A/N: Still don't own them. Damn it all.
Also don't own MST3K or any other awesomeness mentioned.
Oh, and Space Mutiny is for enterprisealien and everyone else who shares my love for all things MST3K.
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EPOV
I was beyond exhausted, yet I couldn't help but smile stupidly every time I glanced over at Bella sitting at the other end of the couch. Neither of us had gotten up in hours. Our beer bottles were sitting empty on the floor, and I could tell my muscles would ache from the inactivity when I finally moved.
It would be well worth it.
Bella yawned lightly, her eyes still trained on the TV with a silly grin on her face. I'd lost track of which particular movie we were on now, but she had been absolutely right – this shit was hilarious.
When I could pay attention to it.
I'd spent most of the night surreptitiously glancing at Bella, smiling whenever she giggled at the movie. I'd thought I was attracted to her when I saw her approaching me at Alice's side at the movie theater. I'd believed I was smitten with her when I stood in line at the concession stand talking to her about books.
That was nothing compared to how I'd felt since then. I now knew I was without a doubt attracted and smitten and enchanted and enamored. All with a girl I'd known for less than twelve hours.
And I couldn't even hint that I was any of those things, or it would all be over. I'd have to leave, possibly to never see her again.
It was maddening.
I fought the urge to sigh, afraid she would take it as boredom.
Unfortunately, I was starting to hit that point where my eyes were closing of their own accord, and I kept blinking rapidly. I really would have to leave soon or risk passing out on her couch. Not that I would object to staying with Bella longer, but somehow, I didn't think that sleeping here would go well with the whole don't-let-her-know-how-I-feel thing. Especially since I wouldn't be able to control certain…reactions of my body that had been betraying me all night.
I blinked slowly as I heard Jasper's door opening down the hall. I glanced at the clock on the mantle, startled to realize that I'd actually known Bella over twelve hours – it was 8:00 a.m.
Jasper wandered into the living room, bleary-eyed and yawning. He scratched the back of his head and grinned at Bella.
"What are you still doing awake, Miss Swan?" he teased, his voice thick with sleep. "Don't you know it's improper to have a gentleman caller at this hour?"
Bella rolled her eyes and threw a pillow at him, laughing. Jasper dodged it and darted at her, tickling her and making her squeal.
I fought hard to keep the frown off my face. It was stupid to be upset that he was touching her - she didn't belong to me. I still wanted to jump up and pull him off of her. I seemed to be fighting my instincts a lot tonight. Today?
He flopped down on the couch between us, smiling at me before throwing his head back on the back of the sofa and sighing.
"Why the fuck am I up at 8:00 to go to a fashion show?!" he groaned.
"Because you love Alice, and you want to marry her," Bella teased in a singsong voice.
Jasper didn't answer. He just sat staring at the ceiling - and he was blushing, I noted with a grin. Maybe he really is as crazy about Ali as she is about him. The thought gave me hope.
Finally lifting his head, Jasper studied the TV just as the end credits started to roll. "One of the Mike ones? Space Mutiny?" he asked, and Bella nodded.
"We've watched…" Bella trailed off and glanced at me. "God, I don't even remember any more." She giggled, a little dazed and confused from her lack of sleep.
She is so fucking adorable.
"We've watched a lot though. I think I hit the major stuff." Bella pulled her hair down out of its messy bun, letting it fall over her shoulders as she ran her fingers through it. I tried not to stare as she stretched both arms over her head, arching her back.
We all sat in comfortable silence for a minute before Jasper groaned and heaved himself up off the couch. "I better go get a shower. Don't want to be late…you know how well Alice handles that."
Bella grinned and nodded at him.
As he was heading back down the hall, he glanced over his shoulder and said, "Trumpy, you can do magic things!"
Bella promptly answered, "It's called evil, kid."
Then her eyes flew wide, and she said, "Fuck!"
I blinked, confused as to what the problem was. My brain seemed to be fuzzy – whether from the lack of sleep or Bella's proximity or a combination of the two, I wasn't sure.
"Dammit, you haven't seen Pod People yet!" she grumbled and thought for a minute. "Well, I guess you'll just have to come back! There's no way I can make it through another one right now." She smiled apologetically and then bit her bottom lip gently, suddenly looking shy. "That is…if you want to."
She blushed and looked down.
If I want to come back? As if there's any question…?
Instead of gaping incredulously, I just smiled and said, "Sounds good to me – you were right; this stuff is hilarious."
She smiled, still biting her bottom lip, and I stared for a moment before I realized that that was a really bad idea. I shook myself, and I knew that with the way my brain was fading in and out, I'd say or do something I would regret if I stayed any longer.
So I stood, stretching my arms over my head as I twisted this way and that, working out the kinks in my muscles that had nearly petrified from sitting still so long. With a groan, I lowered my arms and glanced down at Bella, who was just standing a little unsteadily. Her movements were stilted and a little clumsy from her exhaustion, and it made me smile. I wanted to reach out and steady her, but I kept my hands carefully at my side.
"I guess I really should be getting home," I said, trying to keep the reluctance out of my voice.
She looked…petulant, almost, at my words, and I smiled in response.
"Whenever you decide you're up for more MST3K, just let me know," she answered, grinning with a very faint blush across her cheekbones.
"I'll definitely take you up on that." Silently, I wondered how long I'd have to wait before I could see her again so that it would seem casual and friendly. "Thanks for inviting me over. It was a lot of fun." That seemed like the understatement of the year. It was more than fun – it was fantastic, amazing, intoxicating…just being in her presence.
"Thanks for coming," Bella smiled genuinely and started walking toward the hall. Once there, she paused and motioned me ahead of her. We walked silently to the front door. I opened it and stepped outside into the bright morning sunshine. For once, it wasn't cloudy or foggy, and the glare actually hurt my eyes. I turned back to say goodbye, and I saw Bella leaning against the door frame, a sleepy smile on her face.
I have never seen anything more beautiful. She is a Bella in truth.
It took everything I had not to reach out and touch her – squeeze her hand, hug her…
Kiss her… a small voice added.
Not helping.
The night had been so easy and comfortable, but there was a weirdness now as we tried to say goodbye. I wondered if Bella might possibly want me to stay as much as I wanted to, but I knew that this was all one-sided. It had to be.
Finally, I sighed and said, "Well, I guess I can get your number from Alice? For the MST3K, I mean?" Ugh, stupid ass…
Bella just smiled and nodded, yawning lightly as she pushed herself away from the door. "It was really nice to meet you, Edward," she said, and something in me fluttered when she said my name. I just loved the way it sounded coming from her.
I am such a girl. Maybe I should go for Emmett after all. I mentally snickered, and I'm sure I smirked as well.
I softened my smile and said, "It was really nice to meet you too, Bella. I'm sorry I kept you up so late…go get some rest."
"I had fun, and I think it's more like I kept you up." You have no idea, I thought.
She smiled softly and bit her bottom lip, once again causing my eyes to focus on her lips, where they should not be. I sighed quietly and waved, turning to walk to my car.
As I buckled my seatbelt and turned the key, I noticed Bella was still standing in the doorway, watching me. The sight of her there made me a little giddy, and I waved again before backing out.
I flipped through my CDs, finding the same one I'd heard her listening to from Jasper's car last night. As "Them Bones" blasted through the speakers, I let my thoughts drift back to last night, reliving every moment with a quiet smile.
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I pulled up to the theater just before 7:30. Alice always lays into me if I'm late, and I really didn't feel like a fight tonight. I started scanning the faces of the people milling about on the sidewalk, looking for Alice.
"Edward?" I heard a male voice call my name, and my head turned automatically. I saw my sister's boyfriend, Jasper, walking toward me with a smile. I'd never actually met Jasper, but Alice had shown me countless pictures of her gorgeous, amazing, perfect boyfriend – and obviously, she must have shown him pictures of me.
I smiled and stepped toward him, holding out my hand. "Jasper? It's nice to meet you. Alice has told me so much about you."
More like she won't shut the fuck up about you. I smirked to myself.
Jasper shook my hand, and I noticed he was alone. "Where are the girls?" I asked.
Jasper grinned. "Oh, I told them I'd have to meet them here. I had to work late. They should be here by now, but Alice is spending the afternoon 'helping' Bella get ready." Jasper had a mischievous gleam in his eyes, and I had to chuckle. Poor Bella. Alice used to try that shit on me.
We talked for a few minutes more, and I was surprised and happy to note that he was both easy to talk to and interesting. Some of Alice's boyfriends in the past had been neither.
I glanced to the left and spotted Alice, smiling at her as she skipped toward us. Realizing this Bella should be close, I let my eyes continue roaming, and they fell on the girl holding Alice's hand and walking toward us with a smile.
Oh. My…
Fuck.
My mind blanked for a second as I tried to take in the sight of Bella, and I'm sure I was staring like an idiot, but I honestly couldn't help myself. She was…stunning. There was no other word. Alice had done her a disservice by calling her pretty.
My body reacted instantly, and I was so relieved I'd left my shirt untucked. Otherwise, my reaction would have been…painfully obvious to everyone. As it was, it was only painful to me, straining against the fabric of my jeans.
I noticed her face fall as I just stared, and I dimly wondered what that was about, but I couldn't control the slow, wide smile that spread on my lips. My cheeks ached with the effort, and I couldn't tear my eyes away until I heard Jasper's low voice say, "Damn, Bells!" before he whistled.
Bella hit Jasper, muttering something and reminding me instantly that this was Bella, the one Alice had talked to me about so much. I had to keep that in mind, remind myself that I couldn't just fawn over her and treat her like a girl I was interested in. I had to be careful with Bella.
And take what I can get.
Bella raised her voice, saying, "Sorry we're late…blame Tinkerbell here." And I burst out laughing. The name was too perfect! I'd gotten in trouble all the time as a kid because I teased Alice, calling her a pixie. She hated it, and she went blabbing to Mom every time. But there was nothing she could do to Bella. Ha.
Fuck! There was still something she could do to me, though. Alice pinched the shit out of me, and I twisted away, still laughing as I cursed.
I tried to control myself. I really did. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Alice hugging Jasper, and Bella was watching them. She had the sweetest smile on her face, though she looked a little melancholy too, and I wanted to ask her why. I knew I should look at them too, but I…couldn't. It was like I was physically incapable of looking away from Bella for more than a second.
Bella noticed me watching her and blushed, heightening her beauty even further.
I'm really going to have to get that under control, or I'm going to fuck everything up. Alice would never speak to me again.
And…neither would Bella.
That thought sobered me up quickly, and I resolved to stop staring, stop thinking of Bella as anything more than Jasper's roommate and Alice's friend.
Yeah, that lasted five seconds.
Right up until Jasper said, "Bells, this is Alice's brother Edward – Edward, my best friend Bella."
She stepped toward me, hand outstretched. Beautiful, I thought.
Only I didn't just think it.
Oh fucking hell, I did not just say that shit, did I?
You sure as fuck did. Nice move, jackass.
I watched, horrified, as Bella's had dropped and the smile slid from her face. "What?" she said flatly.
My brain scrambled, trying to find the words that would make this okay. I could not ruin this evening. "Oh ah, I was just saying 'Bella' means 'beautiful', right? In Italian?" So smooth, I berated myself.
It just got worse, as Bella blushed furiously and finally said, "I guess it's a good thing my parents named me Isabella then – would hate to misrepresent 'Bella'."
I groaned internally, frustrated with myself for making her so uncomfortable. I shot an apologetic look to Alice, who was frowning at me.
Deciding maybe it would help if I didn't actually look at Bella, I turned my attention to Jasper, who said, "So Alice tells me you're in med school?" He glanced at Bella, and I could tell he was worried about how she was handling all of this. It just made me feel like an even bigger asshole, and I resolved not to make any more mistakes tonight.
"Yeah, I go to the University of Washington School of Medicine," I smiled at Jasper, carefully keeping my eyes away from Bella's face.
"Have any ideas about your specialty yet?" he asked, weaving his fingers through Alice's. I had to grin when I noticed that she was so short, she had to reach up to hold his hand.
Noticing these little things helped clear my mind, giving me a much needed reprieve. I shook my head, saying, "Not really. I'm considering sports medicine, but I haven't made a decision yet."
"That's cool," Jasper answered. "I think it would probably be a lot more interesting than, say, podiatry." He smirked. "Bella and I are both TAs at U Dub."
Fucking A.
As soon as he said her name, my eyes involuntarily slid to Bella and once again froze there. She jumped and blushed, and I winced internally, wondering if it was because I kept staring at her.
I'm such a monster. I can't even manage to not leer at a girl when I know she has problems with men.
But then she smiled genuinely and said, "I work in the English department, and Jasper's a history buff."
She liked literature? Hell. She really was sent here to torment me. Oh, look, Edward! Everything you want, plus the things you didn't know to ask for…but you can't touch!
I repressed a sigh. With a Herculean effort, I pushed all of that shit to the side and truly resolved to focus only on what Bella was saying, and not on what she made me feel. The feelings were just so strong, so hard to ignore – it had been so long since I'd felt anything even close to this.
"English, huh?" I smiled. "I'm an avid reader myself. Is there a particular period you're interested in?"
Something in her seemed to relax finally, and when Bella spoke again, it was by far the most I'd heard her say at once. She was animated and at ease, and she was really almost babbling. "Well, I was always focused on the English Renaissance – particularly John Donne – but Dr. Hendricks recently turned me on to William Faulkner, and now I have this strange fascination with Southern Lit and American Studies too. My thesis is on Donne's treatment of women, though – even though some of his poems seem to have misogynistic themes, I really think he gets a bad rap that he doesn't deserve…well, doesn't always deserve anyway."
Before I could stop myself, I heard the words spill from my mouth. "Twice or thrice had I loved thee, before I knew thy face or name."
Good fucking god. I really was intent on just fucking up tonight. How could I quote a poem about love to Bella?
Confirming my fears that I'd messed up yet again, Bella just stared at me blankly. I panicked, unsure if she was blank because I was wrong and Donne didn't write that poem, or if I'd made her so uncomfortable that she didn't even know what to say.
I asked, "That's him, right? I was sure he wrote 'Air and Angels'…" and tried to remember, desperate to figure out if I'd offended her or if I was just an idiot.
You're a fucking idiot either way.
True.
She stared at me a beat longer and was about to speak when Alice whined about missing the previews. I sighed and turned to follow Alice, at a loss as to how to fix this in the theater where we couldn't even talk. Of course, it was turning out to be better when I didn't talk. I felt…dejected.
I heard Bella say she was going to get popcorn and smiled when I heard her threaten Jasper. I realized I'd stopped and was standing on the sidewalk while Alice and Jasper continued inside without ever having made a conscious decision to stay.
Bella turned, saw I was standing there, and smiled up at me, saying, "What about you? Want me to get you anything?" I noticed she sounded more comfortable all of a sudden and, while I wondered what caused the change, I was thankful.
"I'll come with you," I said, anxious to try to form some semblance of a normal friendship with Bella.
Since that's all I can have, a part of me moped internally.
A smile fluttered at Bella's lips and she turned to move inside. My hand rose of its own accord, and I nearly put it on the small of her back before I caught myself, my eyes flying wide. I stepped away from her quickly and carefully, not trusting myself to stay close and not touch her.
As we moved into the line, she turned to talk to me, asking me about my interest in John Donne. This was a subject that was easy for me to talk about, and thankfully, it kept my mind occupied. Before long, I was talking to Bella comfortably, our conversation absorbing my attention entirely – which was both good and bad. Good because it meant I didn't have to force myself as much to keep my mind on the topic and not on Bella's face…bad because it meant that I kept unconsciously trying to reach out and touch her. It almost seemed as if Bella were having the same problem, but I was sure that was just wishful thinking on my part.
I was amazed at how well-read Bella was. She wove Greek gods, William Blake, Neil Gaiman, and Jane Austen into a coherent conversation, tying everything together with unique, sometimes stunning, observations that both gave me pause and stimulated new avenues of thought for me. She blew me away.
I found myself talking to her about my fascination with the metaphysical philosophy of John Donne. As a teenager, I had been drawn to his more profane, racy works, but as I grew, my understanding of his other poems had grown as well, and I'd truly developed an interest in him as a person. John Milton was definitely my favorite figure of the Renaissance, though, and we debated the merits of each for awhile.
I was pleased to see that Bella seemed relaxed and smiled a lot, but she would occasionally cringe away if I – or someone else in line – got too close. She looked around constantly, and I wasn't even sure if she was aware she did either. I felt a slow, burning anger at whatever had caused this caution in her.
There was only one pause in our conversation in line. We were discussing Kurt Vonnegut, and I was explaining to her why I thought that Sirens of Titan was a much better novel than Slaughterhouse-Five when she suddenly just…froze. And her face fell.
I waited for her to speak, trying to figure out what in the world could be so sad about either book. Finally unable to take not knowing what she was thinking, I asked, as softly as I could, "What's wrong, Bella?"
She blinked, and stammered that it was nothing and that she'd just spaced – I didn't buy it. At all. But she didn't say anything more, just turned to the counter to place her order. I started to pull out my wallet, my mind lost in thoughts of what could be wrong with her, when I frowned, realizing that I was not on a date with Bella, and paying for her snack probably wouldn't go over well. So I put my wallet back with a sigh.
I stepped up and ordered a Coke for myself – more to make Bella comfortable than anything else. Once I'd paid for it, I picked up both our drinks – Friends can do that, right? - and smiled down at her, saying, "Shall we?"
She motioned for me to go first, so I led the way to the theater, stopping to hold the door open for her with my foot. Once inside, she found Jasper and Alice. I wanted to leave the seating arrangements to her, though part of me was hoping she would ask me to sit beside her. It was silly and sort of elementary school-ish. And it was also futile.
She made her way to Jasper and sat down, simply taking her drink from me with a smile. I returned the smile and made my way around to sit by Alice.
Alice had been allowed to choose the movie, and I groaned internally, knowing it would be bad. I settled back in my seat, letting my mind wander, as I watched the pictures flash across the screen.
I noticed after awhile that I kept hearing Bella laugh at really strange parts. The rest of the theater would be silent, and she'd be giggling like something was hilarious. I glanced over, wondering if maybe she'd snuck an iPod in and was watching something else, but her eyes were trained on the screen, her hand holding popcorn paused halfway to her mouth as she laughed.
After a little while, Jasper began laughing at the same parts she was, and I was amused, trying to figure out what was so funny to the two of them. I was even more amused to realize that Alice was growing livid. Her hands were balling into tiny fists, and she occasionally flashed a glare toward Bella and Jasper.
Just when I thought Alice was about to hiss at them, I heard a loud -smack-, and Bella's voice said, "Back off my popcorn, bitch! I told you to get your own!" That did it for me, and I burst out laughing. Alice unleashed her full fairy fury on me, hitting me with all the expertise of a little sister with years of practice. I kept snickering, though, unable to stop the laughter, especially when Bella snorted.
I managed to calm myself enough to get Alice off my back, and I decided to figure out what, exactly, Bella and Jasper were laughing at. I never did quite get it, but I did begin anticipating what would set them off. It seemed to be the more inane lines and the technical problems with the movie. Before long, I was laughing with them.
When the movie ended, we all stood and followed Bella out. I noticed that even though it was Jasper following her, she kept glancing over her shoulder. Her eyes seemed to be slightly panicked. I frowned to myself, wondering if I had made her uncomfortable earlier by making her lead the way to our seats.
I was still lost in these dark thoughts as we exited the theater. Bella stopped under the awning and turned, her hands jammed in her pockets. It was really cold out now, and I mentally cursed Alice for putting her in that thin, short sleeved blouse. I wished my coat wasn't in the car, and I wished even more that I would be able to offer it to her if I had it. I jammed my own hands in my pockets and scowled.
Jasper wrapped his arms around Alice, keeping her warm, and the sight made me more frustrated. Bella shivered as she asked, "So what's the plan now, Tink?"
I half-smiled, knowing Alice was always one to drag people around all night, doing whatever struck her fancy. She let me down, though, when she said she had to work early the next day and would be going home to go to bed. I did notice that Bella's face fell slightly, and a part of me rejoiced that I had at least not been so horrible that she was ready to run away.
Still, knowing Alice was leaving meant I would have to leave Bella already. I knew she wouldn't want to be around me without a group, so she and Jasper would probably head home to play their game or whatever. I was disappointed.
Bella began teasing Alice about the horrible movie we'd just seen, and I had the satisfaction of watching Bella's eyes pop when Jasper tried to defend it. But then she said something I didn't understand at all.
In an incredulous voice, Bella said, "Oh come on, Jazz! That was worthy of Tom Servo, and you know it!"
Who the hell is Tom Servo?
Jasper already knew, and I was frustrated again by the level of comfort and familiarity between the two of them. I didn't have a problem with their being friends, but I wanted to know Bella as well. I wanted her to be comfortable around me, too.
Grumbling to myself, I heard Jasper say, ""You know, that movie was strong enough for a Manos."
And Bella answered, "But made for a Womanos."
They were making no sense at all, and I exchanged a bewildered look with Alice, who shrugged her small shoulders and frowned up at Jasper.
Bella raised her eyebrows at Jasper and berated him for not educating Alice on something called Mystery Science Theater 3000. It sounded like a bad B-movie.
I didn't quite follow what was going on, but my ears perked up when I heard Bella say, "It's too bad you have to work in the morning, Alice, or I would drag your sorry asses back to our apartment right now for an education."
Here's your chance, dumbass!
Yeah, but…what if she…doesn't want me around?
Well, that's her decision…but you need to stop being such a pussy and just put yourself out there.
I quickly decided the worst she could do is say no or that we'd wait for another time when Alice could be there, so I cleared my throat and in a quiet voice, I spoke up. "Well, I'm up for it."
I waited, holding my breath, as I looked down at the ground, waiting for her answer. When she finally spoke, my heart was pounding in my ribcage. "Sounds good to me," was all she said.
I chanced looking up at her to find she was watching me with a slightly confused expression. Then I noticed that Jasper and Alice were staring at us, gaping, like they had just witnessed a man giving birth or something equally as earth-shattering.
I rolled my eyes and glanced at Bella, surprised and happy to see that she was giving me a small, understanding smile. I returned it.
See, she gets it.
After holding my gaze for a moment, Bella shivered and said, "Damn, I'm freezing my ass off out here. What would possess you to dress me in short sleeves in October, Tink? Give me your keys, Jazz. I'm going to sit in the car."
She bit her bottom lip and looked up at me shyly. "Umm…you can follow us to our apartment, Edward?"
I winced internally at the question in her voice. Maybe she'd just been too polite to turn me down when I said I'd go with her. But I was too selfish to back out now just to make her more comfortable.
"Sounds good," I answered, and I cursed myself for not being stronger.
I watched her snatch Jasper's keys from his hand and stalk off. She slammed the door, and I nearly told Jasper to tell Bella I was tired and going home, and we could do this some other time.
As I was standing there, anguished and trying to do the right thing, I saw Bella smile to herself, and a part of me relaxed. I heard something blaring through the speakers, and I finally realized it was "Them Bones."
Damn, she likes Alice in Chains?
She is so perfect. My inner girl was showing.
I felt claws digging in to my forearm and looked down to see Alice pulling at me, dragging me to the side. Her face was furious.
"Edward!" she hissed. "What are you doing?"
I frowned down at her. "I'm going to hang out with Bella and Jasper and figure out this MST3K stuff. Why? What's your problem?"
"I already told you! You can't just…just…treat Bella…" she sputtered, too angry to form coherent sentences.
"What? Just treat Bella…like a friend? Like someone I want to hang out with?" I smirked down at her. "Ali, you're being ridiculous."
"Oh, I'm being ridiculous, am I?" She peered up at me, and her gray eyes grew wide and caring. "Edward…please…just please promise me you won't do anything stupid…"
"Alice," my voice held a hint of reproach. "Look, this is me. I don't date, and neither does Bella. I would never hurt her. If you weren't working so early, we would both be going back over there to hang out with Bella and Jasper. There's nothing else going on here. I like both of them. You were right – Jasper's cool and Bella's smart and funny and easy to talk to."
And beautiful…
I wisely kept that part to myself.
Alice peered up at me, a slight frown to her lips. "You didn't promise," she accused.
I sighed. "Alice, I promise I won't do anything stupid."
On purpose, I amended to myself.
"Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get out of this freezing rain," I started to walk away, but she stopped me with a gentle hand on my arm.
"Please, Edward…I love her," she said.
I looked down at her, exasperated, and I had to chuckle at her expression. "I'll keep that in mind," I promised. I shook my head and walked away, going to my car.
I waited while Jasper and Alice said goodbye, taking the time to examine how they acted together. As I thought through the night, I was relieved to note that there was no sexual tension whatsoever between Bella and Jasper.
Though there's plenty between Jasper and Alice. Ugh, gross.
Finally, the two of them managed to get their hands off each other, and I smiled as Jasper walked Alice to her car, making sure she was safely inside before he waved and headed back over to his own car with Bella inside. They pulled away, and I followed.
As I drove, I watched them in the glow of my headlights. They carried on an enthusiastic conversation, and I noticed that Bella talked with her hands a lot. She also hit Jasper. A lot. I didn't know if this was something Bella did often, or just something she did to Jasper often.
I wondered what it would be like to have Bella be so carefree with me. Able to touch me and talk to me and smile at me…
I sighed with longing.
We pulled up at the apartment, and Bella and Jasper went inside as I was parking. I headed to the door, nervous and more than a little excited that I would be spending more time with Bella. I wondered if Jasper would be staying up with us. I knew it would make Bella more comfortable, but a large part of me felt…possessive. I wanted her to myself.
When I knocked, it was Jasper who answered, flashing me a smile as he led me into the kitchen. He asked if I wanted something to drink, and we were both just opening our beers when I heard Bella's voice sing, "Can you get me one of those?"
I turned around, a smile on my face, and then I…froze. Completely and utterly still. I don't think I was even breathing.
The sight that greeted me was without a doubt the most beautiful I'd ever seen. I mean, in theory, it was just a girl in pajamas. In reality…
Fucking. Hell.
Bella was wearing plaid flannel pants, and her hair was thrown up into a messy bun at the base of her neck. She'd scrubbed her face, leaving her cheeks a light pink, and I was mesmerized by the way her chocolate eyes were even more enchanting than they had been with Alice's makeup. Her neck was slender, and I felt an almost irresistible urge to run my lips along it, inhaling the intoxicating scent of freesia she suddenly carried. She looked so delicious.
But her shirt…her shirt might be the sexiest fucking thing I'd ever seen in my life. It was a thin dark gray T-shirt with long lighter gray sleeves, and it clung to her, revealing every curve. But the best part was - it was an old Uncanny X-Men shirt. Seeing this stunningly beautiful creature in a superhero shirt nearly did me in, and I was glad for the second time that night that my own shirt was untucked to hide my sudden not-so-little problem.
Bella likes comics! The little boy in me was giddy with my luck. I couldn't wait to talk to her about comic books. They'd always been a guilty pleasure of mine, one that neither Alice nor Emmett understood. I had quite a collection, and it seemed that this might be something else Bella and I had in common.
As Jasper handed Bella her beer, and she mumbled her thanks and looked down, I blinked and forced my eyes to the floor. My body was revolting against my mind, screaming at me to go to Bella, take her in my arms, and kiss her senseless. I took a shaky breath, keeping my distance, and was nearly undone when I heard Bella say, "So I guess it's time to get down to business…" I felt myself harden further at the subtle innuendo of her words, of which she was completely unaware.
My eyes widened, and I bought myself some time by taking a long drink of my beer as Bella and Jasper decided what we would watch. When Jasper said, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians," something about the silliness broke through the fog of lust I was feeling, and I was able to laugh.
Bella grinned at me. "Oh, you haven't heard anything yet," she teased. "You're in for a real treat."
I nearly groaned. Was she trying to torment me? Or was I just such a shameless monster that I was hearing innuendo in everything she said because it was what I wanted to hear from her?
Jasper told us good night and wandered away to the sound of Bella and me laughing at him about the fashion show Alice was forcing him to attend. Bella led me into the living room, where I was again faced with the dilemma of the seating arrangements. The couch was centered in front of the TV, and there was a recliner off to the side. I didn't know where Bella would want to sit, so I stood in the middle of the room, undecided when she finally turned around after popping the DVD into the player.
Bella went to sit on one end of the couch and motioned me over. I started toward the couch with a smile that faded when she pulled the afghan across her legs and curled up defensively into a ball. It was just like at the theater, with her cringing away when someone got too close. It was then that I resolved to watch the two movies she had planned and then excuse myself. I didn't want her to spend the whole night uncomfortable because of me.
We talked for a few minutes while Bella explained the show's premise to me. It sounded…odd, honestly. But if it was funny to Bella, I wanted to see it. As the movie started, we both turned our eyes to the screen, though my attention was mostly focused on the woman sitting a few feet away. I saw enough of the movie to notice that she was right – it really was hilarious – but I caught myself looking over at her often, giving her small smiles. And…my heart swelled with hope that I tried to quash when I noticed that she was looking at me each time.
Midway through Manos, the Hands of Fate, I felt Bella stretch out, and the bottoms of her feet brushed my outer thigh. I held my breath for a moment, carefully not looking at her. My hand twitched, wanting to reach over and rest on Bella's shin, but I kept myself under control. After a moment, I felt sure enough of my restraint to look over and give her a small smile.
Through most of the movie, we chuckled and exchanged smiles, but for some reason, I burst out laughing when the Master's wife in the movie said, "Your powers fail you!" and the yellow robot – Crow, I think? - said, "You know what she's really saying." I glanced over and Bella was watching me with a wide, amused grin. That made me laugh harder, and before long, I swear I was actually giggling. Bella joined in, and we missed a good twenty minutes of the movie just laughing stupidly together. It felt…right.
When the movie ended, Bella switched smoothly to the second one, arching an eyebrow at me and asking, "So…what do you think?"
I grinned at her and said, "Do you really have to ask?"
I was stunned to see that her expression was…flirtatious. There was no other way to describe it. Her chin was lowered, and she was looking up at me through her lashes, her eyes wide. A small smirk was on her lips, which were slightly parted.
Fuck. Me.
I wanted her so badly in that moment that I almost attacked her right there on the couch.
I instantly felt appalled at the way I was viewing Bella. But…it had been a year and a half, and I was sitting mere feet away from the sexiest woman I had ever seen, and I could feel the heat from her feet radiating against my thigh. I was thankful that she had no idea what I was thinking, and I quickly tried to distract myself by facing the TV and rejoining the conversation.
"I don't usually giggle like that," I smirked at the TV screen. "So I think it's safe to say that I like it."
Bella laughed lightly and started the second movie, stretching her arms over her head and then settling in more comfortably. Her new position left her feet pressing slightly harder into my thigh, and I was glad to see that she seemed to be comfortable around me right now. I didn't know if it would last beyond tonight sitting here on the couch, but it felt like…progress.
I just hoped I wasn't progressing right into another Jasper. As much as I wanted to be in Bella's life, I didn't want…just that. I wanted more. I wanted her. I wanted it all.
We lost ourselves in the movie again – well, more accurately, Bella lost herself in the movie, while I spent the time trying not to stare at her – and when it was over, she surprised me by saying, "So…you up for another one?"
I had been planning to go home, but I quickly nodded, jumping at the opportunity to stay with her as long as possible. I just couldn't seem to get enough of studying her – listening to her laugh, her voice, looking at her face, her eyes, her lips, her slender wrists, her graceful neck, inhaling the subtle fragrance of freesia…it was all so intoxicating and new. I had never felt this sort of attraction to anyone. Ever. It spanned all levels, and it made me ache with want.
Bella smiled and hopped up off the couch, a few tendrils of hair working their way free of her bun as she stretched up on the balls of her feet. She asked me if I wanted another beer, pointed the way to the bathroom, and told me she'd meet me back here in a few minutes.
When we were both refreshed, we settled back on the couch, and Bella started another movie. And so the night past this way, with the two of us laughing and occasionally commenting on the movie, but nothing deeper. It was really nice to just be able to sit with Bella and enjoy her presence, but I could already tell that I wanted more. Since I couldn't have more, I sat back, relaxed as much as I could, and just reveled in the quiet perfection that was my Bella.
My Bella?! My inner voice screeched at me, sounding suspiciously like Alice.
Seriously, where the fuck did that come from?
I merely shrugged internally. I don't know where it came from, but I sure as hell liked the sound of it. I only hoped that someday, it might be true.
--------
I blinked when I realized I had almost passed the parking lot to my apartment complex. I was so tired I felt drugged.
Driving under the influence of Bella is dangerous. I snorted; even my inner voice was cheesy and dazed right now.
I made my way to my door, grimacing at the glaring sun as I fumbled with my keys. Once inside, I dropped the keys on the counter and went straight to the spare bedroom, which served as my office. Staring at the bookshelf, I muttered to myself, running my fingers along the spines of my books until I came to the one I wanted.
Pulling John Donne: The Major Works down, I flipped through to the index, looking for "Air and Angels." I sighed when I found it. I turned to page 101, already knowing what I would find there.
I groaned loudly as I read:
Twice or thrice had I loved thee,
Before I knew thy face or name;
So in a voice, so in a shapeless flame,
Angels affect us oft, and worshipped be
I snapped the book shut and dropped it onto my desk, not wanting to read more as I raked my fingers through my hair and plopped down into my desk chair.
She had known. Of course she had. And she would know the meaning as well. How could I be such an idiot?
It's a natural talent for you.
I yawned, my jaws creaking, and I turned toward my computer to email Emmett, snorting again at his email address.
From: Cullen42
To: HotLoveMonkey
Em –
I just got home from Bella and Jasper's. No way am I making the workout today. But I really have to talk to you. Can we meet at the bar at 6:00?
-E
I shook my head at my stupidity and clicked off the monitor before wandering down the hall. I managed to kick off my shoes and pull my shirt over my head before I fell into bed and passed out, still in my jeans.
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