A/N: As always, I own nothing you might recognize, but Pinkieward owns me.
This one is for all the awesome people on the JOotG Twilighted forum thread who encourage my babble. I heart you all hard.
Thank you SO much to those of you who have been reading, reviewing, and recommending my story to people. Chapter 16 broke 100 reviews, and it really means so much to me to read your comments. So exciting!
The title to this chapter is from a John Lennon song of the same name.
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JPOV
Alice shifted slightly above me, her weight pressing against me in the most tantalizing ways. Her fingers were knotted in my hair as I wrapped my arms low around her waist, pulling her ever closer to me. I felt her smile as she nibbled on my lower lip, gently sucking and making me growl before I lifted my head, kissing her with abandon. Her smile broadened, and she deepened the kiss, sighing softly against my lips. Her hips moved against mine, grinding through our jeans and making me moan. I heard her soft giggle as she broke our kiss, moving to lick along my jaw. She really was fucking killing me.
Alice knew I had never had sex in my apartment. Ever. She understood and respected the decision when I explained to her that I really didn't want to make Bella uncomfortable, and it was easier to avoid Bella accidentally walking in on something I didn't want her to see if I just didn't do it.
But that didn't stop Alice from tormenting me every chance she got.
It had turned into a game for her. She took every opportunity to rub against me, trail her fingers along my skin, squeeze me, and just generally torture me with the most tempting sensations. I now expected that when Bella looked away for a moment, Alice might run her hand along my crotch. She always had a mischievous look on her face, and many times it felt like we were back in high school, stealing what touches we could while the parents weren't watching.
It wasn't always this way, of course. But when Alice was in a playful mood, I was in trouble.
And it was fucking fun as hell.
There was something to be said for making out without the possibility of it leading to sex. Otherwise, we'd sometimes get so lost in focusing on the actual act that we'd lose the excitement of kissing and rubbing and grinding and…
Fucking hell.
Maybe we should go back to Alice's place.
Just as I was pulling away to make the suggestion, I heard keys in the lock and groaned loudly. Alice laughed and whispered, "Mom's home," with a playful twinkle in her eyes. She rolled off of me, and we quickly sat up on the couch, holding hands and looking for all the world like a properly behaved little couple.
In truth, Bella probably wouldn't care if she saw the two of us, but…there was always the possibility that it would upset her. It just wasn't worth it. Plus, it was a very old habit – and now it had developed into this wonderful game of Alice's.
I focused my eyes on the TV, realizing that somehow it had stopped on Nickelodeon, and Spongebob Squarepants was playing. I arched an eyebrow at Alice, and she shrugged and giggled.
We both sobered up quickly when Bella came quietly around the corner. One look was all it took to see that she'd been crying. Her eyes were red, and her cheeks were streaked with tears. She'd called me earlier in the day to tell me she was going to spend some time with Edward.
That bastard.
My anger immediately flared.
I stood up and walked toward her. "Bella? What happened? Did he fucking hurt you?" My voice was cold, but I could feel the heat of my rage spread to my fingertips.
It was goddamn five years ago all over again.
Unlike Mike, Edward had no fucking excuse. He may not know exactly what happened to Bella, but he damn well knew enough to be careful with her. Motherfucker.
I was so caught up in my own mental ranting that I didn't notice at first when Bella smiled and shook her head. When the realization finally filtered its way through my nearly incoherent thoughts, I was confused. She looked…happy. A little bemused, and she'd definitely been crying, but she didn't look upset.
What the hell?
"Jasper, calm down," she finally said. Her voice sounded shaky, but she gave me a small smile. "I'm fine…I'm…" she paused and thought for a moment. "I'm happy, actually…just…a little overwhelmed."
I frowned at her and studied her face, trying to decide if she was lying to me. She didn't try it often because it never worked, but I didn't want her to slip something past me.
She saw what I was doing and rolled her eyes. "Jazz, I'm serious. I'm good. Better than good actually. We had a really long talk…" She trailed off and glanced at Alice.
"Well, umm…" she finally continued. "I'm going to go change. It's been a stupidly long day. I'll be up for a little while if you want to hear about it…and…Alice, umm…if you want, you can come talk too?" The end sounded more like a question.
I stood there for a long moment without speaking. I was a little floored, to be honest. Bella really didn't open up to anyone but me, and I wasn't quite sure how I felt about her offer to include Alice.
God, what a thing to be jealous over.
And yet…I am.
I frowned.
But Alice just smiled and said softly, "That's really great, Bella…but I need to get home. I can't seem to catch up on my sleep these days." She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye with a smirk.
"Oh," Bella answered. "Okay. Well…I kind of need to go shopping tomorrow after class. Do you want to go with me?" She bit her bottom lip and looked at Alice with wide eyes.
What the fuck…?
Alice blinked before she recovered. "Sure! That sounds like fun," she smiled at Bella and walked over to hug her. I noticed that her usual energy seemed to be lacking, and I couldn't tell if she was tired or if she was bothered by something. She seemed okay, though, as they talked for a few minutes, deciding to meet at the mall at noon. The sparkle was back in Alice's eyes and Bella seemed a little more composed when she finally went to her room to change.
I looked down at Alice, and she slipped her arm around my waist just as I was draping mine over her shoulders. I really loved how she could always read me. We just seemed to go together.
We walked out the front door and stood beneath the overhang out of the light mist that was being blown about on the wind. Alice turned toward me and wrapped both her arms around my waist, hugging me tightly as she pressed her face into my chest. I returned the gesture, and we stood in silence for several minutes, just holding each other. Finally, she turned her face up to look at me, and she looked vaguely upset.
I furrowed my brow, a frown forming on my lips as I traced her lower lip with my thumb. "What is it, Alice?" I whispered.
"It's just…" she sighed. "I'm just a little sad, I guess." She shrugged.
"Why are you sad, darlin'?" I didn't understand it. We'd had such a good night together, and she'd been so playful.
She studied me for a moment before she finally answered. "Edward would never hurt Bella on purpose. Never." She spoke with conviction, and I realized she was upset because my first response had been to want to kill whatever motherfucker had hurt Bella. Of course, this motherfucker happened to be her only brother.
That wasn't something I could just change. It was too ingrained.
I looked down at her, studying her eyes as she peered up at me. There was no wavering in them. She seemed completely sure of her words.
My brow furrowed, and I tried to work through the way I was feeling. I was pissed off that I hadn't immediately understood what was wrong with Alice. I knew I hadn't known her as long as Bella, but it upset me that I didn't anticipate how she would react to my blaming Edward. I mean, it was pretty obvious. At the same time, I knew that if he had hurt her, there would have been no doubt at all about how I would have reacted.
And it would've been bad.
I sighed softly.
"How do you know, Alice?" I asked quietly. Maybe if I understood her reasons, I could begin to believe that too. But I had noticed that over the last couple of weeks, each day seemed to bring a new sense of dread. I could see the hope beginning to blossom in Bella, and it was such a beautiful thing that it made me ache. I wanted that for her.
But…with that hope came the possibility that he could crush her. I didn't think she would survive this time. Would I?
Alice hugged me again, pressing her cheek against my abdomen. I heard her soft voice drift up to me. "I just do, Jazz…I feel it." She raised her head and looked up at me again. "He's a really great guy, you know. You should get to know him a little bit. It might make you relax some…you've been tense all week."
I frowned down at her. Had I been that obvious?
She laughed at me quietly. "Yes, I can always tell when you're tense, you know." She pressed herself up on her toes, tilting her face upward, and I leaned down to kiss her gently. As she dropped back down, she said, "Edward is actually a very caring person. He's always watched out for me, and I've never seen him look at someone the way he looks at Bella. She's precious to him." Alice gave a small shrug and looked up with a slight grin. "Just like you are to me."
I couldn't help smiling as I lifted her, holding her close to me as I kissed her deeply. I couldn't quite say that I was reassured by her assessment of Edward, but she'd at least given me something to think about. If Alice trusted him, I would try. It was just so hard to trust anyone where Bella was concerned.
Still holding Alice, I pressed my forehead against hers and thought for a moment, my eyes closed. "I'll try, darlin'…I promise. If you say he's a good guy, I believe you. It's just a little hard to go against my instincts, you know?"
All was silent for a moment, so I opened my eyes to see that Alice was smiling at me. "That's all I ask," she whispered and kissed me again.
We spoke for a few more minutes before I walked her to her car. She had given me so much to think about…and I was sure that my conversation with Bella was going to be more of the same. On some level I knew that Edward was a good guy. But I wasn't used to putting Bella in the hands of any guy, much less one that she was…in love with.
And I knew she was.
It was just so hard to let go.
What if he didn't love her the same way? What if he fucked her over and left her more broken than before?
I felt my jaw clench at the thought and forced myself to relax again. Obviously that shit was going to take some serious work.
I turned my attention back to Alice and helped her into the car. She smiled up at me quietly, and I could tell she was a little more relaxed. She was always so sure of everything, and somehow her confidence did make me feel a little better. She believed this would all work out for the best…I just hoped that our definitions of "the best" matched. I thought they did.
"You know…this isn't just about Edward. This is what Bella wants too," she said.
I bit the inside of my cheek before I exhaled slowly. "I know…" I said quietly. If only it were that easy…just letting Bella have what she wants.
I reached down and caressed Alice's cheek, smiling at her. She really was so good to me. I knew from experience most women couldn't handle a guy with a girl for a best friend and roommate. Alice just…got us. She understood. And she even loved Bella.
There was nobody better than my Alice.
"I love you, darlin'," I whispered.
"I love you too, handsome," she said with a grin. She'd taken to calling me that after I'd blushed one day when she told me I was handsome. I didn't see it.
I felt myself blush again, and she giggled. "You're adorable," she whispered and reached out to squeeze my hand.
I rolled my eyes and leaned in through the open door, kissing her softly before I stood back up. We said our good nights, and Alice told me she'd text me when she got home so she didn't interrupt whatever it was Bella needed to tell me. Just thinking about it made my jaw clench once more.
After she pulled away, I went back inside, turning off the porch light and locking the door. I made my way through the apartment, turning off the TV and lights, before I went into my bedroom. Bella was sitting on my bed like so many other nights, her arms wrapped around my pillow as she leaned against the headboard.
She'd washed her face and changed into her pajamas, and she looked a lot better. Her expression was still pensive, but I couldn't see any distress on her face. I was frustrated that I couldn't read beyond that, though. I ran my fingers through my hair and kicked off my shoes as I went to sit beside her. She glanced over at me and gave a small smile before she turned her face forward again and sat there quietly.
As I settled back against the headboard, I said, "So what's going on, Bella?" I wasn't in the mood to be patient tonight, even though I knew I should be. Something was just grating on me. "Are you alright?"
Finally, she smiled and shook her head slightly, looking over at me as she rested her cheek against the pillow. "I'm better than alright, Jazz," she answered.
I waited for her to elaborate, but she said nothing else. Then her brow furrowed, and she said, "Why did Alice leave?"
I felt that strange, irrational jealousy surge briefly again. I pushed it back. Bella needed a girl friend, and Alice was the best she could possibly have.
But she used to need only me…
I barely restrained myself from rolling my eyes at the emo voice whining in my head. This wasn't fucking about me. It was about the girl sitting beside me and whatever had happened to her tonight.
"It's past her bedtime," I grinned at Bella, "and she didn't want to intrude on our time…" I shrugged. Like I said, Alice got it. Got us.
Bella nodded thoughtfully. "Jazz…you really give up a lot for me, don't you?"
I frowned at her. What the fuck brought all this on? "What the fuck brought this on?" I asked. We never kept shit from each other, and this was a damn important question.
She sighed and stretched out on my bed, lying down on her side facing me with her head on the pillow and her arm bent beneath. I slowly moved to lie down as well, positioning myself just as she was and facing her. I took her free hand and held it between us, waiting for her to speak.
"I learned about Edward's…past tonight," she finally said, her eyes trained on mine. "It wasn't really what I expected, and it sort of…gave me a lot to think about." She bit her bottom lip and finally looked away.
I really hadn't been expecting this line of conversation at all. Alice said he hadn't dated…so what past could Bella mean?
"Well…what is it you're thinking about, Bells? You gotta give me something to go on here," I said quietly.
She sighed and looked back up at me. Her forehead was creased, and she looked…worried. "He's just…a lot more umm…" she trailed off for a moment before she shook her head, "experienced than I thought."
Oh…
Shit.
I didn't say anything for a long moment. I didn't know what to say, really. Finally, I asked, "So when you say 'more experienced,' do you mean…than you? Or…?"
I really didn't want to finish the question. Or hear the answer. First, this whole conversation was just uncomfortable and skirted way too closely to the subject we avoided. And second, I didn't know how much Bella would want to – or be able to – tell me. Although I wasn't sure how I felt about it yet, I understood that there were likely to be some things that were just between her and Edward.
I tried to suppress the grumbling I felt with that thought.
Bella needs this, jackass. Stop thinking about yourself and be her fucking best friend.
She hadn't said anything, so I decided to try again. "Does it…bother you? That he's…been with other girls?"
"No," she shook her head, then thought for a moment, frowning. "Well, yes. But that's not what I meant."
I waited.
Fucking hell, Bella.
"Come on, Bella…what's going on? Cut the cryptic shit," I said, smiling at her and squeezing her hand to let her know I was just concerned and not upset.
She briefly returned the smile before her face fell again. She took a deep breath, and I could tell that her silence was her working through what she wanted to say. I resolved to be patient…but that was hard as fuck.
"Well, you remember Alice said Edward's last girlfriend was named Tanya? And she ended things sort of brutally?" she finally began. I nodded. "So Tanya umm…well…" she sighed. I could see the indecision in her eyes, and I understood why – she was trying to decide what would be betraying Edward's confidence.
Grr.
Bella didn't keep shit from me. Until now.
Before my frustration could fully form, she continued, "Tanya said some pretty mean things to him about…about being…bad…at it." She bit her bottom lip and looked at me, her eyes imploring me to understand.
And I did.
Damn it.
And abruptly, I saw just how easy it would be to turn Bella away from Edward. I realized at once that I held no small measure of power over her relationship. I could feed into her fears, make her doubt herself, doubt him, doubt her ability to heal and to love.
Just the mere thought made me physically ill.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
This was Bella, my best friend. She was such an important part of my life that I was insanely afraid of losing her – but I could never hurt her in that way. I had to put her needs, her happiness, above my own.
She deserved that.
And I was no kind of man if I ever tried to take this chance away from her. I knew it would be damn near impossible to ignore my protective instincts when it came to her – they really were second-nature now – but I would do my best.
Of course…that meant I would have to trust Edward.
Fucking...fuck!
All of this passed through my mind in mere seconds. Bella was still watching me, biting her lip and waiting for me to speak.
I nodded slowly, working to remind myself to put Bella's needs before my own selfish envy. "I understand," I said. "You're worried that if…"
Not 'if,' fucker. Remember, her first. She needs that hope.
I sighed and tried again. "You're worried that when you two are…together, you might not be…good?" I squeezed her hand, entwining our fingers as I watched her face.
She inhaled sharply, and I saw her face fall, her lower lip giving a single quiver before she nodded. Obviously, I'd guessed right.
"Bella, honey…" I leaned forward, kissing her forehead and wrapping my arm around her waist to pull her close to me. She buried her face in my chest, and I rested my chin on top of her head as I sighed. "Trust me…that's the last thing either one of you will be thinking about. Bells, when it's about love, it's something completely different…you'll be comfortable and confident, and it will be amazing. For both of you."
When she didn't say anything, I continued. "I know you think guys think with their dicks, but that's not really true." Well, not always. "He's shown that he's interested in you, not in getting laid," I admitted grudgingly, "so I really think a…comparison will be the furthest thing from his mind."
She raised her head to look at me, and I couldn't help teasing a bit. "Besides, if he ever dared think you were less than perfect, I'd kick his sorry ass."
Okay, so I was only partially teasing.
She gave me a weak smile and hugged me close for a moment, then backed away again, exhaling loudly. I looked at the unshed tears in her eyes, and my chest constricted as I thought of her in that situation. I was fucking scared to death for her.
I was surprised to see anger flash in her eyes suddenly. "Bells?" I asked. "What's wrong?"
"Just that…" she clenched her jaw, "that fucking…bitch! I just can't…can't even…" she stopped abruptly, her teeth grinding as she sputtered. I was in awe of the force of the…fucking rage I saw in her eyes.
She was angry that, years ago, some girl had hurt Edward.
Huh. This really is real…isn't it?
Yeah, asshole. Get it now?
I took a moment to absorb my newfound information. I found myself grinning at Bella's tirade, and she finally trailed off, arching an eyebrow at me. "What?" she demanded.
"You…you're cute when you're all protective," I shrugged and grinned at her again, tickling her until she was gasping for breath.
Once she calmed down, she smiled at me more naturally, though I could see there were still countless questions in her eyes. There really wasn't much I could do to ease those fears though. A lot of that was just something Bella was going to have to experience and work through for herself. Damn it.
I didn't like feeling so powerless where she was concerned. I was always able to help her. Always. But…not with this.
That motherfucker better be good to her.
"So is that why you were upset tonight?" I asked her, taking her hand again as we settled back on the bed.
"Sort of…" she shrugged. "At least part of it. I…well, I also sort of…umm…threw myself at him?"
I blinked. Then I realized she must not mean that the way it sounded. Right?
Before I could ask, she blushed and said, "Not that way, dumbass," pulling her hand away to hit me on the arm with a laugh. "He told me about his…his past, and…" she bit her bottom lip before she sighed, and her words tumbled out quickly, "God, Jazz, I was such a fucking idiot. I mean, I was just sitting there goddamn sobbing because…hell, I don't know. I was pissed off at her, and sad for him, and worried about…well, you know, and it was just…just all so much! And all I wanted was to hold him and make him feel better, but I was fucking frozen, just like with that asshole Mike, and I didn't want that. He's different, Jazz. I know he is. So I finally just…made myself move. I don't even know how it happened, really, but I ended up in his lap, and he was holding me, and…" her words slowed before she trailed off with a small, silly smile and a faraway look in her eyes.
Wow.
I took a moment to appreciate the sight of Bella so silly and…in love.
I felt something within me relax, and my resolve to try to trust Edward strengthened. She needed this. She deserved this.
"What did you think of it?" I asked quietly, smiling with her.
"It was…tough, really," she said. "I mean, I think I was just so…so…excited, I guess, that I felt really tightly strung, you know? So I was scared. I just kept feeling like I was going to…lose it any second. But I didn't. And…Jazz?" She was smiling at me, and I barely recognized that light of pride in her eyes.
"What is it, Bells?" I smiled at her and brushed back the hair that was falling across her forehead.
"I calmed myself down by thinking of Edward. You know how I normally have to think of like you or Felix or whatever…? I didn't have to this time. I kept thinking, 'This is Edward…' over and over, and it helped me relax." Her smile beamed, and I hadn't seen her ride this sort of high since…I couldn't even remember when, honestly. There was pride and contentment and excitement and just…love written all over her face.
After a moment, she bit her bottom lip. "I met Emmett today, too. And I was really okay with him – like I wasn't scared. When I first saw him, I thought about how he reminded me of Felix. He's big like that, but Felix is bigger." She grinned at me. Felix was damn huge. "But Jazz, I'm okay with him because Edward trusts him." Her eyes were wide, and she looked as stunned as I felt.
We both took a deep breath at the same time, and the realization made us laugh. As we laughed, I could feel years of tension beginning to drain from each of us, and for the first time, I thought, This may be alright…
Once we'd laughed ourselves silly and talked for a little while longer, Bella's eyes were drifting closed. She was exhausted, and I was sure the day had been emotionally draining for her. I helped her make it to her bed and tucked her in, ruffling her hair and kissing her forehead. "Good night, silly girl," I whispered and grinned down at her as she made a face at me.
She was asleep before I made it out of the room.
I turned off her light and closed the door before calling Alice to tell her goodnight. I fell asleep thinking of the irrational possessiveness I kept feeling, promising myself I would get over it…or at least keep it from Bella. This was too good for her to have me mess it up.
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When I woke up in the morning, my resolve was tested. I was tense once again, and beyond that, I realized I was anxious. I couldn't figure out why, but when I found myself muttering random threats against Edward, I realized I was going to have to talk to him.
There were a few things he needed to understand.
I went through my day in a fog – going to class, eating mechanically, driving on autopilot. Alice and Bella were out shopping for the day, so there were no distractions. I tried to play WoW, but I couldn't seem to focus, and I kept deciding to log out, only to log back in half an hour later. It was ridiculous.
Bella's date was at 7:00. When I glanced at the clock and saw it was finally 6:15, I nearly called Edward. I pulled my phone from my pocket and patted it against my hand. Bella had given me his number just in case, and I was seriously tempted to use it. I just…didn't know if I should. I put it back in my pocket with a sigh. Given the promise I'd made to put Bella first, I couldn't decide if I would be doing this for her…or for me.
I rubbed the heels of my hands against my eyes.
It wasn't my place.
The hell it's not!
The protective beast I'd been restraining all day suddenly revolted and broke free. I had known Bella since we were eight. I had been there for all her skinned knees and bruises. I had comforted her while she cried when her parents got divorced. I had held her hand when her first boyfriend broke her heart. I had fucking held her while she screamed for the past seven goddamn years.
And I would be the one who would hold her again if he fucked up.
I pulled the phone from my pocket again and flipped it open. Before I could dial, I heard a knock at the door and went to answer it, muttering to myself.
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EPOV
My foot was heavy on the gas pedal, making my tires squeal as I pulled away from my apartment complex. I never treated my car that way, but I couldn't find it in me to care just then. It was right around 6:00 on Friday, and I was on my way to see Jasper.
I knew Bella and Alice were going to be out shopping all day, and it had taken a lot of willpower to last as long as I had. I couldn't shake the feeling that Jasper was jealous of Bella and me. And that made me fucking wonder why.
As I drove, I thought back over my conversation with Alice this morning, trying to figure out what, exactly, made me so anxious today.
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My day had started out well enough. I'd checked my email after rolling out of bed and learned that class had been cancelled. I considered using the time to make breakfast before I realized I was really fucking tired and just wanted to sleep.
I'd crawled back into bed and passed out, only to be woken a couple of hours later by the feeling of someone settling onto my bed.
Alice.
I cracked one eye, confirmed my suspicion, and tried to sleep on. I was hoping she'd get the hint, but she just sighed and stayed where she was. I groaned and grumbled, "Damn it, Alice…you have impeccable timing. My class was cancelled for the first time in two years, and I just want to sleep. What are you doing here?"
"I know your class was cancelled," she answered quietly. "I was waiting outside the building for you, and one of the students told me."
Her tone of voice worried me, and I managed to open my eyes, frowning at her. I sat up, scrubbing my face and running a hand through my hair as I leaned against the headboard with a yawn.
She glanced at my bare chest and leaned over, grabbing my T-shirt from the floor and handing it to me.
I muttered, "Thanks," and pulled it over my head. "So what's up?"
"I'm worried, Edward," she said, and I could hear the concern in her voice. Fucking hell. "Is everything okay with you and Bella?"
As I watched Alice and tried to think of what to say, I realized that this was the first time anyone else had openly acknowledged that Bella and I were…together. I smiled at Alice, appreciating that thought before I reminded myself that she was worried. My smile fell as I said, "Yeah, Alice, we're fine. We actually had a really long talk last night."
And Bella jumped into my lap, I added to myself as I fought to keep the smirk off my face.
Alice tilted her head and looked at me shrewdly. "When Bella came home last night, she looked like she'd been crying." She arched an eyebrow at me. "Do you happen to know why?"
"Bella was crying?" I asked with a frown. She had been fine with she left, but I knew it had been an emotional night for her. I still couldn't help the small smile that formed when I thought about holding her last night. But then the troubled look on Alice's face reminded me of her words, and I sighed.
"No…I don't know why," I replied slowly before I sighed. "I can maybe guess, though."
Fuck. Maybe she'd been more upset by my past…exploits than she'd let on. And I really didn't want to talk about any of that shit with Alice.
As I was trying to figure out what to say, Alice said, "I talked to Jasper later. Bella's fine. She was just a little overwhelmed…but Edward…" She bit the inside of her cheek. "Edward, I just need to know how you feel about her."
I didn't realize I'd been holding my breath until I suddenly let it out, feeling my chest collapse. In a flash, several thoughts crossed my mind. I remembered Alice's pleading warning not to do anything stupid. Alice telling me she loved Bella. Calling me asexual. Thinking I was safe to be around Bella because I didn't date.
I knew instinctively that all of these were reasons to tread cautiously – to hide just how strongly I felt about Bella.
But I couldn't lie about this.
I didn't want to lie about this.
"I love her," I answered simply.
Alice blinked at me, and the look of disbelief in her eyes was nearly comical. I didn't know if she hadn't realized I felt that way…or if she just hadn't expected me to admit it so freely. But, damn it, loving Bella was the best thing I'd ever known. I wasn't about to hide that.
Slowly, Alice smiled, and then she squealed and hugged me. I laughed at her as I returned the hug, ruffling her hair when she pulled away. She began asking me countless questions – how long had this been going on? When did I know? What did we do last night? And on and on…
I noticed as we talked how often Jasper's name came up. Jasper was worried. Jasper just wanted Bella to be happy. Jasper had been distracted when he told Alice goodnight last night. Jasper, Jasper, Jasper.
I discovered my eyes narrowed slightly each time Alice said his name in conjunction with Bella's. The conversation had drifted away to our Thanksgiving plans – Alice and I would be flying to Chicago to be with our parents the Friday after Thanksgiving. Our dad always volunteered to work holidays at the hospital now that we were grown. When she mentioned that Bella would be spending Thanksgiving at Jasper's, I felt my jaw clench.
This is fucking ridiculous, I thought. Why should I be upset that she was spending the holiday with her best friend?
Because her best friend is a dude.
A dude she lives with.
A dude that holds her hand and tickles her and sprawls out with her in bed to talk.
The same dude that's sleeping with your sister.
I grimaced. Alice had let the detail of Jasper and Bella's bedroom conversations slip the last time she and I had talked. I tried not to let it bother me, but…the thought of my Bella on some other guy's bed just…
I didn't get how it didn't bother Alice. Sometimes I wished I could be as…confident as she always was. Must be nice.
I had lost track of what Alice was talking about, but after a few more minutes, she said she needed to go. She was meeting Bella at the mall, and they were going shopping together. I was surprised, but it made me happy to know that Bella was getting out and having some fun today.
If you can call shopping with Alice fun, a voice in my head snickered.
I smirked.
When Alice mentioned that she was going to help Bella get ready for our date tonight, I smiled. Seeing an opportunity, I told Alice what we were going to be doing – I was keeping it a secret from Bella – and Alice went all silly and girly on me before she said she'd make sure Bella was dressed appropriately.
"Do you think she'll have fun?" I asked, still a little worried. The season and Seattle's gloomy weather were severely limiting the possibilities.
"I think it's perfect, Edward," she answered with a smile.
She was still all smiles when she left, saying she felt better and she just knew that this was all going to work out. She called out a cheerful goodbye, telling me to go back to bed. I rolled my eyes and waved. When I closed the door to my apartment, the strange annoyance began growing.
----------
That annoyance had strengthened all day. Several times, I considered calling Jasper. I had his number from Bella, just in case I needed to get in touch with her and couldn't reach her. That very thought set my teeth grinding again.
Oh, sure, if I can't find her, Jasper will always know where she is.
Fucker.
I had kept trying to distract myself, and I realized that I was being irrational. They had been friends forever. He cared about her. She loved him, but I didn't worry at all that she was interested in him.
But I couldn't shake the fear that maybe he was interested in her. I didn't want Alice to be hurt, and the thought that she might be made my anger smolder. But when I thought about the fact that I could lose Bella to him, my rage fucking erupted.
Still, there was that calmer, more rational part of my mind that realized that Jasper was probably just feeling concerned because Bella was dating for the first time in years. I mean, that was a hell of a big change, and I knew he had to be worried that I would hurt her.
That thought sobered me a bit.
Jasper cared for Bella. I should be grateful that he was there for her all those years. Otherwise, I didn't know who she would even be right now. But…I just couldn't help feeling overprotective and even jealous.
These conflicting emotions were what finally drove me to go to Bella's apartment early. I needed to talk to him, but I wanted to do it face to face where I could, hopefully, control myself better. I didn't want to be a total fuckhole – I mean, this was not only my sister's boyfriend, but if Bella and I worked out the way I hoped we would, he would be part of my life for a long fucking time.
He just needed to understand some things. And answer a few questions.
With that thought, I turned into their apartment complex and parked. I twirled my keys around my finger as I walked, my mind working methodically through how I should start. I exhaled forcefully and put the keys in my pocket, knocking on the door.
Jasper answered the door with an annoyed look that quickly turned to surprise. He snapped the phone in his hand shut and slipped it into his pocket. "Edward?" he asked.
No shit.
I tried to rein in the sarcasm, saying simply, "Hey, man…I know Bella and Alice are out for the day, and I was just hoping we could talk."
Something flashed in his eyes before he nodded, stepping back so I could walk into the apartment. "Want a beer?" he asked me.
I just nodded, and he led me down the hall to the kitchen, grabbing beers for both of us before we headed into the living room. Jasper walked ahead of me and reclined on the loveseat, so I took over the couch.
We looked at each other in silence for a few minutes while we drank our beer.
Fuck. How do I start this without sounding like a whining middle schooler afraid his friend is going to steal his girlfriend?
Jasper surprised me by saying, "I had my phone out to call you."
"Really?" I asked, confused. "Why?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Because I need to talk to you."
That was…interesting. I frowned and took a sip of my beer, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. Curiosity definitely got the best of me. I had to hear this.
"Alright, what is it?" I said.
Jasper took a long drink from his beer and set his bottle on the end table. He ran a hand through his hair and lifted one foot, resting it on an ottoman with a frown. He finally muttered, "Fuck," before he looked over at me.
"Look, Edward…" he began, and I saw a faint grimace on his face, "I'm going to try to do this without sounding like an ass, but…there are some things you need to understand."
My eyes narrowed slightly as I fought the urge to scowl. Some things I needed to understand?
Jasper noticed my expression and gave a small laugh, shaking his head before he put his foot on the floor and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and looking at me. "Alright, so let's just get this out there – we both care about Bella. Let's try to make this about her, alright?"
He waited for me to nod before he sighed and continued. "I know Bella cares about you. A lot. To be fucking honest, she's more…alive than I've seen her in years." He shook his head slightly before he looked away, muttering something I couldn't quite catch.
Finally, he looked back over at me, and I was surprised to realize he looked…earnest. "I'm grateful for the change, Edward. It's fucking killed me to watch her just…exist…for so many years. But I'm worried. You are the reason for the change. I get that. But Bella's putting her trust in you…and that means you have the fucking power to break her beyond all repair." He grew quiet and glanced away, and I saw him swallow before I looked away from him.
Fuck. It was really hard to be pissed off at him when I saw how much he cared about Bella – it was causing him pain to think of her hurt.
But that thought reminded me of my fears, and my head swung back around to study his face shrewdly. Why, exactly, was he so concerned?
I couldn't tell if he was finished or not, but somehow I thought that wasn't all he had to say, so I waited. When I next heard his voice, it was quiet, and it seemed as though he were unsure of how much to say.
"I won't get into what happened. It's not my place to tell you. But for a couple of years afterward, Bella went to therapy, and she was getting better. Then she just…stopped. We all tried to talk some sense into her, but she was determined, and when that woman gets determined…" He shook his head with a sigh and then raised his eyes to meet my gaze. "She's been okay since then. But she's sort of…kept herself locked away. There are things she hasn't dealt with. That's all coming out now, and I'm glad. It needs to happen. But that means she's more vulnerable, too."
"Bella told me about…about breaking down in front of you…" I was surprised to hear his voice break on the last word. I couldn't decide what this obvious emotion meant about how he saw Bella, and that made me frustrated even while I felt the pain of the memories his words triggered. "But…fuck, man. You haven't come close to seeing how bad it can get yet."
His eyes were haunted as he spoke, and I felt a sense of dread wash over me when he continued, his voice barely a whisper. "You know things weren't good in Phoenix. When…when she moved back, she was just…fucking dead. It took months before I could even make her smile again, and then her smiles were short-lived. Her eyes were…" he trailed off, shaking his head and blinking down at the floor.
Taking a deep breath, he looked back up at me. "Not my place," he said simply. "Look, Edward, I like you a lot. I do. And I love Alice. But if you fucking hurt Bella, I. Will. End. You."
I felt rage seething deep within me. How dare he even suggest I would hurt Bella?
I fucking snapped.
Before I knew it, I was on my feet, glaring down at him. "I would never hurt Bella! How dare you…"
But I didn't get a chance to finish because Jasper was on his feet in an instant, his face flushing with anger as he said, "How dare I? Motherfucker…"
And he stepped toward me, the two of us yelling at each other inches apart. I didn't even catch anything he was saying, so indignant was I that he would even think I could hurt my Bella. Suddenly, Jasper held up both hands, surrender-style, and gave me a small smile before he shook his head and sat back down on the loveseat.
I stood there a moment longer and realized how ridiculous I must look. My chest was heaving from my rant, and I knew my face must be red. Wonderful. I took a few deep breaths and settled back on the couch, looking at Jasper pointedly.
He held up his hands again. "Sorry…I promised myself I wouldn't do that. I just had to get it out there." He gave me a small smile. "Honestly, man, if I thought there were any possibility that you could hurt Bella, you wouldn't be sitting on my couch right now. But it had to be said." He shrugged and picked up his beer, taking a sip as he leaned back on the couch, more relaxed now.
It made sense, in a way. It actually made me happy to hear that he didn't think I would ever hurt Bella. But…while I was glad to know what was on his mind, I still had some fucking questions I needed answered too. I picked up my own bottle, peeling the label as I thought.
Jasper's voice interrupted my musings. "So…I doubt you came over here just so I could be a prick and yell at you. What's on your mind?"
I glanced up, trying to figure out how to phrase what I wanted to know.
Fuck it.
"Are you in love with Bella?" I asked, point blank. It hurt to even say the words aloud, and I felt myself tense, ready to kick his ass if he answered the wrong way.
He looked shocked for a moment, and then…he fucking laughed.
A growl built deep within my chest, and I hissed, "What the fuck is so funny?"
"Is that seriously what you're worried about?" he chuckled, working to control himself. I frowned at him. This wasn't some fucking joke.
"Yes, it is. Besides the fact that I'm in love with Bella, that's my sister you're fucking around with," I reminded him, and I saw a flash of anger in his eyes.
"I'm not fucking around with Alice," I heard the implied 'asshole' and was actually impressed with his restraint. I didn't seem to have any anymore. He moderated his tone, and when he spoke again, it was quietly and…sincerely. "I've never loved anyone like I love Alice."
He bit the inside of his cheek, and I absently thought, So that's where Alice picked that shit up…
He looked at me carefully and then said, "I'm planning to propose to her, man. You're the first to know."
I sat back, absorbing that, and as I was about to speak, he asked, "You're in love with her, Edward? Really?"
I looked over at him, and he was staring back at me evenly. "Yes," I answered, "I am." As with Alice, I figured the simple truth was the best.
He studied me for a long time, reading my expression, looking for any sign that I was lying. Finding none, he slowly began to shake his head, and then a smile spread across his face as the tension seemed to drain from him.
There was still so much that annoyed me – the things he knew that I didn't, the way Bella could be so free with him, the countless ways he was woven into her life – but I was just so fucking tired of holding onto it all. And that thought from earlier kept coming back to me…Jasper was going to be a big part of my life if Bella and I worked out how I hoped we would. How I believed we would.
So for the moment, I just let it go. I returned his smile and picked up my beer, drinking the rest of it as our conversation moved to other topics. I could tell he was just as drained as I was with dealing with all the emotional crap, and we avoided talking about both Alice and Bella. I knew we'd both be mulling over all that had been said later, but we needed a fucking break.
We were talking about our favorite songs on Rock Band 2 when I glanced at the clock above the mantle and saw that it was nearly 7:00. The thought of seeing Bella put a smile on my face, and I heard Jasper snicker. I laughed as I glanced over at him. I just shrugged. Fuck yes, I was looking forward to seeing her.
Jasper was offering me another beer when I heard keys in the door and stood. Jasper stepped past me, meeting Alice, who led the way in, carrying bags that she dropped on the floor as she squealed and darted at Jasper. He laughed and swept her up, hugging her tightly and giving her a kiss. Seeing them so stupidly happy together helped something deep within me relax, and I turned my eyes eagerly toward Bella.
I grinned briefly when I saw she was wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt with the Xavier Institute logo on the chest. She really was too fucking perfect.
Her smile was quiet and happy, making me smile in response as I watched her carefully put her own bags on the ground. She straightened and took a deep breath, keeping her eyes on mine as she walked deliberately toward me. Her eyes cautioned me, and I stood still, not sure what she was doing but letting her do it in her own way.
My smile broadened when she reached me and slipped her arms around my waist, resting her cheek on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her as I kissed the top of her head. She glanced up at me and quietly said, "It's so good to see you. I missed you, Edward," before she squeezed my waist and returned her head to my chest with a contented sigh.
In that moment, I forgot everything – Jasper's jealousy and warnings, Alice's worries, my own frustrations…there was only me holding my Bella. The rest of the world could fucking wait…or burn, for all I cared. My right hand played idly with Bella's hair as I answered gently, "I missed you too, Bella. I'm glad you're here."
I heard Alice sigh softly, and I lifted my eyes to find Jasper and Alice standing side by side, each with an arm around the other's waist. They were watching us with genuine smiles, and I realized that Jasper's eyes actually looked a little red around the edges.
I tried to smirk at him, but all I could manage was a stupidly happy smile of my own.
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