowing that Jasper was right. No matter how well things were going at the moment, Charlie had something on his mind.

And he was never one for tact.

After everyone had had their fill of dinner and dessert, we all pitched in to take the dishes to the kitchen. The boys sent us out again, this time with Emmett taking the lead as he kissed Mama Hale on the cheek and told her a meal that divine called for some relaxation for the cooks. He ruffled my hair as he said, "So you ladies just go do whatever it is you feel like doing – you know, knitting or gossiping or giving your car a tune-up…" He winked at Rosalie.

Mama Hale tried to protest, but Papa Hale took the platter she was carrying from her hands and put it on the counter, wrapping his arms around her. "Now, Caroline…" he murmured before he leaned closer, whispering to her and then placing a gentle kiss on her temple. When he pulled away, she smiled up at him and then gave a slight nod, her hands fluttering up to tuck a stray lock of hair back into her bun.

As soon as we walked into the living room, the other three women made themselves comfortable. Mama Hale sat in her favorite armchair, pulling her knitting from the basket beside her as she talked to Alice, who was sitting in the loveseat Edward and I had claimed last night. Rosalie was flipping through channels, muttering to herself as she looked for something.

I sighed, realizing that the time was perfect for me to do the one thing I dreaded every holiday. It was time for me to call my mom and wish her a happy Thanksgiving. "I'll be right back," I muttered, pulling my phone from my jeans pocket.

I walked through the kitchen, unable to stop the smile on my lips when I saw the guys all busy cleaning up. Charlie was still talking, leaning against the island as he took a drink from his bottle of beer. Edward glanced over his shoulder as he loaded plates in the dishwasher, nodding. He smiled when he saw me, and I gave a little wave before I went out the back door.

The Hales' back porch was wide with several rocking chairs scattered around. A white porch swing was against the far end, and I walked to it as I scrolled through the phone book and punched the button for Renee's number.

I sat down on the swing, pushing myself slowly with my feet as I bit my thumbnail nervously. My eyes roamed the backyard, but I wasn't really seeing the familiar giant trees with the tree house where I'd spent so many hours as a kid. I exhaled heavily as I heard the click when Renee answered on the third ring.

"Bella?" Her voice was a little breathless.

"Hi, Mom." I tried to keep my voice cheerful and pleasant, but I could feel the familiar tension knotting my stomach.

"Bella! You just caught me cooking…" I began to relax slightly as my mother prattled on, telling me about a new recipe for a squash casserole she'd tried that ended up being some sort of over-baked gelatinous goo when she forgot to set the timer on the oven. She'd smoked herself out of the kitchen, and it had just aired out enough for them to finish making their Thanksgiving dinner.

I felt a pang of regret as I listened to her cheery voice and thought of her all alone there. I knew she had her husband – and I was glad – but part of the reason I hated calling on holidays was that I always felt like I should be there…and yet, the thought of actually going made me cringe.

"So Bella, baby, how are you doing? How's Jasper? Edward?"

"Hmm?" I shook myself with a start, realizing I'd missed most of what she'd said. "Oh…I'm good." I filled her in on most everything that was going on with me and Jasper. I avoided going into too much detail about Edward – she had a way of hearing so much more than I said, and she was always fucking right, which was irritating and unnerving.

"How long have you two been dating now?" she pushed, and I bit my bottom lip, trying to keep my jaw from clenching.

"Just a few weeks," I said. My voice was flippant as I tried to make her believe this was not a big deal. I hated the distance between us now, and there had been so many times over the years that I'd tried to make myself confide in her, but…

"Sweetie, I know you don't want to hear this, but I just wanted to say how proud I am of you. You're doing so well this time, and I-"

"Mom." My voice was hard, cutting her off at once.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean…"

I sighed, suddenly tired as I ran my hand across my eyes and leaned back in the swing, staring blankly at the ceiling. "I know…"

Here it comes.

I swallowed hard, vague memories of James skirting the edge of my mind as I wondered what, exactly, she would say this time.

There was another pause – one I considered filling with "Okay, Mom, well, I just wanted to say happy Thanksgiving! I love you! Bye!" – but I couldn't. For whatever reason, she needed to tell me how sorry she was, and I just couldn't deny her that. It wasn't her fault, but she blamed herself…so I did what little I could to alleviate the pain she felt.

After all, if it was anyone's fault, it was mine.

When I heard her take a breath, I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I could just not hear what was coming. Her voice cracked when she spoke, evidence of the emotion she tried to keep out of it. "Sweetheart, I wish…I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. I wish I could just take it all away and make it so it never happened. You have no idea how terrible I feel, how much I wish I'd just checked on you in your room…"

Her voice continued, each word tearing at that not-really-healed wound that seemed to cover my entire chest. My hand was on my sternum as I worked to breathe evenly, trying not to sob as I listened to her name each of the things she wished she could change. Every single one of them was something that I had done. I was the one who snuck out. All she'd done is trust me – and I'd let her down.

Finally, she wound down after getting it all off her chest. I made it through the last minute or two of the conversation sounding relatively normal. I could hear the tears in my voice, the way it was choked, and I knew she could as well – but she was at a loss as to how to fix it from such a distance.

"I love you, baby." Her voice was soft and sincere, and I felt my frown as my face tightened, the tears threatening to fall.

"I love you, too, Mom," I managed. As soon as she said goodbye, I hung up the phone and tossed it to the ground, burying my face in my hands.

I don't know how long I sat there, incoherent but not really crying, before I felt hands on my shoulders as someone sighed.

"Come here, silly girl…" Jasper's voice was gruff as he pulled me up and wrapped me in his arms. My own arms slipped around his waist, my head resting on his chest just below his shoulder as he swayed with me slowly. His hand was gently caressing my hair, running from the back of my head down my back before he'd start over again. He whispered to me softly, words of encouragement and understanding that calmed me.

"Bella? Are you alright?" I raised my head when I heard Edward's soft, tentative voice. Jasper held my gaze, silently asking, Are you really okay?

I nodded at him with a small smile, and he kissed my forehead, nodding in return, before he dropped his arms. He turned away as my eyes sought out Edward, finding him standing in the doorway looking mildly uncomfortable. Jasper patted his shoulder as he passed by him, going into the kitchen and closing the door.

Edward watched me for a minute before I took a step toward him, and then it seemed like he was instantly at my side, fingers caressing my face as his strong arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. I inhaled, closing my eyes with a soft smile as I caught a hint of sandalwood and vanilla. My arms were wrapped around him, holding him tightly when his forefinger under my chin tilted my face up to meet his. He kissed me tenderly, his lips pressed against mine until I finally smiled, and then he pulled away.

He was gazing down at me, his eyes dark malachite rather than the lighter emerald they usually were. I could see countless questions within them, and I reached up, tracing his lips as I said quietly, "I'm fine, really…"

"What happened?" His brow knitted together.

With a sigh, I tried to explain. "I just…I had to call my mom. She sort of blames herself for…well, for everything, and I don't, but she just…apologizes a lot…" I realized as I was speaking how stupid it sounded and frowned. "I know that doesn't make any sense."

A small smile flitted across his lips before he sighed as well. "No, I think I get it…" He leaned down again, placing a gentle kiss on my lips as he said, "I'm sorry you had to do that."

I shrugged and gave a half-smile. "It's fine, really. I just wish I knew how to really make her understand that it's not her fault so she'll quit apologizing all the fucking time." I heard the completely ungrateful, bitter tone in my voice and closed my eyes, leaning forward and burying my face in Edward's chest to stop the flow of words.

His hands traced the lines of my face and stroked my hair, so very like Jasper's but the feeling was totally different. Jasper could make me feel completely at ease just like this, but he had never set my pulse racing the way Edward could. I inhaled deeply, smiling as my shoulders relaxed, and I felt the tension draining away.

After a moment longer, I looked up at him. "Feeling a little better?" His voice was soft, and a smile appeared on his face at my nod. I took a step back, reaching up to pull my hair from its bun. As I was running my fingers through my hair, Edward bent down. When he stood again, he handed me my phone and then held out his hand. I stuck the phone in my pocket and slipped my hand into his, letting him lead me back into the house without another word.

There, we found everyone piled in the living room, where the game was underway. Dallas was already up seven to nothing. Edward winked and nodded at Emmett, who rolled his eyes and grumbled, cheering as Hasselbeck completed a pass to Branch. As Edward and I were settling into our seats, though, the Seahawks fumbled and Dallas recovered while the room erupted in curses.

I sighed, running my fingers through Edward's hair. He was sitting on the floor in front of me, and I had one leg tucked under me, the other hanging down by his side as I leaned against the arm of the couch. His fingers idly caressed my foot, tickling me occasionally through my sock as we watched the game. Charlie was sitting on the other end of the couch, alternately crossing his arms over his chest with a huff when he glanced at us and screaming at the TV as if the players could actually hear him.

He wasn't the only one, though. I was amused to no end as I realized throughout the first half that all of us had a tendency to scream. By the time half-time rolled around, the Seahawks were down twenty-four to six, and we were all red-faced. When Tony Romo took a knee to end the half, there was a collective groan as people began standing and stretching. Everyone began to scatter, heading to the bathroom or to get a drink while the half-time show played. Charlie and Papa Hale were talking, carrying on a lively discussion about the Dallas defense when Edward tilted his head back to look up at me.

"Want anything to drink?" he asked.

"Sure." I smiled when he hopped up and held his hand out to me. We walked to the kitchen, where the silence seemed deafening; I was surprised to find it deserted. I leaned against the counter while Edward went to the fridge.

"Beer?" He glanced over his shoulder.

"Sounds perfect, thanks…"

He pulled two bottles out and then looked around with a frown.

"That drawer." I pointed, and he nodded, grinning his thanks. When he'd opened them both, he dropped the bottle opener back in the drawer and closed it with his hip, walking over to hand one of the frosty bottles to me.

I took a small sip only to notice that he hadn't touched his. He was watching me with a small smile on his lips. When I lowered my bottle, my tongue instinctively licked the last of the beer from my lips before I set my bottle on the counter. "What is it?"

He put his bottle beside mine and then stepped closer, placing his hands on my hips as he stopped only an inch or two away from me. "You…it was very…" He paused as if unsure how to say something. I slipped my arms around his waist, pulling him to me to close the distance between us. He smiled down at me before he finally cleared his throat and continued. "It was just very…nice…to watch you watching the game."

I arched an eyebrow, and he ducked his head, blushing faintly. "You're fucking beautiful anyway, but when you're all…passionate like that, I…" He shrugged, his thumbs rubbing against my hipbones.

I blushed as well, glancing away, and we both looked back at the same time. I bit my bottom lip as he leaned closer, and I inhaled just as his lips met mine. My eyes drifted closed as I gave a quiet sigh, my hands drifting up his back to pull him even closer.

"Ahem." The sound of someone clearing his throat made both our heads pop up as we turned to look at the doorway. Charlie was standing there, his eyes intent on me before he broke our gaze and walked to the refrigerator. He pulled out a beer, opening it with the bottle opener before slamming the drawer with a little too much force. He leaned back against the counter across the kitchen, crossing one arm over his chest as the other lifted his beer to his lips.

"Hi, Dad." I somehow refrained from rolling my eyes as some of the stupidest words ever escaped my lips. I felt like I was twelve and had been caught sneaking a kiss with my boyfriend. It was utterly ridiculous.

Still, the look on Charlie's face didn't lessen the feeling any. One eyebrow was raised as he tilted his beer back once more, taking a long drink while his eyes slid away from me and came to rest on Edward. He cleared his throat again as he lowered the bottle, crossing both arms over his chest. "So. Edward. I think we need to talk."

My eyes narrowed when Edward started to pull away from me. I kept my hands tight around his waist, holding him so he couldn't move. "Why?"

A smile ghosted across Edward's lips as he reached back and pulled my hands away. He kissed my forehead and murmured, "It's fine, Bella," before raising his voice and turning to face Charlie. "Yes, sir, that's probably a good idea. Did you want to talk here?"

Charlie glanced around the kitchen and then shook his head. "Back porch."

My eyes were growing wider by the second, and when he spoke, I stood up straight. "Wait." I didn't even know how to voice my alarm. Images of saloons and pine caskets and Western standoffs flitted through my mind.

Fucking Jasper.

Chuckling, Charlie said, "Hell, Bella, I'm not going to kill him." His eyes shifted to Edward again. "I do mean to be frank with him though."

That didn't help me relax any, and I frowned at my father as I reached out, taking Edward's hand.

"Look, you can come along if you want. I don't care if you want to hear what I have to say. But I'll leave that up to the two of you." He took another drink of his beer and pushed away from the counter. "I'll be out back."

Without another glance at us, he walked through the back door. Silence reigned in the kitchen as Edward and I turned to look at each other. "Guess I better get out there." Edward's voice was confident, and I studied him closely, trying to determine if there was any uncertainty in his eyes. "It's…it's up to you. I mean, if you want to come or not." His eyes were guarded, and he seemed tense as he waited for my answer.

"Good…then I'm coming."

He gave me a sad smile I didn't understand, studying me before he finally nodded. He stood up a little straighter, squaring his shoulders as he ran his fingers through his hair. The only word I could find to describe his expression was…resigned. He squeezed my hand once before he turned and led the way outside.

When we walked out onto the porch, Charlie was propped against the railing, his ankles crossed in front of him with his familiar brown boots on his feet. His arms were again across his chest, and without the change in scenery, it would've been impossible to tell he'd moved at all. His eyes were only for Edward, and I felt like an intruder as I took in the intensity between the two of them. I gently pulled my hand from Edward's and went to sit in one of the rockers off to the side.

Without preamble, Charlie said, "So how do you feel about my daughter?"

I watched Edward's shoulders rise and fall as he breathed evenly. I could feel his desire to glance at me, but he kept his eyes focused on my father as he said simply, "I love her."

Charlie watched him, taking a small sip of his beer before he reached out, putting the bottle on the railing. "Alright, so here's the deal. I hear nothing but good things about you. Jasper trusts you, and that says a lot." At last, his gaze broke from Edward's as he glanced over at me. "Bella trusts you, and that says even more."

I sat there, waiting for the rest, but he just…left it there.

I saw the way Edward's fingers twitched at his side, likely wanting to go to his pockets the way he stood when he was feeling defensive. That wasn't the image in my mind though. Oh, no. My mind was filled with a vision of the sun lowering on the horizon as tumbleweeds rolled by and he stared down my father.

Edward was the first to draw. "But you don't."

It was Charlie who fired the fatal shot. "No, I don't." Edward's shoulders fell ever-so-slightly, and my heart ached for him. Before I could decide what to say, though, Charlie breathed new life into us both. "Not yet, anyway."

Again, Edward's fingers moved, but his hands stayed by his side as he said, "May I ask why?" His tone was polite, but I heard the strain beneath it.

I was surprised when Charlie's posture relaxed, his shoulders slumping much like Edward's had. He scrubbed his face with his hands, and I was sure I heard a muttered, "Fuck," before he lowered his hands again, resting them on the railing on either side of his hips. His face was weathered and lined, and I realized for the first time just how…tired he looked. How worn. "Look, I don't trust anyone with her anymore. Not even her own mother."

Edward's jaw tightened as I watched the debate rage on his face. Finally, he lifted his chin slightly and said, "That's not true. You trust Jasper."

I felt as if I'd been punched in the gut when I saw Charlie's head drop, his face hidden from me while his thumbs rubbed deliberately along the railing. His voice was gruff as he attempted to disguise his pain. "I have to. Without him, I'd never have gotten my daughter back."

They were both still for a moment as I watched the fight leave them. Edward's hands rubbed his face just like Charlie's had, and then he ran his fingers through his hair. My father's face lifted, his eyes meeting Edward's as mutual understanding passed between them. Edward nodded once, his Adam's apple bobbing slowly as he swallowed. Charlie gave a small half-smile as he nodded in return, and then he stood, crossing the porch.

As he passed by Edward, he reached out, clapping him on the shoulder before he glanced over at me. His eyes were a confusing jumble of emotions, and I couldn't make any of them out before he turned away again, disappearing through the door into the kitchen.

When I looked back at Edward, his brow was furrowed as he watched Charlie leave. I stood and walked over to him, putting my arm around his waist. He glanced down at me with a half-hearted smile, and I felt one corner of my lips lift as I squeezed him tighter, reaching up to rub between his shoulder blades.

I wanted to tell him it was okay, that Charlie would come around, but the words died on my lips as I realized I had no idea how long it would take Charlie to accept Edward – or if he ever would. Instead, I lifted onto my toes and kissed his cheek. He cupped my cheek, kissing me gently, and then he ran his fingers through his hair and nodded to himself, as if he'd come to some sort of conclusion.

"You okay?" he murmured softly, and my smile became genuine. Of course he would be more worried about me.

I shook my head in disbelief as I took his face between my hands and pulled him down, kissing him deeply. I tried to let him know everything I was feeling – the awe and contentment I felt whenever I truly realized that he loved me – and he returned my kiss earnestly. When we parted, I nodded and asked if he was okay.

He licked his bottom lip as he thought for a moment and then nodded. "I'll be fine. I wish…" He shrugged and gave a small sigh. "I wish I could do something to change how he felt, but I guess it's just going to take time…" I wrinkled my nose, and he grinned at me, leaning down to kiss it. Against my skin, he murmured, "Time, and a whole lot of having me around."

"Well, I like the sound of that…" I closed the distance between us again as I spoke, and after we'd shared a few more sweet kisses, Edward led us back inside. We were immediately greeted with the sound of shouting from the living room, and when we walked through the door, our friends were already red-faced and yelling.

Charlie had scooted closer to one end of the couch, and he nodded at us as we walked in the room. His dark eyes followed Edward, who took a seat at the other end, and I sat beside him, curling up with one foot beneath me. He put his arm around my shoulders, his fingers idly stroking my upper arm as we watched the game.

By the time the Seahawks lost thirty-four to nine, we were all hoarse and disappointed. Chatter about the game filled my ears as Charlie stood with a groan, stretching his arms over his head as he arched his back. That was always the signal that he was about to leave, so I leaned over, whispering in Edward's ear, "I'm going to walk my dad out…be right back." I kissed his cheek, and he nodded, standing up and turning to face Charlie.

They shook hands cordially, and it was almost as if the whole exchange on the porch had never happened. I knew both of them well enough, though, to know that was an illusion.

After my dad made his rounds saying goodbye – and his arms had been filled with containers of leftovers from Mama Hale – I walked him out to the cruiser. I was wearing a thin fleece jacket that the wind seemed to cut straight through, making me shiver despite the bright sunshine just dipping behind the tops of the towering trees. My hands were in my pockets as I walked beside Charlie, looking down at the ground.

When we reached his car, he opened the door to stick the leftovers inside and then turned to face me, his hand holding onto the top of the door. We watched each other, me biting my bottom lip while he tugged on his mustache, before he finally sighed and closed the door, spreading his arms. A smile flickered on my lips as I walked the few steps to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

He awkwardly patted my back, kissing the top of my head as I smiled into his chest. "You look good, Bells." His voice was gruff and low. "Better than you have in years."

When we parted, he pulled at his mustache again before he cleared his throat. "Look…if you trust Edward, I'm going to try my best. Can't make any promises though."

My smile was wide as I nodded, unsure of what to say. I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering. Charlie stepped forward and rubbed my upper arms, looking at me seriously. "Just…take it easy, alright? You just met the guy."

Gazing up at him, I suddenly felt like a child again, his warm brown eyes looking directly into my matching ones. I could see several emotions lurking in his eyes, but the one that struck me the most was…fear. I cleared my throat to find my voice, nodding before I said quietly, "I will. Promise."

Charlie dropped his hands, assuming an air of mock-sternness. "And don't be such a stranger. You know, it wouldn't hurt you to call once in awhile."

I frowned up at him for a moment, trying to determine the best way to answer him. I knew he was partially joking – but only partially.

Honesty.

With an internal sigh, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I decided to try Edward's strategy. "Dad…you should know that I want to call more often…and I would. If you'd lay off the Jake thing." His eyes widened in confusion as I reached up, looking down at my fingers playing with the ends of my hair. "I'm not going to get into all of it…" I grimaced at the thought of telling him what Jake had said. "But it's just not going to happen. I'm not going to date Jake. Ever. So just…you know…get over it." I glanced up at him as I said the last, giving him a wry grin.

He narrowed his eyes at me for a moment and then sighed dramatically. "So I guess I should call Billy and tell him to cancel the reservations at the Lodge for the reception?"

I rolled my eyes, punching him lightly in the stomach. He doubled over, clutching it, before he stood up straight and grinned at me. We hugged again, and this time his hand gently stroked my hair as he said softly, "Seriously? Jake was the problem?"

My shoulders lifted once as I gave a short, ironic laugh. "Yeah, Jake's the problem."

"Good to know," was all he said as he squeezed me once more. We said our goodbyes, and I promised to call him sooner this time; then he got into his cruiser and pulled away.

As I opened the front door, the soft strains of piano music put a smile on my face. I found myself tiptoeing as I walked down the hallway and to the little-used sitting room. Mama and Papa Hale entertained there when they had friends over, but it had always been off-limits to us as kids, and it seemed shrouded in mystery and reverence even now.

When I reached the wide archway, I peered around the corner and watched Edward sitting on the piano bench, his wild hair waving with the motion of his arms as his fingers deftly maneuvered over the keys. His bottom lip was between his teeth, his brow furrowed in concentration, and there was a look of utter passion and abandon on his face. His eyes were focused on the movement of his hands, his body rocking slightly as he reached along the keyboard.

I was vaguely aware of the others sitting on the couches spread around the room, but I had eyes only for Edward as I finally took the few remaining steps through the archway. I couldn't move any further, so mesmerized was I by the sight before me. It was reminiscent of when he played the guitar, but he seemed more…free. More absorbed.

Putting my hands behind my back, I leaned against the doorframe and drank up the sights and sounds filling the room. I was frustrated that I didn't recognize the song he was playing, beautiful though it was. It seemed to be a classical composition, which had never been of interest to me. My mother played CDs of classical music around the house, and she'd tried to teach me as a child – prattling on about composers and conductors and symphonies – but it wasn't until I heard Edward play that I felt the first stirring of a desire to learn.

The desire to learn wasn't the only desire I felt, though. I bit my bottom lip, inhaling lightly through my nose as I felt a strange fluttering in my stomach.

As I watched, his face relaxed into a beatific smile as his eyes drifted closed. The song morphed into a series of simple notes, and I listened closely, hoping I would recognize this new melody. I felt slightly disappointed when I didn't, but I found I couldn't feel down while watching Edward play.

His lips were parted, his tongue moistening them when the simple melody was suddenly fuller, chords interweaving to create a more complex song, and the words flooded my mind.

The long and winding road

That leads to your door

Will never disappear

I've seen that road before

I smiled to myself as he continued to play, his music the only sounds in the room. After hearing him sing that night at his apartment, I could just imagine the way his voice would dance over the notes, caressing each word.

We all watched him in silence, and as the song came to a close, his hands stilled on the keys, his head lifting and his eyes opening as he turned his head, looking for me. We smiled at each other across the room, and Mama Hale was the first to speak. "Thank you so much, dear! That was beautiful…you certainly are talented."

Edward's cheeks flushed a light pink as he thanked her, and he was just so fucking cute that I wanted to kiss him. I pushed away from the wall, but before I could take a step, Emmett said, "Oh, you know you're not done. Play it."

Edward raised an eyebrow at him.

"You know exactly what I mean."

"Yeah, play it," Alice piped up.

Edward made a face and glanced around at all of us, but if he was seeking support, he was looking in the wrong place. We were all too intrigued. "Play what?" I asked Emmett.

"He knows," was the cryptic reply.

Popping his knuckles, Edward rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, but I caught the grin just before he lowered his head and began to play. When I heard the first notes, I giggled, but that was nothing compared to Alice's voice saying, "Yo V.I.P., let's kick it!"

My laughter was drowned out by the others, and I watched, wide-eyed, as Alice and Emmett sang together. They seemed to have some sort of routine – I saw them move their shoulders the same way, nearly dancing in their seats. Jasper and Rosalie were both staring at them in amusement, mouths hanging open, eyebrows lifted, making them look more like twins than usual.

By the time Emmett said, "Yo, man, let's get outta here...word to ya motha…" and Alice crossed her arms over her chest, Jasper was nearly hyperventilating, and Rosalie's face was turning red. They hadn't missed a word, and Edward had even joined in, calling out the words of the backup singers.

We were giggling together when Jasper wrapped Alice in a tight hug and said, "How long have you guys been doing that?" through his laughter.

She glanced over her shoulder at Emmett, furrowing her brow, and he shrugged as he said, "A few years…started when Eddie there was playing 'Under Pressure' at Christmas one year."

Edward rolled his eyes again, muttering, "Don't call me Eddie," under his breath as he stood and lowered the cover on the keyboard. Everyone began talking at once, carrying on different conversations at Mama Hale walked over to give Edward a hug. She thanked him again, and his smile was genuine as he thanked her for letting him play.

She waved her hand dismissively, saying, "Please, dear, it was our pleasure…" She kept her arm around his waist as she steered him from the room. Everyone followed in their wake, and I waited until the room was empty before I brought up the rear. Edward glanced back over his shoulder, looking for me as Mama Hale talked, and I smiled, lifting my hand to wave at him.

We were ushered into the dining room, where Rosalie helped Mama Hale bring the deserts to the table. Edward pulled out a chair for me, kissing my cheek before I sat down, and I realized that I was plotting…I had to have some time alone with him before he left. There was really no other option.

I plotted the whole time we enjoyed our pie and chatted – the smile on my face was real, but my mind was working, looking for the right time to slip away. I knew it wouldn't be while Mama and Papa Hale were still awake, so I pushed it to the back of my mind as we all played cards together. It was really enjoyable to be with them again, and I focused on that, loving the way they were getting to know Edward and the others.

By the time the older Hales went to bed, it seemed like we had always been together – all eight of us. There was no awkwardness, no one person who seemed to be on the outside. In truth, I felt more like I belonged than I had at times in the past when Jasper and Rosalie had brought home their dates.

The time still wasn't right for me to get Edward alone, so I played board games and drank beer as we all hung out. By the time I'd had several beers, I was feeling a little light-headed when I walked down the hallway to go to the restroom. We'd just finished playing Risk Godstorm, where Jasper and Edward had totally obliterated the rest of us, and I checked the clock on my phone as I made my way through my room.

9:53.

Close, but not quite close enough. I stumbled once, catching my toe on the corner of my suitcase as I decided it was time for me to stop drinking for the night. Otherwise, there would be little point in time alone with Edward anyway, as I'd just pass out cold.

After using the restroom and washing my hands, I was passing through my room again when I remembered my camera. I unzipped my suitcase, pulling out the small digital camera my mom had sent for my birthday last year. I'd meant to take some pictures of us earlier in the day, but I definitely didn't want Edward to leave before I had at least one of us together, whether or not I was red-faced and slightly drunk in it.

I returned to the living room to find Alice setting up Cranium. Thoughts of getting Edward to myself fled my mind as my eyes sought Jasper. He grinned at me broadly, flashing a thumbs up at me.

"Oh, hell no." Rosalie's voice was resolute, and Jasper and I both frowned at her. We'd switched up partners throughout the night, and the two of us had yet to play together.

"Why not?" I asked petulantly just as Alice asked what we were talking about.

"Bella and Jasper aren't allowed to be on the same team." Rosalie arched an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest as she stood with one hip poked out.

"That's not fair!" Jasper complained as I joined him, voicing our protests loudly.

Rose grinned, wiggling her fingers at us. "Not a chance. You two don't get to work your little voodoo tonight." I muttered under my breath, rolling my eyes while Jasper sighed and crossed his arms. We were acting like children, but damn it, this was our favorite game. We couldn't help it if we were damn good together.

Eventually we decided to play as couples, and we all settled around the coffee table. I gave my camera to Alice, asking her to take some pictures of everyone, and the night was punctuated with the flash as she took her job very seriously.

Edward was sitting in the armchair, which he offered to me, but I refused, sitting in the floor between his legs. I rested my cheek against his knee, smiling lazily as he ran his fingers through my hair.

Soon.

A few rounds passed by in a blur, all of us having a relatively easy time, until it was Jasper and Alice's turn again. I reached over, taking the camera from Alice as Jasper read the card with a grin and stood, running his fingers though his hair as he waited for Rosalie to start the timer. As soon as she flipped it, he tucked his elbows into the side and held his hands away from his body, thumbs out as he shook his shoulders and his hips. I giggled and then took a look at his face. His tongue was stuck out as he danced, and I knew the answer instantly.

Tongue and groove.

I covered my mouth, half-fearful that I'd said it aloud, but Alice was staring at Jasper with her mouth hanging open, completely perplexed. I shook my head, snapping a few pictures of Jasper dancing and Alice staring at him like he'd lost his mind. Emmett was cracking up, his head thrown back as he laughed, and I heard Edward's quiet chuckle from behind me. Alice frowned, tilting her head as she watched him.

"Howard the Duck?" she guessed, and we all burst out laughing. Her shoulders shook as she tried not to giggle, and Jasper just danced all the harder, lifting one foot as he did the Twist.

Mercifully, the sand in the timer finally ran down, and I blurted out, "Tongue and groove!"

Jasper laughed, holding up his hand for a high five. I giggled as our hands slapped, and I saw Alice shaking her head, dumbfounded. "How the hell did you know that?"

I shrugged and heard Rosalie mutter, "Fucking voodoo," under her breath.

"I love you, darlin', but where in the world did Howard the Duck come from?" Jasper murmured as he settled in beside Alice again. She giggled, kissing him instead of answering, and I looked away to watch Rosalie and Emmett take their turn.

They had to draw, and Rose decided to take it, picking up the card and reading the back. She snorted and nodded at me as she picked up the pencil. Alice held out her hand, and I gave the camera back to her, immediately blinded by the flash as she snapped a picture.

As soon as I started the timer, Rosalie made a few swipes with the pencil, creating two curves side-by-side. Before I could begin to guess, Emmett called out, "Tire!"

The corner of Rose's lips lifted in a half-smile as she moved her pencil over, drawing in a blank part of the page. She quickly sketched a circle, putting a dot in the middle and then drawing a line from the dot to the edge. "Radius!" was Emmett's immediate answer. I glanced at him, somewhat amazed, and saw him wrinkle his forehead before he grinned. "Radial tire!"

"Oh, come on!" Edward's voice was the loudest, but we were all playfully protesting, teasing the two of them about cheating. Jasper muttered something about seeing who had the voodoo now, and the game continued for awhile longer as the lead passed back and forth.

Finally, Edward and I were on our last turn with a chance to win the game if we got it right – and, more importantly, the chance for me to get him alone when the game ended.

It was one of the charades ones where you have to impersonate a celebrity, and Edward took it, standing as he held out his hand for the card. A wicked little grin lit up his face as soon as he read the name on the back, and he nodded to Emmett, who started the timer. He immediately assumed a cocky demeanor, pointing his finger at me with his thumb up like he was holding a gun. His voice was low and raspy as he squinted his eyes and said, "Go ahead. Make my day."

I knew I should know it, but my mind was a complete blank as my body seemed to respond to the confidence he was exuding.

Jeeesus.

"John Wayne?" I didn't need Jasper and Emmett's laughter to let me know my answer wasn't right. A smile flashed across Edward's face before he schooled himself, clearing his throat as he narrowed his eyes and tried again.

"You've gotta ask yourself a question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"

I felt a tingling deep in my stomach at the sound of that cocky voice again, and suddenly it hit me. "Oh! Clint Eastwood!"

Edward grinned broadly and reached for me, helping me up so he could pull me into a tight hug. I heard Jasper snort behind me as he muttered, "I can't believe you won! Fucking John Wayne…"

"Yeah, yeah," I said, pulling away from Edward as I yawned. My voice was thick and strained when I spoke again, lending credibility to my words. "I'm fucking exhausted…I think I'm going to go take a nap before you guys have to leave…"

Edward's face fell, and he just looked so…heartbroken. Reaching out, I took his hand, smiling softly as I pulled him close and lifted on my toes to whisper, "You're coming too, you know."

His eyes widened, and he said, "Oh." Suddenly, he couldn't get us out of there fast enough as he started packing up the game.

Alice pulled the strap of my camera off her wrist and handed it back to me as Jasper ran his fingers through his hair and said, "A nap sounds like an excellent idea."

Emmett smirked. "Yeah, Rosie and I are gonna go make out, too."

Rosalie elbowed him in the ribs as Jasper hissed, "Want to say that shit a little louder? I'm sure my mom can find something for us all to do…"

Edward cleared his throat, saying he was really tired and that we would see them all in a few hours before he took my hand and practically pulled me down the hall. I stifled my giggle, not wanting to wake Mama Hale, but I was smiling broadly when we stepped into my room and he flipped on the light.

He murmured, "Sorry…" and looked sheepish.

I kissed him gently, saying, "Don't apologize…I've been plotting a way to get you alone all night."

"Really?" His face brightened when I nodded, and he grinned, crossing the room to sit on my bed, where he turned on my lamp. He didn't say anything else, but I felt his eyes on me as I turned out the overhead light and walked over to put my camera on the nightstand.

"Hey…" I glanced over at him when he spoke again, arching an eyebrow. "Will you send me those?"

"You want them? Really?" My voice was a little higher pitched than usual, betraying my happiness. I melted a little when he nodded, biting my bottom lip as I sat beside him. "I'll email them as soon as I get back to my computer." I frowned. "Actually…I'll see if I can borrow Rose's laptop. I know she brought it."

His fingers gently caressed my cheek, and I turned to face him, realizing at once that I was babbling during the last few hours we had together, when that was hardly the point of getting him alone. My eyes closed as I leaned toward him, our lips meeting as we both sighed softly. I smiled against his lips, shifting on the bed so that I was facing him more fully. He moved as well, and we seemed to be perfectly in sync, our tongues brushing against each other at the same time.

His hands were on my waist as he deepened the kiss, nibbling my bottom lip before he pulled away. I opened my eyes to find his still closed, his forehead pressed against mine as he said, "God, Bella…I've wanted to do that all fucking day. Do you have any idea how tempting you are?"

I felt a thrill shoot through me at his words, a slow smile spreading across my lips. My voice was low, the words barely audible when I whispered, "Do you have any idea how tempting you are?"

He ducked his head, peering up at me through his lashes, and I laughed softly, putting my hands on his shoulders and pressing him back against the mattress. His eyes widened as he said, "Bella?"

I didn't answer; I just kissed him, and he responded immediately, our lips moving slowly together as we lay side-by-side. We shifted until we were lying the right way on the bed – it was a twin, so there wasn't a whole lot of room, but I sure as hell wasn't complaining.

The next hour was spent kissing and caressing, talking and laughing quietly as we reveled in being together. As anxious as I had been to get him alone, I found that I didn't want to rush anything. I enjoyed the slow pace, the way he seemed to be paying attention to every little thing I said and every small touch that passed between us. We were committing these moments to memory, and I smiled as my eyes drifted closed while his soft lips pressed against mine and I felt the faint calluses on his fingertips as he caressed my cheek.

Our disjointed conversation was sprinkled around our kisses, our discussion of Charlie and Mama Hale interrupted when we couldn't keep our lips and hands to ourselves. It turned out that Mama Hale had been sneaky, just happening to end up in the kitchen when the boys were cleaning up. She hadn't spoken to Edward directly about me – or us – but she had taken the time to get to know him a little better, and it made me smile to know she was curious. Apparently she'd had just as many questions for Emmett, and Edward smiled the whole time he was talking about her, so I assumed it went well.

He was less happy about what Charlie'd had to say to me. I felt a fluttering of apprehension as I bit my lip, working up the courage to tell him. Taking a deep breath, I let it all spill out. His eyes grew tighter when I mentioned Jake and Charlie's preference for him. I reassured Edward, telling him I truly thought my dad just needed time to get to know him, but it had to sting to know my father had been hoping I'd date someone else – especially Jake.

The subject of Charlie reminded me of that strange look on Edward's face when I'd said I was coming with him to hear what my dad had to say. "Hey, so…" I trailed off, not quite sure how to bring it up.

He gave me a chaste kiss with a small smile. "What is it?"

"Well…" I kissed him in return. "I was just wondering…what were you thinking earlier? When I told you I was going to come with you to talk to Charlie?"

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair as he glanced away. When he looked back at me, there was a slight sadness in his eyes that made me frown. "Oh." He slowly licked his lips, debating, before he finally spoke. "I just…I know I'm not good enough for you, Bella…" When my lips parted to protest, he put his index finger over them and gave me a sad smile. "Shh…I know what you're going to say. I thought maybe Charlie was going to tell me that. I was worried he'd try to convince you, but…" He trailed off, pulling at his hair irritably. "I wouldn't hide that from you. I know what I am, and I want you to know me before you decide to be with me."

My chest felt hollow, aching and somehow both empty and full to bursting at once. I started to tell him I'd already chosen to be with him, but the words died on my lips as I realized that wouldn't help – he was so damn sure there was something wrong with him. I knew words alone would never change his mind, so I decided to try to show him as well.

He was half-sitting in his agitation, and I kept my eyes focused on his as I moved, putting my hand on his shoulder and pushing him back. He didn't resist, but I hated the melancholy, almost wistful look I saw on his face. There was no reason for him to be wistful, damn it. I wanted the same thing he did, and he sure as fuck was "good enough" for me.

I kept myself from rolling my eyes at that ludicrous thought, following as he lay flat on his back. My smile was shy as I climbed over him, settling my knees on either side of his hips.

"Bella…" If it was meant to be a protest or an admonition, it was weakened by the way his warm hands wrapped around my waist as his head lifted to meet mine.

Our kiss began slowly and sweetly, and I pulled back briefly to murmur, "I love you, Edward. You are the most patient…" I kissed his chin. "…caring…" His cheek. "…understanding man…" I nibbled his ear, smiling when I felt his fingers gripping me tighter. I continued lavishing him with well-deserved praise, my kisses growing less innocent as my body began to respond to the way his fingers caressed my ribs.

When our lips met again, he deepened the kiss at once, his tongue licking along my lower lip. I moaned softly, my hands moving to his hair just above his ears. One of his hands drifted up my back, his palm pressing against me firmly as he held me closer. I could feel his hard chest against mine, and the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around me made me squirm.

He loosened his grip at once, and I broke away just long enough to whisper, "No, don't stop," breathlessly as I tilted his chin up and kissed beneath his jaw. He moaned softly, my name tumbling from his lips as he shifted his hips. His right hand moved upward, lingering on my ribcage, where it paused.

I nodded, my hair falling over his face as I answered his unasked question, and he inhaled deeply before his fingers crept slowly upward. He took his time, his hand pressed against my side long enough for the heat of his skin to spread before he would finally move it another inch. Anticipation was building in my stomach, the funny fluttering growing stronger before I felt his thumb brush against the curve of my breast.

Inhaling sharply, I attacked his lips, kissing him furiously. I felt him smile before he returned my kiss just as eagerly. Thankfully, his hand seemed to be out of slow motion as he cupped my breast, his palm hot against my skin through my shirt as his thumb began to trace my nipple. Something deep within me clenched, and my hips moved automatically, rotating as I felt a surge of desire.

This was only the second time Edward had touched me this way, and I was surprised again by the intense reaction of my body. I didn't remember ever feeling that way before – my heart racing, my breath quickening as my body began to move of its own accord, seeking out some sort of relief.

In the back of my mind was an image of me pressed against the wall of a dusty warehouse while my hips writhed with someone else – someone whose hot breath poured over my neck. Involuntarily, I gave a little shake of my head, forcing the memory away.

No. Not him. It's not him.

I must not have paused because Edward – ever hyperaware of my every reaction – didn't stop, didn't pull away to see if I was okay. His lips were insistent on mine, his hand kneading my breast in the most amazing way as I threw myself back into our kiss with renewed fervor.

I lost myself in the feeling of him beneath me, breathing in his heady scent as I grew light-headed. Our lips moved flawlessly together, his teeth and tongue teasing me until I was moaning softly with every panting breath.

I didn't realize my hips were writhing until I felt Edward's arm wrap low around my waist, holding me even closer to him. I gasped when I felt his hard length pressed against that most sensitive part of my body, and we both froze.

I felt Edward's eyes on my face as I swallowed hard, my own eyes closed as I tried to will away all the memories that came flooding back to me – lying on top of James, his hands pulling me roughly as he ground his erection against me painfully; his teeth biting my shoulder too hard, leaving crescent-shaped bruises; the sting of his slap when I told him no.

"Bella? Bella!" The soft, panicked voice broke through my memories, and I took a shuddering breath, the fragrance of sandalwood and vanilla washing over me.

When I opened my eyes, Edward's face was blurry, distorted by the tears I'd been unaware of. His hands were on my face, caressing my cheekbones, and I saw him relax just slightly when my eyes found his. Awkwardly, he sat up, somehow shifting me so that I was cradled in his lap as he worked to soothe me. He whispered words of comfort mixed with apologies, and I clung to him, my head resting on his shoulder.

As my fear began to fade, my frustration built until I finally sat up straighter, pushing away as I angrily scrubbed my cheeks with the backs of my hands. I just wanted to fucking growl.

So I did.

"Bella?" Edward's question was tentative, and I heard the pain in his voice. I turned to look at him, my left hand finding his cheek as I rubbed his cheekbone gently, much as he had mine.

"Don't," I whispered when I saw that hesitant look in his malachite eyes that seemed now to be flecked with slate – the look that told me he was pulling away. "Please. Please don't quit on me."

He frowned, his forehead wrinkling, but his voice was a little stronger, a nearly angry edge hardening it. "I would never give up on you."

I swallowed. "But you're about to tell me that's enough for tonight…" When he didn't argue, I pushed him. "Aren't you?"

He ran his fingers through my hair tenderly, following a single lock of hair all the way to the tip, where he twisted it gently between his fingers. He watched it for a moment before he looked back up at me. "I just think…maybe it's for the best. Bella, love, you're trying so hard, and I just…I…" He sighed. "Do you think you're going too far, too fast?" His words stirred the frustration I was already feeling, giving it fuel until it grew to defiance.

I would not cower and hide and wait. Not anymore.

Edward was watching me with that familiar expression – patience and love and understanding…all those emotions I'd come to expect from him. I couldn't decide whether to smile or cry. In the end, I think I sort of grimaced, and he gave me a small smile in response, his thumb tracing my lower lip before he ducked his head and kissed me tenderly.

"Do you want to rest for awhile?" He was so close when he spoke that I could feel his breath wash over my lips, soft and sweet, and so utterly unlike anything I had ever known with that motherfucker James.

I can do this. I will do this.

"Not yet," I said softly and then cleared my throat. His eyes tightened at my answer, and a frown flickered across my face. "What is it?"

"You try so hard for me…I just wonder what it is that you want. We have time, Bella. You don't have to push yourself like this." As he finished, he kissed me softly, and there was such compassion in his voice that I nearly gave in. Now that his presence had calmed my racing heart, chasing away all vestiges of the asshole that had created the mess that was my emotional state – chasing them away for the moment, anyway – I felt tired, and it would have been so easy to curl up with him, cuddling with him and staying safe in his embrace. But "safe" wasn't all I wanted anymore. Not with him.

"Edward, this is what I want. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for you…all of this starting and stopping and never knowing what I'll be okay with and when. But, baby, I feel it, too – all of it. The frustration and the desire and the love and the need to just throw you down sometimes and..." I trailed off as I saw the grin spreading on his face. "What is it?"

He ducked his head, a faint blush on his cheeks as he looked at the quilt on my bed. "You just called me 'baby.'"

"I did?" I thought for a moment, feeling my eyebrows pulling together. "Oh, yeah, I did…" I grinned, biting my bottom lip as I shrugged. "I don't know where that came from, but I kind of like it."

"So do I," he said quietly, leaning over to kiss me, taking my bottom lip between his. When he pulled away, he sighed. "I get it, Bella…I do. I'm trying my best. I just don't know what to do sometimes, you know?"

I smiled, nodding slightly. "I do…I have the same problem, you know." I nudged his shoulder playfully. "We just have to talk about things, I think…make sure we don't assume we know what's going on with each other. And practice."

He arched an eyebrow at me, and I was so fucking relieved to see that teasing gleam start to reappear in his eyes. "Practice, hmm?" I nodded, and he wrapped his arms around me, kissing just in front of my ear as he murmured, "You're sure you don't want to sleep for awhile? You look so tired."

I shook my head, resting my forehead against his temple. "I have all the time in the world to sleep after you leave." I swallowed against the lump in my throat as his arms tightened around me.

I expected a protest of some sort, some comment about how I needed my rest, but there was none. After a moment of silence, I raised my head, looking at him, and his eyes were dark as he returned my gaze steadily. My expression must have been curious because he took a deep breath and then said, "Whatever you want, love."

"Really?" Even I could hear the surprise in my tone.

He nodded, kissing my forehead and then my lips, murmuring, "Always."

At that one word, I took advantage of his lips against mine, tangling my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck as I pulled him close and kissed him, my lips parting his. He moaned quietly, but I could feel the struggle within him as he tried to decide what it was I wanted. I whispered my plea, and there was no hesitation as he nodded, moving to lie down. His hands were on my waist as he started to help me on top of him once more, but I stayed where I was, shaking my head.

Confusion flickered across his features, and I tried to explain, my voice low. "I want to try this…I want to know how you feel…on me…"

I watched him swallow, his eyes steadily focused on mine, surprising me when he nodded. A smile flirted on my lips, and he moved to the edge of the bed as he gave me room to lie down and get comfortable. He stretched out beside me, his hand resting on my belly where my shirt had ridden up, his fingertips moving back and forth slowly along my flesh. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, biting my bottom lip. He leaned down, his tongue teasing the shell of my ear before he whispered, "Tell me what you want, Bella…I can't stand the thought of doing something wrong with you…"

In answer, I worked my arm beneath him, wrapping my arm around his waist as I rubbed his lower back. "Kiss me," I requested softly.

His lips curved into a smile before they met mine, and I knew that – despite any reservations and worries and whatever the fuck else both of us had – he was letting go, just as I was. Our kisses were slow and soft at first, building in intensity as we turned toward each other. His knee slipped between mine, his hand on my lower back pulling me closer so that our bodies were flush. His chest was warm against my breasts, making me moan quietly.

Our hands begin to roam, exploring each others' bodies as our kisses became feverish. I felt his fingertips massaging my thigh just above my knee before his grip suddenly tightened when I took his earlobe between my teeth and bit down lightly. A muted, "Fuck," tumbled from his lips, making me smile and bite again, just a little harder. He gave a quiet, playful growl and buried his face in my neck, kissing and sucking as I suddenly realized I needed more.

I tugged on his shirt and rolled onto my back, urging him to come with me. He paused for just a second, his entire body growing still before he exhaled once and then moved with me. His eyes sought mine, gauging my reaction as he gradually moved to lie on top of me. For every inch he shifted, he made some calming gesture - the back of his hand brushing my cheek, a gentle kiss placed on my lips, his thumb rubbing my hip.

He hovered above me, his body stretched out uncomfortably as he supported his weight on his hands, which pressed into the mattress on either side of my shoulders, and his knees, which were just between mine. He lowered his upper body to place loving kisses on my lips, and my heart swelled at the care he was taking with me – but that wasn't all I needed. My hands had been hovering near his hips as I let him do this his way, but now I slipped them around his waist, tightening my grip as I lifted my chin to kiss him.

He carefully bent his arms, letting me feel his weight gradually. He was still tense, nervous, licking his lips as his eyes stayed focused on mine. When his hips settled between mine, my legs were forced to spread farther apart, my knees lying flat against the mattress. I shifted my shoulders, trying to lift my head, but my hair was caught underneath.

Edward gave a tentative smile and reached up to gingerly help free my hair, and the cautiousness of his gesture reminded me so much of the way we'd danced around each other in the beginning. I sighed, not wanting to see us go back to that place even while I appreciated the way he always took care of me.

Watching him – seeing that indecisive look in his eyes - I bit my bottom lip as I realized that he seemed…stuck, almost. Unable to push past this point in our physical relationship. He was afraid.

I took a deep breath, the weight of him pressing against my chest and making it difficult to fully fill my lungs. He started to pull away, but I shook my head and smiled at him. "I'm fine," I murmured. "Promise. Are you…?"

I appreciated the way he paused for a moment, studying my face as he thought. When he finally nodded, matching smiles spread on both our faces as I bit my bottom lip, suddenly shy as I rubbed my hands slowly up and down his back. He began to relax under my touch, his body settling more heavily on mine, and the power I had over him - even at that moment, while he was so physically in control – bolstered my confidence…and my resolve.

My right hand slid up his back, coming to rest on the nape of his neck as I urged him closer. "Come here…" I whispered, and he shifted upward so that his lips met mine.

Our kisses at first were timid and light – awkward, even; gone was the passion of moments earlier as we tried to adjust to this change in our physical dynamic. One of Edward's legs had occasionally been thrown across mine as he was stretched out against my side, his arm thrown over my waist, but never had he been here – there was no mistaking where he was lying or the way our bodies were fitted together.

As completely prosaic as it was to be thinking about at a time when I had a fucking gorgeous man lying on top of me in bed kissing me, part of my mind was focused, preparing myself for what I would soon feel. All it would take would be Edward adjusting another inch or two upward, and I knew I would feel his arousal just as I had before. I was determined to be prepared this time, not to be caught off guard by the unexpected sensation.

Because of the way my mind was divided, I had a hard time throwing myself into the experience, and I found my movements were a little stilted and stiff, my hands not moving fluidly as they stayed tangled in his hair just a bit longer than was natural. When I caught myself trying to act more normal, that just made it worse, and soon, even the pattern of my breathing was off.

Fucking hell, Bella. Get a grip.

I took a breath to steady myself before focusing on just the little things: the masculine scent that was purely Edward beneath the warm mask of sandalwood; the tiny little noise he made whenever we kissed – it was part moan, part whimper, but all Edward as his voice came through; the way his stubble scratched at the edges of my lips.

A smile pulled at my lips, but I was too busy relishing Edward's taste and the way his tongue brushed against mine while his teeth gently grazed it. Finally losing myself in that wonderful place with him, I worked in the new sensations like the weight of his hips on my inner thighs, stretching them just past the point of comfort so that I knew I would be sore in the morning. I welcomed that little bit of discomfort, knowing it would be a more tangible reminder of the time we spent together.

Edward gave a low moan and pressed his toes into the mattress, pushing himself up my body as he deepened our kiss. My heard pounded in my chest when I felt his hardness once more. My mind had shielded itself somewhat, though, and I was ready. Instead of panicking, I turned my attention to the sensation, surprised to realize that it felt…good. Really fucking good.

Holy shit.

The flighty feeling in my chest didn't seem to have anything to do with fear this time, and I was shocked to hear myself give a needy whimper. Edward's lips left mine, his breathing heavy as he moved to kiss my throat. His lips left a trail from the pulse point below my ear all the way to my collarbone, following the heated line of my vein. One of his arms slipped beneath my upper back as the other reached for the neck of my shirt. His blunt fingernails scratched me lightly as he pulled the fabric down, exposing my skin. He licked at my collarbone, his breathless voice murmuring, "Fuck, you taste so good…"

I shivered at the sound of his words, his voice deep and husky and awakening desire in me in a way I had long forgotten. My legs wrapped around his hips, my ankles crossing as I moaned when his hard-on pressed against that sensitive juncture between my thighs. I squeezed him, my legs tightening around him as my hips lifted from the bed to meet his.

He raised his head, his chest heaving with his laborious breathing. His eyes found mine, the desire I saw in them making me squirm. When my hips shifted, I brushed against him, and he lifted his chin higher, his lips parting as he gave a breathy moan. I watched as his eyes rolled back in his head just before they drifted closed, and his hips moved against mine in response.

My hands tightened on his back, my fingertips digging into him as my breathing stuttered. His eyes opened at once, a flash of panic on his face before he saw the expression on mine. He smiled then, a gentle curve of his still-parted lips as his tongue moistened the bottom one. Hesitantly, he rocked his hips again, so gently that I almost couldn't tell, but the jolt of pleasure the movement sent through me made my eyes flutter closed as I inhaled shakily.

My body was rocked slightly as he adjusted his arms, moving his forearms beneath my shoulder blades as his hands gripped my shoulders. His warm lips were on me then, tender kisses brushing along my jaw and my chin, flitting over my lips and tracing my cheekbones. Finally, he placed a searing kiss on my lips, and I returned it eagerly, feeling an all-consuming desire – a need – for this man.

My breathing sped as he broke our kiss, and I felt torn – wanting both to watch that awed expression in his eyes and pull him back to taste his lips on mine again. His forehead was resting against mine as our panting breaths mingled between us, adding to the heat coursing through my body.

He pulled his head back just slightly, his dark emerald eyes intent on mine as he began thrusting his hips rhythmically. He moved so excruciatingly slowly at first, but when I gave a quiet moan in response as my brow furrowed, he smiled, ducking his head to kiss me once more. He lifted his head, his voice barely audible as he whispered, "Does that feel good?"

I couldn't even speak, biting my bottom lip and nodding my head in response. My eyes closed once more, my head turning to the side as I lifted my hips to meet his. I was sure I had never felt like this before – never felt the way my pulse was pounding between my legs, every brush of his hips sending a heated rush of pleasure that spread through my veins, making my entire body more sensitive.

I felt his lips on my ear, his teeth nibbling on the lobe as he began to move faster, and I turned my face back to his, swallowing as I felt a sudden urge to see him. The lump in my throat and the tears welling in my eyes had nothing to do with sadness – on the contrary, I couldn't remember a time I'd felt more elated.

Never since James had I been in a position like this one – not even close.

And never in my life had I felt so empowered and so vulnerable all at once.

Edward looked into my eyes, and I saw him swallow hard as his hips stilled. He opened his mouth to speak, but I shook my head, kissing him gently as I cleared my throat. "I'm fine," I said quietly, "Perfect, actually…I just…" My hands moved away from his shoulders, drifting down his back to his hips. I lifted my hips slightly, nodding when he carefully moved once more. "I just…I love you so damn much, and I can't find the words I need-" My voice broke off as I swallowed, shaking my head again as I smiled at him apologetically.

He kissed me, his lips lingering against mine as he whispered, "I know, love…I know…I don't have the words for what you mean to me either."

My shoulders shook as I tried to control my breathing, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and holding him close for a moment. I kissed him everywhere I could reach – tasting the salt of his skin as my lips brushed his neck. I smiled when I realized he was doing the same, his fingers caressing my cheek as he kissed my neck. I calmed almost immediately, relaxing in the knowledge that everything was right in my world.

His lips made their way to mine, and we kissed slowly, tenderly, before he lifted his head. We watched each other, our eyes exploring the other's face as our bodies moved in sync. The burning desperation had calmed, replaced by a steady passion as we shared small smiles and soft kisses.

Eventually, our bodies stilled, our kisses growing chaste as we expressed our love for each other. The words were not uttered again that night as we let our gestures speak for themselves.

Edward's eyes were dark, the circles beneath them a deep purple that made me worry as I traced them with my fingertip, realizing that he had to drive over four hours before this night was over. When I suggested an actual nap, he didn't protest, smiling at me sweetly as he kissed my nose. Glancing at the clock, I realized we had just over two hours before he needed to get ready to leave, and I wanted him to get the best sleep possible.

I shyly suggested that he take his jeans off so he would be more comfortable, and he shook his head, saying he'd be fine. "Don't be silly," I said, biting my bottom lip as I unbuttoned my jeans. His eyes widened when I began lowering the zipper. "I'm going to be comfortable…so you might as well be, too."

He glanced away, not looking at me as he unbuttoned his pants and let them drop to the floor. After setting the alarm on his phone, he crawled into bed beside me and turned off the lamp, and we were a tangle of limbs beneath the covers, already heated from the time we'd spent lying on top of them. We were facing each other, and he wrapped me up in his arms, my cheek pressing against his chest as the evidence of his desire was still brushing against my abdomen. I really felt for him, wishing that we were at a point where I could help him, but his hands gently stroking my hair helped drive those thoughts away, leaving me with only contentment as I drifted off to sleep in his arms.

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A/N: The version of "The Long and Winding Road" that Edward plays is available from a link on the right. I'm kind of obsessed.