A/N: I don't own anything you recognize.
Thank you so much to hammondgirl, AHelm, and kimberlycullen10 for looking over various parts of this chapter for me – and to naelany for staying up super late and doing a final read through for me :)
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EPOV
When I woke up Monday morning, I was exhausted and confused. I couldn't figure out why I was awake, as my bedroom was still dark and I didn't remember hearing anything. I lay on my stomach with my face pressed into the pillow and groaned as I squinted over at the clock.
8:48
Shit!
I pushed myself out of bed and stumbled toward the bathroom. Halfway there, I caught my toe on the bed post and growled, "Fuck!" I limped the rest of the way, cursing to myself.
This day was not starting out well.
Around 1:00 this morning, Bella had walked me to the door, and we'd said good night. She'd hugged me tightly and invited me over for breakfast with the guys at 9:00. I'd been disappointed that she didn't ask me to stay with her again. Even though I'd slept by her side for only one night, I already craved the feeling of her next to me. She'd seemed surprised that I was leaving, but neither of us had mentioned the possibility of my staying over. It was the first awkwardness we'd felt since that morning when we'd admitted so many things.
I didn't like it.
It wasn't like I could expect her asking me to spend one night with her to give me free reign to stay whenever I wanted - but fuck if I didn't wish it did.
Of course, that would probably mean I'd stay every night.
With a sigh, I started the shower and sat down on the edge of the tub to check out the damage to my toe. Thankfully, I wasn't bleeding, but it looked like I'd have another injury to add to my growing collection.
Fucking brilliant.
I stood again and leaned toward the mirror, resting my weight on the palms of my hands against the counter. I didn't need to shave too badly, so I decided to skip it, and I noticed that the swelling of my nose had gone down, though the bruise beneath my eye had darkened. I grimaced and put my contacts in before I stepped into the shower.
I washed quickly, letting the scent of sandalwood from my soap help clear my mind. I realized I was moving at a frantic pace and tried to slow myself down. I felt a little frenzied, and I knew it would not be a good idea to arrive at Bella's feeling out of control – especially not with what waited there for me.
I forced myself to take a bit more time washing my hair, but that was all I could manage before I shut off the shower and jumped out. I dried in a hurry and wrapped my towel around my waist, glancing at my clock as I moved quickly to my closet.
8:56.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
I flipped on the light in my closet and grabbed the first shirt I saw, barely noticing it was a white long-sleeved t-shirt. I pulled it over my head, raking my fingers through my hair as I went to my dresser to grab a clean pair of boxers and socks. I picked up my jeans from the floor and put it all on, sitting down to shove my feet into my shoes and cursing when I hit my toe again. I went back into the bathroom briefly to finish getting ready and then grabbed my phone and keys on the way out the door.
As I drove to Bella's, I turned the music down and called her but didn't get an answer. I frowned as I tossed the phone into the passenger seat and cranked the music again, driving too quickly in my rush to get to her.
I parked and had to work not to jog to the door when I saw that it was now 9:12. That was without a doubt the quickest I'd ever gotten ready and to my destination, but I was cursing myself for forgetting to set my alarm. I'd really hoped to beat the guys here this morning.
I took a deep breath as I reached her door and ran my fingers through my hair before I knocked. There was no answer at first, so I waited for a moment, fidgeting and leaning over to look in the window. I didn't see anyone, so I knocked again. A few seconds later, Jasper opened the door and grinned as he took in my damp hair and scruffy jaw.
"Sleep well?" he greeted me as he stepped back to let me in. I could hear Alice's voice mixed with several masculine ones as they talked and laughed. I didn't hear Bella though.
I made a face and said, "Not really, but I forgot to set my fucking alarm."
He laughed and led me to the kitchen where I found Bella standing at the stove cooking. She was wearing a dark blue apron with her hair in that messy bun, and I was surprised to see she was still in her pajamas. Thank god that apron was covering up the curves her X-Men shirt revealed so appealingly otherwise. I knew these guys were her friends…but I also knew it never hurt to look. And I hated the thought of any of those fuckers looking at her.
Jasper said, "Bells?"
She turned and nearly squealed, "Edward!" when she saw me, instantly erasing so much of my annoyance from the morning. She walked straight to me, and as soon as she was wrapped in my arms, the remainder faded away, leaving me with the contentment that only she could provide.
"I missed you," I said quietly without even fully intending to.
Bella's cheek pressed even closer against me as she held me tightly and said, "I missed you too. That was a long night."
I held her for awhile, my hand gently stroking her hair before she finally squeezed me and then let go, saying, "You hungry?" as she went back to the stove.
Finally looking around, I realized that there were bowls and platters all around the kitchen, some waiting to be filled while the contents of others had already been devoured. Bella was just taking up a pan full of scrambled eggs with cheese, scraping them into a bowl before she began cracking more. I glanced into the dining room and saw all the guys gathered around the gaming table with plates in front of them. Serving dishes with eggs, hash browns, biscuits, bacon, and the like were spread along the length. Jasper had returned to his seat by Alice, but I didn't see Rosalie anywhere. The guys were joking together, laughing as they ate. Even Jake and Paul had smiles on their faces.
"Have you eaten yet?" I answered.
She shook her head with a laugh. "No, I make sure to feed the hungry horde first. Otherwise, they get grumpy."
I frowned as I walked over to stand near her, leaning against the counter so I could look at her. Her cheeks were flushed pink, but there was happiness in her eyes. She really liked taking care of these guys, just like she liked taking care of me.
"Can I help you with anything?" I asked. No way was I going to sit with the rest of them while she was so busy in here cooking.
Her eyes flickered to mine as she said, "Sure…can you take that to the table?" She nodded toward the bowl she'd just filled. As I picked it up, she said, "Watch out for your fingers, though," and gave me a playful grin.
I bent down and kissed her cheek, causing her to lean toward me. She sighed softly and whispered, "Thank you."
"No thanks needed, sweetheart," I said quietly as I smiled down at her. Her cheeks flushed darker pink, and she went back to stirring the eggs, humming softly to herself.
As I walked into the dining room, a chorus of, "Edward!" went up from around the table. Several of the guys reached out hands for me to shake, and Felix patted me on the shoulder with one of his meaty paws. I greeted them all and placed the bowl in the center of the table just as I heard the front door open.
Rosalie walked into the room, followed once again by Emmett. He'd thankfully lost the stupid hat, but he was still wearing that fucking ridiculous grin. The guys greeted both him and Rosalie much as they had me, but Emmett's grin faded when Rosalie walked straight over to Embry, who stood with a broad smile.
"There's the love of my life!" Rosalie said as she hugged Embry tightly. They kissed each other on both cheeks like they were damn Europeans before they pulled back, still keeping their arms around each other.
Embry grinned and said, "The woman of my dreams! I was wondering when you were going to say hi." He glanced over her head and winked at Emmett, who was scowling. "I figured you were a little too busy to bother with me."
"Oh, I always have time for you," Rosalie said coyly, and they both laughed.
I caught Emmett's eye, and he was staring at me with a look that clearly said, What the fuck? I actually felt for him because of the dumbfounded expression on his face, and we both turned to look at Jasper, who just shook his head and grinned in a manner that said, They're always fucking like this. Hell if I know.
Adding to my friend's confusion, Rosalie let Embry go and immediately stepped back to Emmett's side as she said hi to the other guys. Embry clapped Emmett on the shoulder before he sat back down.
I shrugged at Emmett, just as confused as he was.
Rosalie turned and whispered something to Emmett, whose smile returned immediately. He put his arm around her waist, and she gave him a small, soft smile before they both took seats at the table. Emmett reached for a basket of biscuits, and I was stunned to see him offer one to Rosalie first.
What do you know…?
I grinned and walked back into the kitchen, where I stopped at the doorway to watch for a moment. Bella was humming to herself, and she was dancing a bit, just a little shake of her hips here and there. She was so fucking tempting. All I wanted to do was sneak up behind her, wrap my arms around her waist, and kiss the sweet skin just beneath her ear.
Instead, I walked toward her slowly and said, "Bella?" to let her know I was there. She glanced over her shoulder again and smiled at me as I returned to my place by the stove. "Did you sleep okay?" I asked.
She made a face and said, "Not really…" before she shot me a glance out of the corner of her eye. "Did you?"
I sighed softly. "Not really," I admitted. "It took me a long time to fall asleep, and then I overslept. I'm sorry I was late."
Bella smiled quietly and said, "I'm just glad you came. I was wondering if maybe you decided to stay home or something…"
I frowned. "Why would I do that?"
Bella shrugged, carefully keeping her eyes on the eggs she was stirring, though her spoon slowed. I reached out and placed my hand beneath her chin, gently tilting it up. She hesitantly raised her eyes to mine, and I hated the uncertainty I saw there.
"I guess a part of me was kind of worried you'd…changed your mind," she said so softly I barely heard her. She bit her bottom lip and stared into my eyes. "I know it's stupid…" she finally glanced away, looking back at the pan on the stove.
All was quiet in the kitchen for a moment, the only sounds those of the joking conversations from the dining room and the sizzle from the stove. "You're right. It is stupid to think I'd change my mind…" I said quietly. "But I understand."
My last words drew her eyes to mine again. "You do?" she asked.
I nodded slowly and finally admitted, "A part of me worries constantly that you'll come to your senses and realize you're way too good for me."
My chest was tight as I watched for her reaction, and I realized that – once again – I was waiting to hear those words from her. I wasn't good enough. She wanted more.
She deserved more.
Bella frowned, furrowing her brow as she set her wooden spoon to the side. She walked the few steps to where I was resting on the counter and leaned against me. My arms moved to wrap around her waist and she snaked hers around mine. She rested her cheek against my chest and said, "Edward, I love you. You are perfect for me…and I just hope I can be for you."
It was so surreal. I could hear Quil's voice and booming laughter from the dining room not ten feet away, but I felt tears stinging my eyes at Bella's words. I leaned down, kissing the top of her head as I waited for the lump in my throat to dissolve. When I could speak, I whispered, "I love you, Bella…completely."
I felt her smile against my chest, and she hugged me tightly for a moment before she let go and stood up straight. I noticed her brushing away tears as well, and I hated that I'd somehow brought up a subject that had ruined her carefree mood from moments earlier. She looked up at me and said, "Don't be sad, please…I'm fine. It's just…well, it's just all so new, you know?"
I brushed my thumb along her cheekbone, drying the last of her tears as I nodded slowly. "It's a little scary, isn't it?" I gave her a small smile, and she returned it tremulously.
She nodded before she bit her bottom lip. "But you make it all worth it…" she whispered, and I saw that happiness creeping back into her eyes. She smiled at me and lifted up onto her toes as she steadied herself with her hands on my upper arms. She leaned in slowly, her eyes on mine the whole way, and kissed me tenderly on the cheek.
I really couldn't help it this time – I couldn't fight the urge I felt. I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist and crushed her to me, lifting her from the ground as I buried my face in the crook of her neck. Bella's arms encircled my shoulders, and I felt her fingers tangle in my hair. I held her that way for only a brief moment, but I had never felt more complete than I did in that instant. I felt all the worry and uncertainty draining from both of us, and when I set her back down, she was grinning up at me, that playful glimmer back in her eyes.
My own smile felt strangely light, and I realized that – for once – I was utterly happy. I wasn't brooding or worried or harboring some resentment, and I wasn't just not upset. I was simply…happy. Those moments were so few and far between for me that I took a minute to just soak it in and appreciate it fully as I watched Bella stir the eggs again. They were a little brown around the edges, but the horde could fucking deal.
I was in love with Bella. And she was in love with me.
A few overcooked eggs were a small price to pay for a moment like that with my girlfriend.
Bella was humming again as she dumped the last of the eggs into a bowl and said, "Hungry now?" as she glanced at me with a wink.
Holy hell.
That cute, flirtatious shit was going to make it awfully hard to behave…but I fucking loved it. I felt the smirk on my face as my thoughts drifted to a different sort of hunger than the one she intended. I answered simply, "Starving. What about you?"
She grinned at me as she nodded and picked up the bowl. As she started to walk toward the dining room, I asked her what she wanted to drink, and she had a sweet, silly look on her face before she answered, "Oh! Umm…milk? Thanks…"
She watched me with a fond expression as I got a glass for each of us and then led the way into the dining room. I could feel her eyes on my back, and I would swear I heard her sigh for some reason.
The only open seats at the table were between Felix and Jake. I wasn't sure where Bella would want to sit, so I put down both glasses and took the bowl from her, setting it in the middle of the table. I looked down at her, and she stepped toward the chair by Felix, making me grin like a fucking idiot as I pulled out her chair for her. I helped guide it back under the table and then took the seat beside Jake.
I could feel him tense beside me as he placed his napkin on the table, and I thought he was about to stand. Instead, he sat quietly while Bella and I fixed our plates, clearing his throat just as I was taking my first bite. I glanced over to see him looking at me, and he said, "I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself yesterday…I'm Jacob Black."
He held his hand out, and all the conversations around the table got a little quieter. No one actually stopped talking, and everyone was carefully keeping their eyes away from us, but the hush made it clear that everyone was paying attention.
I swallowed the food I'd just eaten and wiped my hands on my napkin before I shook his and said, "I'm Edward Cullen. It's nice to meet you."
His eyes tightened before he nodded. He said, "So-" but was cut off by a knock on the door. The room was quiet as every head turned toward the noise briefly before conversations resumed. Jake remained silent, his gaze focused on his plate. Embry, who was sitting at the end closest to the hall, left to answer the door.
As footsteps sounded down the hallway, the guys began to stand, the ones who were finished tossing their napkins on the table. Embry was grinning as he returned, leading what could only be Alex and Jane. The two were eerily similar, with Alex being only slightly more masculine than his sister. They both had pale blonde hair and equally light blue eyes and were incredibly beautiful in an alien sort of way. They were thin and fairly short, making them seem tiny compared to all the others standing around them.
The guys moved to greet them, but as I watched, I was struck by how the twins seemed to keep themselves apart. They were more reserved, less boisterous than the rest of the group, and they held back a bit. Alex shook hands politely with the guys, and both Rosalie and Bella hugged him, but he seemed almost mechanical in his actions. Jane, on the other hand, turned her aloofness into a weapon, somehow managing to arrange herself in the best light, nearly posing as she smiled demurely at the boys.
She began hugging each in turn, kissing him on the cheek, and there were a few she whispered to. Felix stayed firmly in his seat and waved at her instead, while Jared shook her hand and gave her what could only be the guy hug, staying well away from her and patting her on the back.
When she reached Jasper, he held out his hand to shake hers, but she pressed herself close to him and held on to him in a way that was making me uncomfortable. Suddenly my little sister was there in between them. Jasper wrapped his arms around Alice's waist as he introduced them, but that did nothing to quiet Alice's furious glare.
That bitch is in trouble if she doesn't stay away from Jasper.
No shit…
I was so busy watching Alice catalog a hundred and one ways to kill Jane that I didn't realize at first that Bella was introducing me to Alex. I heard my name and turned to see Bella smiling at him. We shook hands, and I noticed that his was thin and cool, making it feel frail. He smiled at me, saying, "I'm really happy to meet you, Edward," but his eyes seemed somehow far away, as if he weren't fully there.
Is he…high?
Before I could further debate the mystery of Alex, Jane stepped in front of him and looked up at me with a small, coy smile. Bella stepped back immediately and turned partially toward me, putting one arm around my waist while her other hand rested flat against my chest. With strained politeness, she said, "Jane, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Edward."
I could feel the tension from her fingertips when Jane said, "It's great to meet you, Edward," and moved a little closer, opening her arms as if she were going to hug me. I held out my hand and shook hers hastily, but Jane held on to my hand as her eyes appraised me thoughtfully, travelling all the way down to my feet before they made their way slowly back up. She allowed her gaze to openly linger in certain areas as she bit her bottom lip, although the action was nothing like the natural way Bella did it. This was calculated, designed to evoke a response from whoever was watching her.
Unfortunately for her, it did not evoke the response she was hoping for. Bella's grip tightened around my waist, and I held back a wide grin. She was fucking adorable when she was possessive like this. I refused to let her feel insecure at all, though, so I pulled my hand free from Jane's and wrapped Bella in my arms as I said politely, "It's nice to meet you, Jane."
Her eyes narrowed just slightly before she flashed Bella and me a warm smile that didn't reach her eyes. She hugged Jake then, rubbing his back as she whispered to him. He nodded, his cheek pressed against hers, and she turned to give him a small kiss on his jaw. He smiled at her as he straightened.
Alex had finished greeting everyone and was standing near the doorway, watching as Jane moved toward Emmett and Rosalie. There was a look of barely-concealed distaste on Rosalie's face as she hugged the smaller girl, but when Jane turned toward Emmett, the thin mask fell away, and Rosalie said flatly, "I don't think so, bitch. That one's mine."
I had never seen a smile that fucking big on Emmett's face. He was goddamn beaming as he took a small step that put him behind Rosalie, and he rested his hands on her hips. Looking over her shoulder, he said, "Emmett McCarty. Good to meet you, Jane."
The room was in a sort of stunned silence as Rosalie glanced back and smiled at Emmett. Finally, someone snorted. The guys began talking and laughing again, helping diffuse the anger that was rolling off Jane. Bella was struggling to keep a smirk off her face as she asked the twins what they wanted to drink. Jake and Embry took their plates into the kitchen, clearing the way for Alex and Jane to sit.
Bella obviously felt a little bad for the way Jane was received because she helped serve them and made sure they had everything they needed before she returned to her seat to eat. I finished my breakfast before she did and sat playing with the corner of my napkin as I talked to Felix on the other side of Bella. He was filling me in on the Seahawks game the day before when I felt Bella's hand on my knee. She was talking to Rosalie sitting across the table, and I had to smile at the casual touch. I reached behind her, resting my hand on her shoulder as I rubbed her neck with my thumb, and I saw her smile out of the corner of my eye.
Just as Alex was putting down his fork, Bella glanced around the table and said, "Alright, guys. Time to clean up. You know what to do." I watched, amused, as each of the guys stood up and collected his own plate, glass, and silverware. They formed a line in the kitchen, rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher.
Soon, Bella and I were alone at the table. I looked over at her, and she grinned at me. "What?" she said. "I cook for them. I'm not cleaning up after their nasty asses too." I chuckled and leaned over, kissing her forehead as her eyelids fluttered closed. She opened her eyes again, and we spent a few minutes just looking at each other. I was sure my smile probably matched the soft, happy one on Bella's face.
Jake and Embry came back in the room, breaking up our quiet moment as they began gathering the serving dishes. They were talking animatedly about the characters they had started creating the night before, and neither glanced at us as they worked. The set of Jake's shoulders was stiff, but he seemed to be working to control it.
I stood, stacking our plates and silverware as Bella collected our glasses. The ease with which we worked together on something as simple as this reminded me of the natural way breakfast had felt with her yesterday morning, and I found myself counting the days until the guys left again.
When we walked into the kitchen, Jake took the plates from me with a tight smile and put them in the sink before he took the glasses from Bella. Embry said, "We got this, B," and grinned at her, shooing us away with his hand.
Bella said, "Thanks, guys!" with a huge grin and reached down to take my hand. Once we reached the hall, Bella decided to go change. She handed me her apron and asked if I would hang it up for her before she turned to go. I watched her leave, my eyes drawn to the curve of her hips swaying as she walked. I shook myself and turned away.
You've got a long day ahead of you, Cullen.
Yeah, don't even start thinking about that shit.
I hung Bella's apron on the hook just inside the kitchen door, and both Embry and Jake glanced over when I stepped inside. Embry gave me a nod and a grin, while Jake just turned back to doing the dishes. He at least wasn't glaring as much this morning, but there were clearly some hard feelings on his side. All things considered, I couldn't blame him.
I went into the living room, where I found people sprawled everywhere. Everyone was going to be spending the day just hanging out, playing games and watching TV, so I settled in on the loveseat as I watched Quil, Felix, Jared, and Alice play Wii. They'd pulled out the Raving Rabbids game and were laughing more than they were actually playing as they tried to race on the weird warthogs. As they were racing, Bella walked back into the room wearing a black Rage Against the Machine t-shirt and jeans with a hole in the knee. She came over to sit by me on the loveseat, settling in with my arm around her shoulders.
We watched together until Jared finally won with Alice close behind him in second place. Jared held up his hand for a high five, and Alice celebrated with him as Quil and Felix gave up their spots to Jasper and Bella. We spent the rest of the morning playing different games, and a smaller group broke off to play cards on part of the gaming table while Embry and Paul set up Risk on the other half. Alex sat quietly on the couch, watching us play and occasionally smiling, but he never played himself. I saw Jane in the dining room, hovering around the Risk board.
It was a lot more fun than I'd been expecting, and it seemed like no time before Quil started grumbling that he was hungry. His complaints triggered others, and soon we were deciding what to do for lunch. We settled on pizza, and Bella and Emmett said they wanted wings too. Eventually, it was decided that the ladies would go pick up the wings while we waited for the pizza to be delivered. Emmett and I offered to go instead, but Rosalie patted his cheek and said, "We can't very well gossip about you if we're never away from you, now can we?"
Alice giggled while Bella blushed. I couldn't help but wonder what she'd have to say about me. Jane arched an eyebrow coolly, and Bella reluctantly said, "You're coming with us, right Jane?" Rosalie had the decency to turn her face away before she rolled her eyes, but Alice didn't bother to hide her frown.
It took us several minutes to settle on a pizza order, and when we finally did, Bella called it in before the girls got ready to leave. She snapped her phone closed and put it in her pocket as she grinned at me from the doorway. She tilted her head toward her bedroom before she walked down the hall.
Huh?
I actually shrugged before I stood and followed. She was already sitting on her bed, putting on her shoes when I walked in. Still leaning over, she smiled up at me and said, "Close the door?"
I reached behind me and did as she asked, looking at her curiously. She laughed softly and patted the bed beside her. I took the few steps necessary to reach her and sat down, still confused.
Bella turned to look at me, biting her bottom lip gently as she reached up and ran her fingers through my hair. "Sorry…it's just been so…weird…not being alone with you at all. I guess I sort of got used to it…" She blushed lightly.
I smiled at her gently as I said, "I know exactly what you mean." I had spent most of the morning trying to ignore the urge to get Bella alone, to have her to myself. I realized I was grinning stupidly at the knowledge that she'd felt the same way. She leaned toward me, hugging me tightly as she settled her cheek on my shoulder. I sighed contentedly as I rested my head against hers. I rubbed her back lightly, and we held each other in silence before we pulled away at the same time.
Bella grinned up at me and said, "I better go. The girls are waiting on me." I nodded and helped her up then walked her to the door. Rosalie, Alice, and Jane were standing there waiting, jackets already on, as we made our way to them. Rosalie arched an eyebrow with an amused expression, and Alice was looking at me thoughtfully. I said goodbye to them all and squeezed Bella's hand just before they left.
As soon as the door closed, I walked straight back to Bella's room to use her bathroom as I thought about the unusual confidence she had been showing since breakfast. I loved the new confident Bella, but it reminded me a little of how she was the night I watched her raid. I couldn't quite tell if having the guys around was making her that way, or if she was just becoming that much more comfortable with me, and the difference irked me.
I glanced in the mirror as I washed my hands, noticing that my forehead was marred by lines as my brow furrowed. I wasn't looking my best with a day's growth of beard on my chin and the purplish bruise from Bella beneath my eye. With a shrug, I dried my hands and left the bathroom, turning off the light.
I was thirsty, so I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, and I was just filling it at the refrigerator when Jake walked in. He looked surprised and had a mildly annoyed expression on his face, so I assumed he hadn't expected to find himself alone with me. He waited until I stepped aside and then opened the refrigerator, grabbing a can of Mountain Dew. I thought for a minute he was going to walk back out, but then he turned around and leaned against the counter, setting his drink to the side.
Again, he crossed his arms and looked at me, but this time, he seemed to be deciding what to say instead of simply glaring. I took that as my cue to stay and sipped my water as I leaned back against the opposite counter.
"So umm…Bella said you're in med school?" he finally asked.
"Yeah," I answered, "I start clinicals next year and have a couple more years before my internship." I paused for a moment. "Jasper told me you just started a new program, right?"
Jake was nodding before I finished the question. "I've spent the last few years working in a garage in Port Angeles, but I decided I don't want to do that forever, you know? So I went back to school. I'm just working on my core right now…not really sure what I want to do yet." I noticed he seemed to relax as he spoke, and he actually smiled by the end.
Of course, then he glanced at me, and his smile faded as his eyes tightened. He reached over and opened his can, taking a long drink from it.
"Well, you've got time, right?" I said. "It's not like you have to decide right now."
"Sure, sure," he answered before growing quiet again. After a moment of thought he said, "So what else do you do? Can't be med school all the time."
I smiled. "No, definitely not med school all the time…but it does take up a lot of my time. The rest I just spend hanging out with Emmett or Bella." I shrugged, and I saw him frown. "What about you?" I asked.
The conversation was decidedly awkward, as we each seemed to be trying too hard to come up with something to say that didn't get at the one thing I knew was on both our minds…Bella.
We spoke for a few minutes more as Jake told me a bit about his life on the reservation, which seemed to consist of a lot of bonfires and outdoor recreation. We were still floundering, each of us trying to be polite though we felt the other's tension, when Jake finally said, "Hey man…what happened to you anyway?"
I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
He gestured toward my face. "Your eye. What'd you do to it? Run into a door?" He grinned sarcastically, and I gave a tight smile.
He seemed to be trying to lighten the mood and get along with me, and I seriously considered just going along with his suggestion…but I knew I couldn't do that. I thought for a minute about how to word it, but I couldn't find anything brilliant, so in the end, I simply said, "Umm…Bella hit me, actually."
It sounded more hesitant than I would've liked, but I calmly sipped my water as I watched Jake's face. His eyes slowly narrowed.
"Why did Bella hit you? What did you do?" his voice was lower, menacing, and I raised an eyebrow in response.
It's gonna be that way, is it fucker?
I knew Bella would be upset if we fought, so I tried to keep my tone civil and refrain from cursing as I said, "She was upset about something a couple of nights ago. She started to leave, and I didn't want her to drive that way, so I stopped her."
"Stopped her how?" was all he said.
"I caught her wrist. She panicked and hit me," I shrugged, refusing to react to the condescending possessiveness I could hear seeping into his tone.
He raised both eyebrows as he asked, "And what the fuck did you do to upset her?"
Suddenly, I'd had enough of his insinuations and his questions. I couldn't believe he was sitting there, implying that I was the reason Bella had been upset. Of course it could be only me, right? There could be no other reason – only the asshole boyfriend. My vision became clouded as my own eyes narrowed.
"Actually, she was upset about something that Rosalie had to tell her. I couldn't take watching her storm out of here when she couldn't even hear us talking to her, so yes, I grabbed her wrist." My restraint finally gave a bit as I added, "And I'd fucking do it again too."
Jake said, "That shows exactly how well you know her, doesn't it? You can't just fucking grab Bella and pull her back."
The instant he suggested that I didn't know Bella, any control I had snapped. I felt myself push away from the counter and take a step toward him, and it was only by sheer force of will that I stayed where I was. I said, "I knew when I stopped her that she'd be upset, but it was a hell of a lot better than the alternative of her wrapped around a telephone pole somewhere. She snapped out of it as soon as she hit me, and I'd say a black eye is a small fucking price to pay to keep her safe."
He rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath.
"You want to say that shit louder?" I asked, and a small part of my mind said uh oh as Edward-the-Fuckhole struggled to break free. I fought it back but my fists clenched with the effort.
Then Jake pushed away from the counter and taunted, "Alright, if you think you can handle hearing it."
I just glared at him, waiting for him to continue.
"I said," he began, "that Bella would be a hell of a lot better off with someone who actually knows her. Someone who understands her."
"I know Bella." My voice was low. "I have done nothing since we met but talk to her and listen to her and learn about her. Don't you dare imply that I don't know her."
He rolled his eyes again, and it was all I could do not to hit him then. He said, "And that's been what? All of a goddamn month? Not even. You think you know her? I know her better than you ever will."
I could feel my fingertips digging into my palms as I answered. "You think you know her just because you've been around her for so long? Let me tell you, you can spend all the fucking time in the world around someone, but that doesn't mean shit if they don't let you in. Bella's opened up to me."
"And what makes you think she hasn't opened up to me?" he countered.
I realized that this argument wasn't going anywhere, and honestly, it was pointless anyway. Neither of us would convince the other, and we were arguing over something that really didn't fucking matter. What mattered was what Bella wanted. So I gathered what control I had and said, "Look, we could argue about this shit all day, but it seems to me that Bella's made her choice."
Jake had been ready to speak again, but his jaw snapped shut, his teeth clicking together. He glared at me for a few seconds before he turned and stalked out of the room. He nearly knocked over Jasper, who was just walking into the kitchen, and we heard the front door slam a few seconds later.
Jasper looked at me and shook his head. "Guess that shit was bound to happen," was all he said as he went to the refrigerator to get a drink. He hopped up on the counter as he opened the can. "You alright, man?"
I sighed, shaking my head as well. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that."
"Nah, don't apologize…like I said, it had to happen sooner or later." He shrugged. "Jake's a good guy, but he's been interested in Bella for a long time. He's got to be disappointed."
I nodded before I rubbed my hands across my face. I exhaled loudly and shook my head, trying to let it all go. Something about Jake's words was bothering me. Something about the implication that they knew her better than I did got under my skin – it was true that they all had experiences with her that I never would.
Of course, you already have experiences that they never will.
And hopefully more soon, right?
I frowned at the uncertainty of that thought, and it didn't have nearly the calming effect I'd hoped it would. Jasper grinned as if he knew what I was thinking and said, "Seriously, dude, don't let it get to you. I heard the end of that – he's wrong. You know Bella." He shrugged.
I managed a small smile and followed Jasper as he led the way back into the living room. I took my place on the loveseat again, and I tried my best not to brood. I kept looking around at each of the guys, though, and I found myself wondering…what had she told Felix that I didn't know yet? Had she liked holding Jake's hand? Did Embry already know where she got that little scar on her chin? Was Jared there when it happened?
The questions were going to drive me insane if I didn't control them, so I did my best to push them out of the way, and I was able to focus again on just hanging out and having a good time. The girls returned with the wings, giggling as they came through the door, and I was surprised to see that even Jane was smiling.
They were all carrying bags, so Jasper and I both stood at the same time to help them. Emmett followed a few seconds later. We led the way into the kitchen while the girls followed, still talking. Felix answered the knock at the door that signaled the arrival of the pizza, and he brought it into the kitchen. Jasper reached for his wallet, but Felix said, "Nah, this is on me. My sweetpea deserves a celebration." He winked at Bella, who grinned and blushed, looking down at the floor as she slipped her hand into mine.
It was the stupidest thing. I knew that what Felix was celebrating was me and Bella…so why the fuck did it feel like the two of them were flirting? I tried to quash the vaguely jealous feeling as I laced my fingers through Bella's and she smiled up at me.
The food was opened on the counter, and we moved into line with everyone else to fix our plates. Bella glanced up at me with a small frown and said softly, "You okay?"
I nodded and then sighed. I briefly debated whether or not I should tell her about my conversation with Jake, but in the end, I decided to be honest with her. It had worked for us so far. I leaned toward her a bit as she was putting a slice of pizza on her plate and said, "Umm…Jake and I sort of had an argument. He got upset and left."
She stopped in place, and her eyes widened before she asked, "What were you arguing about?"
"Well…ahh…you," I admitted, glancing down at her.
Her brow furrowed. "Why in the world would you argue about me?"
Everyone was occupied with their food and conversations, except for Quil, who glanced at us curiously but looked away again just as quickly. I sighed and pulled her out of line, moving across the kitchen. I set our plates on the opposite counter and then leaned back against it. I smiled when Bella stepped in front of me and rested her hands lightly on my hips.
Caressing her cheek with my thumb, I said softly, "Well…Jake was trying to be nice at first, and we were just talking, but then he asked about my umm…my bruise." Because I was watching her eyes, I saw the brief flash of pain there, and I worked to sooth it away as best I could. "I didn't want to lie, so I told him what happened, and then he got angry, and…" I frowned as I trailed off.
"And then what?" Bella's voice was an odd mixture of anger and hurt that made my frown deepen.
I sighed and answered quietly, "He sort of implied that I don't know you very well…and that he knows you better. And umm…that made me mad, so I told him that it seemed like you had made your choice." My hands had journeyed to Bella's hips, and I noticed I was gripping them tightly. I forced myself to relax as I watched her and waited for what she would say.
All the while I was panicking.
What if I don't know her? What if this pisses her off? Will she go after Jake?
I knew none of those would happen, but there was that tiny bit of doubt that had my heart hammering in my chest. Bella's eyes darkened, and she said, "He seriously said that shit?"
I exhaled, realizing for the first time that I'd been holding my breath for her reaction. I nodded, not quite trusting myself to speak yet, and she muttered darkly, glancing away. She shook her head and then looked back up at me with a sad smile. "I'm sorry about that," she said.
"Why are you apologizing?" I asked. "None of that was your fault."
"Yeah, but I hate that you have to go through all this…" she lifted her hands and turned slightly, motioning toward the dining room where Felix and Emmett were talking loudly while everyone else listened with grins on their faces. They seemed to be trying to one-up each other with tales of stupid drunken nights. It looked like Em was winning.
I didn't like the sadness on her face, especially when there was no reason for it, so I joked, "What? Putting up with Emmett's dumb ass? I'd be doing that regardless…"
When she looked back at me, I gave her the crooked grin that she seemed to like. She smiled and bit her bottom lip, and I reached out, taking her hands and lightly pulling her toward me. She took a step closer, placing her feet on either side of mine as she leaned into me. We wrapped our arms around each other and stayed that way for awhile, until I heard Bella sigh contentedly.
Then I leaned back, and she looked up at me. "Better?" I asked.
She nodded with a quiet smile and said, "Thank you, Edward."
That silly happy feeling I got each time she said my name brought a real grin to my face, but I just said simply, "Anytime, Bella."
She hugged me once more and then straightened, picking up her plate. We got our food and took it into the dining room, where a few of the others had already finished and were going back for seconds.
Emmett drug me into the conversation almost immediately, forcing me to tell Felix about the time he'd spent the night talking to a potted plant he swore was a German exchange student named Helga.
"God, I really was such a fucking moron then, wasn't I?" he chuckled, shaking his head.
"Then?" I asked, incredulous. "Em, that was this summer! I had to pick you up and carry your sorry ass home."
Everyone laughed as Emmett sputtered and tried to explain that he had left those days behind and didn't drink like that anymore. As I thought about it, I was surprised to realize that he was right – that really was the last time he'd gotten stupid drunk.
Huh.
I grew quiet, lost in thought, as I ate. I was thinking about all the time Emmett and I had spent together over the years, trying to figure out the small changes along the way. I think I'd been wrapped up so much in my own problems that I hadn't noticed him growing up too. It was pretty cool to see the evidence now.
I was brought out of my thoughts by the sound of Bella giggling beside me. I glanced at her in time to see a little ball of paper bounce off her chin. She laughed louder. I turned to see where it had come from and saw Embry carefully ignoring her, looking the other way. We both stared at him for a moment before finally giving up, but as soon as we turned our eyes toward each other, a bit of pizza crust flew into Bella's lap.
"Gross, Em!" she laughed.
Emmett turned to her with a smartass grin and said, "What the fuck did I do?"
I had never seen Bella giggle like she did then, not even when we were watching MST3K together. I couldn't figure out what was so funny, and when I looked at her questioningly, she just shrugged helplessly and kept laughing.
I was distracted when a voice in my head grumbled, Two.
Two…what?
There was no answer.
She had largely calmed down, though she was still grinning, when she put her hand on my knee and said, "Sorry about that…" She bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing again, and I shot a bewildered look at Emmett, who seemed awfully pleased with himself.
Not long afterward, people began taking their dishes into the kitchen and loading them in the dishwasher. It was mid-afternoon by that point, and several of the guys brought out their D&D manuals again to finish the characters they'd started making. Bella told me that they'd start playing the next night and would have a full-day session on Wednesday.
As soon as the table was cleared, the Risk board came out again, this time with Paul, Alex, and Jane playing against each other. Apparently, the twins had brought their characters with them, and it had been easy for Paul to make his. The rest of the guys spent hours poring over the books, reading and rereading passages, calling out suggestions to each other, passing books back and forth.
We all settled comfortably in the living room. Bella needed space to work, so she and I were seated on the floor just in front of Felix, who was sprawled on the couch as he watched TV. She was stretched out, lying on her stomach as she read her Dungeon Master's Guide with her feet in the air. I was reading through the Monster Manual, helping her fill in note cards she kept on each of the monsters. She kept glancing up at me with a smile that I returned, and I found myself wishing we could go to her room, just so we could be alone for awhile. I didn't even mind what we were doing – it was pretty fun actually. I just couldn't shake the feeling that we had an audience.
Suddenly, Quil reached over and snatched Bella's pen out of her hand as she was writing. She looked up with a dumbfounded expression for a minute and then laughed, pushing herself up to hit him. She was stretched out as far as she could go, and Quil was taunting her, holding it just out of reach.
Three.
I lost track of what was going on for a moment as I furrowed my brow and tried to figure out why the hell numbers kept popping into my head. From the corner of my eye, I saw Bella wrestle her pen out of Quil's hand, and he tickled her while she swatted at him.
Four.
Oh, fuck.
As soon as I realized what was happening, I tried to stop it. I could not keep track of each touch, each little teasing between Bella and her friends. I knew there was nothing to it. Quil was pretty cool, and I knew he wouldn't be that big of an ass – especially not right in front of me. They were just acting how they always acted.
So why should it bother me?
But it did, and – really - I knew why. She was just so relaxed with them…and even though she and I were making progress, there was always that sort of strained tension between us. I felt like I had to watch every move I made, and it was frustrating to see her so at ease with all these other guys. I'd already been through this with Jasper, so I would've thought that would make it easier this time. It didn't.
I knew it was irrational. I knew it was unfair. I knew I had to get that shit under control or it was going to drive me insane.
Bella settled back on the floor, shifting so that her hand was resting against my forearm. I smiled at her quietly, enjoying the contact between us as I forced my ridiculous jealousy away. I went back to helping her out, talking with her quietly. She reached over often to point out different passages and, occasionally, just to touch me.
I didn't pay particular attention when Embry brought a question to her, and they bent their heads close together…or when Jared leaned down to whisper something that made her giggle. I didn't notice very much when Felix stood up with a groan and tugged on her toe as he went to get another drink. I especially didn't really care when Bella tossed a die at Emmett, hitting him on the side of the head and making him frown at Jared.
It was while I was trying to ignore all of these things that Jake finally came back a few hours after he left. He glanced into the living room and then walked straight into the dining room, where he sat to watch the game. I watched as he leaned over, resting his elbows on the table to talk strategy with Paul, who was apparently losing.
Dismissing him, I glanced back at Bella and saw her winking at Embry as she grinned at something he said.
Eighteen.
What the fuck?
Apparently I hadn't been as oblivious as I tried to be.
I sighed, making Bella glance up at me with a small smile. "Everything alright?" she asked.
I nodded and stood up, stretching with my arms over my head. "I think I just need to move a little bit. Want anything to drink?"
She told me she'd love some water, so I walked slowly into the kitchen to fix a couple of glasses. I used the time to try to focus on what was important, and I resolved again not to feel jealous about the way Bella acted with her friends. I was really happy that she had people she could be so comfortable around.
When I returned, I settled back in beside Bella and helped her copy a map she was using. She was so fucking cute. She built a little fort of books around us so the other guys couldn't see, and she kept leaning in to whisper to me. It was making it much easier to control the irrational monster that had been threatening to overtake me all day, and hours passed with relatively little effort on my part to ignore the friendly gestures that had so bothered me earlier.
There was a symbol on the map I didn't understand, and when I reached over to point it out to her, she caught my hand and kissed my finger, then smiled at me with a faint blush on her cheeks. She was so damn close, and the moment just felt so…right. If we hadn't been surrounded by our loud, laughing friends, I am very sure I would have kissed her at that moment. As it was, we simply watched each other in silence until I had to look away, or I would do it regardless of who was watching. I smiled at her, squeezing her hand before I let it go and went back to my drawing. I heard her give a soft sigh, but when I looked at her, she was just smiling contentedly at the book in her hands.
After we'd worked for awhile longer, Bella sat up with a groan, stretching and arching her back. She shifted around, sitting with her back against the couch just in front of Felix. He was lying down, watching TV with the remote resting on his chest. His hand raised as Bella settled back, and he began idly playing with her hair, his eyes still focused on the screen. I felt a growl rising from deep within, but what set me over the edge was the quiet smile that formed on Bella's face in response.
Sixty-fucking-seven.
I couldn't take it anymore, and I felt that dangerous soon-to-be-out-of-control tension welling up in my chest. I really didn't want to snap and say something I'd regret. Every bit of my jealousy was completely unfair to Bella, and the last thing I wanted was to issue an ultimatum like a fucking cave man. I knew, though, that every second brought me closer to it.
I looked at the clock on the mantle, relieved to see it was nearly midnight. It was earlier than I would normally go, but it was at least late enough to make it believable.
Gathering all the self-control I had left, I closed my book and told Bella quietly, "It's getting kind of late. I think I'm going to head home."
She frowned at me with concern in her eyes, and I knew she had to be thinking it was early for me to leave. But all she said was, "Okay…I'll walk you out."
I hated the bit of hurt I saw, and I hated even more that she tried to hide it from me. Bella took my hand as we walked in silence to the door. I opened it and stepped through, standing under the overhang out of the pouring rain as I turned to tell her goodbye. She pulled me into a tight hug and rose up on her toes, whispering, "Please be careful. I love you."
I held her close for a moment, calming myself with the feeling of her in my arms and the fragrance that was purely Bella. I let her go with a sigh and caressed her cheek with the back of my hand, wishing that I was stronger and could stay without blowing up and making an ass of myself.
"I love you too," I told her quietly. "Sweet dreams, my Bella." I squeezed her hand one last time and then turned to walk to my car. I listened for the sound of the door closing as I walked, wanting to make sure she was safely inside. I heard it after a few steps and sighed again, my head dropping and my shoulders slumping as I contemplated spending the rest of the night at home alone. I was fucking frustrated with the whole situation – but most of all with myself. I hoped that getting away for awhile would help me make it through the next couple of days, and then things would go back to normal for Bella and me.
I frowned at that thought, remembering the last time I'd wished for things to go back to normal between me and my girlfriend.
Fuck that.
This was not going to be another Tanya situation. Bella and I had to work this shit out. Now.
Before I could go another step, I heard Bella's voice say, "Edward?"
I turned around quickly, surprised to find her just a few feet behind me. The expression on her face was heart-breaking – it was filled with confusion and fear. She looked as though she were about to cry, but I couldn't tell if it was just because of the rain streaking her face.
"Bella?" I asked like a fucking idiot. "What are you doing? Go back inside – you're going to get sick."
Instead, she took a few steps to reach me where I was standing just feet from my car. She stopped about a foot away and stood with her arms crossed over her chest, biting her bottom lip as her shoulders curved defensively inward. "Edward?" she asked again. "What's wrong? Did…did I do something?"
My instincts were to go to her, wrap her in my arms, and ease all her worries. Tell her nothing was wrong; I was fine. Just erase all of this and go on as we had been. But I knew from experience that that was the road to ruin for us, and I would not let that happen. I closed my eyes as I thought, clenching my jaw as I felt the rain dripping from my hair onto my cheeks. It was getting cold, and I would have suggested we go back inside, but there was a huge fucking audience there.
I opened my eyes again, looking at Bella as she stood there, shifting her weight from foot to foot. I hated that I was such a weak bastard that I couldn't even control my own envy, but she deserved to know.
I wanted to hold her, but it was a selfish desire, so I hooked my thumbs into the back pockets of my jeans and looked down at the ground as I admitted quietly, "I just had a really hard time seeing you be so…relaxed…with all the guys."
Apparently those same guys had realized Bella was missing because the front door swung open, and I glanced over her head to see a couple of them walk quietly out. I noted absently that Felix was barefoot and Embry was holding a manual before I looked back over at Bella.
"What do you mean?" she finally asked.
I sighed. "I just mean…" I broke off, scrubbing away some of the rain on my face with my hand. "It's just…" God, this was going to sound fucking terrible no matter how I said it. "I just feel like I have to be so careful with you, and it's hard to watch all these other guys touch you and tease you, and…" I shook my head. None of this was coming out right.
She just watched me, not saying a word. Between the dark parking lot and the rain, I couldn't fully read her expression, but what I saw didn't give me a lot of hope. Still, I couldn't just pretend this didn't matter. It was eating at me, making me crazy, and there was no way I could just forget it.
"I just don't understand, Bella…I mean, why not date one of them?" I inhaled sharply at the mere thought, the pain in my chest startling me. Now that I'd started, though, I didn't want to leave any of it unsaid, so I continued. My voice sounded strained, even to my ears. "You're obviously comfortable with them…even more comfortable than with me. Why me? Why not one of them?"
I grew quiet waiting for Bella to speak, and I glanced over her head to see that all the guys had stepped out now and were spread out beneath the overhang. Jasper was just in front of the door, watching us with an unreadable expression, and several of them had their arms crossed. The girls were nowhere in sight.
I felt the tension she was exuding just before Bella exploded, "You don't think I fucking tried? I used to pray every goddamn day that I would feel something for one of them! Anything at all. It would be so much easier, and at least it meant I wouldn't be alone for the rest of my fucking life. But obviously no one was listening to those prayers!"
She cut off suddenly, her shoulders shaking and her chest heaving as she visibly tried to calm herself. Her hands were in fists at her side, and I watched helplessly as she folded inward. Her head dropped, her eyes hidden from me. She said quietly, "Edward…I know how fucking frustrating this is. I…I understand if you don't want to do this anymore." Her voice was hopeless and choked with her tears by the end.
I heard Jasper's low voice say, "Alright, they don't need an audience…inside, guys," as I watched Bella, trying to think of what to say. How had I fucked this up so badly that she thought I didn't want to be with her?
I stared at her, completely at a loss as to what to say or do. I didn't know if I should go to her and comfort her – was I allowed that anymore? Was she really telling me that she was done? I snapped out of my stupor when Jasper said, "I'm fucking serious, Jake."
Without even thinking about it, I took a step toward Bella and placed my hands on her cheeks, noticing how cold she was even as I tilted her head up so I could look into her eyes. The pain and fear I saw there took my breath away, and my frustration was forgotten in the wake of the agony I felt for making her doubt how I cared for her. She watched me for a moment and then bit her bottom lip, squeezing her eyes shut as her tears spilled onto her cheeks, becoming lost in the rain.
"Bella, sweetheart, I am so sorry. That's not what I meant at all. I will never give up on you or want out of this – ever. I'm sorry I'm such a jealous prick. You deserve so much better, but I will always be here, trying to be a better man for you. Please say you'll let me…" This time it was my voice that was choked with emotion as I tried to tell her how I felt.
What the fuck do I do if she says no?
The silence in my head was deafening. I knew then that I would not be able to let her go.
I couldn't make myself speak. I could only stand there, helplessly trying to dry her tears as more spilled onto her soaked cheeks. Bella took a shaky breath and said the only words that could relax the constriction in my chest. "Edward, there's no one I want but you. You are the only person who's made me feel anything for so long…" she bit her bottom lip, and I saw her face crumple, taking my heart with it. "I'm sorry I'm so fucked up…all I want is to be everything you need. But I'm so afraid I never will be." She tore her gaze away from mine, looking down at the ground though my hands were still pressed against her cheeks.
My words followed just behind hers as I tried to reassure her. I couldn't have her thinking that she wasn't good enough for me. The whole idea was ridiculous. I was the one who didn't fucking deserve her. "Bella, you are all I want. You're all I'll ever want. We'll get through this together, but I just enjoy everything we fucking have right now too. I'm not trying to push you somewhere you're not ready to go. I just…I was feeling so insecure and jealous, and I tried so hard not to. But I had to tell you…I can't stand the thought of anything ever coming between us. I could never leave you. You're everything to me."
Fresh tears spilled onto her cheeks at my words, and she just watched me as I wiped them away with my thumbs. I had no idea what she was thinking, but her eyes were roaming my face and my body, and there were countless emotions warring within them.
I stood there, struggling to breathe normally as I watched her. I didn't know how much time had passed, but each second felt interminable. I studied her face, noticing her cheeks were reddened and soaked from the rain and her tears. I saw Bella lick her lips before she breathed the words I'd been dying to hear from her. "Will you kiss me?"
I froze. My thumbs stopped moving on her cheeks, and I think I even stopped breathing. I was so utterly torn. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, and she was standing here, asking me to do just that. But why? Was she just doing this for me? Was she trying to prove something? Was this what she really wanted?
My questions were forgotten and any resistance broken when I heard my Bella whisper softly, "Edward…please…"
----------
BPOV
I stood there, crying in the freezing downpour as Edward stroked my cheeks tenderly. His words echoed in my mind…I could never leave you. You're everything to me.
Everything to him.
What if what I could be for him was never more than a pale shadow of what he deserved? I couldn't stand the thought of him never being able to touch me – always having to hesitate, never reaching the point where we could just be together in every way.
I looked at him, taking in every detail. I saw the way his jeans were hanging dangerously low on his hips, the weight from the water pulling them down and causing them to puddle around his ankles. His t-shirt was soaked, and for the first time, I could see each line of his chest through the translucent white fabric that clung to him. His hands were strong and gentle, his touch sending pulses of energy through me. The rain had soaked his hair, taming it for once and darkening it against his skin. I watched as water dripped from his hair over his cheeks, drawing my eyes to his lips.
I wanted him.
His beautiful face was agonized as he watched me, and I saw the questions in his eyes, but I couldn't answer them. I had no answers yet. Not for him, not for myself.
I hated myself.
I hated the way I had hurt him, making him jealous and angry. I hated that my body betrayed me so often, reacting to Edward with fear even though I knew he would never hurt me. I hated that I made him doubt I loved and wanted him in a way I'd never felt for anyone else.
I had never wanted to just be…normal…more than I did right then.
I had to know.
If I couldn't handle kissing him, I had to let Edward go. I couldn't hold onto him knowing I couldn't be what he needed…what he deserved. The thought fucking terrified me, but it was the least I could do for him.
I could barely get the words out as I whispered, "Will you kiss me?"
My heart dropped when his thumbs froze on my cheeks. His eyes widened, and he was absolutely still – I wasn't even sure if he was breathing any more. I didn't know what his stillness meant, but it made me realize that I was determined to do this, to be okay. I had to be. I couldn't imagine my life without him anymore.
As the seconds stretched into eternity, I began to worry. I saw the indecision in his eyes, and I was so afraid he was going to tell me no.
"Edward…please…" I begged.
Suddenly, his eyes were intense as he moved even closer to me. His hands slipped further back, his thumbs just in front of my ears as he leaned toward me. My breathing sped, and he whispered, "Are you sure?" only inches away from my lips. I licked my lips tentatively and nodded, tilting my face toward his.
I felt his soft lips meet mine, and suddenly my mind was in another place.
Pain. Rage. Fear. Breaking. Falling. Blue eyes. Hate.
I knew Edward would pull away, and my hands quickly found his cheeks, holding him in place even as I otherwise froze. My teeth were grinding as I fought the memories. His lips were still so close, ghosting against mine as I whispered, "No…wait, please…it's okay…"
My panic began to fade with my thoughts of Edward, and I smiled against his lips. I felt a smile flicker across his face as I lifted myself, kissing him gently. He was still for a moment before he suddenly wrapped one arm around my waist, pulling me close to him while his other hand cupped my cheek.
Our kiss was sweet and gentle, our lips pressed together as we shared our love in this wholly new way. My hands found their way into his hair, tangling in the soaked strands as I kept him close. I felt the warmth on my cheeks as fresh tears began to fall, but this time I was overcome with just how…good it felt to have him so close, to know him in this way – and to really feel the love he had for me in return for the first time. When he kissed me like this, it was impossible to doubt him. No matter how little sense it made, Edward…loved me. Just as I loved him.
Edward finally pulled away, resting his forehead against mine as he traced my cheeks with his thumbs. He whispered, "Oh, Bella…" and I smiled softly.
"Go Bella!" came Quil's muffled cheer.
We heard a scuffle as Jasper said, "I told you to get away from the fucking window!"
Edward and I laughed quietly, looking into each other's eyes. Our laughter faded into gentle smiles before he leaned down, kissing me again. This time, both his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly as he lifted me from the ground. My hands gripped his broad shoulders as I pulled myself closer, and I gave a soft sigh as his lips parted mine. We kissed slowly, our lips moving together as we began to learn each other. I felt my pulse quickening, my body responding in ways it hadn't in so long.
Our kiss ended, but Edward didn't move, whispering against my lips, "Twice or thrice had I loved thee, before I knew thy face or name…"
My eyes opened, and I pulled back, looking at him curiously.
I watched as Edward licked his lips before he said softly, "It's always been you, Bella. I've waited my whole life for you, and I knew you the moment I saw you."
For once, his eyes weren't guarded as he spoke. The hesitation I'd seen in them so often was gone, and I knew he could feel my love just as I could his. I knew we still had a long way to go, but I felt elated at holding him…kissing him…this way.
I felt the slow, wide smile spread on my lips as I took in his words, realizing that he had meant what he said at the theater that night. My hand moved to his face, my fingers tracing his lips as I said simply, "I love you so much, Edward…"
"I love you too, Bella," was his quiet answer.
Water dripped down my neck, making me shiver, and I suddenly remembered that we were out here because Edward had been leaving. I frowned slightly at the thought, and Edward asked me what was wrong. I said, "I don't want you to go…"
He smiled again and said, "I'm not going anywhere, Bella."
I didn't think he quite understood what I meant, so I said, "No…I mean…I don't want you to leave tonight. Will you please stay with me?" I bit my bottom lip and looked up at him as I waited for his answer.
Without a pause, he said, "Of course I'll stay…but we really need to go back inside now. We're fucking soaked."
Something about the way he said it made me grin, and I hugged him close once more before we walked back into the apartment. I didn't even glance into the living room as we passed. I opened my bedroom door and motioned Edward inside before I turned to go into Jasper's room.
He was sitting on the corner of his bed with Alice beside him. He said quietly, "You alright, Bells?"
I smiled at them both and said the only thing I could - "Unbelievable."
Wide grins spread on both their faces, and Jasper simply nodded. I went to his dresser and pulled out dry pajamas for Edward, asking if it was alright. Jasper said it was, of course, and as I was walking past, he stood up and hugged me tightly, never mind the fact that I was soaking wet.
"I'm so fucking happy for you, Bella," he whispered, making me smile broadly.
I whispered back, "Thank you, Jazz," before I kissed his cheek. I squeezed Alice's hand and walked back down the hall to my room.
Edward was standing in the bathroom with his shoes and socks already off. My gaze was drawn again to the way his clothes were clinging to him, and I took a deep breath as I smiled at him. I pulled towels from the cabinet and placed them with the clothes on the counter. I took a couple of towels for myself and told him I'd change in my closet so he could come out whenever he was done. He smiled at me, his thumb tracing my bottom lip before he leaned in slowly and pressed his lips briefly to mine again.
I sighed contentedly, making him grin, and then I took my towels and left, closing the door behind me. I squished my way across my room, pulling my pajamas from the nightstand and underwear from my dresser before making my way to the closet. I had some trouble getting my shoes off, and I saw a small puddle of water left in each that I tried not to spill. I peeled my clothes off, making a face at the awful wet noise and the sudden chill on my skin.
I dried quickly and dressed, then wrapped one of the towels around my head. I picked up all my sodden things and opened the closet door to find Edward dry and sitting on the edge of my bed. His hair was still damp, and he looked a little cold, but he was easily the happiest I'd ever seen him. The tension that was so often in his eyes was gone.
I didn't say anything to him as I walked to my bathroom, but I knew my smile was just as big as his. I found Edward's shoes sitting upside down in the tub and added mine. His clothes were hanging over the shower curtain rod, and for some reason, the sight of his socks lined up there neatly made me grin. I saw the edge of his boxers peeking out from beneath his t-shirt, and I blushed, realizing I'd forgotten to bring him any dry ones.
Does that mean…?
I just shook my head, deciding not to dwell on the fact that Edward was going commando. Just the term made me blush when I combined it with him.
I quickly hung my clothes up as well and then started to towel dry my hair as I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like absolute ass with my hair hanging in wet strings around my face. My eyes were puffy and red from crying, and my cheeks were bright pink. I saw Edward's reflection as he moved into the doorway, and he said quietly, "Can I do that?"
I wasn't sure what he meant at first until he reached toward the towel. I bit my bottom lip to try to contain my smile as he took the towel and began drying my hair gently. I watched him in the mirror, and I was amazed at the look of…adoration on his face. He was treating me as if I were precious, and it made me love him even more.
He kept his eyes focused on what he was doing, and when he was satisfied that my hair was dry enough, he put the towel over the rack and asked, "Where's your brush?" in that same soft tone.
I wordlessly opened the drawer and pulled it out, handing it to him over my shoulder. He brushed my hair, gingerly working out the knots. I felt his breath brush against my cheek as he leaned closer, and my eyes closed briefly. When he finished, he stood behind me, both of us watching in the mirror as he put his arms around my waist. He pressed a soft kiss on my cheek, his eyes on the reflection of mine as he whispered, "I love you so much, Bella…thank you for trusting me…for everything…"
I turned and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, holding him close as I kissed him lightly. The thrill I felt when my lips were pressed against his was unlike anything I'd ever known before, and I wondered what I'd been so afraid of.
A little voice tugged at the back of my mind, trying to remind me, but I ignored that shit. I was not going to let anything ruin this night for me.
"Thank you for not giving up on me," I told him sincerely. "I've never loved anyone more." I took his hand and looked him in the eye for a moment before I turned…and led the way from the bathroom. I focused on breathing evenly, and with each step, I reminded myself that it was Edward walking behind me. My heart raced, but it was equal parts fear and pride.
He squeezed my hand just as I led him into the living room. The guys were sprawled out across the furniture and the floor as if nothing had happened, and I loved them just a little bit more too. Quil glanced over and grinned at me, unable to stop the happy look on his face. Emmett was having trouble containing himself as well and was practically bouncing on the loveseat beside Rosalie as he grinned at Edward. I giggled at the sight and settled back on the floor with Edward at my side.
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A/N: So Edward finally gets to kiss his girlfriend, despite some heartfail beforehand :) Hope you all enjoyed it!
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