A/N: You know I don't own anything at all. I just like to play with the wonderful characters of Ms. Stephenie Meyers.
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EPOV
When I woke up Sunday morning, I was livid. My frustrations from the night before had stewed and festered in my sleep, bubbling over as soon as my eyes opened to the weak light of my bedroom.
I have to fucking know.
I squinted at my clock and saw that it was just after noon. I'd stayed at Bella and Jasper's until 4:00 or so before heading home. Alice had shot me a look, but there was no way I was going to stay. It was just too awkward and potentially embarrassing. Plus, I didn't want to make Bella more uncomfortable than she had to be. She and I had yet to really talk, and until that happened, I just didn't feel right spending the night there.
After we'd finally put the photo albums away, things had slowly gone back to normal, but now…now I saw Bella's distance for how foreign it really was to her. This shouldn't be her normal. This wasn't who she had been. A part of me died when I realized that this motherfucker – whoever he was – had broken Bella to the point that her entire personality had changed.
Died…and was reborn into wrath.
It burned within me now, seething just under the surface.
I was pissed off at the world. At the unnamed bastard. At myself. At Bella. At myself for being pissed off at Bella.
I raked my fingers through my hair, tangling them and pulling with a growl in my frustration. I fumbled for my glasses on my bedside table and put them on. Then I shoved the covers off of me and stalked from my room down the hall to the kitchen in my boxers.
Once there, I slammed around in the cupboards, retrieving the coffee beans and dumping them into the grinder. My teeth ground along with the beans, and I found myself pacing after I put the coffee on to brew. I hadn't turned the heat up when I'd returned early this morning, and the air in the apartment was chilled, but my anger and the movement kept me warm.
When I'd made the ten-step circuit around my kitchen too many times to count, I realized that my anger wasn't dissipating at all. I wasn't due back at Bella's for the raid until around 6:30 tonight, and I couldn't spend the day trapped in my apartment. I would go insane. And likely break something.
I really needed to study, but my mind was too embroiled in my frustration to concentrate. I stopped in the middle of my kitchen, realizing for the first time that my bare feet were freezing. I exhaled loudly.
And then I did what I always do. I went searching for my phone to call Emmett.
I found it on the floor of my bedroom, in the pocket of the flannel pants I'd worn last night. I sat down on the edge of my bed with a sigh, my anger finally tempered a bit as the sight of them reminded me of my nervousness and how Bella had looked when she answered the door. I smiled quietly, remembering her gentle curves and the innocent blush on her cheeks as she studied me.
With a groan, I flopped back onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. I was a fucking wreck because of this girl. I felt a bizarre mixture of anger and desire and excitement and frustration and possessiveness and other emotions I couldn't even name. And fuck me, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I wished like hell that there was no need for the anger and frustration, but…for her, I would go through anything.
I gave a small smile and shook my head in disbelief. My hand rose mechanically, and I pressed the necessary buttons to call Emmett. I lowered the phone to my ear and listened to it ringing.
"Yeah, I can meet you," he answered.
I had to laugh. "How the fuck did you know I wanted to meet?"
"You saw Bella last night, right?" he said.
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, asshole. Hey, do you want to make up for the workout we missed yesterday?"
I heard Emmett laughing at me as he answered, "Yeah, we can do that. I'll meet you at the gym in half an hour?"
We spoke for a couple of minutes more, confirming our plans. I stood and tossed the phone on the bed before going back into the kitchen to fix a cup of coffee. This time I added cream and sugar before I carried my cup with me to the bathroom.
I started the water in the shower and leaned against the counter, sipping quietly as I thought. I did my best to ignore the anger, choosing instead to focus on the good parts of last night. And what good parts they were…
I laughed softly at my own giddiness, remembering how it had felt when Bella had touched me so willingly. Her little finger had been so small and delicate tangled with mine, and the feel of her skin was so soft.
By now, I knew exactly where this was headed. My morning shower routine had become dominated by my fantasies of Bella, and truthfully, I no longer tried to fight it. These indulgences had actually become one of my favorite parts of the day despite the lingering sense of guilt I sometimes felt. So I took off my glasses and closed my eyes, then sipped my coffee and searched through my memories for the most tantalizing images to weave into this particular fantasy.
With my eyes still closed, I set my mug on the counter and pushed my boxers to the floor, stepping into the shower as my mind lingered on the curve of Bella's waist, finally revealed to me in the Halloween pictures from last night. Combined with the sensation of her soft skin as she had caressed my pinkie, I now had much more intriguing material to work with.
Before, I had always kept myself carefully out of these fantasies, instead pleasuring myself to images of her alone – as if that could somehow absolve some of my guilt. Now…after last night and the possibility that Bella wanted me…I wanted more.
For the first time ever, I allowed myself to think about taking her in my arms, trailing kisses along her neck to those damn collarbones that kept taunting me. I imagined nibbling on them lightly as Bella's fingers tangled in my hair, her slender body pressed tightly against mine. I watched my hands slide slowly down her back, coming to rest on the curves of her ass as I pulled her even closer.
The memory of her scent fueled my desire, and I moaned as the mental images danced behind my eyelids while I wrapped my hand around my straining erection. Truly, it made no sense how these relatively innocent thoughts could make my heart race and my breathing turn to panting, but the distance I had to keep from Bella made every second of contact that much more exciting to me.
I envisioned her kissing me deeply, her tongue caressing mine while her hands slid down my chest. As her hands continued their journey and came to rest just below my waist, I heard my sharp intake of breath and my slow strokes became more forceful pumps.
When my dream Bella unzipped my pants and slid her hand inside, squeezing and stroking as she nibbled on my bottom lip with that irresistible smirk I'd seen only once, I bit my own lip, increasing my pace and panting through my teeth. I squeezed my length as she did, imagining the way her breasts would feel pressed against me as her hand explored my body for the first time, and I felt my cock throbbing in my hand as my release spilled against the shower wall.
Fuck.
My brain couldn't form anything more coherent than that single curse for a long moment as I worked to regulate my breathing. Finally, I opened my eyes and smirked at myself. If I had that little self-control with just the thought of Bella, what would happen to me when she actually touched me?
You mean if she ever touches you…
Just like that, my wrath flared anew. I had fewer doubts now that Bella wanted to be with me. But that motherfucker…he had fucked her up. I didn't know how, but something he had done had left her broken and afraid. And damn it, she shouldn't have to live her life in fear.
She would never have to be afraid of me, and it pissed me off to no end that she was, even if it was just a little bit. She was trying, and I knew I would have to be patient – and I would be. I would wait until the end of time for her if I had to. I just hated that there was all this shit in our way that made my patience necessary.
She deserved better than that.
I have to fucking know.
If I were going to help Bella, if we were going to be able to move past this to the relationship I thought we both wanted, I had to know what had happened to her. Part of me felt anguished at bringing up such painful memories for her, but fucking hell, we weren't going to get anywhere without that conversation.
It was with thoughts such as these that grew angrier with each passing second that I finished my shower, not bothering to shave in my agitation. I stepped out when I was finished and dried quickly before putting my contacts in again. I knew I wouldn't be at Bella's that late tonight, and I hated working out in glasses.
I dressed in a hurry, grabbing clothes from the laundry basket since I hadn't bothered to put them up yet. I idly noticed that the introduction of Bella into my life was causing everything else to fall in importance, and my apartment was actually becoming a bit of a mess.
Throwing a change of clothes into my gym bag, I headed out the door. As I started my car, the calming sounds of Debussy poured through the speakers.
Fuck that.
I flipped through my CDs until I found something hard, not even noticing what it was as I cranked the volume and flew down the streets to the gym.
I hated feeling like this. I always felt less in control when I was pissed off, more likely to just snap at something stupid, but I couldn't help myself. And one of the major problems when I got this way was…I didn't want to help myself. I just wanted to hit something.
Which is why I'd called Emmett to work out. Maybe the physical activity would do me some good.
I wasn't hopeful.
As I was pulling into the parking lot, I reflexively glanced down at the clock, noticing that I was about ten minutes late again. I shrugged and got out.
Emmett was waiting near the free weights, and he raised an eyebrow as I walked toward him. I realized I was really stalking, but like I said…didn't fucking care.
"You okay, man?" he asked when I got close enough. It was telling that he actually looked concerned rather than amused for once.
"Fine," I lied and motioned for him to lie down on the bench. His eyes widened, and he looked at me for a minute before he finally moved.
We didn't say anything else for awhile as I spotted him and he returned the favor. He kept glancing at me with his brow furrowed, and I knew he was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. In my present state of mind, his scrutiny just irritated me more. When he wasn't looking at me like some fucking therapy case, I noticed he was scanning the gym, looking for his next conquest to no avail. I sighed and rolled my eyes.
"What's your fucking problem today?" he finally said when we'd repeated this cycle for the third time.
"I don't have a problem," I answered belligerently.
He rolled his eyes and shook his head, muttering something I didn't quite catch under his breath.
"Want to say that shit louder?" I asked.
He looked at me pointedly but didn't say anything. His silence said enough. I know you're trying to pick a fight, and it's not going to fucking work.
Heh, we'd see about that.
The rest of our time at the gym went much the same way. Emmett was trying his best not to react to my antagonism, but it was starting to wear on him. When we finished, we both straightened in silence and walked to the locker room.
I noticed he seemed withdrawn and had a pensive expression on his face. Somewhere deep inside, I wondered what was wrong. Unfortunately, thoughtful Edward was nowhere to be found right now. Edward-the-Fuckhole, however, was ready and waiting.
I sneered at Emmett and said, "Can't believe you're having to go home to your hand? You are such a fucking whore."
Something in Emmett snapped. I saw it on his face as his jaw clenched and his eyes darkened with fury. Then he slammed into me so fast I didn't see it happen, his shoulder hitting my ribs with all the precision he'd gained as a linebacker. We crashed into the lockers and fell to the ground, and I felt a sickening punch to the ribs before my own anger erupted. With a strength I didn't know I had, I shoved Emmett off of me, rolling myself above him and swinging at his face with all my might. My fist met his jaw with a crunch, and I felt the reverberations all the way to my shoulder. It felt fucking great.
Emmett growled, "Fucking asshole!" as his fist connected with my jaw, and I fell backwards, cracking my head on a bench before landing flat on my back. I felt Emmett jump up, but my fury dissolved into nearly hysterical laughter as I stared at the bench.
Nothing else happened for a few minutes as I lay giggling stupidly. I felt the ridiculous smile on my face, and I knew that this was hardly humor. This was helplessness and confusion.
My laughter started to fade, but I didn't move, noticing the cobwebs and disgusting buildup of dust on the underside of the metal bench. Finally, I saw Emmett move into my field of vision as he sat down a couple of feet away, leaning over to rest his elbows on his knees and peer down at me. He arched an eyebrow and waited.
"I am so fucked, Emmett," I finally said with a sigh, sitting up and resting my back against the bench. I raised my knees and buried both hands in my hair, my gaze moving to the floor.
The movement caused pain to flare in my head, and I felt a sharp ache in my ribs. "Fuck, did you have to hit me so hard?"
He laughed, and I heard bewilderment in his voice. "Yeah, 'cause this shit is all my fault, right?"
I finally raised my head and looked over at him with a laugh. "Yeah, man…sorry I was such an asshole."
"I'm used to it," he said with his familiar amused, dimple-inducing grin now on his face. He knew the worst of my little tantrum was over. He stood up, frowning as he rubbed his jaw. "Now, if you're done being a fucking douche bag, let's get cleaned up and go grab some pizza so we can talk about whatever's got you all fucked up."
I sighed before I finally nodded and stood with a groan. Fuck. I needed to learn to pick fights with people my own size.
Emmett's smile broadened when he noticed me rubbing my ribs, but I caught his wince as the motion put strain on his jaw. He was definitely going to have one hell of a bruise. Of course, so was I.
I really am fucking stupid sometimes.
Just sometimes?
Yeah, that wasn't predictable.
Shut up.
Thankfully, my scuffle with Emmett, however brief, had quenched some of the unbridled rage I'd felt. I was still pissed the fuck off, but I felt more in control of my actions.
After we'd showered and gotten dressed, we took our own cars to the pizza parlor just down the street. We didn't speak again until we'd settled into a booth with a pitcher of beer in front of us.
Emmett stared at me from his seat across the table and didn't say anything. Obviously, it was going to be up to me to start this shit.
I took a long drink from my mug, appreciating the chill and flavor before I sighed. "Alright, so…obviously, I'm a fucking mess," I began. I explained the events from last night, beginning with the way Bella and I had checked each other out standing at the door and our almost-moment in the kitchen. Emmett smiled knowingly at that but kept his mouth shut.
I told him about the moments of unending, unintentional temptation with Bella, from her licking melted marshmallow off herself to her gyrating her hips while playing Wii. I even told him about Bella brushing her pinkie against mine, and my cheeks flared as I realized how stupid it sounded, but Emmett just nodded and sipped his beer, not quite meeting my eye.
When I got around to describing the photo albums, I felt my scowl forming again. I told Emmett about how carefree she'd looked early on, and I found myself explaining the weird jealousy I felt over Jasper sometimes. After I went on about it for awhile, I realized I was trying to justify it to myself, when – truly – there was no justification possible. I was simply jealous that he'd known her so long and she was so comfortable with him.
I couldn't resist describing the Halloween pictures, and Emmett glanced up with a grin on his face as he listened.
"Holy fuck, Emmett…you don't understand. She was barely covered and…damn. I mean, she's gorgeous regardless, but seeing her like that…so confident and comfortable in that sexy fucking outfit…" I shook my head, my eyes wide, as Emmett laughed at me.
"Thank fucking god…" Emmett said, grinning. "I was beginning to wonder if Alice wasn't right about you."
I rolled my eyes and laughed with him. "No, asswipe. I was never…unaffected. I just can't…" I sighed, not wanting to get into this conversation with him again.
He smiled, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "Nah, man, I know. I just like giving you a hard time. Seriously, though, it's good to see you actually interested in someone." He left the statement there, but it really seemed to me like he wanted to say more. I arched an eyebrow and waited, but he didn't continue.
After a moment or two of utter silence at our table, the waitress arrived with our pizza. She was a tall, leggy blond wearing the skin-tight T-shirt that qualified as a uniform in this place, and I was surprised when Emmett just looked her over and turned back to me. I mean, don't get me wrong…he fucking leered. But he didn't even try to talk to her.
As she walked away, I looked at Emmett pointedly, my eyes wide. He didn't meet my gaze, just helped himself to a slice of pizza, not bothering with a plate.
He swallowed and said, "So what happened then?"
Obviously, he didn't want to talk about it, but there was something on his mind. And, from the looks of things, it was something serious. Emmett didn't just pass up blonds built like that every day. I frowned at him but thought about his question before answering it.
"Alright, so the next pictures were weird. They were all taken on the beach somewhere in Washington. I don't really know where, but the day was all overcast, and it was kind of misty – they looked almost black and white because of it. Anyway, there were all these guys in them, all sitting on driftwood trees, and in the middle of them was Bella. Fuck, Emmett…she looked like hell. I mean, dark circles, sunken cheeks, limp hair…the whole thing. And her eyes…her eyes were fucking dead. And all these guys were sort of…hovering around her, like goddamn guardians or something." I meant to say more, but I suddenly felt a lump in my throat and was surprised to realize that I felt like I was going to cry. Just the thought of her…so defenseless, so broken. It made me want to bawl like a baby. And rip someone's head off.
I finally took a slice of pizza myself, biting into it. It turned to ashes in my mouth, the taste completely disgusting, but I swallowed it anyway, trying my best to force the lump away at the same time. When I felt like I could talk again, I continued, and I heard my voice break.
"I can't stand not fucking knowing what happened to her, Em. I go from this crazy euphoria like I've never felt before to just wanting to crush someone's skull and back in an instant. I don't know what I'm doing or how to treat her, and it'll fucking kill me if I ever hurt her. I'm scared as hell to get close to her, but I know I can't stay away. I need her, Em. It's the most bizarre fucking thing ever, but she's…she's everything to me…" By the end, I was staring at the ugly red-and-white checkered pattern of the tablecloth, my voice barely a whisper.
I sighed, and then I took a deep breath, knowing I had something else I needed to tell him. "You were right, man. I can't just be her friend. And I'm going to have to fucking talk to her soon, or I'll go insane."
Emmett didn't say anything, and I finally risked looking up. I expected a smug smirk or something, but I was surprised to see he simply looked…thoughtful. And maybe a little sad.
"Em? What's up, man?" I asked, frowning a bit.
He gave a small smile and shook his head. "Nothing…"
I arched an eyebrow and threw his favorite word back at him. "Bullshit."
He laughed weakly. "Seriously, it's nothing," he said again.
"That's fucking bullshit, Emmett. What's wrong with you?" I persisted, getting a little annoyed as I just poured my heart out to him and opened myself up to all sorts of ridicule. The least he could do was tell me what was bothering him.
He rolled his eyes and looked away. I followed his gaze and realized he was staring at the blond waitress, but not in a sexual way. He looked…sad. Again. I frowned. This was not the Emmett I knew.
"Emmett," I said, not asking this time. "Talk to me, man. What is it?"
He muttered something under his breath and sighed, taking a drink of his beer. "I'm fucking jealous, that's what," he finally said.
That wasn't at all what I'd expected. Confused, I blinked at him a few times, trying to figure out the hell he was talking about. "Jealous? Of what?" My voice was incredulous.
"Of you," he said, finally looking me in the eye.
My look of utter confusion must have been stunning.
He gave a short, sharp exhale and shook his head. "You…you're all confused and excited and fucking euphoric over this girl you just met. It makes me jealous." He shrugged.
"You're jealous that I'm a fucking wreck…I'm into a girl that I can't even touch…and I don't even know how to really talk to her?" I laughed bleakly.
He growled. "You don't even see what you have, asshole. Alright, so there are definitely some problems that you guys have to work through, but what you have is real, man. It's something you actually feel."
"Yeah, some really big fucking problems," I muttered under my breath.
"Oh my god!" he nearly yelled at me. "You are such a morose cocksucker sometimes, you know that? You've got this amazing girl that you can't stop talking about. You know now that she's interested in you. You're all fucking giddy over some goddamn pinkie holding, and you want me to feel sorry for you because you've got to work on trusting each other? Pardon me if I don't break out the fucking funeral procession and play you a dirge on the bagpipes." His chest was heaving with his anger, and he muttered to himself darkly.
He didn't say anything else, just rested his elbows on the table and raked his fingers through his hair. I had never seen Emmett like this. Never.
Finally, he spoke again, his face hidden by his arms. "I'm so tired of it, Edward. I want something else. I want someone to be fucking giddy over too."
I sat watching him, furrowing my brow as I took in what he had said.
"You know…you could always try talking to them first," I said bluntly. "Like actually talking, not groping with a word thrown in here and there."
Emmett laughed and lowered his hands. I was happy to see that his grin – dimples and all – was back. I didn't know what to do with a depressed Emmett. "That could be a good place to start," he allowed. "I never thought I'd say it, but I'm just so damn tired of taking someone different home every night."
I grinned at him, trying to lighten the mood. "Maybe you could cut down to someone new every other night?"
He chuckled. "Maybe."
I stared at him for a minute. "I thought I was the moody bitch," I laughed.
"Oh, you are definitely the bitch," he said with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. I knew that, for the moment, both of our moods had passed, but I realized that the changes they signified were anything but fleeting.
Huh. Maybe we're growing up?
'Bout fucking time.
Fuck you.
After that, our conversation moved on to safer topics. We talked about Emmett's business, the ridiculous amount of work I really needed to finish for school, and even our plans for Thanksgiving. After an hour or so, we both realized we needed to get home, so I picked up the check in a silent apology for being such an ass all day, and Emmett chuckled at me. We parted ways in the parking lot and drove home.
I spent the rest of the afternoon working on research for a project in my Hematology class. I had intended to have it done before now, but I was spending so much of my free time with Bella that my schoolwork was seriously starting to suffer. At one time, that would have bothered me. Now…I just smiled. Emmett was right, really. So what if we had things to work through? At least I had Bella in my life.
But…
My little voice tried to nag, but I really didn't feel like listening, so I tuned it out by turning up the volume on my iPod and singing along as I studied. I sprawled out on my bed with my laptop, books lying open and discarded all around me as I finished with them.
Surprisingly, I was able to concentrate and got a lot done, meaning I might actually finish the project on time. At 6:00, I shut down the laptop and stood, stretching with a groan. I resolved not to be such a girl tonight and just wear what I'd put on at the gym.
Still, I couldn't help going to the mirror to make sure I looked alright. When I saw the gray T-shirt I was wearing, my resolve was nearly broken, and I almost changed. But I remained strong, and instead decided to take my dark blue denim jacket.
I heard a mental snicker.
What? It's just cold out.
Riiiiiight…it's alright. You can be a girl.
Fuck you.
I wondered if it was a bad sign that my voices kept telling each other off today.
I studied my face in the mirror, sighing when I saw that one side of my jaw was swelling. At least my scruff hid the bruise that was forming. I still looked like some sort of deranged hamster hording food away in my cheek.
There was nothing I could do about it, so I just put on my shoes, grabbed my keys and my phone, and went to my car with a stupid grin on my face. It was ridiculous how happy I was that it was time to leave for Bella's.
When I glanced at the clock as I pulled into the parking lot at Bella's complex, I laughed at myself. It was 6:27. I never got anywhere on time. At all. But apparently, Bella was a completely different case.
I walked up to her door with a spring in my step - yes, seriously - and realized I still had a silly grin on my face when I knocked on the door. I tried to compose myself but failed miserably, and I was actually a little surprised and annoyed when Jasper answered the door. I felt my face fall as he smiled and said, "Edward! Hey, man…come on in. Bella's in the office getting ready."
He stepped to the side as I walked in. He stopped to lock the door and then said, "Want something to drink?" as he instinctively stepped in front of me and led the way. I wondered if he did that with everyone now, or if it was because I was a relatively new guest.
Truthfully, I just wanted to get to the office to see Bella, but I didn't want to be rude – and I really didn't want to appear quite as whipped as I was, so I said, "Yeah, that sounds good," and followed him into the kitchen.
I could hear Bella's muted voice as Jasper and I made small talk in the kitchen, and I wondered who she was talking to. He got a beer for each of us and another for Bella, sticking slices of lime in the top of each after he opened them. A part of me was ridiculously pleased when he handed me two of them. I had no idea why I liked the thought of being the one to give Bella hers, but I did. My stupidity knew no bounds.
As we made our way to the office, Jasper in the lead again, Bella's voice became clearer. She seemed to be giving instructions of some sort. We walked into the room, and Bella turned slightly in her chair, beaming a smile at me, though she never interrupted her explanation. I noticed she was wearing a small microphone just in front of her mouth.
As if I need anything else to draw attention to her lips…
All my inner voices sighed softly.
"Remember we're starting at Kael'thas tonight, so leads, make sure your people know their roles. Tanks have their assignments." Something about her voice, so strong and sure and in control, went straight to my crotch, and I felt myself harden slightly.
Fuck.
That could be a problem.
Then she surprised the hell out of me – and Jasper too, judging from his expression – when she said, "Everyone, we have an outside observer that I'm hoping to convert watching us tonight. Say hi to Edward, guys," her eyes on me the whole time with that bright smile on her face.
I heard several different voices speaking over each other, all calling out various greetings through her speakers. We all three laughed at some of the sillier voices before Bella looked down at her screen and frowned. She grumbled beneath her breath and typed something quickly, and then she looked over her shoulder at Jasper and said, "Jake needs to back the fuck off."
I frowned, defensive as I wondered who the hell Jake was and what sort of problems he was giving her. But she turned in her chair just then, clearly not that bothered as she slipped off her headphones and tossed them onto her desk. She glanced over at Jasper again and said, "Jazz, can you take over for a bit?"
I was momentarily disappointed to see that she wasn't wearing her X-Men shirt, but I quickly forgot about that as she stood up and took a couple of steps toward me. She stopped suddenly and smiled with a blush, and I wondered if she had had to stop herself from coming right over to me. I was encouraged by the thought and smiled at her gently.
"Hi," she whispered, her voice suddenly shy. I was momentarily frustrated. I wanted confident Bella back. But my annoyance faded as I took in her soft smile and realized that she was at least happy to see me.
We have to start somewhere.
True.
I smiled in return and said, "Hey Bella," because I really just liked saying her name. Her blush deepened as her smile broadened.
She seemed to relax a little bit at the sound of my voice, which I didn't understand, and she settled back into her seat, biting her bottom lip as she glanced at me. She waved me over to the dining room chair sitting by her desk, and I noticed with satisfaction that her eyes were roaming my body again as I walked toward her. Her chocolate eyes brightened as they worked their way upward, but I was a little frustrated when her smile fell a bit when she reached my eyes. I arched an eyebrow at her, and a silly grin spread on her face. I smiled back at her, and we stared at each other for a long moment, the blush on her cheeks growing when I sat beside her.
I handed her the beer and she said, "Oh, thanks!" before taking a sip. Her eyes never left mine, though.
Finally, she heard Jasper's voice as he gave some other instructions to the raid, and she blinked, looking away.
When she looked back at me, that confident look was back on her face. I wondered if it was somehow connected to the chair she was sitting in – maybe she felt more comfortable there in her element. I didn't have long to ponder this idea, as she arched an eyebrow at me and teased, "I warned you I'm not going to be very good company. But…we do at least have ample reading material for you." She grinned and nodded behind me.
I laughed and said, "I'm pretty sure that won't be necessary," but I turned in my seat to look at the bookshelves I hadn't even noticed before.
The wall behind me was lined from end to end with bookcases stuffed with books. Some shelves were two or three books deep, and I saw a strange mixture of modern fiction, classic literature, fantasy, histories, textbooks, books on philosophy and religion, and even a few comic boxes. The little boy in me went all giddy again. I noticed that one shorter bookshelf near the end was completely filled with Dungeons and Dragons manuals.
Huh.
I'd never really known anyone who played D&D. Interesting that Bella…or Jasper…or most likely both did.
But I really couldn't focus on books with Bella sitting so close, so after looking for a brief time, I turned back and smiled at her, surprised with how close she was. It took me a second to notice that she was holding a framed picture, and her eyes were on it. I felt a little awkward, sitting at her side, because I wanted to look closer, but I was worried. I didn't know how much this felt like someone following her…or if it even bothered her to have someone behind her if she was stationary. This not knowing was frustrating as hell.
She seemed okay, though, so I leaned in slightly, and Bella glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, her lips turning up.
Must be alright…
"I thought you might want to see the guys," she said, running her fingertip along the glass. "Most of them play WoW with us, so I figured it was a good time to introduce you, so to speak."
I nodded at her, encouraging her to continue. I studied the picture as she was talking, and I realized that these were the same faces as in the beach pictures - only this one was more recent, and they were smiling and laughing again. They were all seated around a big table with books, dice, chips, drinks, and little figurines scattered around them. Bella pointed to the closest figure on the left.
"This is Embry – he's the one that texted that they're coming for Thanksgiving. He plays a priest named Archibald," she grinned at the name and pointed to the next one in the row. "Quil…his warlock is Iago. This is Jake. He always plays a druid. Always. His WoW druid is named Spiritwolfe."
I took a closer look at Jake, having just heard his name. He looked like a pretty big guy, broad-shouldered. His dark eyes matched his black hair, which was pulled back into a ponytail at the base of his neck. He had wide grin and a playful look on his face. Unfortunately, judging objectively, he also looked like a pretty attractive guy. I tried to keep the scowl off my face.
"Paul…" she trailed off and laughed. Jasper laughed with her. "Paul is an interesting guy. You'll either love him or hate him." I felt a little thrill when I realized she assumed I'd be meeting these guys. "Anyway, Paul plays a warrior, like me, only he's fury-specced. His name is Rager." For some reason, she rolled her eyes at that.
She continued pointing around the table. "Felix…" The guy she pointed to looked like he dwarfed everyone else at the table. He might even be bigger than Emmett, but I couldn't get a good enough sense of the perspective. "And Jared. They don't play WoW, but they hang out with us, and Jared plays D&D with us. Jasper, of course. And this is Alex and Jane…" She pointed to the last two figures, closest to the front on the right. I noticed she made a face when she said Jane's name, and I wondered if this was the "she" she had mentioned when Embry texted. "They're twins, and they both play gnome mages. He's Bartleby, and she's Katinka."
The fondness she felt toward all these guys was apparent in her voice, and I found myself studying each of them, stupidly trying to decide if I was more attractive than they were. Like that fucking mattered. She obviously had tons in common with them, probably more than with me. And yet…well, she seemed to be interested in me, not them. Still, I couldn't stop the primal instinct that had me measuring what I viewed as my competition. I felt an irrational surge of jealousy that she kept a framed picture of them on her desk as well.
She put the picture back on her desk with a sigh as Jasper said, "It's time, Bells – we need you."
She turned to look at me, and I swear she was fucking pouting, her lower lip stuck out. I laughed at her expression and caught myself just as I was about to kiss her pout away. My eyes widened and I leaned back against my chair back, a little stunned at what I'd almost done without thinking. Bella didn't seem to notice as she put her microphone back on and turned to look at her screen.
She took over then, talking about buffs and healing assignments and a whole lot of nothing I understood. It didn't matter. I really wasn't watching her screen anyway, and I quickly realized I would be no more the wiser about this game she loved after tonight than I was going into it.
The raid seemed to have a hard time getting going, and Bella kept glancing at me out of the corner of her eye, blushing. Her character seemed to be dying a lot, and she was getting frustrated. Finally, she looked at me and said, "I can't concentrate…do you mind if I put on some music?"
I said, "Of course not," and smiled, leaning back a bit to give her more room as I realized I'd been unconsciously moving closer.
She opened up pandora and clicked on one of her stations, and I laughed when I heard what was playing. She grinned at me and turned back to her screen, singing along. I managed to contain my amusement until she sang, "Here is something you can't understand – how I could just kill a man." I finally had to laugh, and she and Jasper both laughed with me. Bella shrugged and continued singing.
The music seemed to help her, and she got lost a bit in what she was doing. She never seemed to really forget I was there, but she had stretches where she was completely focused. It fascinated me to see her in this situation. She was self-confident and forceful and commanding, and it was…fucking hot.
She had spent much of the night correcting people, trying to be as diplomatic as possible, but all of a sudden, her face and neck flushed red, and she burst out, "Fucking hell, Freda! Move, damn it! If you stand there, you're just going to fucking die AGAIN!" She kept up a steady stream of curses, and honestly – I'd never found a foul mouth on a woman to be a turn on. I mean it didn't bother me, normally, but it wasn't something I looked for. But seeing Bella like that - all worked up and passionate and cursing – had me hard in a second. I wondered what the hell was wrong with me.
For the rest of the night, I watched Bella and did occasionally catch a little of what was going on in the game. Most of it was confusing, but I had always liked computer games, so I at least got the basic idea of what was happening. The night seemed to end all too quickly, and before I knew it, Bella was taking off her microphone and grumbling to Jasper, who took off his headphones and was laughing.
Jasper grinned at Bella and winked, saying he was going to bed, which made her blush for some reason. I frowned slightly and tried to decide if there was something I was missing. He seemed perfectly at ease, though, as he told me goodnight and pulled his phone from his pocket on his way to his bedroom. I heard him say, "I was just calling to say good night, darlin'…" and I chuckled when I realized he was talking to Alice.
Bella swiveled around in her chair and looked at me with a wide smile. Her eyes looked a little sleepy, and I glanced at the clock on her computer, very surprised to see it was after midnight. I couldn't believe I'd sat and watched Bella for five hours with, honestly, very little interaction from her, and it had seemed like only moments.
"So what did you think?" she asked innocently.
I think you are the sexiest, most attractive, desirable, delicious, unbelievable woman I've ever seen.
"It looks pretty cool," I answered, smirking a bit to myself at my truthful – yet wholly misleading – answer. "You guys seem to have a lot of fun with it."
She nodded and stood with a yawn, stretching her arms over her head. She was standing close to where I was sitting, and the angle gave me a glimpse of her toned abdomen as her shirt rose higher. Combined with the Halloween pictures where her entire midriff had been revealed, the sight was nearly enough to undo me. I stood quickly, taking myself away from the temptation to run my hands along her exposed flesh.
"I guess I should get going," I said, the reluctance clear in my voice even to me. Bella looked down at the ground and nodded slowly. She glanced back up at me, and her eyes were full of conflicting emotions that I really couldn't read. I sighed softly and resisted the urge to caress her cheek.
Suddenly, she frowned and gasped. "What happened to you?" she said, one hand tentatively reaching out toward my jaw. For a moment, I didn't know what she meant, and then I remembered my idiotic mood and my scuffle with Emmett.
"Oh, I got into a fight with Emmett," I admitted a little sheepishly. "He's fucking big." I shrugged.
Her eyes widened, and we both watched, holding our breath, as her shaking fingers reached out and gingerly touched my jaw. I immediately regretted not shaving because I was sure I was missing some of this sensation, but the feel of her caring touch sent a jolt through me that made me smile gently as I took a ragged breath. "I'm okay," I whispered. "Promise."
She left her fingers there for a moment longer, her eyes finding mine as we stood in silence. I don't know how long it was before she lowered her hand, but she smiled at me as she did it, and I saw a flash of…triumph…in her eyes. At least, I think that's what it was. She took a deep breath, and her smile became an impish grin – nearly that same open expression from her earliest pictures.
Finally breaking my gaze from hers, I said quietly, "I really should let you sleep…" and gave her a soft smile as I turned to lead the way out of the office. My mind and body were still lost in the sensations of just being near her and having her touch my face. Never had that seemed so sensual.
I reached the front door and unlocked it, opening it to step outside. As I started to pass through, I was surprised to feel Bella's hand slip into mine. "Wait…" her voice whispered.
I turned around slowly, too excited to have her so willing to touch me to risk startling her and ruining this moment. I looked down at her, holding her small hand in mine, and waited for her to speak again.
She said nothing for a long moment, just staring up at me as if she were memorizing me. Her eyes gazed into mine before they shifted to my nose, my cheeks, lingering on my lips. I had never felt so exposed…or so desired. It was the single most intense look anyone had ever given me. Any lingering doubts I may have harbored about what Bella thought of me faded, and I returned the gaze just as intently.
She blushed lightly under my eyes, and she whispered again, "I know that wasn't the most fun in the world…but I really liked having you here. Thank you."
My eyes widened incredulously. "Trust me, Bella…there are no thanks needed. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Thank you for letting me watch."
Her face was still tilted toward mine. Every cell in my body was screaming at me to kiss her, and my mind was rapidly agreeing. I was completely frozen, torn in indecision. I felt her squeeze my fingers gently, and it seemed as though time started again. My mind and body worked out a compromise and, without fully realizing it, I raised our hands slowly, my eyes trained on hers. I watched for any sign of discomfort or fear, and I saw none.
So I lifted my Bella's hand to my lips and placed a gentle, lingering kiss along her knuckles, relishing her fragrance and the soft, smooth texture of her skin. I heard her gasp softly, but her lips were parted in a gentle smile. She breathed, "Good night, Edward," and I had the pleasure of seeing her chocolate eyes dance before I lowered her hand.
"Sweet dreams, Bella," I whispered and turned toward my car.
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