A/N: I own nothing you might recognize, but I do have a damn nice laptop and some of the best readers in the world. Thank you so much for your support, and I really hope you enjoy this, the last chapter before Thanksgiving Day arrives for Bella and company.
More A/N at the bottom :)
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BPOV
I did not ask him if he masturbated…
That thought was the first that filtered through my consciousness, and I was instantly awake, though I remained still with my eyes closed.
And I sure as fuck didn't ask him if he thought about me!
My breath hitched at the thought, and I worked to control it, trying to maintain the regular, soothing rhythm of sleep. Immediately, my mind began to wander, replaying last night. I fought the urge to bite my bottom lip and was surprised when my hips shifted involuntarily when I thought of the way Edward felt lying on top of me…kissing me…touching me…
The heat on my cheeks was familiar, though the source was anything but. This didn't feel like embarrassment. It felt like…arousal. I realized that my breathing was becoming shallower and quicker, and I again slowed it, concentrating for a bit before I let my thoughts drift.
I was still mortified that I'd asked him if he thought of me, but I had to admit…I did a little internal dance when he said he did. I didn't know if it was…normal – I felt the ghost of a grimace on my face as the word passed through my mind – to be excited that my boyfriend thought about me when he jacked off, but I sure as hell was happy about it.
"You know…I know you're not asleep…" Edward's voice was amused, and I jerked around toward the source of it, my eyes flying open. His smile faltered before he took in the blush on my cheeks – and then he smirked. "Having pleasant dreams?" he asked innocently, but I saw the excitement – and happiness – in his eyes.
I dropped back onto my pillow, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands as I tried to adjust to being shocked into waking up so fully and so suddenly. I felt the heat of Edward's hand on my stomach and lowered my hands, opening my eyes to find him smiling at me. I smiled in response as he leaned over, placing a soft, chaste kiss on my lips. "I've been waiting nearly an hour to do that…" he murmured.
He started to pull away, and I lifted up slightly, kissing him again. When his words sank in, I let my head settle on the pillow again and arched an eyebrow. "An hour? What the hell have you been doing?"
Surprisingly, his cheeks flushed a light pink, and he glanced away. He cleared his throat, but his voice was still low when he spoke again. "I ahh…I was watching you sleep." He turned his eyes back to me, giving me the sweetest, most sheepish smile I'd ever seen. "You're just so damn beautiful…and you seemed so peaceful. I didn't want to wake you." He caressed my cheek with the back of his fingers, and I watched him for a long moment before I silently brought my hand to the back of his neck and pulled him to me, kissing him deeply – morning breath be damned. There was no way in hell I was going to let a moment like that pass us by.
When we parted, he stayed near me, his forehead resting against mine with his eyes still closed, and I loved the relaxed, content expression on his face. Finally, he opened his eyes and wrinkled his nose.
Every time I think he can't get cuter…
"What is it?" I asked.
"Well…" he glanced over his shoulder and then looked back at me. "I didn't want to wake you, but I was about to. It's a quarter 'til eight, and I didn't know what time you'd need to start breakfast."
"Shit!" I tried to sit straight up in bed, but the edge of the quilt had somehow gotten trapped between Edward's knees, and it held me down. He chuckled and helped me untangle the covers.
He murmured, "Shh…" as he traced my jaw with his thumb, causing me to shiver lightly and smile at him as I bit my bottom lip. "It's alright. I figured you could sleep in a little bit, and I'd help you."
Watching him smile at me that way forced out all thoughts of loud guys and dozens of eggs to cook. I settled back on the bed, whispering, "You really are too perfect…did you know that?" as I pulled him closer to me. His hand slipped around my waist, his hot palm pressing into my side as he leaned down to kiss me. Having the two of us wrapped up tightly in the quilt all night had super-heated the little space we occupied, and my body seemed to be on fire in the best way possible.
The next fifteen minutes were spent kissing and caressing each other, fingertips innocently exploring necks and shoulders and sides. Edward's lips were so soft, so slow, yet he made my body come alive.
He was the one to pull away and look pointedly back toward the clock again. His grin was beaming and playful when I groaned, and he laughed, tickling me gently. "Why don't you go take a shower, and I'll get some coffee started if Jasper hasn't already?"
I mimicked him, wrinkling my nose as I nodded with a sigh and extricated myself from the bedding. I stood beside the bed, stretching my arms over my head and arching my back, and I thought I heard a soft moan from behind. I glanced over my shoulder and inhaled lightly when I saw the look of desire on Edward's face. His eyes were focused on my torso, and they slowly rose to meet my eyes. "You're beautiful," was all he said before he stood silently and walked toward my door, pausing to place a gentle kiss on my forehead.
"So are you," I said with a quiet smile as he closed the door. I stood there staring for a moment longer before a quick look at the clock showed me I really had to get my ass in gear, or I was going to be left with a bunch of grumbling guys looking over my shoulder while I tried to cook. Still, the fact that Edward had let me sleep – and watched me – kept the smile on my face and had me humming happily as I gathered my clothes and headed to the bathroom for a shower.
As I relaxed beneath the spray of warm water, I was wearing the smile that seemed to be nearly constantly on my face these days, and I caught myself singing "Peaches" under my breath. I actually laughed out loud, and the unexpected sound made me pause, my eyes widening as I tried to recognize this person I was becoming.
My smile slid from my face at the sudden, intrusive thought that I was hardly myself now. That was ridiculous though – in truth, I hadn't been myself for so many years now that I wondered if maybe I just didn't recognize Bella anymore. I thought back, remembering that little girl who had squealed in delight as she ran from Jasper, tripping more often than not. That girl hadn't frozen in fear when someone walked behind her. That girl hadn't carefully measured each moment of contact between her body and another person's, searching for signs of panic.
And that girl hadn't gone to sleep each night dreading a visit from the specter of the man who had crushed her and made that little girl unrecognizable to the woman she had become.
No. Fucking. More.
With renewed determination, I vowed that that motherfucker–
James. Say his name.
I vowed that James would no longer rule my world. But just the thought of his name made me cringe with the uncomfortable feeling of hidden eyes watching me, and I growled in frustration at myself as goosebumps broke out along my skin. I felt suddenly exposed, naked and vulnerable as he threatened to overwhelm me again.
Don't let him.
My hands had stilled in my hair, so I forced myself back into motion, singing softly, "Peaches come from a can; they were put there by a man in a factory dooooowntown," as I massaged my scalp. The silly song and the memory of Edward laughing in the car began soothing me at once, and my voice grew more confident as I sang.
But my eyes were still wide open in search of the tormentor I feared would reach me even now. I took several calming breaths, focusing on the feeling of my chest rising and falling before I closed my eyes. Panic loomed there in the darkness behind my eyelids, giving birth to a nearly irresistible urge to open my eyes and prove to myself that he was not there. Defiantly, I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter and loosened my clenched jaw, singing loudly, "I took a little nap where the roots all twist, squished a rotten peach in my fist, and dreamed about you, woman…"
The sound of my confident voice – whether it was false or not had no bearing on the sound – rising above the steady stream of the shower helped me at once to let go of the terror gripping my chest. I refused to give in, and by the time I'd rinsed my hair and opened my eyes again, my returning smile was triumphant and firmly in place.
I finished my shower and stepped out, deciding as I leaned over to wrap my hair in a towel that the Presidents of the USA were fucking gods. I continued with my impromptu concert, singing through their catalog as I brushed my teeth and hair and got dressed in a long sleeved t-shirt and my jeans. I considered wearing Edward's shirt again, but I was worried that if I wore it too much, it wouldn't smell like him anymore. Instead, I folded it with the little purple shorts – I felt the heat on my cheeks as I remembered wearing them for him – and returned them both to the drawer of my nightstand. I hastily made the bed before leaving my room.
When I walked into the kitchen, I was singing, "Lump was limp and lonely and needed a shove."
Edward didn't even pause, just grinning broadly as he sang, "Lump slipped on a kiss and tumbled into love."
Jasper snorted and rolled his eyes, sipping his coffee as I went to hug Edward and give him a small kiss. He murmured, "Good morning," against my lips, and I felt that ridiculous, goofy smile that he always seemed to put there as I whispered it back to him.
I turned around, smirking at Jasper as I walked toward him. I tickled him in greeting, and he smiled at me, his blond hair sticking up all over his head. It was actually a bigger mess than Edward's this morning, which was quite a feat.
"Decide to sleep in this morning, Miss Swan?" he teased.
"Some of us aren't as naturally pretty as you, Jazzy…we need the beauty sleep."
He kicked lightly at the back of my knee, making it buckle as I muttered, "Jackass." He laughed, and his hand was on my elbow, helping me keep my balance, before his foot had even left my leg.
He knew me too well.
When he let go of my arm, I smacked him in the stomach with the back of my hand, and he chuckled as he grunted. I bent over, searching through the cabinet beside Jasper for my skillet, and I heard him clear his throat before asking Edward something. I lost the question in the rattle of the pans, but when I straightened up and turned around, I caught the faint blush on Edward's cheeks.
What the fuck is that about?
They were talking about our trip to Forks later that night, which struck me as odd, given the expression on Edward's face. It wasn't until I tried to catch his eye and couldn't that I noticed he was keeping his gaze carefully away from me.
Wait…
Did Jasper catch him staring at me?
There was no answer in my head, but I gave a strangled little giggle that I tried to cover by clearing my throat as I went to pull eggs from the refrigerator. When I glanced at Jasper, he smirked at me before his coffee mug covered his expression.
"Where's Alice?" I asked, deciding not to draw attention to whatever had happened between Jasper and Edward – I didn't want to embarrass Edward any more.
"I'm right here!" Alice's voice trilled, and I glanced over my shoulder to see a perky, freshly showered Alice dancing over to Jasper's side. Amusingly, both the men were still in their pajama pants and t-shirts, hair all awry as they sipped their coffee, while the two of us looked ready to start the day.
Before long, we sent them off to shower, too. Edward tried to protest, saying he needed to help me, but Alice shooed him away, telling him she would make sure I had all the help I needed. He glanced back over his shoulder as she was pushing on his back to get him out of the kitchen, and I laughed at the pout on his face, nodding to let him know it was fine. Alice grabbed an extra apron and tied it on, chattering as we cooked.
When the knock on the door came about twenty minutes later, Jasper's voice called, "I'll get it," from the hallway, and the familiar babble of my guys' voices filled our apartment again.
Just one more day, I thought, shaking my head. I could never wait for them to get here – and I really did love having them around – but I was always ready for them to go by the end.
They descended on the kitchen, a fluid mass of hugs and laughter and teasing voices, and I couldn't help but smile. We always worked well together, and in no time, the table was set, and serving dishes full of eggs and bacon and sausage and everything else they could possible want – that I was willing to fix anyway – were being moved into the dining room.
"Hey, sweetpea, where's E?" Felix asked as he came over to hug me good morning.
"He's in the shower," I said, my head just below Felix's chest as I was swallowed in his embrace. "He'll be out in just a minute, I'm sure."
Felix arched an eyebrow but didn't say anything as he helped me fix drinks for everyone. Quil was just carrying the last of the glasses to the table when a second knock on the door sounded. This time it was Edward's voice that called out that he'd get it, and in no time, we were joined by him, Rosalie, and Emmett, who clapped Edward so hard on the back as they came into the room that he staggered forward a step.
Once everyone was there, we dug into breakfast, the guys making short work of it as I let their banter roll over me. I was reaching that sort of glazed point where I'd nearly had enough of company and was ready to be a recluse for a few days – unfortunately, the holidays never allowed that. I'd just be trading this group for the next one, but at least at the Hales', I'd have some time alone.
Completely fucking alone.
I realized, again, that Edward would be leaving me tomorrow night, and I didn't even know I was frowning until I felt his hand lightly stroking my knee. All his attention was seemingly on the conversation he was having with Embry, but he had still somehow sensed my tension.
I picked up my fork again, trying to focus on the conversations going on around me, and I caught sight of Jake frowning as his eyes slid across me and Edward. I had hoped that, by now, he'd be over whatever issues he had, but it just seemed to be getting worse. I wondered if he was going to be able to leave without saying anything, or if it was going to come to some sort of confrontation.
Much like the day before, the next several hours were a blur of eating, washing dishes, rolling dice, talking, laughing, and settling arguments between the boys. I easily slipped into my role as the Dungeon Master, in control and focused…except for the way Edward's fingers occasionally trailed up my inner thigh from my knee. His attention was usually turned elsewhere – laughing with Quil or making a face at Alice – but his fingertips lightly traced lines through my jeans halfway up my thigh, making me bite my bottom lip in concentration more than once.
That simple contact was making me squirm, and I could take only so much before I called a break, escaping to my bathroom as a cover. There, I leaned on the counter and looked at myself in the mirror, taking in the blush on my cheeks and the way my eyes danced with excitement.
I sat on the edge of my tub for a few minutes, trying to calm my racing heart. I…wanted. Badly. I couldn't even articulate exactly what I wanted, but my body responded to Edward in a primal way that I honestly couldn't remember ever feeling before.
"Bella?" Edward's soft voice was followed by a light knock on the door that made me jump. "Are you alright?"
"Fine!" I called, my voice sounding strangled and tense to my ears. I hopped up, turning on the water. Without letting it warm, I wet my face and then patted it dry, again studying myself in the mirror. My eyes were a little less wild, but the blush was still there – this time from embarrassment.
Taking a few calming breaths, I opened the door to find Edward standing there, frowning as he leaned with his shoulder against the frame. His lips lifted into a smile when he saw me, and he whispered, "You sure?"
I nodded, feeling the heat flare all along my neck and cheeks.
Honesty. He fucking told you he masturbates. To you. When you're in the goddamn apartment.
"You…" My voice cracked, and I paused to clear my throat. "You were sort of driving me crazy in there."
His brow furrowed briefly before he caught the meaning of my words. I saw the way he tried to hold back, but his lips twitched twice before a beaming smile spread across his face. He leaned down and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, holding me close and lifting me several inches from the ground as he kissed me. When he pulled away, he murmured, "Sorry…" and I laughed.
"Sure you are…you look really sorry." My tone was sarcastic, but I grinned at him, trying to let him know he had nothing to apologize for.
He chuckled, not even bothering to try to deny it, and nuzzled his face into my neck, squeezing me once before I felt the warmth of his lips on my throat, making me sigh softly. He set me back down and looked me in the eye as he said, "Seriously, I'm sorry. I'll stop if it bothers you."
I took both his hands, giving them a gentle squeeze as I answered. "Don't. Please. It's…distracting…but I fucking love it."
He studied me carefully, his eyes drifting over my whole face – taking in my eyes, my forehead, my cheeks, my lips – before he finally nodded and gave me another smile. "Just tell me if it's too much?"
"I always will," I answered quietly. "Promise."
He nodded and said, "Shall we?" before taking my hand. He laughed when I made a face, and we walked back into the dining room, rejoining the guys. I tried to ignore my more antisocial tendencies, reminding myself that I didn't get to see the boys very much, and I should enjoy it while it lasted. They were starting to wear on me, though, and I found myself getting short with them a couple of times.
We'd had a late breakfast, so it was around 1:00 that afternoon before the first grumblings of food began to crop up. We kept playing until the arguments about what to get for lunch became too distracting, and I finally just called a break. No more than two or three of us could agree on what to eat, so we decided to pause for a couple of hours to let people get whatever they wanted.
I sat back in my seat as the room began to clear out, exhaling a sigh as I rested my head on the back of my chair and stared at the ceiling. As much as I loved running the game – and I really wouldn't trade it with anyone else – it was exhausting sometimes. There was just so much to keep up with.
Edward's hand squeezed my thigh, making me sit up straighter and turn my head to look at him. "Any idea what you want?" he asked.
Are you on the menu?
I smirked – and probably blushed – at the thought as I shook my head. "I'm not even really hungry yet…are you?"
He shook his head. "Not really. I was actually thinking I should just go back to my apartment and pack…that way we don't have to worry about that later."
We were going to be leaving for Forks right about the same time the guys did, likely around 7:00, so we'd be arriving at the Hales' pretty much in time to go to bed. For me, anyway – I was getting up early in the morning to help Mama Hale cook.
My heart warmed at the thought of Jasper's kind, nurturing mother. In so many ways, she had been a mom to me ever since she put a Snoopy band-aid on the first skinned knee I got at her house – on my first visit there, of course. She never coddled me, never let me take the easy way out, but she always protected me with a fierceness that I'd rarely seen from my own mother. Renee was just…not that way. I loved my mom, but – to my mind – Mama Hale was what a mother should be, while Renee had always been more of a friend.
"Bella?" Edward was watching me with his head tilted just slightly to the right.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, alright…" I frowned as I thought. I glanced around at the messy piles of books in front of me with a sigh. "I'd say I'd go back with you, but I should probably catch up on a few things here. It'll make the afternoon go easier…"
Edward was unintentionally pouting, and those slightly pursed lips made me feel mischievous. I leaned in, taking his bottom lip between mine as I kissed him. I teased his lip with the tip of my tongue, but when he moved to kiss me more fully, I shifted my lips away, bringing them to his ear. I whispered, "Besides…I'm not sure how much packing you'd get done if you took me back to your place…"
A low sound much like a growl rose from his chest, barely audible. This time he wouldn't be denied, taking my face in his hands and pulling my lips to his. His kiss was slow but insistent, and I was left feeling light-headed and breathless when we parted. His eyes were dark, smoldering, and he held my gaze for a long moment before finally lowering his hands. He didn't answer, remaining silent as he stood and offered me his hand.
We walked quietly toward the front door, where we met Jasper helping Alice with her coat. They'd had the same thought and were going back to Alice's apartment to make sure she was ready for her trip. Alice and Edward had decided to stay up with us tomorrow night and leave Forks at around 3:00 in the morning to give them enough time to make it back to Seattle for their flight. They were both taking all their luggage with them, though, so they could go straight to the airport without stopping by their apartments.
Edward's expression had returned to normal as he talked to Alice, exasperated when she reminded him to pack a dress shirt and tie. He'd told me that every Thanksgiving weekend, there was a gathering of some of his father's friends from the hospital that was considered a semi-formal occasion, so they were expected to dress up and play nice.
The smile put on my face by their playful banter faded when I heard a scuffle in the living room accompanied by a grunt and then Quil's laughter. I sighed, catching Jasper's eye.
Just a few more hours… his half-grin reminded me. I nodded and wrinkled my nose, making him laugh. His eyes were sympathetic, assuring me that he, too, was ready for the quiet of our apartment again.
Too soon, Edward kissed me goodbye, and the three of them walked out to their cars together. It went against my instincts to leave the door unlocked, but I forced myself, walking determinedly away and trying to keep my shoulders from tensing.
It just makes sense, right? I mean, the guys will be in and out...
Logical or not, it grated on me, and I quickly made my way to the office, putting distance between myself and the front door. The very fact that such distance was necessary annoyed me, and I entered the office with a huff, flopping down in my computer chair.
The cool leather and the way it contoured to my body after the many hours I'd spent in it made it familiar and comforting. I sat there for a few minutes, one leg tucked beneath me while the other foot moved idly on the floor, swiveling me back and forth.
Eventually, I sighed, running both my hands through my hair as I turned to the computer. I pressed the power button, listening to the whirr of the CPU and staring at the blank monitor. Bored and feeling mildly depressed, I let my eyes roam, and they came to rest upon the picture of the guys I kept on my desk. I picked it up, running my fingers over the glass as I smiled down at my boys and shook my head.
When I put it back in its place, I frowned. I really wanted a picture of Edward as well. As ludicrous as it was, I already missed being able to look at him, and I made the impulsive decision to take a picture of him before he left for Chicago.
"Hey, Bells…whatcha doin'?" Jake's voice wasn't entirely unexpected if I was being honest with myself. He'd been acting strangely for a few weeks, alternately reticent and overly-friendly when we raided. And since the guys arrived, he'd been tense, especially around me and Edward.
Here it comes…
I debated asking Jake straight out what his problem was, but he'd been a great friend for a long time, and I could at least give him a chance to do this his way. I turned in my chair, smiling at him as brightly as I could. "Hey, Jake – what's up?"
He stepped into the office, stuffing his hands into his pockets and leaning back against Jasper's desk. His hair was down, the left side tucked behind his ear while the right framed his face. I'd always known Jake was a good-looking guy, but – just like Jasper – he'd never done anything for me. I looked at him with my new eyes, trying to see if there was anything else there…and there just wasn't.
For some reason, the thought that I still found Edward more attractive than anyone else – even now that I'd started letting those romantic feelings in again – put a small smile on my face. Jake misunderstood and gave me another smile in response, his eyes soft.
I cleared my throat. "So…having fun?"
Jake said he was, and he started talking animatedly about the boys' visit. He jumped from topic to topic, though, switching nearly mid-sentence from Quil's character's near-death experience to the beating he'd just given Jared at football. I listened and tried to keep up, responding as appropriately as I could, but all I could manage was the odd "Ahh…" and a chuckle here and there. The space between us was growing decidedly awkward, and Jake seemed intent on filling it with inane chatter.
By the time he made the improbable leap from the '57 Harley-Davidson XL Sportster he was working on at the shop to how he couldn't wait for The Player's Handbook 2 to be published so he could make a druid, I'd had enough. I was frustrated, frowning as I struggled to follow, and it was obvious he was just wasting time, trying to work up the courage to say something. "I mean, can you imagine wildshape with-"
"Jake." I tried to keep the annoyance out of my voice, but I'm sure I didn't succeed. "What's really on your mind?"
He frowned, tilting his head back slightly and looking down his nose at me. He was quiet for too long, and the way he was staring down at me from on high made me feel like an ant. Annoyed, I started to stand, but I heard him sigh and settled back in my seat, frowning up at him in return.
"I just don't get it, Bella," he said quietly. "I don't get you."
Something in his words and the expression on his face made me wary, and I felt the instinctual need to tread lightly.
"What do you mean?" I asked, probably stupidly. "What don't you get?"
His eyes narrowed, and he took his hands out of his pockets, crossing his arms in front of his chest. For the first time, I was suddenly aware of how big Jake really was. His biceps bulged over his clenched fists, and his broad shoulders seemed to dominate the room. He was…intimidating.
But he was still Jake.
I arched an eyebrow at him and kept my hands on the arms of my chair, refusing to cross my arms defensively. I'd done nothing wrong.
"What don't I get?" His nostrils even flared. No, really. I would've been amused if I hadn't felt the first stirrings of anger in my chest. "I don't know. Maybe I don't get how for years now, we've all tiptoed around you – trying to make sure you were comfortable, trying to help you get better. And nothing ever seemed to change, but now all of a sudden, you find this random guy – some jackass you don't even know – and you just forget everything? So…what? What happened to you just doesn't matter anymore? Your friends just don't matter to you anymore?"
"Now wait-" My voice was cold steel as I tried to interrupt him, but he just bowled right over me, not even pausing. He'd pushed away from the desk and was almost pacing now, just a few steps back and forth as he raged.
"Don't even try to tell me it's not true. You've forgotten about all of us – except Jasper. You don't really raid anymore; you never fucking call. All because you have some new boyfriend? It's bullshit, Bella."
"Jake." I stood, my hands clenched into fists at my side as I glared at him. Again, no response from him. He continued, his words rolling over me in one nearly incomprehensible rant as he got it off his chest – everything that had been bothering him. I began to tune him out, unable to process all the things he was throwing at me, and it was Edward's name that finally brought him back into focus.
"So you've known Edward-" The name was a sneer on Jake's lips. "For all of a month? What about those of us who've been close to you for years? How can you just suddenly start dating again like that? I've been waiting for a long fucking time, Bella. What changed? What makes him so different? When's it my turn?"
My eyes were wide, my mouth open in a small "o" of disbelief and shock. Jake stopped talking, putting his hands back in his pockets as he shifted nervously. Clearly, he'd said more than he intended to, but he wasn't trying to take it back.
What. The. Fuck?
How dare he?
I exploded. "When's it your turn? Are you fucking kidding me? What am I, some goddamn roller coaster? Just get in line, wait your turn, and you get a fucking ride?" I took a step toward him, and he took a small step back, bumping into Jasper's desk again. "You want to know what makes him so different? I don't even know! And that's the best part. There's just something there that makes him special – that makes him Edward." I spat the name at him, much as he'd sneered it at me. I was aware on some level that the volume of my voice was rising while the pitch was quickly approaching shriek-level, but I wasn't about to moderate it for Jake. Not about this. "But I can tell you what makes him the same. He loves me. He watches out for me. He tries to make me feel comfortable and safe, and you know what? He does."
Jake scowled, and when I paused to take a breath to rant some more, his deep voice cut through mine, a quiet, melancholy counterpoint to my bellowing. "How can you even trust him? Look at yourself. You're beautiful, and you're vulnerable…how do you know he's not just waiting long enough for a ride? How can you trust him, Bella, but not give me a chance?"
My chest was heaving from the force of my words and my anger, and I stood staring at him in disbelief before my jaw clenched. My fists were actually shaking. "Don't you dare try to make me feel guilty for loving him! Do you have any idea how goddamn miserable I've been for the last seven years?" I had so much more that I wanted to say, but I suddenly felt a stabbing pain in my chest as if a long-healed wound had been ripped open, and I gasped instead.
"What the hell is going on in here?" Emmett's voice was a welcome reprieve, even though it was hard and lacked the joking tone I'd come to expect. He walked in the room, his face fierce as he stepped in between us.
When I glanced back at Jake, I saw his face had fallen, the harsh mask crumbling as he reached out a hand toward me. My jaw clenched in frustration as tears began to sting my eyes. Why did all my emotions have to be wired to my tear ducts? I scrubbed angrily at my eyes with the backs of my hands and opened my mouth to speak, but a sort of strangled wail came out instead.
How fucking embarrassing.
I didn't even know if I was upset. I was just pissed and frustrated and wanted to growl.
Emmett was standing there, looking back and forth between Jake and me, but he seemed at a loss as to what to do. Felix came to his rescue, stepping in the doorway. He took one look at the scene in front of him, studied me carefully, and then said quietly, "Come on, Jake…let's go outside for a minute."
Jake nodded and turned to follow him, his eyes on the floor. He didn't even glance at me as he was leaving, which was probably just as well, since I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or scream – and was likely to do both. My eyes were fixed on Emmett's face, and he gave me a tentative smile.
Something about that – this big, tough guy I barely knew watching out for me and trying to make me smile – just hit me hard. I made it to the couch, sitting down and pulling my legs to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my knees and buried my face in them, and my shoulders shook as I cried.
I felt the couch shift when Emmett sat down, and his weight on the cushions made me automatically lean toward him. He awkwardly patted my back with one of his huge hands, which made me feel like laughing for some reason. Of course, the change in my expression shook the tentative hold I had on myself, and a sob escaped instead.
"Shh…" Emmett whispered, his other hand gingerly guiding my head to his shoulder. The feeling of his big hand across my face made me freeze, and I was aware that my hands were in fists, holding onto the fabric of his shirt. My breaths came in quick, shallow pants, and I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking frantically, This is just Emmett…Edward's friend…just Emmett…Edward trusts him…just Emmett…
My moment of panic helped engage my mind and calm my tears, and my body was no longer wracked with sobs. I felt an impulse to push away from Emmett, to get some space between his hulking form and myself, but I was able to stay where I was. I can't say that it was comforting, exactly, but it wasn't entirely unpleasant either.
He kept making soothing noises, shushing me even though I was no longer crying, and I wondered if maybe he just didn't know what else to do. His hand alternately patted and rubbed my arm, and his timid, reassuring gestures brought a tiny smile to my lips. My eyes were still brimming with tears, making my vision blurry as I took a deep, steadying breath. He squeezed my shoulders in response.
I heard Felix murmur, "Is she alright?"
Emmett's voice was as close to a whisper as I'd ever heard from him when he answered. "Yeah…I think she's alright. Did you figure out what was going on?"
Felix didn't answer, and I imagined some silent communication passing between the two of them as the hush hanging in the room stretched on. Without a sound, Felix settled onto the couch on my other side, and without even thinking, I shifted way from Emmett, leaning toward Felix.
"Shh, it's alright, sweetpea…" Felix wrapped his arms around me, and just like always, my body molded to his side. I fit right under his arm, a warm, comforting shelter that was so familiar to me. I turned my head, burying my face in the side of his chest, and he began to rock with me gently.
His touch and tranquil reassurance were a balm of serenity, and my anger dissipated nearly at once. I was left, though, with a lingering sense of worry and doubt. I raised my head, and he turned to look at me with a small smile. When I said nothing, he answered the unspoken question in my eyes. "Jake's okay…I promise. I umm…I think he's just going to head back home, though. He needs some space."
I frowned, nodding. I cared about Jake, but he wasn't my primary concern right now. "Did he tell you what he said?" My voice was a hoarse whisper.
Felix frowned in turn as he sighed and then nodded. "I'm sorry, sweetpea," he said softly.
My brow furrowed in confusion as I shook my head. "That's not what I mean. Do…do you think I've been ignoring you?"
He glanced away before his hand started rubbing gently along my upper arm again. He looked back down at me, smiling as he disagreed. "You've got a lot going on…believe me, we understand."
I sat up, pushing away from him as I scrubbed my hand through my hair. "So it's true? I've been ignoring you?" Infuriatingly, my lower lip trembled as I sniffled.
He pursed his lips, his face growing thoughtful as he stared ahead. His hand had stilled on my arm. "Bella…" As always, my name sounded odd on his lips; he so rarely used it. "You're in a new relationship. It's only natural that you're spending a lot of time with him, especially considering…well, everything."
"But do you think I'm just dropping you guys?" The feeling that gripped my chest was unexpected – a mixture of despair and shame and regret. These men had been my friends – and the source of my sanity – for so long, and I didn't think I could stand it if they thought I'd just abandoned them. At the same time, I so loved spending time with Edward…the thought of giving that up was unbearable.
"Sweetpea, no…you just started dating Edward. Every single one of us has disappeared at one time or another because we got involved with a new girl. It's just…" He paused, clearing his throat as he glanced at me apologetically. "I'm sorry, honey, but we just got used to the fact that we didn't have to share you. Jake's having a harder time than the rest of us with that."
Oh. So this is more Bella's-a-freak shit…
"Seriously, though, don't worry about it. This is our issue, not yours. You don't see anyone acting weird because of Alice or Emmett and, believe me, Jasper's been just as preoccupied as you. Edward seems like a really cool guy, and he is apparently completely in love with you, so I don't know that there's much more we could ask for, you know?" He ruffled my hair, giving me the grin I loved that made that little dimple in his chin show up. "We're fine with it – hell, we're more than fine with it. You look like a new person, sweetpea. Jake is just…" He grimaced, glancing away as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"Jealous…" I finished, letting my voice trail off as I studied the carpet.
"Disappointed," Felix corrected, drawing my gaze. He chuckled. "Don't look at me like that, missy. He was hoping he'd get a chance to talk to you this week. I don't think he was expecting Edward to be around so much…so today was his first chance, and well…" He shrugged. "Didn't go as planned."
I sat back on the couch, letting my head rest against the back as I stared at the ceiling. I caught sight of Emmett in my peripheral vision – I'd nearly forgotten he was there. He was looking ahead, just sitting quietly.
I turned my heard toward him to apologize for the scene he'd witnessed, but Felix interrupted before I could speak, his voice soft. "I think he was pretty sure you would choose him, to be honest…I think he thought you must not have realized that he was a possibility because he's been trying to hide how he feels about you for years."
I stared at Felix, dumbfounded. "Well, that's not what came out…at all." My brow furrowed as I frowned, not liking the surge of guilt I felt. "I've never thought of Jake like that…ever. He's just…Jake…"
Felix gave me a half-smile as he nodded. "Oh, I know…we all do. But Jake's still holding out hope."
"Still?" My eyes were wide, my voice incredulous.
Felix chuckled and said, "You know Jake; he's nothing if not confident."
"You mean delusional," I muttered.
From my other side, Emmett cleared his throat, and both Felix and I turned to look at him. "I know it's none of my business, but I just wanted to tell you that you're not the only one who's disappeared. I don't see Edward nearly as much as I used to. So I just wanted to say thank you." He gave me that impossibly cute grin that showed off his dimples. Felix snorted while Emmett laughed. "Nah, seriously, though. It's just normal. You're adding someone else in your life, and for whatever fucking reason, you like the douchewad a lot…" He pretended to look baffled. "I'm new to this whole relationship thing, but I can tell you that Rosie takes up a lot of time."
Felix's huge hand settled on my shoulder. "He's right, sweetpea. You haven't dropped us. You just have to adjust. We understand. We've all gone through it at some point."
I nodded, staring down at my hands as I idly played with my fingers. Wait… "Hey, where is Rose, anyway?"
Emmett gave me a small smile and said, "Well, she had to go get some stuff packed for the trip, too, and Embry was heading that way, so he gave her a ride."
He was relaxed, sitting back into the corner of the couch with his arm resting along the back, and his nonchalant expression let me know he was in on it. I raised an eyebrow at him, and his grin widened, his eyes becoming mischievous.
Oh, yeah, he knows.
I'd wondered if Embry and Rose would find a way to slip off for awhile, and it seemed they had…with Emmett's help. He was a pretty cool guy.
The three of us talked for a few minutes more, the conversation moving away from Jake and Edward and relationships and onto…football. What else? When the guys started arguing the significance of stats, I laughed and excused myself. I loved watching the game, but I drew the line at complicated predictions based on math.
I knew I should prepare for the session that afternoon, but I was antsy and distracted now, and I needed to do something. I'd already done all our laundry and made sure both Jasper and I were packed for our trip so, instead, I walked into the kitchen and pulled on my apron. I began gathering ingredients, humming quietly as I set about making some good, old-fashioned chocolate chip cookies for my boys.
Predictably, Quil soon poked his head through the doorway. "Cookies?"
I laughed, nodding to him, and he walked to the refrigerator and grabbed the butter and eggs. He reached under the counter, pulling out my KitchenAid mixer and plugging it in. He pulled a bowl out of the cabinet, unwrapped two sticks of butter and dropped them in, then put them in the microwave. He leaned back against the counter and grinned at me before he finally spoke again. "Excellent," was all he said.
Baking and joking with Quil helped me feel more like myself as the afternoon wore on. As soon as the first pan of cookies was out of the oven, he was bouncing one from hand to hand. He popped it into his mouth and then opened it wide, inhaling quickly as he mumbled, "Oooh…hot."
"No shit, dumbass." Every damn time. I laughed.
One batch was never enough for all of us, so we just kept making them, and it was as we were finishing the third that the front door opened, and I heard the sound I'd been unconsciously listening for all afternoon.
"Hello?" called Edward's melodic voice.
"In here," Quil answered in a high falsetto. I laughed and smacked his arm, calling out my own greeting. The timer on the last batch dinged just then, so I grabbed the pot holders and pulled them out of the oven, placing the pan on the cooling racks.
I heard Edward quietly say, "Bella?" before I felt his arms wrap around my waist. At his touch, I felt my tension begin to drain away, and I leaned back against him with a soft, "Mmm…" He held me tighter, pulling me closer before he let his arms relax. I turned around and ridiculously gave a soft gasp when I saw that he was wearing his glasses.
And he looks fucking great…
Completely edible.
I blushed, and he said, "What?" with that damnable crooked grin of his. I couldn't help myself. I…attacked. My arms were wrapped tightly around his shoulders, and my lips found his so quickly that he froze at first.
I heard him breathe, "God damn," as he finally responded, his hands on my hips pulling me closer as he kissed me hard. Everything about him just felt so…right. His hands slipped around to my back, his palms pressed dangerously low as my own hands moved to grip his shoulders. Too soon, he pulled away, grinning at me mischievously before he glanced to the left and said, "Hey, Quil."
My cheeks flamed as I followed his gaze to find Quil leaning back against the counter with a cookie in hand. He was watching us with an amused smile like we were some goddamn live show. "No, go ahead." He waved the cookie, motioning for us to continue. "I don't have a girlfriend right now, so this is the closest I get."
He smirked at me, but I was saved from answering – or burying my face in Edward's chest to hide – when Jared stepped in. "Hey, B?"
Thank God.
I turned around, giving him a grateful smile. His answering smile was fleeting, though, as he said, "Sorry…I'm going to have to bow out of the next session. Kim said there's some sort of floral emergency or something…"
"You're leaving?" I frowned as I took in the expression on his face. I had never seen him so stressed – there were creases on his forehead, and his lips were pressed into a thin line before he gave a small smile in response to my concern.
"No, I'll be here. I just don't know how long this will take, and I might be on the phone a lot. Apparently, there's a problem with one of the bridesmaids, too – she may not be able to make it." He raked his fingers through his hair and muttered when his phone rang again. He was already walking, and we heard his "Hello?" just before the front door opened and closed.
"Well…if J's out, and obviously Jake is too…maybe we should just hang out this afternoon?" Quil suggested.
I bit my bottom lip as I thought it over. I had to admit to myself that it would be a fucking relief to just relax for the rest of the day before we left, so I turned to nod at him. "You don't think the guys will mind?"
His grin was easy. "Nah, Felix has been eyeing Rock Band. Gives us more of a chance to do stuff with him." He shrugged.
"Jake's not playing?" Edward's question was a quiet murmur spoken near my ear.
Quil pushed away from the counter, picking up a plate piled with cookies. "I'll just go take these to the guys and let 'em know what's going on…"
"Thanks," I muttered, looking down at the floor as my fingers idly played with the buttons on Edward's shirt. I finally took in what he was wearing – a thin white t-shirt with dark blue jeans, topped by a blue plaid shirt he'd left open with the sleeves rolled up. I lifted my eyes, taking in his smooth jaw - mildly disappointed that he'd shaved – and those beautiful lips I loved to kiss until I saw him peering at me curiously through those glasses of his again.
Fucking hell.
I meant to just think it; I swear I did. Of course, that's not what happened, and his grin was impish as he said, "What was that?"
I sighed, resigned. "Umm…I said 'fucking hell'…" I bit my bottom lip and looked up at him, letting my hands glide up his chest. I played gently with the hair on the back of his head as I continued. "You look…" Seductive. Kissable. Tantalizing. "…great. I really love your glasses," I finished lamely.
His eyebrows rose in surprise. "Really? I always feel…awkward, I guess…in them, but I had a killer headache that I couldn't get rid of, so I thought I'd try this."
I laughed softly, pressing up on my toes as I kissed him gently. I whispered against his lips, "Trust me…you look anything but awkward. I have to admit that I was disappointed when I didn't see them again after the umm…slumber party…"
I dropped back down, and Edward's hand rose, his thumb tracing along my bottom lip as he again said, "Really?" I nodded. He smiled softly and leaned down, whispering in my ear, "If I'd known that, I might never have taken them off. You might be stuck with these for a long time now." He took my earlobe between his lips, teasing it with the tip of his tongue as he nibbled on it gently. When he let go and stood up straight again, I could feel that strange chill created by wet flesh meeting the cool air.
I shivered, smiling at him contentedly. "I don't think you'll hear me complaining."
We stood in the kitchen for a few more minutes, enjoying the solace of being together and expressing ourselves in soft caresses and heated kisses. Much too soon for my liking, Edward pulled away, taking a few steps back to lean against the counter. I moved with him, stepping between his legs and resting my hands on his hips.
"So…" he began. "Jake?"
With that one simple word, my frustrations and worries from earlier came flooding back to me, but they were muted, as if Edward's presence made the whole situation more tolerable. "Jake…" I wrinkled my nose and bit my bottom lip with a sigh. "Well, after you left, he came into the office…" I filled Edward in on everything that had happened, not allowing myself to either censor or embellish. It was difficult at times, as I had a natural tendency to want to both lessen the guilt I felt and still somehow make Jake seem like less of an ass than he had actually been. I didn't know why, exactly, other than that I knew Edward was already on edge about him, and I hoped that – eventually – they might become friends.
"And then he asked…" I swallowed against the sudden lump in my throat. "He asked when it was going to be his 'turn'…"
"He did what?" Edward had been listening quietly, nodding and sometimes asking questions for clarification. He'd remained calm throughout the whole thing, other than a slight tightening around his eyes when I mentioned the things Jake said about him and how I'd abandoned my friends. But now his voice was cold, and I could feel the way his arms tensed. He had been idly rubbing my arms, but now his hands gripped my elbows.
I shifted my arms uncomfortably, annoyed by the fluttering of fear I felt when his fingertips dug into my flesh. At once, he dropped his hands, and I saw a flicker of pain flash through his eyes as he whispered, "I'm sorry."
Moving my hands to his face, I caressed his cheeks and pulled gently, encouraging him to bend toward me. I placed a soft kiss on his lips, trying to reassure him. When we parted again, his eyes were still stormy, but he seemed more at ease.
"So yeah…he asked when his turn was, and I got pissed…" I told Edward about everything that had happened between Jake and me. He listened quietly, nodding once or twice, and I saw several emotions pass across his face at different times.
"And then Emmett came in and asked what the hell was going on, and Felix took Jake outside, and that was really it." My voice trailed off as I studied Edward, noticing his jaw was clenched, and his eyes were smoldering as he stared off into the kitchen. I thought back over all the things I'd said, and with a sinking heart, I realized that when I told him about all the nasty things Jake implied about him, I didn't mention what I said in response. "Hey…" I was relieved when his eyes swung immediately to meet mine. "Don't worry…I told Jake you're not like that."
He flashed me a quick smile and murmured quietly, "Thanks, love." He kissed me softly and pulled me closer. "I really do appreciate that. But I don't particularly care what he thinks of me."
His flippant dismissal of Jake seemed genuine, so I didn't quite understand the look in his eyes. "Then what is it?"
Edward watched me for a moment, studying my face, before he finally said, "I'm pissed the fuck off at the way he apparently looks at you. You are not some goddamn piece of meat, and I really wish he was here right now so I could make that clear to him." His hands formed fists at his sides, his forearms flexing to leave little doubt as to how he would prove his point.
I wondered just what, exactly, was wrong with me that part of me found the idea of Edward and Jake fighting appealing. Still… "It's alright, seriously. I know Jake doesn't actually think of me that way. He just…he's just stupid sometimes." My brow furrowed as I tried to think of a better way to say what I meant. Luckily, though, Edward chuckled and slipped his arms around my waist, hugging me close.
"I love you," he whispered in my ear. We spent the next few minutes just holding each other, letting all the anxiety just fade away. My head was resting on Edward's chest, and I could feel myself drifting toward sleep.
And then the horde descended. Alex was the first, coming to refill the empty plate with cookies. He was followed by Quil and then Felix, and before long, it seemed like everyone was in the kitchen, milling around and talking over each other. Eventually we all made our way into the living room, and those who were missing returned.
All except Jake.
His absence was easy to overlook for most of the afternoon, but every once in awhile, something would happen that would make it obvious. It was just stupid little things – Embry making an inside joke that he usually shared with Jake, or even me looking for him to sing "Hungry Like the Wolf" on Rock Band 2. He had a god awful singing voice, but that never stopped him.
Of course, the small hole left by Jake's absence was completely overshadowed by Jasper's reaction to what had taken place while he was gone. As soon as he and Alice had returned, he'd picked up on the tension Edward was exuding. I caught a glance between the two of them, and Edward nodded minutely. A few minutes later, when Jasper disappeared into the kitchen, Edward just happened to go for a drink.
I rolled my eyes.
Boys.
I was happy, though, that the two of them were actually becoming friends, so I stayed where I was, shifting nervously on the couch as I chewed on my bottom lip and tried to watch Alice and the boys play their game. The voices in the kitchen became heated for a moment, and I sighed, glancing down at my nails.
When they finally emerged, Jasper was clearly fuming. He apparently was of the same opinion as Edward, and he flashed me a brief look of both compassion and frustration. He didn't say anything, though, and Edward came to take his place beside me in equal silence. He put his arm around my shoulders and settled in, making no further mention of it.
Since I didn't have to run the game, the afternoon raced by, and we were soon saying goodbye to the guys. Everyone was talking at once, and it was loud and chaotic. When they all got into their cars and pulled away, the sudden silence left me feeling a little empty. It was that same strange paradox I always felt – couldn't wait for them to leave, missed them when they were gone.
We went back into the apartment, making a meal of the leftovers from the last few days. There was a strange mixture of Chinese, Thai, pizza, and sandwiches spread across the gaming table. We all shared, and it made me smile to see the way Alice, Edward, and Emmett had become such an integral part of us so easily. Emmett reached across the table, spearing a piece of sesame chicken on my plate, and with a speed I didn't know I had, I stuck my own fork in it as well. He grinned at me and pulled, creating a sort of tug of war that ended when the chicken split in half. He popped his part in his mouth with a smirk while Rosalie hit him on the arm and told him to grow some manners before he met her parents. I was pleasantly surprised to see she was holding back a laugh, though.
I felt gross from baking most of the afternoon, so when everyone started clearing the table, I loaded my dishes in the dishwasher and told Edward I was going to take a quick shower. He nodded and asked where my bag was so they could pack the cars, and we'd be ready to leave when I was finished.
I grabbed a change of clothes and went into my bathroom, twisting my hair into a bun on top of my head. The warm, massaging spray of water was a welcome relief to my aching shoulders – I hadn't realized I was quite so tense. I caught the faint hint of cedar and realized that Edward had used his own soap earlier.
The thought that Edward was the last person in my shower brought a blush to my cheeks, particularly when I remembered what he had admitted he sometimes did in the shower. I bit my bottom lip, looking around as if there would be some way I could tell whether or not he had earlier. There wasn't, of course, and I realized that in all likelihood, he hadn't. At least, I knew I would feel pretty self-conscious after just telling my girlfriend I masturbated in the shower.
But he did tell you…so maybe it doesn't bother him?
Yeah, but did you see his face? That was hard for him to admit.
True, but…
The ridiculous argument continued in my head as I washed. I'd reached no conclusion, other than that I really hoped he didn't regret telling me now. And I realized that, if I should ever decide to try it myself…I probably had to tell him.
I wrinkled my nose at my logic, stepping out of the shower and grabbing a towel from the cabinet. I dried quickly and got dressed, yanking down my hair and brushing it as I stared at the blush on my cheeks.
And I haven't even done anything yet!
I could definitely see why Edward had been so embarrassed to tell me. It just made me that much more determined to be honest with him.
When I stepped out of my room, I found that everyone was ready and just waiting on me. They were all already in the parking lot, so I turned off the last of the lamps, took a final glance around the apartment and then closed and locked the door, including the deadbolt. I stuck my keys in my pocket and started walking toward Edward's Volvo, but Rosalie caught my elbow and steered me to her car.
"Oh no, you don't. I called you."
"You called me?" I asked, perplexed.
"Yup. You, me, and Alice. We have a date for some girl talk." When we got close to her car, she smiled at Alice, who was wearing an impish grin and standing with the front passenger door open. I glanced over my shoulder and caught Edward looking at me as well. He shrugged at me, giving me his crooked grin as he waved, and then slipped behind the wheel of his car. I watched Jasper and Emmett get in as well and then tripped over my own feet, catching myself against Rose's car.
"That's why you should watch where you're going," Rose said simply. "Get in."
Rolling my eyes, I muttered under my breath and climbed into the backseat. Rosalie cranked the car as I was about to speak, and my voice was cut off in the blare of Warrant from the stereo, "-pie, cool drink of water-" She quickly turned down the volume as she backed out of the parking space and pulled up, waiting for Edward to take the lead.
Only Rosalie.
"So what are we talking about?" I tried again.
"The boys," Alice answered promptly.
"Wait…" I frowned. "So we're riding together to talk about the boys, when we could be riding with them instead?"
I saw Rosalie roll her eyes in the rearview mirror as she sighed. She caught my eye and said, "We have a lot to teach you. Welcome to the club, Bella."
"Club? What club?" I wondered aloud. We pulled out of the parking lot to the sound of their laughter.
We followed behind Edward, who drove much more quickly than I remembered, as the girls filled me in on this so-called club. I could tell they were joking, so the "rules" about nail polish and highlights just made me laugh rather than sending me into panic mode.
After a few minutes, Rosalie said, "No, seriously…we've all been so caught up in the guys that we haven't had much of a chance to see how things are going for all of us." She again caught my eye and whispered, "I miss you, Dizzy Izzy."
At the mention of her silly childhood nickname for me, I grinned and felt a swelling in my chest. She was the only one who had ever called me that because Jasper – whom Rose had called Spazzy Jazzy – and I had hated the names and agreed to never use them, and she had been kind enough not to mention them in front of anyone else…then, anyway. Of course, it didn't bother me at all that she used it with Alice now, and I found I had even missed it. I reached up and squeezed her shoulder, and she patted my hand in response.
She flashed me a smile in the rearview mirror and was all business once again as she said, "So…I've been thinking about this. We have a serious problem. How the hell are we going to talk about the guys? I mean, I'm probably safe to talk about Emmett, but I sure as fuck don't want to know Jasper's been anywhere near a bed, let alone how he is in it." I shuddered.
We sat in silence for a minute before Alice's soft voice said, "Eww. Edward."
"Hey!" I reached up, smacking Alice's shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with Edward!"
Rosalie and Alice dissolved into giggles, and I had to join them. When we'd calmed down, Alice said, "I know…and believe me, I'm really glad that you two are together. But the thought of my brother even wanting to do anything just…squicks me out."
My mouth had been open to speak, but Alice's words brought me up short, and I closed it, blushing furiously.
She continued, her voice quieter and more sincere, "Seriously, I hated to see Edward all alone for so long, and I couldn't be happier that he found someone – especially since it's you – but it was kind of nice living in the Edward-isn't-interested bubble."
I bit my tongue, remembering Edward's past and struggling with the feelings of inadequacy it always conjured. Alice doesn't know, I reminded myself. I shoved it all to the side, forcing a smile as I looked up again. Rosalie arched an eyebrow at me, but thankfully didn't push it.
Instead, she said, "Alright, so here's the deal then. No names. No specifics. And no one is anyone's brother or roommate or, hell, even friend while we're in this car. Got it?"
Alice and I glanced at each other, and I shrugged. She grinned in response, and we both joined in with Rose, setting up ground rules and boundaries. Alice decided we needed a safe word – a word that meant that the person speaking had to stop right then, no questions asked.
I caught the smirk on Rosalie's lips as she looked me right in the eye and said, "Optimus."
I smirked right back. "No way. I was thinking Hello Kitty."
Rose laughed, and eventually we settled on "smurf" instead, sticking with the cartoon theme. Once we'd all agreed on the rules of our exchange, I was a little overwhelmed. "Is it always this complicated?" I asked.
The other two chuckled and assured me that it never was…but then, they'd never been in a situation quite like this one. "Okay," Alice said. "First kiss." She wrinkled her nose, grinning as she avoided names.
I rolled my eyes. "The whole world saw ours. So let's hear about Rose and Em…err…him."
Rosalie smiled, and it was the sweetest expression I'd seen on her face since she was a little girl. She told us about how she and her boyfriend – the not using names was actually kind of fun, and we kept giggling stupidly whenever someone nearly slipped up – went for a walk and ended up at this little coffee shop. He suggested they take their coffee outside, and they walked a little further before they found a beautiful view of Elliot Bay. They stood there talking, wrapped up and huddled together against the wind coming off the bay.
"He took my coffee from me and put both cups on the railing in front of us, and then he took my hands. He asked if it would be alright to kiss me…" Rosalie bit her bottom lip and smiled, a light pink gracing her cheeks. "No one had ever asked me that before."
"What did you say?" Alice's voice sounded breathless, making me realize she was just as absorbed in Rosalie's story as I was.
When did I become such a sap?
"I said yes, of course!" Rosalie grinned mischievously. "And it was amazing…and then afterward, I told him it was about fucking time."
"Rosalie Lillian Hale!" She shrugged at my outburst, and we all laughed together. We kept talking, learning about Alice and Jasper's first kiss before moving on to our first dates.
Although it was awkward at first for me to talk about Edward, I found that as we continued, I liked it more and more. It made the whole thing more…real, in some ways. It felt good to watch Alice and Rosalie smile and hear them aww about some of the sweeter things he had done.
Alice chimed in about how Edward had always been a charmer. She claimed he could get away with anything with their mother because he knew just how to smile at her and when to bring her flowers. She grudgingly added, "Of course, it didn't help that he was always sincere." She made a face.
Rosalie decided then that we were skirting too close to mentioning the guys by name, and she steered us away again, asking about the stupidest thing the guys had done. We stayed on silly topics for the longest time before Alice said, "Okay. Best kiss?"
Immediately, my mind went back to the night before. I could nearly feel Edward lying beneath me, and the ghosts of his hands gently squeezing my breasts made my breath quicken. The heat on my cheeks was nearly unbearable, and Rosalie, naturally, caught it.
She arched an eyebrow at me in the rearview mirror and said, "Well, well…I think Bella may want to go first…"
I cleared my throat, suddenly nervous. I'd actually really enjoyed the whole conversation so far, but this felt so…personal. I debated, trying to decide what I could say that would be in keeping with the spirit of the "club" but wouldn't violate Edward's privacy. "Well…" I began. "Umm…it was last night, when we went to bed. We were kissing, and Ed…he…was lying on his back, and I-"
I was cut off by the sound of Alice's voice shrieking, "Smurf! Smurf! Oh dear god, smurf!"
My eyes were wide, the whole car in stunned silence before Rosalie suddenly burst out laughing. Relief flooded through me as I joined in, and soon Alice was laughing as well.
"I'm sorry, Bella," she said, "but just…Edward…and…no. Just no." She shuddered, making me snicker at her. "I don't think I can do this anymore."
I completely agreed, and even Rose conceded that we were moving into dangerous territory. The two of them began talking about shopping instead, with Rosalie mentioning sales she was looking forward to on Black Friday while Alice moaned about missing it this year. I settled back in my seat, letting their voices wash over me as I looked out the window. The sun had set as we talked, and I watched the black forms looming at the edge of the highway as they seemed to speed by.
I must've dozed off because I was suddenly startled into alertness when Rosalie said, "Hell, yes," and cranked the volume on her stereo as Vince Neil's voice sang, "Rat-tailed Jimmy is a second hand hood, deals out in Hollywood."
I blinked when Alice began singing along, dancing in her seat, and then laughed out loud, joining her. I don't know why, but I hadn't expected her to know '80s hair bands. Rosalie, however, was just short of obsessed, and I knew she had more than enough to keep us occupied all the way to Forks.
We spent the rest of the drive laughing and singing together, dancing and tossing our hair. I can only imagine what we must've looked like, but I didn't fucking care. It was some of the most carefree fun I'd had in years that didn't involve Jasper. We worked our way through Bon Jovi and Def Leppard, sang a few songs from Cinderella and even the Scorpions, and were singing along with Poison when we pulled into the Hales' driveway.
The guys parked and got out, but none of us made a move to leave. Rosalie put the car in park and turned around to Alice and me, playing air guitar. We were singing at the top of our lungs, "'Cause, baby, we'll be at the drive-in in the old man's Ford, behind the bushes…"
We finished the song, and my ears rang when Rose turned the key and shut the car off. We were giggling as we staggered out, feeling somehow silly drunk. I glanced over and caught sight of Edward's car. All three of the guys were leaning against it with their arms crossed, amused expressions on their faces.
Edward was the first to push away and walk toward us, just as the porch light flipped on and the front door opened. I watched as Mama and Papa Hale stepped out on the porch, and a sense of peace washed over me as I thought only one word.
Home.
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A/N: The chapter title is from a Motley Crue song. The songs Bella and the girls hear in the car are "Cherry Pie" by Warrant, "Dr. Feelgood" by Motley Crue, and "Talk Dirty to Me" by Poison.
I was asked to write a guest recommendation for The Lazy, Yet Discerning Ficster blog, and in doing my research, I came across a story I just can't get enough of. I will be recommending "Sleepers, Awake" (which has a complicated German name as well, but SC and German don't mix well) by Feisty Y. Beden. The plot is unique and makes me ache for the characters. Her writing is amazing and completely blows me away. Please check it out and leave her some love if you get the chance.
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