JOotG Chapter 18 - In the Garage

A/N: Naturally I own nothing.

I just wanted to say again how much I really appreciate all of you reading! The reviews are absolutely fantastic, and I love reading each one.

Good god, this chapter is hella long. I apologize? Unless you like it, and then…you're welcome?

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BPOV

I idly swiveled in my desk chair as I looked down at the book in my hands, muttering the words while I tapped the page with my highlighter. I'd long ago discovered that I understood more when I read aloud to myself, though I usually tried to curb that habit unless I was alone.

I was sitting in my office with the door closed, rereading Joan Bennett's essay "The Love Poetry of John Donne." Alice was due to arrive within a half hour or so, and I was using the time to try to cram in a bit of research. I had read this particular article dozens of times, so my mind kept wandering. I tried to focus, looking for a specific passage one of my professors had recommended I read again, but when my eyes fell upon the lines:

Then as an Angel, face and wings

Of air, not pure as it, yet pure doth wear,

So thy love may be my love's sphere

…the book slipped into my lap, and I stared ahead, biting my bottom lip with what I'm sure was a silly smile.

The connection of Edward with "Air and Angels" in my mind had caused more than a few…pauses in my research. It seemed that anytime I came across the poem, I was suddenly lost in thoughts of him. I remembered his vibrant eyes, so soft and happy as they watched me…the way his lips formed that sexy little half-smile…his strong arms wrapped around me…and most of all, the way I was beginning to feel safe in those arms…

The knock on my door startled me, making me jump as my book hit the floor, and the door opened to reveal Alice. I bent over to retrieve my book, banging my head on the desk in my haste.

"Fucking A!" I burst out, sitting up with a wince as I rubbed my forehead, the book still on the floor. My eyes watered, and I blinked, trying to see Alice.

Her slight form looked wavy through the tears, and her expression was torn between amusement and concern. "Oh my god, Bella! Are you all right?" she asked, concern winning out as she walked over to check on me.

"Fine," I mumbled, closing my eyes tightly before I blinked a few times. When I focused again, Alice was standing in front of me, holding the book out. I took it with a muttered, "Thanks…"

Once she'd determined I really was okay, she grinned at me but didn't make any further comment. She did take a step back to frown at me, looking at my shirt critically. "You didn't teach in that, did you?"

I rolled my eyes and tried to suppress my grin.

Alice will be Alice, I thought.

"Yes, Alice. I taught class today in an Xavier Institute t-shirt and blue jeans," I answered seriously. Alice looked at me shrewdly. Finally, she grinned and stuck her tongue out at me. I laughed and said, "No, I just changed for our shopping trip." I didn't add that I'd ordered this shirt last week because it reminded me of Edward.

Alice sighed and shook her head. I shrugged. No way was I walking around the mall in slacks and a button-down shirt.

Then she narrowed her eyes and tilted her head, looking a little more closely at my shirt. "Is that the X-Men again?"

I nodded.

"What is it with you two and the X-Men? Seriously!" she muttered.

I frowned, not sure what she meant. When I looked at her curiously, she shook her head with a laugh. "Edward was wearing one this morning, too. Are you guys obsessed or something?"

Instead of answering, I just grinned and shook my head. Edward was wearing an X-Men shirt too! It was seriously stupid how excited that little bit of information made me. A soft giggle escaped my lips as I stood and stretched before I threw my hair up into a low ponytail.

Alice arched an eyebrow, but all she said was, "So what did you need to get today?"

I blushed lightly in response and tried to hide it by turning off my lamp and dropping the book onto my desk. I busied myself around the office as I answered, packing my messenger bag and grabbing the clothes I'd actually taught in from the coat rack by the door. "Umm…well, I kind of wanted to get something new to wear for…tonight…"

I don't really know what I expected, but it wasn't Alice's response. She squealed and clapped her hands and immediately began discussing different stores and selections. I interrupted, telling her that I wasn't sure what we were doing, so I wanted to just keep it simple. With a wicked gleam in her eye, she told me that Edward had filled her in on where we were going, and that she knew just the thing.

I frowned a bit, pouting that Alice knew something I didn't, but she just grinned and said that Edward wanted it to be a surprise…and she knew I would love it. I wracked my brain, trying to figure out what she was so sure I would love. To be honest, the thought of a date was still scary as hell, and it was only when I remembered that it was Edward I was going to be with that I was all right. I knew it was weird, but I still had an easier time just "hanging out" with Edward than "dating" Edward…even though there was, in truth, no difference. At least not with us.

How stupid could I be?

Regardless, it was just the way things were. Edward seemed to understand, though…or at least understand that the "date" part was a big deal to me. Of course, it seemed to be to him, too.

Could you be more ridiculous?

I grimaced at myself before I just shoved all the random musings to the side and turned to Alice after finally finishing up in my office. "Ready to go?" I asked.

She nodded, and I locked my door as we walked out together. We'd originally planned to meet at the mall, but I'd gotten a text from Alice about a change of plans. Jasper had driven her to class today, so we made our way to my truck. It was the first time Alice had ridden in it, and I noticed her eyeing it dubiously. Rosalie and I kept it in fantastic condition, and Rose had even had it painted for me a couple of years ago, so it really looked more like the classic '53 Chevy it was than the heap of rust it had been beforehand.

Still, it wasn't Alice's usual mode of transportation, and I grinned as I teased her while she climbed inside and tried to get comfortable. We spent the ride to the mall in easy conversation, and the time passed much more quickly than I expected. Before I knew it, we were parking.

When we entered the mall, Alice began leading me here and there, dragging me into stores and picking out clothes. I lost track of how many times Alice had thrust items into my arms and pointed me toward a dressing room with instructions to let her see how it looked. There were several things I would have vetoed, and a few I would have even been happy to buy, but each time, she tilted her head and studied me, then shook her head.

She seemed to have a definite picture in mind, and she wasn't going to let me get away with anything less than whatever her vision was.

So it was with a resigned sigh that I listened to yet another dressing room door click closed before I began dutifully stripping again. This particular cubicle had a three-way mirror, and out of habit, I kept my eyes away as I changed. The scars on my back had faded, but I always knew they were there, and they seemed to draw my eyes.

I pulled on the pants Alice had given me – she said they were trouser jeans – and looked in the mirror.

Huh.

I liked them. They were a bit more snug around the hips than I normally wore, and they seemed to have a little too much material as they flared around my legs, but they were comfortable, and the cut combined with the dark wash made them look a little more dressy than my normal jeans.

I picked up one of the sweaters Alice had chosen and pulled it over my head. I smoothed it over my hips and stepped back to study the effect. The sweater was thin and a light yellow with a high v-neck. Like the pants, it hugged a little more than the clothes I normally wore, but it didn't make me too uncomfortable. Not too bad.

I opened the door and stepped out. Alice's face broke into a wide smile as soon as she saw me, and she clapped her hands. "I love it!" she squealed.

She motioned for me to turn around, studying me with a critical eye. When I turned to face her again, she was frowning, and she stepped toward me with her hand outstretched. She touched the sleeve of the sweater and sighed.

"Damn it!" she swore.

I blinked and grinned. It never failed to amuse me when Alice cursed. "What's the matter, Tink?" I asked.

"This is wool!" she sighed.

I waited for the crisis.

"And…?" I asked when she didn't elaborate.

She rolled her eyes with another sigh. "Edward's allergic to wool…" she trailed off, cursing again.

For a brief second, I was confused about why this would matter. I mean…it was my sweater, not his. Then I thought of why Edward would come into contact with my shirt, and I smiled quietly.

I bit my bottom lip, and I could feel a faint blush on my cheeks as I listened to Alice's instructions again. She was really upset that the sweater wouldn't work, and she sent me back in to try on some of the others.

My mind was in an Edward-induced haze as I searched through the stack of sweaters, finding a cream-colored cotton one. The world snapped back into focus as I looked in the mirror after putting it on.

It fit closely, revealing all the curves I normally hid. The neckline was far lower than I was used to wearing, leading to a row of six small buttons that held the cardigan closed. I approved of the simple design, and it was definitely comfortable, but I couldn't stop staring at the way it revealed my collarbones and a hint of cleavage.

I looked into the mirror, tilting my head as I studied the way I looked. I knew it was modest, really. God knows my students wore far more revealing things every day. But it had been years since I'd worn anything like this.

I felt my breathing start to speed, and terrifying visions skirted at the edge of my memory. I closed my eyes, firmly fixing Edward's face in my mind. I focused on him – remembering in minute detail the color of his eyes, the way he smelled, the unusual bronze shade of his hair, the strong, soft feeling of his hands.

I was aware that my own hands were balled into fists, and I was panting. But then…I realized I was coming back from the edge of my panic attack, and I opened my eyes, blinking at myself in the mirror. My breathing was returning to normal. I felt breathless as though I'd been running a great distance, but I also felt a strange high as I stopped my panic before it had fully started.

Thinking of Edward wasn't the fastest way to calm myself down, but I was determined to make it the best.

I smiled triumphantly at myself and looked at the sweater again. For the first time in…I didn't even really know how long…I took in my body and appreciated the way I looked. I'd been avoiding really looking at myself for so long that I was surprised to see that I really was…attractive. My obsessive running had kept me toned, and I knew the way my small waist flared into the curves of my hips and breasts would be appealing to some. To Edward?

I turned a few times, my eyes trained on my own body as I watched in disbelief.

Wow.

As I was having my moment in the dressing room, I realized how different I really must be from the other girls Edward had…I guess you couldn't call it dating. Been with. I was sure none of them kept themselves covered up. None of them cowered involuntarily when he reached out to touch them.

I felt the all-too-familiar mood swing coming when one of my voices whispered, But…

But what? I moped internally.

But he chose you.

My eyes, which had drifted to the floor, looked back up at my reflection, and I watched the quiet smile spread slowly on my lips.

Yes. He chose me.

I didn't understand it – didn't think I ever would – but again and again, he chose to be with me.

I shook my head with a wider smile and resolved then that, provided the sweater received the Tinkerbell seal of approval, I would wear this tonight for Edward. He was so endlessly patient with me, and I wanted to give a little…meet him somewhere in the middle. I wasn't ready for much more, but this much I thought I could do for him.

I grinned at myself and stepped out of the dressing room to much celebration from Alice. She loved the sweater, loved the way it looked with the jeans, and loved even more that it was soft cotton and therefore appropriate for Edward.

I blushed thinking of touching Edward again…I really hoped I would be strong enough tonight. I thought I would be.

The sweater crisis averted, I went back into the dressing room and quickly changed into my own clothes. We walked to the counter, Alice eyeing the jewelry before I firmly told her no. I didn't really have anything against it…I just thought it was an unnecessary waste of money. Why buy myself jewelry when I could buy a new game?

As we were leaving the store, Alice glanced at me with a calculating gleam in her eyes.

Shit.

"Bella…" she smiled at me sweetly.

Fuck.

"What, Tinkerbell?" I tried to make my voice flat, but I sounded more wary.

She stopped walking, and I walked a step or two more before I stopped and turned, looking down at her. Though she was only a few inches shorter than me, she always seemed to make it work to her advantage when she wanted to look pitiful. Her face was downcast, her gray eyes huge and peering up at me imploringly. Her lips were arranged in a sad little pout, and I groaned internally.

Not the devastated pixie look.

She only did that when she knew I was really going to hate whatever she suggested. I sighed, already half-resigned.

"Bella…will you please get a manicure with me? It won't be bad, I promise!" she begged.

I grimaced. "Ugh…no. I don't want anyone messing with my fingernails."

"What about your toenails?" she countered quickly.

I blinked at her. "My toenails?"

Alice giggled at my expression. "Yes, your toenails…come on, Bella! Please? All you have to do is sit there in a massage chair with your feet soaking in a warm bath. How bad can it be?" she asked, her wide eyes far too innocent.

I narrowed my eyes at her, but part of me felt like grinning. What the hell?

I shrugged and said, "All right, I'll do it."

With pleasure, I watched her eyes bug out as her mouth snapped closed. She was obviously about to launch into her next argument – or round of pouting. She wasn't expecting me to agree so easily.

She finally laughed and shook her head, then linked her arm through mine and started us walking again. She chattered as we worked our way through the mall, and I felt oddly happy. It was kind of nice just being out with Alice, talking about nothing in particular. I'd forgotten how it felt to have a girl friend.

I was confused when she led us to the food court. I glanced at the huge clock on the wall and realized it was after 4:00 already. "Edward said not to eat dinner…"

"I know," she grinned, "but trust me…you should have a snack." How cryptic.

I frowned but didn't bother asking. I knew Alice well enough to know she wouldn't be revealing shit about my date tonight.

My date. I didn't know if I should squeal or throw up.

Instead of doing either, I shrugged, looking around at the different stands before wandering over to the Greek counter. Alice and I decided to split a chicken souvlaki wrap, so we took it and our drinks to a small, round table in a corner of the crowded food court. I sat with my back to the half-wall, trying to calm the edge of nervousness brought about by making my way through the milling bodies. I really hated crowds.

All of the activity kept me from really focusing on conversation with Alice, so we ate our snack in relative silence. I vaguely noticed her looking at me with concern occasionally, but I was too absorbed in trying to keep an eye on what was going on around me to really pay attention.

Once we finished, we tossed our trash and walked away from the crowd. I immediately felt a little better, though my anxiety returned when we reached the escalator. I kept my mind blank, simply stepping on while I watched my feet. I was surprised when I felt Alice's hand slip into mine. She squeezed gently, and I glanced over at her with a small smile.

Alice really was okay.

When we reached the bottom, she once again linked her arm with mine as she steered us to the nail salon. I snorted as we approached. Me…Bella Swan…in a nail salon. It was just too funny. I actually laughed as I imagined the look on Jasper's face.

Grinning, Alice just shook her head at me and led me inside. She spoke briefly to one of the ladies at the counter, and soon we were settled into comfortable leather chairs with warmed seats. I played with the controls of my chair, finding the most relaxing setting, and sat back. The woman who was going to be doing my toenails finished filling the basin at my feet and turned the legs of my jeans up to my knees. My giggle at my high-water look turned into a soft sigh as my feet settled into the steaming water.

Okay, this is really fucking nice…

My eyes closed involuntarily, and I bit my bottom lip. I heard Alice giggle quietly beside me, and I glanced over at her, lazily opening my eyes.

"See? I told you it'd be okay…" she teased. I grinned at her stupidly.

"Yeah, you're right…not so bad," I finally answered.

We sat quietly for a minute before one of the ladies brought over a tray filled with nail polishes. I blinked and glanced over at Alice. She smiled back at me and instructed, "She'll have…Time-less is More…" I watched as Alice studied the colors. "And I'll take Kiss on the Chic."

My grin was amused, and Alice shrugged.

As the ladies worked on our feet, we talked about school. Alice's classes were going well, for the most part, but she was having a little trouble in one, and Jasper was going to be helping her tonight so she could get it out of the way before the holiday. I tried to pay attention, but I kept giggling uncontrollably whenever the technician accidentally tickled my feet as she scrubbed them with a pumice stone. Alice was laughing with me, throwing in questions about my classes and my thesis. Eventually, the conversation turned to next week when Alice asked when Rosalie was arriving.

"I think she's supposed to be here Sunday morning, a little bit before the guys get here. Jasper knows better than I do though," I frowned, and I heard the petulance slipping into my voice. Somehow, I kept missing Rosalie's phone calls, and it had been ages since I talked to her. I was really looking forward to spending a few days with her and my boys.

At the same time, part of me was pouting internally that it would take away some of the time I had been spending with Edward.

With that thought, something suddenly occurred to me. "Hey…what are you and Edward doing for Thanksgiving?" How the fuck had I not thought about this before? I guess I'd been too absorbed in everything that was going on and the fact that the guys and Rose were coming into town that I hadn't put it all together.

"Well Friday, we'll be flying out to Chicago to see our parents…Dad won't really be around before then because he'll be at the hospital, so Mom always volunteers at the soup kitchen. And I'm going to be going with you guys to the Hales' on Thursday," Alice answered.

I frowned. Everything was silent for a moment besides the murmuring of other voices and the splashes made by the water at our feet.

Alice's quiet voice said, "I can stay home if you'd rather, Bella."

"What?" I asked vaguely.

"I don't have to go to Jasper's for Thanksgiving. I can stay home." I finally looked at Alice and realized she looked so…sad. It took me a minute to get it.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't be stupid, Tink," I said. "Of course you should be there. It wouldn't be the same without you. I was just…" I trailed off, biting my bottom lip.

With a sigh, I said, "I was just upset because I didn't think to ask Edward. I don't want him to be all alone. Do you think…he'd like to go with us?"

"I know he'd love to go, Bella, but he'd never ask. He wouldn't pass up the chance to be with you," Alice answered softly.

I blushed as I asked, "Really?"

Alice laughed softly. "Yes, really…" She looked over at me thoughtfully for a long moment. "Bella…don't you know how much Edward cares about you?"

I made a face. I wanted, more than anything, to believe everything Edward told me. To really feel like it was all true – he liked me and cared about me and wanted to be with me. It was just so damn hard to let myself believe it though. Really believe it.

Alice shook her head, grinning at me. "Trust me. I've known Edward all my life. He's never looked at anyone the way he looks at you." She said the words so simply that it sounded so…reasonable. So logical.

I sighed.

She just shook her head at me with a quiet smile. "You'll get it," she said with confidence.

I arched an eyebrow at her, and she giggled at me. Just then, the lady working on my feet began pushing back the cuticles, snipping them off, and I jumped, barely containing my curse when she startled me. Alice laughed and teased me; then she began asking more questions about the guys, prompting me to tell various stories of the things we'd done over the years.

I explained that Jacob's dad was my dad's best friend, so we'd met when we were young. Several of the guys were Jake's friends from the reservation, and others – like Felix and Alex – went to Forks High with Jasper and me. I'd actually had a crush on Alex when he and Jane moved to Forks during our freshman year, which is why I invited him to play with us when I found out he liked D&D. Jane, unfortunately, had been part of the package.

Alice glanced at me when I mentioned Jane. By now, the technicians had moved on to actually painting our toenails, but I was hardly paying any attention to them. The look on Alice's face was curious and…apprehensive.

That's weird.

"Bella?" she asked.

"What's up, Alice?" I answered. Her eyes widened. I rarely called her by her actual name unless I was being sarcastic…or serious.

She chewed lightly on the inside of her cheek before she gave a small smile. "Umm…I know Jasper never…never slept with Jane. But he said they did…other things…" she frowned, and I grimaced. "I was just wondering if…well…do you think he still cares about her?"

Without even a thought, I laughed. I know it was wrong…I should've been more sensitive toward Alice, but fucking hell – Jasper care about Jane? It was too ridiculous to even consider.

I worked to compose myself, struggling for a more serious expression as Alice's face fell into a pout. I frowned when I saw the look on her face, and I reached out to squeeze her hand. "Alice…trust me. Jasper has no feelings for Jane whatsoever. They were…" I trailed off, wondering how, exactly, to say "sluts together" without making it sound even worse than it was. What else do you call two people who just fooled around every chance they got without ever meaning anything to each other at all? Jane had worked her way through most of the group like that at various times.

Deciding to try again, I said, "Look, Jane is…" Bleh. I sighed. "She's not so bad, really. She just annoys me because she's only around because of the guys. There's a difference between a girl who actually likes to game, and a girl who uses it for the captive audience, so to speak. Over the years, she's come onto all the guys, and – honestly – she's had her way with most of them. Jared never gave her the time of day, and Felix shut her down before she even really got to try. But, well…Jasper wasn't dating anyone, and they sort of messed around for a little while. But he was never into Jane. Ever." Just the thought made me shudder.

The apprehensive look on Alice's face was still there, and suddenly it hit me – Alice was insecure about this, just like I was about the way Edward felt. It was so…ludicrous. I could read the love and absolute adoration so clearly on Jasper's face whenever he so much as thought of Alice. How the fuck could she ever doubt that Jasper was completely in love with her?

I smiled at her. "Alice," I said, "Jasper has never loved anyone like he loves you. Do you know he fucking cleans now? And he sings…and he's stupid and silly, and he's so in love it's ridiculous. I've known him for sixteen years, and I've never seen him act like this – not even close."

Alice listened quietly as I talked, finally looking down and blushing lightly. When she looked back up, her eyes were happy once again. I could tell that she already knew what I'd told her, but she just needed that reassurance, I guess, in the face of Jane coming into town. I didn't even want to imagine the effect meeting one of Edward's former…girls would have on me. Of course, Alice was awesome and happy and able to touch Jasper…there were so many differences between us. She really had no reason to worry.

"Thanks Bella," she said quietly. I just smiled at her and shook my head. How silly.

Conversation picked up again then. We talked some more about the guys, and I filled her in on the major points. Talking about them made me realize how much I really missed them, and it seemed like Sunday couldn't come fast enough.

In the middle of all of this, the technicians finished their work on our feet, and I looked down to see that my toenails…sparkled. Alice had chosen a shade of white with a shimmer for my color, and it made me giggle to see my toes all dressed up. I saw that she'd chosen a soft pink for herself.

We stood up, and I realized that my legs felt a little weak from sitting in one position for so long. Someone was messing with my feet again, and I looked down to see the technician lifting my leg to slip some weird little thin flip flops on my feet. Alice laughed at my expression and explained that we couldn't put our shoes back on yet because we'd smudge our nail polish.

Oh, of course. Why didn't I think of that?

I laughed, rolling my eyes as I looked down at myself. My toenails sparkled against my lime green flip flops, while the blinding white skin of my legs was revealed by the pants pulled up to my knees. Lovely.

Leaning over, I pushed my pants legs down and picked up my shoes and socks. Alice took the clear bag offered by the technician, and we dropped our shoes inside. I tried to pay for my pedicure, but Alice wouldn't let me, saying she was just happy I'd kept her company.

As we shuffled our way back into the mall, she told me she wanted to get a gift for Jasper, but she wasn't really sure what to get him.

"I want to buy him a game, but I don't really know what he has already," she explained. "Can you think of anything?"

"Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia," I answered without thought. He'd been whining about needing to buy it for nearly a month, but he hated to spend money on himself. His complaints had mostly been hints to try to get me to buy it for him. If Alice didn't get it now, I'd pick it up for one of his Christmas gifts.

Alice arched an eyebrow at me curiously, and I said, "It's a DS game…he's played all the other Castlevanias. This is supposed to be one of the best. He likes killing vampires." I shrugged. Jasper snuck his DS into work and hung out in his office, playing when he wasn't meeting students.

She giggled and shook her head, asking me more about the game as we walked toward Gamestop. I helped her find the one I meant, and she decided to buy the guide as well. I grinned at that – Jasper hated to admit he ever needed one, but he always bought it eventually because he couldn't stand the thought that he might be missing something.

When we were ready to go, Alice decided our toes had dried enough, so we sat down on a bench to put our regular shoes on. We tossed the strange little ugly flip flops into the trash and made our way to my car, talking about the guys again.

As we merged with traffic, I was telling her the story of Jared and Kim. He had always been a little shy, so while he'd thought Kim was pretty, he'd barely noticed her beyond that – he would've been too scared to ask her out anyway. At the time, they had been seniors in high school. When a girls' choice dance had come up, Kim had surprised him by asking him to go. I don't think he ever would have had the nerve to make the first move, but by the time that dance had come and gone, they'd been inseparable.

"So it's kind of weird," I said, "Jared was always the shy, quiet one, but he's actually the first of us to be engaged. They're getting married this summer, right after they both graduate from college."

After driving for awhile, the conversation turned to Felix, and I had to smile. "Felix is a great guy," I began. "I still don't quite get why he hangs out with us…"

I explained that he was a jock, and I met him when I was a sophomore. He'd been a senior, and we both had the same English teacher. Mr. Mason knew I was bored with the curriculum, having read and reread each of the novels we were assigned, so he asked if I'd like to earn credit for the class by tutoring some of the seniors who needed help with their final papers. I'd said sure, so I spent several hours a week during my English class meeting individually with three different seniors, all of whom were members of the football team.

The first two were used to having things done for them and got really pissed off when I wouldn't just write the paper. I was annoyed by their attitudes, and I was beginning to wonder if I'd made a mistake – slogging through another reread of Great Expectations had to be better than this. On the third day, though, I'd met Felix. He was easily the biggest guy I'd ever seen in real life. I'd noticed him on campus and vaguely thought he was cute, but he was most definitely not my type.

I knew I had a chip on my shoulder when he sat down and searched through his backpack, pulling out a collection of rumpled papers. I sighed.

He looked up at me and said bluntly, "I'm not some dumb jock. I know my shit. I just want some help with the editing."

I blinked at him and then laughed. He cracked a smile, and we started talking freely. I'd been surprised to see that his ideas were actually pretty insightful. His writing was a little painful and dry, but we worked on that. He took suggestions easily, and he made everything his own, refusing to let me actually do anything for him.

We were talking one day when he learned I played D&D, and he asked what it was all about. I'd invited him over, he met the other guys, and just like that, he was part of our group. He'd never felt the urge to play, so he just came over while we played, and he hung out on the couch, eating pizza and cracking jokes.

I explained to Alice that he'd always been protective. During my sophomore year, I'd gone on dates with a few guys, and Felix had interrogated each of them. Around Christmas, I had started dating my first - and really only – boyfriend, Garrett. Felix had been just as relentless with him until he finally determined that Garrett was a good guy. He'd backed off some, but he still called me often to make sure I was being treated well.

As always, my mind skirted away from thoughts of Garrett. Memories of him were happy ones, but it reminded me far too closely of a time I wanted to forget completely.

Alice must've put the timeframe together in her head because she didn't ask about Garrett, even though I knew it was the sort of thing she'd be most curious about. Instead, she asked me to tell her more about D&D, and I let my mind wander as I explained it to her.

I was so busy answering Alice's questions that we were pulling into the parking lot at my apartment before I knew it. At once, my stomach clenched with a nervous excitement, and I reflexively picked up my phone to look at the time.

7:03

"You know, for someone who hates for people to be late, you sure do make me late to meet Edward a lot," I teased her.

She stuck her tongue out at me. "I'm quite sure Edward will have no complaints when he sees you in that sweater," she answered.

My eyes widened.

Shit! Edward's going to see me in that sweater.

Umm..yeah, dumbass. That was the point?

Fuck.

Suddenly, I was extremely unsure about the clothes I'd bought, and I considered just wearing something from my closet. It had been so long since I'd worn anything so…revealing. I wanted to look good for Edward, but I was a little worried about how I'd react if I saw him…looking. At the same time, I wanted so badly to be desirable for him.

I want him to want me.

One of my voices started humming, and I snorted, my anxiety lifting a bit. Alice looked at me with a bemused expression, but I just shook my head, turning off the truck as I opened the door. "You don't want to know…" I said with a smirk, retrieving my bags from the floor between us.

Alice gave a small giggle as she grabbed her own bags and slammed the truck door. She was chattering as we walked, but I didn't hear any of it. My ears were roaring with the sound of my own pulse as I followed slightly behind her. When we reached the door, I mechanically unlocked it. She pushed it open and went inside, dropping her bags and squealing before she ran to Jasper.

I noticed them hug out of the corner of my eye, but my gaze was focused on Edward. He was watching Alice and Jasper with a sweet smile on his face. I wanted to make him smile like that.

I saw longing written on his face as well, and I wanted so badly to give him what he wanted. I stood there watching him for a moment longer. He turned to look at me, and I saw him grin when he realized what was on my shirt. It always made me happy to realize that he really did like the things I liked – he wasn't just acting or trying to make me feel better.

I smiled softly at him. He was just so…wonderful. So perfect. I remembered the feeling of his arms around me the night before, and I wanted to feel that again. Even though it had been scary at times, it had also been…fantastic – unlike anything I'd felt before. I carefully put my bags on the ground, taking a deep breath as I worked through what I was about to do.

Last night's leap had been so spontaneous. I hadn't even fully realized what I was doing. In many ways, this was harder. This wasn't an emotional response – it was a choice. Edward would find no fault with me if I just walked over and took his hand. But that wasn't what I wanted.

The few steps it took to reach him seemed interminably long. I was relieved to see he stood still, only his eyes moving as he watched me with that quiet smile. I inhaled as I neared him, searching for that fragrance of vanilla and sandalwood that was becoming my sanctuary. I found it just as I reached him, and I smiled quietly, closing my eyes as I slipped my arms around his waist. I pressed my cheek against his chest and relaxed, letting his scent calm my nerves.

I felt his strong arms wrap around me as he kissed the top of my head, and I focused only on the good – how warm he felt, how gentle he was with me, how happy he made me feel. I looked up at him as I said, "It's so good to see you. I missed you, Edward."

It was the simple truth.

I hugged him close and returned my head to his chest as I heard him softly answer, "I missed you too, Bella. I'm glad you're here," while his hand played with my hair. I heard Alice sigh behind us, but I didn't want to interrupt this moment with Edward. All was quiet as we held each other for awhile longer.

Finally, I sighed softly in contentment and looked up at him with a smile as I pulled away. "Sorry I'm late," I said. "Blame Tinkerbell." A beat later, we both realized the echo of our first meeting, and we laughed together. I heard Alice and Jasper laugh as well, but I didn't turn to look at them.

He whispered, "You know I'd wait forever for you, Bella," as he gently caressed my cheek, making me melt. I smiled at him.

"I guess I better go get ready," I said, glancing at the clock on the mantle. I moved toward my bags, but Edward beat me there, picking them up.

"Did you want these in your room?" he asked.

I bit my bottom lip, nodding as I grinned. He smiled at me and winked as he walked past. I followed him and opened the door when he paused outside my bedroom. Edward had never seen it, and I realized too late that I'd left it in a bit of a mess this morning.

Oh, well.

I opened the door for him, and he stepped inside, his eyes sweeping around as he placed the bags on the floor near the door. I followed his gaze to the comic books strewn around my recliner and shrugged with a giggle. "I wasn't a very good student this morning. I was supposed to be studying," I explained.

Edward just turned back to me and smiled. He placed his hand beneath my chin, tracing my lower lip with his thumb. Just then, we heard the rattle of a bag from the living room, and Jasper's voice called out, "Excellent! Thank you!" Alice giggled.

We laughed together, and then Edward said, "I'll go wait with Jasper."

Alice entered the room seconds after he left, a determined gleam in her eyes. Uh oh.

"Come on, Bella!" she said. "We have to hurry!"

She picked up the bags and dumped everything on the bed. She began cutting tags and handing the clothes to me while I quickly changed. Before long, I was standing in the trouser jeans and cream sweater in front of my mirror in the bathroom. Alice wet a brush under the faucet and told me to sit on the edge of the tub.

She pulled my hair from its ponytail and brushed it, leaving it damp, and then she began using my hair dryer, brushing constantly, much as she'd done the night I'd first met Edward. For once, she wasn't talking, so intent was she on her task. When she finished, she clicked off the dryer and smiled down at me.

"Are you going to wear any make up?" she asked. I made a face at her and shook my head.

She sighed. "Bella…you look so pretty with just a little mascara and lip gloss. Come on…please?"

I frowned. I wanted to look nice for Edward…I thought he might like that. In the end, it was Alice who decided for me – she left it up to me, not begging, and I decided that I wanted to make her happy too. I wondered if she'd figured that out about me. She was definitely tricksy enough for it.

I let her put a little bit of mascara and a thin coat of lip gloss on, and then I stood so she could make all the required Alice adjustments. When she decided I was ready, she let me look in the mirror. My gaze was immediately drawn to my eyes, which made me glad I'd let Alice put on the mascara. My lips still looked vaguely obscene to me, and I tried to imagine what Edward would think of them.

I took a deep breath and let my eyes wander lower. They widened as I saw the expanse of skin revealed above the neckline, and I wondered if somehow I'd gotten the wrong size. There seemed to be more showing than there was in the dressing room. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to remember that this was for Edward. I'd be with him. I'd be safe.

I opened my eyes to find Alice smiling at me in the mirror. I gave her a rueful grin and turned away, going into my room. She waited until I was sitting on my bed facing her and then followed. She came over and hugged me gently as she whispered, "You look fantastic." Then she raised her voice and said, "I'm going to go tell the guys you're almost ready…that way you can make an entrance." She grinned at me and left, closing the door behind her.

Like I would want to make an entrance. How ridiculous.

I slowly put on my socks and shoes, meticulously tying the laces. I imagined Edward's possible reactions, and I bit my bottom lip, wondering what I'd see on his face.

Finally, I could stall no longer, so I stood up and smoothed my sweater, brushing my hair back over my shoulders as I walked to the door. I waited there briefly, my hand on the knob as I took a deep breath.

I followed the sound of Edward's laughter to the living room, where I found him sitting on the loveseat talking to Jasper and Alice. Just like that first night, the grin faded from his face when he saw me, only to be replaced by a slow smile that lit up his eyes. I watched him stand and hold out his hand, so I walked to him, slipping my hand in his.

"You look beautiful," he said quietly, leaving no room for misinterpretation this time. We stood looking at each other for an immeasurable moment. I vaguely noticed he was wearing jeans and a green henley that clung to him in extremely appealing ways. I smiled at him, feeling the blush on my cheeks, as I noticed that he glanced down as well. He didn't leer, but the way he looked at me, smiling gently, left me feeling like he appreciated what he saw without making me want to run into my room to cover up.

Could he be any more perfect?

All I heard were quiet sighs.

Edward smiled and squeezed my hand as he said, "So…are you ready to go?"

My blush deepened as I realized I had been unabashedly staring at him with Jasper and Alice in the room. Oh, well.

I nodded in response, prompting Jasper and Alice to stand from their places on the couch. Alice came over to hug me as Jasper said goodbye to Edward, and then we switched – Alice hugging Edward and whispering something to him while I hugged Jasper.

"Hey," I said, "Don't forget to tell Jake to remind the guild tonight that we're not raiding next week. This will be the last one until next Sunday."

Jasper nodded as Alice returned to him, and he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, smiling at us over her head. I went to the closet and grabbed my coat, but before I could put it on, Edward was standing beside me with his hands out. I gave it to him, smiling as he helped me put it on.

We called out our final goodbyes, and Edward led the way outside. I locked the door and dropped the keys into my coat pocket before taking his hand.

"You're not raiding next week?" Edward asked as we walked to his car.

I shook my head, explaining that we usually took a break around holidays because it was too stressful to try to get people there. Our conversation flowed easily as Edward drove us through the streets of Seattle. We talked about raiding and my day with Alice, and I found I couldn't stop looking at him as he spoke. I didn't often see his profile, so I was absorbed in his strong jaw and the striking shape of his nose and lips. Edward glanced over at me often, and his lips seemed to involuntarily form into a smile each time.

I hadn't been paying any attention to where we were going, so I was a little confused when we stopped, and I glanced out the window. It was misting again, combining with the dark to make it difficult to see clearly, but I was very sure I knew where we were.

"Ready to look at some comics?" he asked, pulling my gaze away from the window and back to him. He was grinning.

This dating thing really isn't so bad.

"Absolutely!" I grinned in response.

I started to open my door, but he put his hand on my knee and said, "Wait here…"

With my eyes wide, I watched him get out, grabbing an umbrella. He walked around the car while my gaze focused on my knee, where I could feel the lingering heat from his hand. I tried to work through if I was bothered or not…and decided that since I didn't know, I wasn't.

Logic for the win.

Idiot.

I jumped slightly when my door opened, and then Edward was there, holding out his hand. The umbrella was positioned over the opened door, keeping most of the mist off of me as I got out. I smiled at him, and he closed the door, then slipped his arm around my waist, holding me close to him as we walked.

This was definitely new. We'd never walked quite so close to each other.

It was heaven.

The Secret Fortress was located in an old warehouse, so we had to walk up a few concrete steps to reach the door. We walked under the overhang, and Edward's jaw tightened a bit as he closed the umbrella. He opened the door and walked through, turning around to hold it for me. I heard Greg's gruff voice call out, "Edward! Hey man!"

Huh.

It seems we frequented the same comic shop as well as the same gym. Well, okay, I didn't frequent the gym…but I belonged to it.

All of this passed through my mind in the few seconds it took to follow behind Edward, greeted by my own, "Hey Bella! Great to see you!" as I came through the door.

I glanced up at Edward with a smile and found he was smiling back down at me. He put his arm back around my waist before he answered the shop owner. "Hey Greg…it's good to see you, man."

Greg's eyes were huge as he took in the sight of the two of us. I sighed.

"I was going to introduce you two, but I guess you sort of know each other, huh?" he said with a grin and a speculative look in his eyes.

Fuck.

Greg knew I didn't date…he'd asked me out a couple of times years ago before he got it. He was generally a good guy, though, and he didn't say anything more about it. He just smiled at me and said, "Hey, Bells, we just got Martial Power in. You know Rosalie will want that." He nodded his head toward the back wall, where the Dungeons and Dragons manuals were kept.

I grinned and thanked him before I looked up at Edward.

"Go ahead," he said softly. "I want you to do whatever you want to do. I'm just here to be with you."

I took his hand and smiled at him softly. "You're wonderful," I said honestly.

He looked surprised, and he blushed faintly, ducking his head.

God, he's so fucking cute.

I bit my bottom lip, wanting so badly to just kiss him. Just a little kiss on the cheek. But I was weak and scared. Instead, I squeezed his hand and said, "Be right back," as I made my way to the back of the store.

I intended to grab the manual quickly and make my way back to Edward, but I found a few other books I'd not seen yet. I took one off the shelf and flipped through it, trying to decide if it was worth buying or not. Before I knew it, I was leaning against the wall, absorbed in a passage on dragonkin kobolds. I was muttering aloud to myself as I read, and then I saw Edward's feet just at the edge of my field of vision.

Blushing, I looked up with a sheepish grin. "Oh, sorry…I umm…well, it's dangerous to let me loose around D&D. I get distracted."

He smiled and shook his head. "Don't apologize," he said. "I told you. I want you to do whatever makes you happy tonight. So what's that you're reading?"

"Draconomicon," I answered, closing the book with my finger marking my place and holding it up to show him the cover. "It's about all the different kinds of dragons…" I let the book fall open again to the section I was reading. "I was reading about dragonkin kobolds." I showed him and then shrugged, closing the book with a grin and putting it back on the shelf.

He chuckled. "What the hell are dragonkin kobolds?" he asked.

"Well, kobolds are umm…small, scaly humanoids with doglike heads and red eyes," I grinned. "They love dragons, and apparently dragonkin kobolds sort of worship them and are bound to a master by a scale on their chest." I shrugged. "They're basically just easy creatures for PCs to kill."

"PCs?" he asked, and I found myself explaining the basics of D&D for the second time that day. I pulled down a Player's Handbook and showed Edward a few of the charts and things I was talking about, and he nodded as he listened. Just like everything else, he seemed genuinely interested, asking questions for clarification. He caught on quickly, and I drug him to the counter to show him the collection of polyhedral dice.

"Those are pretty cool," he said, pointing to a set of metallic silver dice.

I smiled and nodded, noticing a set of marbled dice I knew I'd be buying. They were green shot through with swirls of bronze, and they reminded me intensely of the hair and eyes of the beautiful man standing beside me.

I opened the little drawers and motioned to the dice, instructing Edward to roll them. He looked at me curiously, so I explained our superstitions about dice and that he needed to pick out the ones that liked him. He grinned in amusement, but he started rolling anyway.

"So why do I need dice?" he asked as the pile of dice he'd chosen was nearly complete. I'd pulled out some of the bronze-and-green ones and had been rolling them as well, making my own pile.

"Well, umm…I thought if you want, you can play with us while the guys are here?" I said, my eyes following the motion of the D20 I was testing. "Or you can help me DM, if you want…either way, owning dice is never a bad thing," I teased.

"Sounds like fun," he answered, still rolling his dice. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, noticing the playful smile on his face. I grinned and raised my head to look at him fully. He stopped rolling and straightened, looking at me with a smile that softened. He raised his hand and ran the backs of his fingers along my cheek, whispering, "I think I'm done with the dice."

I stared at him for a moment before I realized what he said. Then I blushed and looked down, noticing the different piles. "Oh, me too," I said, and we began putting back the ones we'd decided against. I double-checked Edward's pile, making sure he had the ones he needed while carefully not touching them. He noticed me leaning over with my hands behind my back and laughed softly.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm the DM," I said matter-of-factly. "It's bad luck for me to touch your dice." I shrugged.

He chuckled and shook his head, taking my hand. He raised it and gently kissed my knuckles as he said, "You're so cute."

I blushed as I bit my bottom lip and smiled at him.

I'll have to remember to be a superstitious D&D geek more often.

Seriously…

Who knew?

"Hey, Greg?" I called out. "We're going to leave these dice on the counter…we're buying them." He nodded and waved from the other end of the counter where he standing with the phone on his shoulder as he flipped through a box of comics for a customer.

I turned and looked up at Edward. "So what do you like to look at here?" I asked, my eyebrow raised. I wanted to know what brought him here, too.

"Avengers, X-Men, and Batman, mostly," he answered promptly with a smile, nodding toward the left wall. "I read other random stuff that catches my eye, but those are the standards. Though lately, I've been reading more Spider-Man for some reason." A playful smirk danced on his lips as he looked down at me, and I felt myself smile in response.

"I wonder why that is…" I teased, surprising both of us.

"I'm trying to impress this girl I like," he responded, winking at me.

Fucking hell.

"It's working," I said quietly with my trademark blush.

He smiled at me softly, and I noticed his gaze lingering on my lips for a moment. Finally, he said, "Shall we?" I nodded and followed behind in a bit of a daze as he walked to the shelves. I busied myself with looking through the newer Avengers series while he looked for the X-Men he wanted.

I was examining the cover of one of The Mighty Avengers issues when I felt Edward's pinkie slip into mine. I smiled softly and cut my eyes at him. He wasn't looking at me, just studying the comic in his other hand with a quiet smile on his face. I don't know why, exactly, but I loved that he did that rather than just hold my hand. Playing along, I caressed his pinkie with mine, keeping my eyes on the cover in front of me. We stood that way for a long time, looking at comics and holding pinkies.

It was awesome.

After awhile, Edward said, "I think I'm set…what about you?"

"I'm good," I answered as I picked up the one issue of Civil War I was missing. I turned to see he was holding five or six comics, and I had to smile at the look on his face. He really did love this stuff.

So fucking adorable.

We were walking back to the counter, our pinkies still linked, when I remembered the manual I'd left on the back wall. "Oh, damn…let me go grab that Martial Power…"

Edward took the Civil War issue from my hand and nodded. Even though I went quickly to retrieve the book and bring it back, everything had already been bagged up by the time I returned. Edward had told Greg to add the book I was holding, and he'd paid for all of it. I really wasn't sure how I felt about that, but it seemed to make him happy, so I went with it.

Then I noticed the dice still sitting on the counter. "We forgot something," I said as I nodded toward them. "And I'm buying these," I added.

Edward frowned. "Why?"

"Consider it your welcome gift," I answered.

He grinned. "What am I being welcomed into?"

"Geekdom," I answered. "You have officially arrived when you own a twenty-sided die."

He laughed as Greg dumped the dice into two small dice bags I picked out. Then Edward leaned closer to me, whispering, "If I'd known geeks were like you, I would've gone looking there a long time ago…"

I blushed and felt myself lean towards him, my shoulder brushing against his chest. I tentatively slipped my arm around his waist and tilted my face up, looking at him. We were turned halfway toward each other, and he wrapped his arm around my waist as well, the other hand resting on my hip. I didn't realize we'd gotten lost in each other again until Greg rattled a plastic bag and cleared his throat, dropping the bag on the counter.

Pulling away, I got my wallet out of my coat and paid for the dice, dropping the small bag into the bigger one with the books. We waved to Greg and left as he was getting ready to lock up. It was raining harder outside, so Edward opened the umbrella again as we walked back to his car. He made sure I was safely inside first, and then went around to join me.

As he slid into the driver's seat and turned to put the umbrella in the back floorboard, I said softly, "Thank you, Edward."

He smiled at me. "What's that for?" he asked.

I shrugged. "That was just a lot of fun. I'm glad I got to see you in there."

"In that case…thank you, too," he answered with a small smile as he started the car and began to back out.

Our conversation flowed easily as he drove. I wasn't surprised any more that it was so easy to talk to him. What did still surprise me, though, was the way there seemed to be some sort of…tension between us. It wasn't a bad kind of tension. The opposite, in fact. It was as if there were some sort of charge between us all the time…it was what kept drawing us into those strange, wonderful moments where we forgot the rest of the world existed.

Sitting in the darkened car with him, it was stronger than ever.

I could see his lips in the glow of the dashboard moving as he spoke, and the sight created a yearning deep within me.

I want to kiss him.

It was the second time tonight I'd had the thought. I tore my eyes away, looking out the windshield.

Luckily, the drive was short, and soon we were parking at Public Market Center. Edward again opened my door, though this time the umbrella wasn't necessary as the sky had cleared. We walked through the marketplace, his arm around my waist again. I was happy to realize that I felt safe that way, walking beside him. Rather than making me nervous, the feeling of his arm pressed against my back was a comfort, and I slipped my own arm around his waist, prompting him to smile down at me.

He steered us toward Matt's, and while I'd never been there, I knew of its reputation for serving fresh foods from the market and generally being fantastic. A lot of my students raved about it, and I wondered briefly if it would be ridiculously crowded.

That particular worry was forgotten when Edward led me to a stairway, explaining that the restaurant was on the top floor. The stairwell was narrow, so he let me go, leading the way up. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply before I opened them and focused my eyes on Edward's back.

See? Nothing to worry about. This is Edward.

I repeated that to myself as I followed him, and I felt relieved when we reached the top and Edward turned back to offer me his hand.

When we walked in, it was nothing at all like I'd expected. The restaurant was tiny but absolutely beautiful with walls lined with large half-moon windows. The windows looked down upon the lit marketplace below with a beautiful view of the stars glinting off Elliot Bay in the distance. Each table was filled except for one in the corner near one of the windows. Edward spoke briefly to the maitre d', who led us to the empty table. He again helped me with my chair, and I smiled as I thought of what Mama Hale would think of him.

That reminded me of what I needed to ask him, and I was slightly nervous as we gave our drink orders to the waiter. I was distracted, though, as Edward grinned when I ordered a beer.

"What is it?" I asked when the waiter left.

"You…" he answered, and I arched an eyebrow at him. "I love that you're just always you, no matter what. It's very refreshing." He shrugged, and I blushed as I smiled at him.

"Who else would I be?" I wondered.

"You'd be surprised how some people act on a first date…" he said.

I bit my bottom lip, grinning at him as I realized that he was right. This was our first date. And I hadn't remembered to be nervous once, not since we got into his car. He was just so damn relaxing…I loved being with him.

"I just really like being with you," I told him. He should know that.

"And speaking of…" I continued. He looked at me curiously. "Would you umm…would you like to go with me to the Hales' for Thanksgiving?"

His eyes were happy as he smiled at me. "I'd love to, Bella," he answered, "if you're sure you don't mind having me there."

"Of course I don't mind. Alice told me she's going, and…" I sighed softly before I glanced away. Why was this so hard to say? "I actually feel kind of stupid for not thinking to invite you sooner. I'm…I'm sort of…new…at this," I admitted.

For a moment, the only sounds were those of silverware on plates and the murmur of conversations around us. Then Edward's quiet voice said, "I am too," drawing my gaze back to him. "I…I haven't actually dated anyone since high school. It's all so new to me, too." He placed one hand on the table, palm up, and I slid mine into his without a thought.

"I'm scared, Bella," he admitted softly.

I looked at him for a long moment. All I knew was that things felt…right with him. Maybe that was what Alice meant when she said we'd "get there." I didn't know, but I did know that I didn't want him to be afraid.

"Don't be," I whispered.

He smiled at me, his eyes gentle, as the waiter returned with our drinks. Edward took a sip of his, and he seemed to relax again. We realized we hadn't even opened our menus yet, so Edward asked for a few more minutes. The waiter smiled and nodded, saying he'd be back soon, and we both studied the menu in silence.

Finally, he closed his and said, "Any idea what you want?"

You.

On a plate.

I blushed deeply and a giggle escaped my lips at my uncharacteristic thoughts. I coughed to try to hide it, taking a sip of water. Edward looked at me curiously, but there was no way in hell I was going to explain this one.

I tried to distract him by answering his question. "The salmon looks really good."

He definitely looked amused and even a little frustrated – he knew I was hiding something. But instead of pushing, he said, "I think I'll have the lamb."

I stacked my menu on top of his, and he began telling me his impressions of the newest Avengers series. I loved listening to him talk about anything, but it was amazing to watch him all animated and passionate. He talked with his hands, and the more involved he became, the more often he ran his fingers through his hair.

I began waiting for that, longing to run my fingers through his hair, too. But before I could get too lost in those thoughts, he asked me what I had thought of Civil War, and it was my turn to become animated.

Our conversation continued that way throughout dinner, back and forth, give and take. I had never been able to talk to someone besides Jasper so easily. Even with Rosalie and Felix, I found myself occasionally wondering what to say. That never happened with Edward. If I fell quiet, he always had a question ready that made me think – or laugh. Sometimes both.

Each time the waiter arrived, we would pause for a moment, only to begin anew when he walked away. Our food was unbelievable, and after it arrived, our conversation was occasionally punctuated with comments about it and contented sighs.

Near the end of the meal, Edward sighed softly. He carefully folded his napkin and placed it on the table, resting his right hand on top of it. He played with the corner of the napkin, much like he had at the Thai restaurant.

"I think I should tell you something…" he said, trailing off in a way I didn't like.

I could feel my mind begin to spiral down as it always did, but I resolved to just listen to him. There would be plenty of time for panic later.

He didn't say anything else, so I slowly rested my hand on his and said, "I'm listening," as evenly as I could.

He squeezed my hand and sighed. "I went over to your apartment early today because…" he trailed off again, and he looked down at the food left on his plate. When he continued, his voice was quieter. "I needed to talk to Jasper."

I frowned, confused. "Why did you need to talk to Jasper?"

Edward looked back up at me, and I saw several conflicting emotions in his eyes. I couldn't make sense of it all. He exhaled and shook his head. "I just had some questions for him," he finally said.

"What sort of questions?" I asked.

His fingers tightened around mine, and he stared down at his plate again. I was beginning to wonder if he was going to answer when he said, "I was…jealous."

My brow furrowed. What the fuck?

"Jealous? Of what?" I wondered.

His eyes narrowed slightly as I watched, and he seemed tense.

This is hard for him, I suddenly realized.

"Edward…" I waited for him to look up at me, and I was startled to see anger and shame in his eyes. "Whatever it is, you can tell me," I said softly.

He gazed into my eyes for a long time, and I watched both the anger and shame gradually lift some. He blinked and looked away with a sigh.

When he finally spoke, his voice was quick and low, and I leaned in a little closer to catch everything. "I'm just so fucking jealous that Jasper knows everything about you. That you can just be so relaxed with him, and that he can hold you and sprawl on the bed with you. And that you care about him so much. I know it's stupid and ridiculous. He's your best friend, and you've known him practically your whole life, but it just kept eating at me, and I finally had to go talk to him myself. I was worried about Alice, too – I didn't want her to get hurt in the middle of all this. So I…I asked him if he was…in love with…you…"

I sat motionless, my hand frozen on Edward's.

Jasper? In love with me?

Is he serious?

Must be. Look at him.

But…Jasper?

I know!

…Jasper?

Yes, Jasper, you fucktard. Now pay attention, please. I think he needs you.

I clawed my way out of my stupor and looked at Edward. He was sitting with his eyes downcast, and his face was agonized. I didn't know how long I'd been sitting silently, but I could guess what he was thinking now.

Abruptly, he spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper, "Bella, I'm sorry. I know I sound like an impatient ass…that's not what I mean. I really will wait for you for however long it takes…forever…whatever you need. I was just so scared that maybe Jasper wanted you, too…and you'd choose him instead of me. I…" he took a deep breath, "I can't say I wouldn't understand that, but…god…" He didn't even finish the thought, shaking his head.

"Stop, Edward…" I finally said, gently caressing his hand with my fingertips. He slowly raised his eyes to mine, and the shame was back. The sight made me ache for him. Why would he be ashamed?

"I understand what you're saying. Jasper and I have always been really close, and it's caused some problems over the years, but…Edward…I have never been attracted to Jasper, and he's never wanted to be with me either. It's just not that way with us. Jasper is stupidly in love with Alice -"

And I'm in love with you.

My mouth opened to say the words, but they stuck in my throat. What if he didn't say them back? I swallowed thickly and took a shaky breath.

The silence lengthened as we stared at each other, and I slowly came to realize that this would be my step to make. Edward had taken the lead so often, opening up, letting me in…but he didn't have it in him this time. The sadness and hurt in his eyes was ancient.

Fucking bitch. My inner voices were all in agreement about Tanya, it seemed.

"Edward, I…" Again, I couldn't force the words out. "I'm attracted to you and no one else…you've given me a reason to try again." It wasn't what I wanted to say, but it was the truth, and it was as close as I could get right then.

As he took in what I was saying, he eventually gave me a soft smile and turned his hand up, squeezing my fingers. "You've given me a reason to try again too, Bella," he said quietly.

The waiter stepped in quietly, placing the check on the table.

Edward shook himself lightly and turned the paper over, glancing at it as his hand left mine to reach for his wallet. He placed a small stack of twenties beneath the check and looked up at me, his eyes still sad as he said, "Are you ready to go home?"

I hated that sadness. Our night had been going so well, and now he thought…what? He'd ruined it by talking to Jasper? It was ridiculous for him to be ashamed of his feelings. He'd done nothing wrong.

No way was I letting him go home like this.

"I'm ready to leave," I said carefully, "but…can we go back to your apartment?"

Surprise flitted across his face before he smiled gently, and it touched his eyes this time. "Really?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered simply, "I'm not ready to leave you yet." I blushed as I smiled, but I felt a little bit empowered by my admissions. I liked feeling strong.

My favorite crooked smile appeared on Edward's face, and he stood, helping me with my chair and coat. We walked back to the car in comfortable silence, and this time, Edward held my hand, lacing our fingers together. Twice, he lifted our hands to kiss the back of mine, and while I didn't know what he was thinking, exactly, the gesture let me know that we were okay.

We began talking again as we drove back to his apartment, and our conversation turned to Thanksgiving. Realizing once more that the guys would be here soon, I panicked a bit at the thought that I would be spending very little time with Edward – at least, very little time alone. The boys were big and loud, and they seemed to take up a lot of time…and space. I was generally very grateful for that, as they kept me busy and happy, but now I felt pouty that I had nearly a whole week of Edward-deprivation.

I giggled aloud at the stupid term, and Edward arched an eyebrow at me as he glanced over while we were at a stoplight. I didn't want to answer the unspoken question, so instead I said, "Hey, do you want to come over tomorrow night? Alice, Jasper, and I are just hanging out. I don't really know how much time we'll have once the guys get here."

Edward frowned slightly, and I thought he was going to say he didn't want to, but he said, "I'm supposed to be going out with Emmett tomorrow night…" I felt a little thrill when I realized he was disappointed.

"Why don't you just bring Emmett with you?" I offered. "He knows Alice, right? I'm pretty sure he and Jazz will get along…I'll get Jasper to make some margaritas, and we can play Rock Band or something."

"Okay," he said, "I'll ask him." He reached over and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear before he focused on the road again when the light turned green.

I felt that strange electricity where his skin met mine, and I realized I really wanted to feel more of that. I took a deep breath.

By the time we'd parked and made our way into his apartment, that craving was growing stronger. I was learning that once I started to have those sorts of thoughts about Edward – wanting to touch him, wanting to hug him – I tended to act on them. So I was trying to decide what else I could do that would let me experience that fantastic feeling without causing me to panic. So far, I was coming up blank.

I want to kiss him.

Umm…I want to not panic.

What's your point?

I had no answer, but just the thought of kissing Edward brought with it a confusing mix of excitement and dread. I didn't take that as an encouraging sign.

Edward led me to the living room, and I took a seat in the middle of the couch as he asked me if I wanted something to drink. I told him to get me whatever he was having, and he flashed me his crooked grin before he wandered off into the kitchen. I let my eyes wander around the room while he was gone, and they were drawn to his guitar. I'd wanted to ask him to play last night, but I couldn't work up the nerve, and then the conversation had taken a turn that didn't really allow for that sort of thing.

When he came back in, I was still looking at his guitar, and he smiled at me as he handed me a glass of water. I arched an eyebrow at him, and he laughed, saying, "You said whatever I was having…"

I shrugged with a grin of my own and took a drink.

He settled onto the end of the couch, and I wondered if I should move a bit closer. In the end, I stayed where I was, though I felt stupidly far away from him.

"So you were looking at my guitar again, hmm?" he asked with a playful gleam in his eyes.

"Yeah, it looks pretty nice," I said lamely.

I wished I could figure out why I could sometimes be so bold with him, and other times I couldn't do something as simple as ask him to play something for me.

As if he could read my mind, Edward stood and walked over to the entertainment center, returning with his guitar. He took a seat on the floor with his back to the couch as he paused to push the sleeves of his shirt up. He began tuning the guitar and idly fingering the strings, and my eyes widened as I watched the movement of his forearms and fingers.

Good. Fucking. God.

How could something so simple be so…seductive? I moved around in front of him and sat on the floor as well. If he was going to play, I wanted to be able to really see him.

When I sat, he looked up at me. His hair had fallen over his forehead, partially shading his eyes, and his smile was deliciously mischievous. He wasn't making this easy for me. I reached over, my fingers trembling slightly as I brushed back his hair. His eyes widened as he watched me before he whispered, "Thanks."

We watched each other for a long time, and then Edward finally ducked his head, blushing lightly. He played a few chords, just messing around, and the sight and sounds were enough to give me the courage I needed.

"Edward?" I asked. "Would you mind playing something for me?"

His eyes found mine, and we were both blushing. Instead of answering, he closed his eyes, a look of concentration on his face. I watched, fascinated, as his lips pursed lightly, and then he finally gave a soft, almost sad smile. He began playing quietly, his eyes still closed, and I brought my knees to my chest as I listened, wrapping my arms around my legs.

I felt like I vaguely recognized the melody, but I had a hard time concentrating on it as I took in the sight of Edward so absorbed in his music. He was confident as he played, his fingers moving surely while his face spoke of the emotion he felt. He was in another world, and I ached to follow him there. Since I couldn't, I memorized the way his head tilted to the right, the small movements of his face, the way his lips pursed and relaxed, how his wild hair danced with each little movement of his head.

Just as I realized which song he was playing, Edward's mouth opened, and he began to sing. I felt my jaw drop slightly, and I listened carefully, drinking up each sound. His voice was soft and plaintive…and even more beautiful than his laugh as he sang,

Staring at the sea

Will she come?

Is there hope for me?

After all is said and done

Anything at any price

All of this for you…

Tears pricked my eyes, stinging as I blinked them back. I didn't want to miss a second of this. I bit my bottom lip, resting my chin on my knees. Edward's voice was a gentle caress, but it was the sight of him so free and passionate…giving himself over so completely to his music that made me yearn for him.

I love this man.

I could think of nothing more as he continued his song. His voice softened as he neared the end, singing, "I can still feel you, even so far away…" again and again.

He played the final cord, and his hands stilled, the music hanging heavy in the air as he sat with his eyes still closed, his head bowed. Gradually, I shifted to my hands and knees and inched toward him. I saw his bronze hair move as my breath stirred it, but still he didn't open his eyes. Slowly, carefully, I leaned closer and pressed my lips to his forehead.

I stayed there for an immeasurable moment, reveling in the sensation of kissing Edward before resting back on my heels. When his eyes opened, they were a darker green than I'd ever seen, and there was a hunger deep within them. His gaze travelled slowly and deliberately over my body, lingering here and there before he looked back into my eyes. I was frozen in place, and my body and mind seemed to be warring.

Edward glanced at my lips, reflexively licking his own, and I gasped lightly as I felt a flutter of panic. Immediately, I was annoyed with myself. Why did it always fucking happen when I least wanted it to?

The sound reached Edward in whatever place he was, and he blinked, leaning back against the couch. He seemed shaken as he sat breathing heavily for a minute. He closed his eyes again, and when he opened them, they were lighter and filled with nothing but concern.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered.

I frowned at him. "What are you sorry for?" I asked.

He smiled sadly. "For frightening you…I didn't mean to." He looked down.

Fuck.

And the worst part was that I couldn't honestly deny it. I had been afraid.

But it wasn't his fault. I was just fucked up.

I reached out, placing one finger under his chin as I tilted it up. "It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong," I whispered sincerely. "And thank you…that was beautiful."

He gave me a small smile, but his eyes were still sad. I was determined to lift his mood, so I teased him a bit, saying, "You're in trouble now, you know…"

He arched an eyebrow and said, "Trouble?"

I nodded seriously. "Mmhmm."

He grinned at my playful tone. "What kind of trouble?"

"I had no idea you could play and sing like that…I hope you realize you'll be doing that at least, oh…once an hour from now on." I grinned at him.

He smiled in response and murmured, "Whatever my Bella wishes…"

I blinked at him and blushed, my smile broadening. He seemed to realize what he'd said and blushed as well, clearing his throat. He thought for a second and then looked at me with a mischievous grin.

"I think you'll know this one…" he said, and I listened as he began plucking a simple melody. When he started singing, I had to laugh.

I've got the Dungeon Master's Guide.
I've got a 12-sided die.

I joined in, grinning at him as I sang,
I've got Kitty Pryde
And Nightcrawler too
Waiting there for me.
Yes I do, I do.

The rest of the night passed in much the same way, swinging between moments of pure happiness and moments of uncertainty. Any time things seemed to be getting too tense, one of us would lighten the mood, but through it all, we were getting to know each other, and I loved every moment of it.

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A/N: The first song Edward sings is "The Great Below" by Nine Inch Nails. Pinkieward hasn't exactly spent the last decade learning love songs – this was the song that came to mind for him. Many thanks to my woman hammondgirl for helping pick out the song. The second song is "In the Garage" by Weezer. Links to both songs – as well as Bella and Edward's dice because I'm that nerdy - can be found to the right.