A/N: Still don't own anything you might recognize.
This one is for all the ladies who are Made of Win…you know who you are.
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EPOV
I stared down at the two shirts in my hands, debating. I had never had this much trouble getting ready before, and I really hadn't anticipated this problem when Alice had called me earlier today to invite me to an impromptu pajama party at Bella and Jasper's.
I still wasn't sure what the fuck a pajama party would entail, honestly, and Alice had been vague on the details. But all I had needed to hear was that I was invited to Bella's. I'd canceled my night at the bar with Emmett immediately, much to his amusement.
But now I stood in my bedroom like a teenage girl, undecided about which shirt I should wear. On one hand, I really wanted to wear my X-Men shirt as sort of a way to let Bella know that we shared some other interests. On the other…that was perhaps the dumbest shit I'd ever heard.
I seriously considered calling Emmett for a moment - before I realized that I really would be a prepubescent girl then: calling a friend for advice about what to wear for my date.
Except this isn't a date.
I frowned at the stupid voice with the unfortunately accurate reminder. I raked my fingers through my hair and sat down on the end of my bed, staring at the floor.
What the fuck am I going to do?
I listened. Still no answers.
All I knew was…Bella was amazing. Everything I'd ever wanted and thought I could never have.
Still can't fucking have it. That annoying voice again.
It was really almost worse now, to actually know she existed…to be able to see her and listen to her and talk to her…but not hold her or kiss her or caress her.
It was maddening.
Every little thing I learned about her made it more and more obvious. I loved her silly giggle when she found something truly funny. I loved the way she bit her bottom lip and sometimes wrinkled her nose when she thought. I loved to listen to her babble when she was really into something. I loved that she was into so many things – Donne, World of Warcraft, MST3K, the Renaissance, Neil Gaiman, comics…and I'd only started getting to know her. I loved how she had allowed me to touch her just a little bit…just resting a hand on her shin. I even loved how caring she was with Jasper – it hinted at her compassionate nature – but I hated that she couldn't be the same way with me. And I hated that I had no idea how she felt about me.
I had to know.
I didn't think I could make it much longer with all this uncertainty. But…I kept coming back to my major fear, the one that kept me from saying anything. What if she didn't want me? What would I do then?
I sat there for a few more minutes before I rolled my eyes at myself and stood. I tossed the X-Men shirt on the bed and pulled the plain, dark green long-sleeved t-shirt on over my head. I raked my fingers through my hair again, though there really wasn't any point, and went back into my bathroom.
There, I took a deep breath and stared at my reflection, grimacing almost absent-mindedly at my ridiculous hair. I didn't know why I was so indecisive tonight. I mean…it wasn't like I hadn't been to Bella's before. It wasn't like I hadn't seen Bella in her pajamas before…
Holy fuck, my brain interjected at the image. I ignored it.
That particular image had been helping fuel my twice-daily…indulgence into my less wholesome thoughts of Bella. I had discovered I had quite a vivid imagination where Bella was concerned. And though it likely meant I was going to hell…I fucking loved it.
I am such a monster. She deserves better.
This is ridiculous, I decided.
I shoved aside all the rambling, wandering thoughts and focused only on the night ahead of me. A broad smile spread on my lips as I decided to just…stop thinking about it. Just go with it.
So without thinking, I took out my contacts. I didn't know how long I would be at Bella and Jasper's tonight, but I was being optimistic…I didn't want to end up with a headache and that awful gritty feeling again. I slipped on my black-framed glasses and smiled, not even bothering to worry about how terrible I must look. I just wanted to see my Bella.
My Bella?
That was the second time I'd thought that…and it brought me up short again. I stood frozen in the doorway to my bedroom, while I frowned slightly and shook my head, but just as before, I secretly loved the way it sounded.
No thinking, just go with it, my inner voice reminded me.
I started moving again, my feet taking me to the office, where I sat down at my computer. I pulled up my email and read Bella's message for what had to be the twentieth time today. I had been shocked when I'd woken up yesterday to an email from her, and I'd read it countless times since then – it still made me smile.
From: DungeonMistress
To: Cullen42
Hey Edward,
Before I say anything else, I must tell you something gravely important…
Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is.
*grins* Sorry, nerd moment there…I'm all better now. I got your email address from Alice before she left last night, and that was the first thing I thought. I hope you don't mind that she gave it to me.
I just wanted to say that I had a really good time, and you're welcome to come over for more MST3K any time you'd like. Oh, and I have no idea what sort of anime education you've had, so we may have to start on that next - if you want, of course.
Hope you're not too tired after last night,
Bella
I felt the stupid, giddy smile appear again as I read her words. She knew what my email address meant. Not only knew it, but she knew it well enough to quote the book. And she was funny. I sighed longingly.
I glanced at her email address again and furrowed my brow. Every time I looked at it, images of…well, of bondage, honestly…filled my mind, and somehow I didn't think that was the meaning. I couldn't see Bella using something like that as a screen name. Yet another minor frustration to add to my ever-growing list of things to wonder about.
Thoughts of Bella had seriously damaged my routine. They crept into my head at the oddest times. I wondered if she would like this song…that movie…that commercial. I wondered what she was doing at any given moment. I wondered how those delicate collarbones I kept seeing outlined against her shirt would look uncovered. Some of the images that came to me unbidden were…provocative, to say the least, and that had further disrupted my schedule.
As frustrating and sometimes inconvenient as it was, I enjoyed every little bit of it.
Bella was in my every thought – constantly on my mind – and I wouldn't have it any other way. I just…really didn't know what to do about it.
Ugh, and here we are…right back where we started. Again.
No thinking, remember?
Right.
I shook my head and turned off my monitor, standing up to leave. After quickly putting on my shoes and grabbing my keys and phone, I headed out the door.
When I arrived at Bella's, I felt extremely self-conscious walking up to her door in plaid flannel pajama pants. I took a deep breath and raised my hand to knock. Bella answered immediately, before my fist had even left the wood, and I had to smile.
My smile widened further when I saw that she was wearing the same pajamas as last time. And fuck me, but that X-Men shirt was going to be the death of me.
We stood there for a long moment, and I stared shamelessly, noticing the way the shirt hugged her curves while her flannel pants hung low on her hips. Her hair was up in that messy bun again, exposing her slender, graceful neck leading down to the very collarbones I had been imagining only moments earlier. My hand twitched at my side, and I fought to keep it carefully there and not let my fingers tangle in the tendrils of hair that had escaped to frame her face. She smelled delectable as always – that scent of freesia and strawberry and just…Bella…that I was coming to crave like an addict craves heroin.
I bit back a smile when I realized she was taking me in just as I was her. Her mouth was slightly agape, her lips arranged in a seductive little 'o' as her fathomless chocolate eyes widened. Her eyes traveled from my feet slowly up my body, and they came to rest on my glasses. I didn't know what she was thinking…but it felt good to have her at least look at me. Stupidly, I felt myself straighten, and I fought the urge to stick my chest out a bit – just like the fucking tramps at the gym. She bit her bottom lip and lowered her gaze finally, a tell-tale blush spreading on her cheeks.
My gaze focused on those lips, and I felt my breath catch. I stopped breathing for a moment, regaining control of myself. I had to keep myself in check. My body seemed to be acting of its own accord, and I could see myself – all too easily – attacking her without so much as a thought.
I couldn't afford to fuck this up, and thinking of Bella in that way would ensure that I did. I shook my head to clear it and offered her a genuine smile, forcing all my dirty thoughts to the back of my mind, where they would hopefully stay put for awhile. She smiled in response and stepped aside, motioning me in.
She looked down at the floor and then back up at me through her lashes. She really had no idea how tempting she was…
"Jasper went to pick up Alice," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "They should be back soon. Want something to drink?" She smiled shyly and then bit her bottom lip again.
I carefully kept my eyes trained on hers, seeing her lips only in my peripheral vision, so I was able to smile and say, "Sure, that sounds good," while sounding somewhat normal. I stepped to the side, and Bella reached past me to lock the door. I could feel the heat from her arm radiate against my waist, and I bit my own lip to keep from moaning aloud. What was she trying to do to me?
She turned and pressed her back against the wall. I was half a beat late in realizing what she wanted, but then I led the way to the kitchen. A part of me was seething…not at her, but at whatever had caused her to be so paranoid. And I really fucking hated that she was paranoid with me, even though I knew that was irrational. When it came to someone following her, she was this way with Jasper, too – and she was obviously more comfortable with him than anyone else in the world. It saddened me that she lived her life like this.
I stepped in the kitchen and leaned against the counter not far from the refrigerator, unsure of what to do with myself.
Bella glanced at me as she walked past, giving a small, slightly nervous smile that had me clenching my hands into fists as I worked to keep the anger off my face. Her voice was even, though, as she asked, "Do you want a beer?"
I forced a smile and said, "That sounds perfect." My smile became more genuine when Bella's did, and she bent into the fridge, her backside facing me. I struggled to suppress a moan and glanced quickly away, biting my bottom lip. It was like she was taunting me…and it was even more tempting to know she truly wasn't doing it on purpose. This was just…her.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her straighten and turn, drawing my gaze. She walked to me slowly, reaching out to hand me my bottle. Our fingers met on the chilled glass, condensation beading and dripping over them as we both froze, our eyes locking as we touched. I felt my breathing speed, and part of my mind noticed the rise and fall of Bella's chest quickening. My mind was blank, reeling from the sudden charge that seemed to be arcing between us.
Kiss her! My body was screaming.
No! You can't! My more rational side answered, almost panicked.
Just was I was about to do something incredibly stupid, I heard keys in the lock and Alice's voice sang, "We're here!"
I exhaled shakily.
"We're in the kitchen," Bella answered as she stepped backward, her face flushing as her eyes finally left mine. I felt frustrated. I wanted nothing more than to step up to her and finish what I'd nearly started. But that was a Bad. Fucking. Idea. So I leaned back against the counter and lifted my bottle to take a sip before noticing it still had the cap on.
"Oh!" Bella jumped and blushed, handing me a bottle opener. "Sorry about that…" She glanced up at me shyly through her lashes, and something in her expression seemed…relieved and…regretful. Unfortunately, the relief was all too easy to understand. But what the fuck did she regret? That we didn't kiss? That I had so obviously wanted to?
Before my frustration could grow further, Alice said, "Oh, no you don't!" She walked into the kitchen with Jasper following behind her, his arms filled with plastic grocery bags. My eyes widened as I looked at Alice – how the fuck did she know what I was thinking of doing? I glanced at Bella to see that she had the same expression. I chuckled. Bella smiled in response.
"Don't what?" Bella asked, confused. I smiled when I realized she sounded a touch frustrated too.
Alice skipped over and hugged her. Bella hugged her back mechanically, frowning slightly as she waited for Alice's answer.
"Don't you dare drink beer! We're making s'mores! Beer and chocolate just won't go at all," Alice trilled and clapped her hands. I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm and gave a small laugh. Bella glanced at me and grinned, shaking her head as she took my beer back and put them both in the refrigerator, closing the door. Jasper simply looked a little shell-shocked. I smirked at him.
Good luck with that.
I loved Alice, but I was extremely thankful that I didn't have to date her – for more than one reason.
"Come on, you two…" Alice tugged on Bella's shirt, starting to drag her to the living room. Both Jasper and I stepped in front of the girls, leading the way. Jasper glanced at me and gave me a small smile, and I nodded in response - Yes, I know she hates being followed. I sighed.
In the living room, my eyes widened as I took in the blankets spread out along the floor with piles of pillows in front of the crackling fire. I glanced at Bella, and she shrugged, her expression clearly saying, Blame Tinkerbell.
I fucking loved that I was learning to read her.
We shared a smile, and Bella moved to sit on the blanket, her back leaning against the loveseat. Ugh, once again, I was faced with a seating dilemma. And, once again, Bella solved it for me, simply smiling and patting the blanket to her right.
When I sat down, I left a foot or so between us. I wasn't sure I could trust myself if I could feel the heat from her body while we sat in front of a roaring fire. I was only human after all. Bella wore an expression that was becoming all too familiar – frustration and relief. I wondered which one was winning…but her face gave nothing away.
Jasper sat down on Bella's left, a little closer than I was, and Alice settled between his legs, leaning back against his chest. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. At least I wasn't right next to the happy couple.
Alice had obviously been busy being…Alice. She handed each of us a wire hanger that she had straightened out. Then she dug through one of the shopping bags, pulling out marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers.
And thus began one of the longest nights of my life.
It was simultaneously the best night and the worst night ever.
We talked and laughed, getting to know each other on a superficial level as we all teased and told stories. I watched in stunned silence as Bella pulled a marshmallow off her coat hanger, the gooey mess dripping down her fingers, which she licked clean while I swallowed and tried not to stare. Jasper ended up with melted chocolate all down his shirt, making both Alice and Bella giggle hysterically while we shrugged at each other.
As the evening wore on, we abandoned the sugar fest, and Alice moved us on to our next scheduled activity – playing Wii. It was while I was trying not to gape at Bella hula hooping from my seat on the floor beneath her that I glanced over and saw that Alice was watching me, a calculating look in her eyes.
I know that fucking look. The pixie set me up.
I began to wonder just how much of this "spontaneous" pajama party was Alice's attempt to get Bella and me in the same room as much as possible. I thought about being annoyed at her interference until I realized I was…grateful. Whatever her plan was, she had at least given me some more time with Bella. Even if I was going to go fucking insane before this night was over.
I was beginning to think maybe Emmett was right…maybe I couldn't just be Bella's friend. But…what did I do then? It wasn't like I could just go to her, take her in my arms, and make her mine. I mean…she had issues. Serious issues. And it had been so long since I'd actually dated anyone – been with anyone I cared about. I wasn't exactly in practice. What if I fucked it up? What if I messed things up so bad that I could never see her again? What if…
Stop. Fucking. Thinking.
Just go with it. Remember?
I sighed softly and shook my head, blinking to take my gaze off Bella's swaying hips. I caught Alice watching me again, and I smirked at her. She beamed back, and I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.
Did she not realize the dangerous game she was playing? I already had a hard enough time controlling myself around Bella – and it's not like my losing control would be good for either of us. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt Bella more than she already had been. I wanted to help her heal…not make her worse.
And here Alice was throwing her in my face, making her writhe in ways that were sure to provide me with hours of shower material for weeks to come. Did she truly not realize the nature of the monster she was taunting?
Asexual.
I suddenly remembered Alice's word for me…surely, though…after watching me watch Bella, she couldn't truly believe there was no danger – could she? I mean, it had to be beyond obvious. Didn't it? I frowned to myself, trying to understand this new puzzle.
I heard Bella celebrating as she beat Alice's record. She threw her fists in the air and cheered before giggling and hugging Alice. I smiled up at her, all my musing forgotten. She smiled brightly and skipped back over, sitting down a little closer than she had been before. I had been lounging on my left hip with my legs out to the side, my weight supported on my left elbow, so my head was just level with Bella's shoulder and close enough that I could smell her intoxicating fragrance, heightened by the light sheen of perspiration brightening her skin.
I thought about sitting up, but I rather liked where I was…and she had chosen to sit so close.
Just go with it.
So I did. I stayed where I was, the palm of my left hand resting on the blanket mere inches from Bella's hand.
We both turned our eyes to Jasper as he stepped up and began hitting soccer balls with his head. I was watching the TV, laughing as one of the panda heads smacked him, when I felt something tentatively brush against my pinkie. I glanced at Bella out of the corner of my eye, but she had her gaze focused on Jasper, so I peeked down to see that her hand was resting just against mine as if by accident, our pinkies flush against each other. I bit back a smile, just happy to have her touching me, even if it wasn't intentional.
And then my breath caught when I felt movement. I looked down again, and…Bella was caressing me. Just her pinkie lightly brushing against mine, but…but it was intentional. No doubt about it. She kept her eyes carefully focused on Jasper, but her cheeks were a bright pink, reassuring me that yes, she knew exactly what she was doing.
My heart felt like it would burst. Bella liked me. Not like she liked Jasper or Alice…she liked me. In some way – and I didn't know how much yet – she wanted me.
As quickly as my mood soared, I felt despair threatening…I had no clue what to do now – how to make sure I didn't hurt her.
Just. Fucking. Go. With. It.
My mental voice was getting pissy, probably from having to remind me so often of my own decision. To make both me and my voice happy, I took its advice…and I just went with it.
I smiled quietly, playing Bella's little game. I kept my gaze focused on Jasper and the TV as well as I gently caressed her pinkie in return. In my peripheral vision, I saw her lips curl into a broader smile that made me bolder.
When her little finger dipped down, I slipped mine over hers, linking our pinkies so that they were nestled together on the ground. And then Bella did something I never expected. She glanced over at me, her face closer than it had ever been, and…she smiled softly. Not shyly or uncertainly. Just gently…happily.
I could have died a happy man right then.
And I realized I would do anything – anything - to see her smile at me like that again. I smiled in return, my heart racing at this simple, innocent gesture. I was so fucking hers.
Emmett had been right all along. The bastard usually was.
We sat that way while we watched Jasper and Alice play for awhile. Eventually, Alice insisted it was my turn again, and I was nearly angry that I had to stand up and play. I just wanted to touch Bella – marvel at the softness of her skin that I was only beginning to learn, let myself get lost in the happiness that she wanted me too, no matter if it meant something different to her or not. But I would play my part to the best of my ability, so I stood…and lost quickly so that I could sit back down beside her.
Alice tried to make Bella play again then, but she said she'd had enough. She stuck to it, too, despite Alice's best pixie pout – she was stronger than I was. And I smiled when I felt Bella slip her pinkie back under mine. I curled mine around hers, and I marveled at how such a little thing could be so exciting. It was like I was in middle school again. I had never loved anything more.
Not long after that, Alice's mental clock determined it was time for the next item on her agenda. She turned off the TV and declared it, "Picture time!" before sending Jasper to the bookshelf to retrieve photo albums. Bella groaned and gave my pinkie a single caress before she stood and moved to one end of the bigger couch. She looked up at me a little shyly, as if offering me a choice of where to sit. I hesitated for half a second and then sat in the middle.
Alice skipped over, saying, "Scoot over, Edward!" as she shoved me lightly. I looked to make sure Bella would be alright with that, and she nodded, biting her bottom lip. I slid down as both Alice and Jasper sat on my left, and my body was closer to Bella's than it had ever been. I held my breath for a moment, adjusting to the feel of her heat washing over me as her thigh brushed mine.
I didn't trust myself to look at her just yet, so I focused instead on the album in Alice's hands. Bella leaned in a bit to get a better look, as did Jasper from Alice's other side. I heard Bella groan when she realized which album Alice held.
"Ugh, wouldn't you rather look at Jasper's baby pictures?" she asked, nearly whining.
Alice giggled. "No, I've seen those! I want to see you…"
Bella sighed and grumbled, muttering something under her breath. Alice began turning the pages slowly, stopping to ask questions or exclaim over something. Bella was a cute baby and an adorable little girl, and I could just hear my mind wanting to ask what our children might look like. I didn't give it the chance.
I noticed that there were many pictures of Bella with band aids and bruises and even a few with her in casts or slings. Huh, I hadn't realized she was so clumsy…I decided to pay more attention to see if maybe she still was, and I'd just failed to really notice.
As we moved through the years of Bella's life, I recognized the things about her that never changed…those beautiful chocolate-colored eyes had always been deep and expressive. Her bottom lip had always been just a little bit too large to match – it made her even more desirable to me. She still had the same way of tilting her head to the side, and there were several pictures of her biting her bottom lip.
But I also noticed that her expression in the pictures was so…carefree. So light and happy and innocent. It was an expression I had caught only glimpses of – and those few and far between. It seemed she had once worn such an expression nearly all the time.
I frowned to myself, still studying the photos of Bella as I watched her time pass on the pages. When Bella was around eight or so, I would guess, I saw a boy I recognized as a young Jasper begin to appear. There was often another girl with them – I assumed she must be Jasper's twin. There were some similarities, though they didn't look that much alike from what I could tell. Just as I was about to ask about her, Alice said, "This is Rosalie, right?"
Bella nodded and answered, "Yeah, that's Rose…we were all together a lot when we were young. She sort of went her own way more in middle school."
Even that early, the comfortable relationship between Bella and Jasper just screamed off the pages. They had their arms thrown across each other's shoulders, silly smiles that revealed their missing teeth beaming on their faces. Rosalie often stood a little bit off to the side, smiling as well, but looking somehow more…prim and proper. Dignified, maybe, if that word can apply to a little girl.
I watched Bella grow up before my eyes, smiling at the little girl she had been. It was comforting to me that Jasper had always been there for her, and I tried to ignore the irrational jealousy that occasionally reared its head.
A third girl began showing up in the pictures when they were in around fourth grade, I would guess. She had blond hair just like Jasper and Rosalie, making Bella stand out even more. Rosalie still stood off to the side a bit, but this girl was right in the middle of things with Bella and Jasper. There were shots of them all giggling together. A picture of them holding fish they had caught – Rosalie was missing from that one. An adorable picture of all four of them in baseball gear – Bella's hat was on a little crooked, and she had the biggest grin on her face, her eyes sparkling.
After a couple of pages with this mystery girl, Alice traced her finger along the girl's form. "Is this Jessica?" she asked quietly. Bella bit her bottom lip but said nothing, and Jasper whispered, "Yeah…"
No one said anything more, and it was clear the subject was closed. But fucking hell, I was tired of being frustrated and tiptoeing and not knowing things that other people clearly knew. So, perhaps belligerently, I asked, "Who's Jessica?"
Jasper glanced over Alice's head at Bella, and I heard her take in a small, sharp breath. She exhaled slowly and said, "She was a good friend of ours. We…we don't talk to her anymore."
Obviously, there was more to this story, and I was going to get it. I turned to look at her, ready to force the story out of her. She raised her eyes to mine, and she was just begging me to drop it. I frowned at her. Her eyes pleaded, and she looked so…so sad.
My anger and frustration drained as I exhaled, and without thinking, I reached over and squeezed her hand. Her eyes widened, but she returned the squeeze and gave me a small smile. I noticed Alice and Jasper were studiously ignoring us.
I wanted to kiss her. So badly. Just a kiss on her forehead, something comforting…but I didn't think she would find that comforting, so I squeezed her hand once more and then let go with a sigh.
We returned to looking at the pictures, and I noticed the Bella seemed to be growing more and more tense at my side as the months and years advanced. She pulled her feet up in front of her and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees as she watched. I wanted to know what she was thinking, but there was no way to find out, so I focused instead on the album in Alice's lap.
I saw pictures of Bella in braces, Bella with bad haircuts, Bella making silly faces…and I realized that I saw beauty in each of them.
In the middle of their high school years, there was suddenly a decline in the number of pictures. I frowned slightly.
From my side, Bella whispered, "Junior year…when I moved to Phoenix."
That was all she said, and something in her tone made me look over at her. She was sitting with her eyes closed, her cheek resting against her knees. I wondered if maybe she was tired, but something told me that wasn't it.
Intrigued by the idea that maybe I was discovering something of her mysterious past, I took to studying the pictures more closely. There were only a few of Bella alone, and I assumed those were when she was actually in Phoenix. At Halloween, though, there was suddenly an influx of photos, all with Jasper and many with Rosalie and Jessica as well.
And holy hell…my concern for Bella faded into the back of my mind as I took in her costume. She was dressed in tiny yellow shorts with a matching top, and thin black suspenders snaked up her body in intriguing ways. A short red shirt was barely hanging on her arms, buttoned in one place just beneath her chest. Thigh highs covered her legs, topped with white leather boots, and her dark hair was shorter and held back by a yellow headband.
Fuck. Me.
Hard.
Alice giggled, interrupting the dirtiest thoughts I'd yet had of Bella as I imagined her in that costume now. I took a shaky breath, embarrassed and disappointed in myself, but…my eyes just would not leave her form.
"What were you guys?" Alice asked, laughter still in her voice. It was then that I finally noticed the others in the pictures.
Jasper had dark greenish hair standing up in all directions. Kind of like mine. I smirked. He was wearing a blue suit with a yellow shirt, all rumpled and casual looking. A fake gun was raised in his hand, and Bella stood with her back to him, one foot raised off the ground behind her. The other girl, Jessica, was dressed in a form-fitting black bodysuit beneath an open overcoat with the collar turned up. It probably would have been nice, but – honestly – it did nothing for me, especially with Bella standing there. Jessica was standing close to Jasper, and her eyes were on him rather than the camera.
"Well, I was Spike…that's Faye…" Jasper said, touching the image of Bella, "and that's Julia…" touching Jessica now. "From Cowboy Bebop. That was the year we discovered them." He grinned, and even Bella smiled quietly, her eyes still closed.
Alice giggled again, looking over each of the Halloween pictures carefully before turning the page. The next page was confusing. I'd been expecting Thanksgiving pictures or maybe Christmas, but it was full of pictures of a quiet, overcast beach. I wasn't sure which beach it was, but it was definitely back in Washington.
I studied the figures huddled together, sitting on driftwood trees not far from the crashing surf in the background. They were all bundled up, and it took a moment to spot Jasper. His blond hair and fairer skin made him stand out from the other guys. They mostly seemed to be Native American, and I wondered who, exactly they were.
I had seen them in other pictures here and there – picnics and birthday parties and just hanging out. They were usually smiling and laughing, but not this time. Their eyes, Jasper's included, were hard, and the few smiles I saw seemed forced. I wondered what would make them look so angry.
And then Alice and I both gasped audibly when we recognized the small girl sitting in the middle of them all. Bella's chin was lowered, but her eyes gazed into the camera. There was no expression on her face at all, her cheeks were sunken, and there were dark circles beneath her eyes. Her body seemed frail and thin beneath the long sleeved t-shirt she wore, and her hair was hanging limply around her face. As I studied the picture more, I realized all the guys were turned toward her slightly, and the expressions on their faces became clearer. They were…protective. Of my Bella.
"Oh, Bella…is that after…?" Alice's voice began as a whisper and trailed off further.
Bella nodded against her knees, her eyes still closed. I saw a single tear trickle down onto her pants. I realized I had tensed up, and my hands were fists on my thighs. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to hit someone. Whoever this fucking asshole was who had hurt Bella. He needed to die.
No.
He needed to fucking suffer. For a long fucking time. And then die.
Preferably at my hands.
Jasper knelt on the floor, leaning over to rest his hand on Bella's head. Her eyes fluttered open, and she gave him a small smile, sitting up and wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands.
"I'm sorry, Bella," Alice's voice was small and regretful. Bella smiled at her quietly and reached across me as Jasper returned to his seat. She squeezed Alice's hand.
"It's alright, Tink," she whispered, her voice a little husky with the remnants of her tears. They stared at each other for a long minute before Bella smiled a little more warmly and nodded. Alice nodded in return and turned the page, beginning to talk a little more as she moved into pictures from college. I was relieved when I began to see Bella's smile return in the photos…but I noticed that that carefree look never did. It had been replaced by melancholy and a hint of fear.
I longed to help her find that happiness again.
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